Nature of Erotica

This was no sudden infatuation brought about by the circumstances of this trip. She wanted me, really wanted me, for a long time. And I rejected her, quickly and coldly.

No wonder she was upset.

I was an idiot. I was still convinced I was ultimately doing the right thing, but my approach was what made me an idiot. It was all wrong. I shut her down much too suddenly. I needed to let her down gently while reminding her she was young and had the world at her feet, and she could have any man she wanted, so she could be selective and choose a man who truly loved her, respected her and recognized her as the wonderful young woman I knew her to be.

I decided that a good night's rest would be good for both of us. We'd have more distance and perspective tomorrow, and we could talk things out maturely. I got into bed and prepared for sleep.

I didn't even last an hour.

The fear of just how wrong things could go twisted around in a knot inside my guts. I couldn't wait any longer.

I got dressed, ran to her room and pounded on the door.

"Tamara, please!" I yelled. "Let me in!" I could hear the TV blaring inside her room, so I knew she was awake.

"Go away!" she sobbed.

The sound of her crying broke my heart, which just made me that much more determined. I pounded on the door some more, harder this time, until my fists were sore.

"Come on, please. I'm sorry I hurt you. Please, I'm begging you. Open this door!"

Still she refused. Now her stubbornness was making me angry. I was potentially making this worse, yet I refused to stop.

"Dammit, Tamara, open this door RIGHT NOW!!"

"Excuse me, sir."

I whirled my head around at the source of the new voice. A man about my size, dressed impeccably in a suit and tie, stood a few feet away from me. Probably the hotel's night manager or something. Not that I gave a rat's ass.

"What do you want?!" I barked. I stared daggers at him. For now, at least, he didn't back down.

"Sir, several guests on this floor reported a disturbance to the front desk." He had that coolly professional voice down pat. "You're obviously the source, so I must ask you to stop immediately and return to your room."

"No!"

"Return to your room, sir, or else."

"Or else what?!"

He was taken aback. I don't think he expected me to respond in such a way. His surprise didn't last long, though.

"Or else I'll have no choice but to call security and have you escorted out of the building. I overheard what you were saying to the woman inside that room. I'm not going to let you hurt her."

Looking back, I took an unbelievably dangerous risk. It could have ended in disaster. I was on a mission at the time, however, and I would not be denied. Especially not by some guy in a damn suit.

"Buddy, you're too late for that. I've already emotionally hurt her. But I'm trying to make things right and let her know how sorry I am. She's an amazing young woman and she means the world to me. I need to get inside this room and apologize to her before it's too late, and if I have to run through you to do it, then dammit that's what I'm going to fucking do!"

His eyes grew wide and his nostrils flared. He looked strong, and I was sure he could have done damage if we fought. He also might have been the kind of guy that didn't want to get his hands dirty but still took enough offense at being threatened to call the cops and have me arrested.

Instead, after what seemed like forever, Tamara opened her door. She had changed into an old t-shirt and pajama pants, and her tear-streaked face was filled with sorrow. My stomach lurched, as I momentarily thought she'd tell the hotel guy to drag me away.

Instead, she looked at me, and then the hotel guy. "It's OK, sir," she quietly told him. "I'll let him in. The two of us need to talk. I promise you, I'm safe with him."

Without a word, the hotel guy slowly backed away before turning and briskly walking down the hall.

I watched him walk away until I heard Tamara invite me in. I sat on a chair and she sat on her bed. The atmosphere was still tense. One of us needed to break the ice.

Tamara took that initiative.

"I heard what you said to that guy," she whispered. "Thank you, it means a lot to me. And I'm sorry. I really overreacted. I didn't give you the chance to explain. You deserve at least that much."

I nodded. "I forgive you. I'm sorry, too. I didn't react well to what happened, either. I was insensitive to you and your feelings. I was too blind and too dumb to realize how deep your feelings run for me.

"I want you to know, I care deeply for you too. That's why it hurts so much to have to tell you this. I'm really sorry, but I can't return your affection for me in the same way."

She took a deep breath. "Why not?"

Here goes nothing.

"Remember how, during part of yesterday's shoot, you went into more detail about why you chose Connor to be your first? How you felt you were classmates for so long with the rest of the guys in high school that they felt almost too close to you? Like they were cousins, or brothers?"

