All Comments on 'Neighborhood Wives: The Aftermath'

she fucked everybody he know and he's looking for every way to forgive. And in the next chapter he watches her gangbanged by hell angels while he serves coffee.

I dont know why people who never learned English think using google translate is acceptable. Just write in your native language and accept you wont have an English speaking/reading audience

Also cucks get one star, dot want one star? USE the cuck tag so we can avoid cuck shit

The first 4 pages were a recap of someone else’s story. The next 5 were more recaps of the original recap. Is there any original content you want to share?

Reminds me of Monty Python joke regarding the department of redundancy department.

I'd exile Maddie for six months, and let her know I would be watching her like a hawk. One false move, one tiny mistake, and we're done. I'd also tell her not to contact me for any reason unless the kids were in danger. Any other communication she could relay through my parents. That would include picking up and dropping off the kids. I would refuse any invitation to see her. She didn't want me around when she was breaking my heart, so I don't want her around when I'm breaking hers. Yeah, that's right. I'd fuck anything with a pulse and willing pussy, and make it clear that I'm free to do that without consulting her. Just like she did to me. If she comes back untouched in 6 months, I'll give her another chance. If she doesn't, fuck her. I'm not merciful when it comes to that kind of betrayal. I wouldn't beat her, but I'd damn sure tear her heart out. 180 nights of her wondering who I'm with and what I'm doing. The perfect retribution.

then this much is almost nothing. Too long, too repetitive, too predictable, and too cloying and contrived.

The wife played the slut, for weeks, because she enjoyed it, and she was never challenged about it. The cuckboy played the passive timid vacillating poltroon, because that is what he really is. These two fucked up people might as well stay married, because both are so personally dysfunctional that they will never have a better marriage with anyone else. Might as well stay with the devils they know. Pathetic.

Thanks for the effort.

Nobody but a cuck would forgive what she did.

All of them manipulated and betrayed him, and shown themselves unworthy of any trust.

The writing is good, very few mistakes. I don't like the story though: it appears you're headed for a RAAC and she doesn't deserve it. Trying to romanticize the event, making her sound like she was really thinking of him the whole time, but her presentation was poor.

How they both fantasized about it and wanted it to happen, but were too scared to say so, trying to make us believe she was really doing him a favor, blah blah, blah.

I never read the original cuck story because I don't read disgusting trash, but they're all the same. The husband(s) are spineless and complete wimps. Jay is still being manipulated, he still doesn't have a spine, he's incapable of saying NO, and you'll probably have him so powerless he'll follow her back into the sex club, but of course this time he'll love it. Women smart, men stupid. Women strong, men weak.

No likeable characters in this story, but when are there ever any good characters in a cuck story? Just another story about people getting off on hurting someone else. How inspiring.

Like I said, the writing is good, you just picked a poor story to expound upon. I suppose you like the cuckolding, but most of us don't care for it and won't read it. Oh well.

Really? These sick people are what you call friends? 9 pages for this? One page was more than enough! Why don't you write this in a block of ice in a hot day?

Total waste of time.

Interesting choice for a sequel. Actually better than the original. While I gave you 5*s for a variety of reasons the only thing I’d question is timing. That’s awfully quick to expect someone to get over. Less than a week?!? Her shenanigans have been going on much longer.

No matter how many bows & ribbons you put on shit, it's still shit. They all are at fault. Especially, Maddie. She broke the rules way before her gangbang. She went to the bars with that bitch, Jacqui, looking for action, but not going " all the way". Bullshit, she still went out looking for it, she was cheating and made Jay an unknowing cuckold. All involved deserve some revenge by Jay and I feel Jay should divorce Maddie. Cheaters will ALWAYS cheat...the story is way too long, some paragraphs are repeated several times, their kids were never an issue, really, so why mention them. This story rated as a 4 star but I was not happy that she didn't get burned along with their so-called friends....

All a real man needs is his own woman.

And that just for who she is primarily.

What she is and what she has to offer is the cream on the cake.

Showing her to the world is stupidity.

Sure she is to be seen for who she really is and her character along with whatever skills she has.

But sexuality is best shared with your one and only.

Him and her.

No stars for nonsense even if it is well written.

9 pages of attempted psychology. Stop while you're behind.

What a bullshit story!

A bullshit cuck story!

I can see where this pile of shit is heading a complete RAAC!!!!

And it is his fault, what a fucking joke!

Mind you this will happen after one of the BIGGEST betrayals, by a wife, on Literotica ever.

She deserves to be kicked solidly to the curb for what she willingly did. No marriage could survive a betrayal like what she did to him. NO MARRIAGE!!!!!!

Any other result just makes the intent of this story a sick parody.

I AWAIT YOUR FURTHER ADDITIONS WITH INTEREST TO SEE WHAT YOU THE AUTHOR WILL DO.

