All Comments on 'Neela and Javid Pt. 04'

Good story line, but you could improve a lot by taking a bit more time with proof reading, especially paying attention to physical positions of things. It seems sometimes you haven't clearly imagined the relationships of the actors "parts", and have something anatomically unlikely occur. This happens many times, and it jars the reader out of their immersion.

Maybe take a little more time with the sex scenes, too. You build up to them, sometimes very well, but there's not enough detail in the sex. A good criticism others have shared with me, offer to you... "Show me, don't tell me". Take you time, and paint the picture of whats happening, savor the emotions - the fears, the excitement. It just goes by too fast.

Clever story, though; detailed, well-realized characters. Keep going.

Thank you so much for the specific feedback and pointers for improvement. I will definitely work on the issues you have mentioned and try to write better in the future.

Will we be getting more chapters in this series????

I am intrigued!!