She nodded.

"I feel the same way about you, only more so. Don't forget, I held you in my arms when you were a baby many times. The first time, you were only a couple of weeks young. I watched you learn to crawl, then to walk, then to talk. I helped your mom get you ready for your first day of school. I gave you advice when I could, and I was there when you needed someone other than your mother to talk to, or just a shoulder to cry on. I watched you grow up to be who you are now.

"I don't say all this to pat myself on the back, but to remind you of how I see my place in your life. I know we're not related by blood or marriage, but I am the closest thing you have to a real father. Honestly, I think of you as my step-daughter sometimes. Our relationship to me feels like it's too taboo to mess with by having sex. I don't see how I could get past that.

"Also, you know how long I've been friends with your mother. We've had a lot of history together. I value my friendship with her very much. The night before we left, she asked me, above all, to make sure I did one thing. Want to know what it was?"

She nodded for me to go ahead.

"To bring you back safe and take care of you. I'm sure having sex with you is not what she had in mind. I promised I wouldn't let her down, and I won't.

"You're beautiful, Tamara. Inside and out. Anyone who knows you knows that, and pretty soon, once your shoot is released, the rest of the world will realize it too. You can have your pick of any man you want, and whoever you choose, if he's smart, he'll bow down on his knees and thank his lucky stars every night that you chose him. It just can't be me. I can't be that man for you. I'm sorry.

"You're very special to me, and you always will be. If, after all I've said, you still decide you hate me, I'll understand, but it will never change how I feel about you."

That was it. I had laid it all out on the table for Tamara to consider. I couldn't do or say anything more. It was in her hands now.

She contemplated my words for a long time. She didn't stop looking into my eyes, and neither did I stop looking into hers. Finally, she looked ready to speak.

"First of all, Chris, I don't hate you. Even when you first told me no... it felt so cruel, so I lashed out and acted as if I hated you, but even then I didn't. I could never hate you. You're too special to me.

"I also understand everything you've told me. It makes a lot of sense. I'm glad you took the time to explain it to me so well."

I was relieved. "I can't tell you how happy I am to hear you say that," I told her. "I'm glad things are OK between us now."

I started to stand up, but in a flash she hopped off the bed and grabbed my wrist.

"Wait! Please don't go. I'm not finished. There's one other thing I need to tell you."

"Oh. Sorry about that." I sat back down. "What is it?"

"I also know you don't believe a word you said."

That shocked the hell out of me. "Uh... excuse me?!"

"It's true, Chris. You want me. All that stuff you said, you don't really care about any of it. You built these mental blocks in your head to convince yourself that we can't be together, but they're all meaningless excuses. Little white lies you tell yourself to help you hide your true desires."

"What?! Tamara, I don't know what game you're playing here..."

"Mike works very fast," she said, completely ignoring what I just said. Indeed, she completely ignored the fact I had even spoken at all. "He's already forwarded me some unedited versions of my videos. They look amazing, just like I knew they would. I want you to watch one."

She retrieved her laptop from her bedside table. She played with it for a moment, presumably to cue up the video she wanted me to see, and handed it to me.

Call me crazy, but I still had some belief I could prevent this situation from reaching its seemingly inevitable conclusion.

"Please, stop," I told her. "I shouldn't watch this."

"Yes, you should."

"This is wrong."

"No. It's not."

"Tamara, seriously..."

"Chris! Listen to me. If you value your relationship with me at all, you'll watch this video. Please."

I sighed. "I still don't think it's a good idea."

She actually smirked at me in response. "You'll change your mind soon enough."

Resigned to whatever fate Tamara had for me, I clicked play. My eyes immediately grew wide.

There she was on the laptop screen, lying down on a bed made with brilliantly white sheets, her head and upper body propped up by brilliantly white pillows. She was naked as the day as she was born, holding a vibrator in her hand, giving the camera a look sultry enough to melt it and looking altogether too fucking sexy.

Mike's voice was soon heard off-camera. "Tamara?"

"Yes?"

"Pardon me if I sound crude, but you look like you're horny."

"I am."

"Do you want to masturbate now?"

"Yes."