Nine pages and there will be more?

This part could’ve been shorter if you didn’t spend so much time repeating yourself. I know sometimes in conversations between different sets of individuals at different times that there can be repetition, however, rarely are actually literally word for word.

I don’t know how you continue with the story. I don’t think they adequately made their case about betraying him. The plan all along was to hopefully get him involved physically and the all of them did what was necessary to take advantage if the opportunity arose, even if it was to simply stay silent. In fact, they went to great links to put him in such a disadvantage that he couldn’t react, and they all admitted to that.

... continue.... this was one of the most pathetic spineless drivel i have ever read.... Please spare us all the pain by considering this to be your one and only foray into LW..

And he should divorce her.

There's more? Wonder what you have left to cover

I don't know what to think about this sequel. All the amigos have justifications about what happen but it's so poor to amend what they did.

I wait for another sequel and a made up for Jay with the deceptive woman, especially Jamie and Jacki who need to make it up.

Sure. I can see the direction you are taking this. Characters could go at least one other direction and in writing their story you might find another. I look forward to reading more.

Thanks for sharing.

What a stupid story, you could have said it all in three pages.

wow, what a dysfunctional group of people, ripe with mental illness and little knowledge of adult relationships.

I have never known anyone that cheated, swung, or in any way had sex with others that didnt divorce.

In the absence of mental health issues it isnt a viable lifestyle. Certainly not for a couple that actually wants to have a family.

I am curious how you will fix this as the way you wrote it you plan on them remaining together.

This will require some really creative story telling because this some one vile evil wife, willing to sacrifice her childrens lives and her husband.

So cant wait for next part.

A lot of repetition made this very long for me. I think it could have been a great deal shorter and still have the same impact.

As for the story, I honestly have no idea why he didn't just divorce. Every time she talks about seeing the friends to either get answers or help save her marriage she makes it sound risky like she will again have a gang bang. So if she can't trust herself how can he trust her? And why see the folks in person? She called them to set the date so just get answers over the phone!

Lastly, forget the betrayal part. How can he ever forget she had sex all night long with fourteen guys and several woman of which a few had her two or three times. With that burned in his brain how can he get to forgiveness?

I understand he loves her bit really he loves the Maddie he thought he knew that he married. Now he knows her to be a different person so in a way Maddie is dead. Mourn her death and move on.

I pity him when he has to explain to his children what their mother did. Maybe not when they are young but at some point in their life they will know and they will talk.

For goodness sake, don't continue this madness! It IS a bullshit story that is / was a complete waste of time! You should be ashamed of yourself and NEVER write anything else again!!!

Jay is so weak. These people are all disgusting. Jay should go get that axe and start swinging away. The world wouldn’t miss these dirt bags.

Long tedious story about a dumbass cuck and a stupid bitch with a friend who needed killing.

Not bad. I felt the emotional pain here. Looking forward to the next chapter.

Trying to catch us up on the original story was a waste of time. This was, maybe, 2 pages worth of story and even that much wouldn't have been interesting. These are simply unlikable people, doing really stupid things and spouting inane dialogue. Please don't post another chapter. There's no way it would be even mildly entertaining.

1 star

In what universe would a marriage recover from that. Glad I skipped to the end, and didn't waste the time to chew through 9 pages.

You write well, but your MC is in no way consistent. If he was that upset, it's not going to get better until he and the slut (by her own admission) split for goot.

Let it die, as it should have.

One positive notable for me was the reason/excuse for his doing nothing; he felt he was boxed in and would validate Jacqui's opinion. That type rationale is missing from many stories; at least you offered something. OTOH, I didn't get why they didn't talk before hand, since they'd invested so much communication for their earlier role-playing. It's too important to say they were just busy, etc. Ignore the dumb comments from the losers that only want to read stories exactly like they would write themselves.

This was so bad! Like majority of the awful cliches on here, her extremely bad transgressions will be forgiven, friendships amended and a possibly he allows some other bs

ND, congrats on your first story. My first editor (and I consider him to be a very good one) once told me that if you keep relating the same thing in a story, you lose the reader. I counted at least three times you related the same story.

If you had continued the story with the rage you started it with, it might have turned out a lot better. Instead you turned Jay into a whinny bitch and topped it off with her getting the bright idea that he would look good in her panties and a G-string.

You finished off the story with every person under the sun but the two girls and mom and dad at the big confessional. The last thing you did was write, to be continued. Just what could you add, they stayed together and she turned him into a trans for all her new male friends to enjoy? Maybe a fluffier or the clean up crew? If you want to write a cuck story (especially nine pages worth) you should put that at the beginning. The first story wasn't a loving wife and neither was this.

don't bother, repeating the same scene over and over and over is not creative writing.