"Can I ask you a few questions first?"

Tamara said nothing, only giving a small nod of her head as permission for him to continue.

"Do you think of anyone in particular while you masturbate?"

"There is a guy I fantasize about. I'm thinking of him right now."

"Do you think of him every time you masturbate?"

"Yes. Every single time."

"Is he a celebrity? Or someone closer to you?"

"He's a friend."

"Just a friend?"

"Yes. Unfortunately."

"You want him to be much more than a friend, I'm guessing."

"I want him to be my lover. I want him so bad it hurts. I want him more than I've ever wanted anything in my life."

"Wow. He must be pretty special."

"He is. He's kind and sweet to me. He's always been there for me whenever I've needed him. And he is so fucking sexy."

"Is he with someone?"

"No. He's single."

"Doesn't he have any idea how you feel about him?"

"No. He doesn't realize how much he's breaking my heart. I've left him so many clues and dropped him so many hints for so long, and nothing's happened yet."

"Maybe you need to take the direct approach with him."

"Maybe."

"I hope, for your sake, you can convince him soon to see the light."

"I will."

There was a brief pause before Mike spoke again.

"I should get out of your way. I'll set up the camera on tripod and you can do your thing."

"OK."

"With this special vibrator and you thinking about your friend, I'm sure our members will see something memorable."

Again she just nodded. The look on her face made it very clear that she wanted him gone.

The viewpoint shook wildly for a moment as Mike placed it on the tripod. Soon enough it focused totally on Tamara. Her eyes followed Mike out of the room. She looked back at the camera, closed her eyes and smiled as she obviously started picturing the object of her fantasies. She briefly rubbed her clearly aroused pussy with her free hand. She clicked a button on the vibrator, and I could easily hear it buzz into life.

She placed it on her clit, and her hips bucked forward. "God, that's good," I heard her groan. Her eyes were closed and her upper lip quivered as the sensations from the toy were coursing through her system.

Tamara clicked the button on the toy again, and it buzzed louder. The sound of her sexy moan ringing through the laptop's speakers made me shiver. For some strange reason it occurred to me then that I had never asked any of my previous lovers to let me watch her play with herself before, and now I wondered why I had ever denied myself that pleasure. This was the most erotic thing I'd ever seen.

She was really getting into her self-pleasuring now. She alternated between sliding the vibrator over the length of her pussy and resting it on her clit. Her body humped against the toy, shifting back and forth on the bed, seeking release.

Another click on the button. "Oh my god!" the video version of Tamara gasped. The toy buzzed and whined, reminding me of the sound of a squadron of bees. Her movements were quicker and more concentrated. Her panting breaths sounded shallow and desperate. Her other hand fondled her breasts and pulled at her taut, erect nipples. Her eyes remained shut the whole time; her fantasy man must have really been giving it to her at that point.

And then the wave she was riding crashed with sudden force.

"Oh! OH! OHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" she loudly screamed. Her toes curled, her back arched and her hips lifted off the bed. Her pussy contracted and clenched, trying to further pull in a penis that wasn't there. Milky wet juices flowed out from within and ran down on to the bedding.

Her orgasm's grip on her body released at last, and she collapsed back down on the bed. She took several deep breaths to regain her wind. She slowly opened her eyes. She smiled, touched her wet, overheated pussy and purred.

She made a slow, sensual approach to the camera. She kissed the lens and sat back on her heels, staring forward into the distance with a lingering, desirous glare that would haunt the dreams of those who watched her.

Then the screen went blank.

"Well?" the Tamara in the here and now inquired.

I put the laptop on the table next to me and looked up. The strangest squeaky sound of shock escaped my throat.

I don't know when she did it. I was so engrossed in watching the video I didn't see or hear anything she did until now.

But she had taken her clothes off, and here she was, right in front of me, just as naked now as she had been on screen.

Of course, I had caught glimpses of her in the nude the last two days. But I was always a safe distance away, where I couldn't study her up close. Where I could protect her from my own desires. When I also, foolishly, thought she didn't harbor her own sexual yearnings for me.

Now, I was much closer, and I knew better. I had a much more fantastic view of her angelic body. We were alone in a hotel room far away from home. We could do whatever we wanted with each other, and no one ever needed to know.

And she had that same look in her eyes she used, with devastating effect, at the end of her video.

All that combined with the tour de force masturbatory display I watched her put on, and I was done for. I was so fucking hard I could have drilled holes through diamonds.

"Did you like it?" she asked.

My brain was on tilt. I couldn't speak.

Her eyes lit up with excitement, and her mouth twisted in a hungry grin. The large swelling she saw in my pants was answer enough for her.

"Mmmm, I'd say you loved it!" she crooned.

She stretched forward to take my hands and pull me up in a standing position. She tugged at my shirt. I took the hint, for once, removing the shirt and tossing it aside. Her hands softly traced lines over my chest. Her delicate touch sent shivers racing through me.

She softly caressed my cheek, and then reached behind my head to draw me in for a kiss.

No stopping this time.

I responded eagerly, opening my mouth so our tongues could playfully fence and duel. I let my hands roam to experience the distinct pleasure of touching her naked skin on places I had never been able to touch before. This time it was me who reached down to hold her ass in my hands, squeeze and growl in approval.

Before I could go any further, she broke the kiss and pushed me back down in the chair. She obviously wanted to be in control for the moment. I was eager to see what she did with it.

She knelt before me, unbuckled my belt, unbuttoned my pants and frantically clawed at them. I did both of us a favour and removed them myself, only too happy to release my achingly erect member.

"Wow," she whispered, unable to take her eyes off my cock. "So big."

My ego swelled to dangerously large proportions.

Tamara regained control by wrapping one soft hand around my hard cock. She tightened her grip ever so slightly and I felt myself pulse in her hand. I moaned while she licked her lips and grinned.

"Oooh, I'm gonna have so much fun with you!" she hissed.

She slowly stroked my erection twice. Up and down. Up and down. Tantalizing me with her motions, as well as her words.

"Do you remember, in the video, when I was asked if I think of someone while I masturbate?"

"Yes," I breathed.

Two more soft strokes. Up and down. Up and down. She lapped at my balls, enveloping one in her mouth, and then the other.

"Do you want me to tell you who it is, Chris? Do you want me to tell you who I think of every time I play with my pussy?"

The ethereal, sexy voice she was using nearly drove me insane. I knew the answer all too well now, but I was dying to hear her actually say it.

"Who is it?" I quietly asked.

"It's you, Chris. It's always been you."

She continued to hold my rock-hard cock in her grasp. She licked it from base to tip, down one side, then up the other.

"Guess when that video was shot."

"When?"

More soft, tortuous licking, this time all around the sensitive head.

"The second day. I knew you were in the shower at the time. All I could picture was you standing there all sexy, water running and dripping from that hard body of yours... god it made me so fucking hot!"

Her silky smooth fingers teased my hardness. Without letting go she kissed and licked my inner thigh. She switched the hand on my cock to make it easier to work my other thigh.

Damn, how the hell had this girl learned to tease so well?

"Tamara," I pleaded. "Enough teasing. Please suck my cock!"

"No. Not yet. I'm not done teasing you. I have to get back you at for teasing me."

"Wh-what are you talking about?"

Her mouth opened wide. She took the crown of my cock inside, lapped all around it with her tongue, and then pulled off it with a pop.

"I've had feelings for you for a long time, Chris. For the longest time I didn't know what they were. Then I turned eighteen, and I really learned about sex, and I figured it out. I knew then I wanted you to be my lover. But you did nothing but tease me.

"All those times you visited my mom and I, you made me be so close to you, but I couldn't tell you how badly I wanted you. All the times I watched you go to work and you looked so damn sexy in your work uniform. All the times in the summer, when you were doing yard work, and you'd take your shirt off and you'd work so hard and that hot body of yours would lift and bend and flex and stretch until it was all covered in sweat and I'd just want to run out there and lick it all off! All the times I flirted with you and you didn't notice. You never knew that I wanted to give you my cherry and have you be my first, so I had to go through with my pact and let Connor be my first instead."

"Wait... what?!"

"You heard me. You were the reason my first time with Connor was so awkward. Poor guy. I was so unfair to him. But I couldn't help it. When I was with him, all I could think about was you. I wanted you so bad I imagined it was you fucking me instead of him."