Ok so the story started to show promise. Then you fill nearly half of your story with garbage that you really didn’t need in this story. Then you completely ruin your story by turning the story into a story that is just plain old boring. All you did at the end of the day was write what other newbies have written about. You turned a really really promising story into stories that nearly everyone hates reading in the loving wife category. The trouble is like all newbies you write about the characters instead of writing about what they do . All the seasoned writers know how the site works that is why they have category’s. You should know by now that BTB stories are the only thing that is making it big in the loving wife category. What you wrote you would of been better off putting it in another category. Just to save face if you are going to write another story please just stay away from the loving wife category go try different category’s and have fun finding which is your best stories. Just can’t believe how much you really ruined a very very promising story. And turned it into a pile of crap. You have a talent but wasted it by turning the story into a complete waste of time writing why ?. You had a great chance to write a great BTB story and get really noticed and get tons of respect. That is what is bugging me talent in the making and you wasted your time writing stories that are just like all the rest of the newbies. What a complete shame about this oh well .

I agree that the story was too long. I did enjoy it but I'm rooting for Jay to get revenge on all of them. If he accepts their lame apology it will be disappointing.

9 pages, you're still not finished, and you couldn't be bothered to use a chapter number in the title to warn this wasn't a complete story? Oh, and if you are going to require reading another writer's story, included a link to that story.

You couldn't finish this sequel in 9 pages, so you plan to write more? The last meeting where everyone says they didn't plan to humiliate or betray Jay is simply not believable.. Your writing is OK, but repetitive and not believable.

Psycho babble about lack of self control drug use and no morals. Hatedit.

I don't believe a word anyone said. She would gladly do this again if she wasn't in jeopardy of losing her meal ticket. She is a slut who wants to practice her craft without any repercussions. The "We didn't mean to" is just another lie. If you can't take her, dump her. Your story is simply not convincing, at least to me. If you continue this, the continuation should have her husband telling her just that, and pimping her to get her kicks as high-priced whore that supports the house.

What's the deal about the STD testing After 14 or more unknown unprotected men who would consider not testing.

anon.1

Thank you for submitting your first effort here. You will grow as you continue to write . Gave you 3 stars , which it says means " liked it. keep writing". That is my hope for you.

You were saddled with a dog to begin with. The original meanders , and presents people very unevenly, leaving you a massive challenge to continue. The husband himself seems to vacillate, not sure what he really wants. And then the betrayals begin.

So many to point the finger at. Jacqui is pure evil, and the only problem I have with your portrayal of her is she changes her spots in confession. His ex- girlfriend and her husband also seriously betrayed him, and they have not adequately answered that charge. His ex should have known better, and her excuse was at best a semantic one. Cindy{?} was also duplicitous, and her confession is never heard, He takes her into his confidence , and she betrays him , making up lies , and deceiving even her own husband. The wife should have communicated and dealt with this in an honest and straight forward way, but , as is often told in these stories, plans and loved ones are often ignored or forgotten in the ardor of sex. Rapists must love that excuse.

Even the husband deserves some blame in the story. It is the ridiculous way he was written in the original story, the hesitant cuckhold. Hard to write around his arousal , or understand his anger from that perspective.

Only likable people in the story are her flock of old friends, although the husband gains traction in your story, He did, after all, only agree to be observers.

I do so hope you continue this story. I expect reconciliation, but don't really see how. and all the other participants have to be ex-friends in my mind. Thoughtless agressively damaging betrayal. No thoughts of friendship or confiding in him.

This story could have been shorter but does send out a strong message. In my opinion, let the reader use their imagination on what happens next. No need for more chapters.

Save this marriage. But even the wife doesn’t believe it can be saved. I can’t get over the angst about asking for the STD testing. His spouse gets it and so does everyone else, but it’s humiliating to her so he is conflicted? If you want him to painted as someone who is not quite right, I can dig it. Because a rational being thinks that STD testing makes sense and puts the well being and security of his children ahead of his wife’s “humiliation.” I.e., he puts the well being of his family number one, especially those who will be greatest hit by her thoughtless actions. So, if you are going to weigh the children as super-important in his decision mix—please be consistent about that.

Also, the original author (and you for that matter) have really painted her into a dark corner. How to get her out of it without using a tired old trope? The observation that she was looking at herself rather than her husband when she gave “the look” of Loathing and Disdain was a NICE psychological touch, but still feels inconsistent with what she subsequently does. “Sorry, I couldn’t leave after seeing you feeling this horrible about myself because the slut ray kicked in at that moment, and I was lost!” Can you come up with a psychological grounding that makes it possible for him to take her back? Because at the moment we have hormones and horniness one and two, with “for the sake of the kids” at number three. And honestly, they aren’t Very interesting motivations after all the work you have done to get to your “to be continued.”

And how the frak do they stay in the neighbourhood or allow either one of them within 20 feet of Jacquie? If you cannot balance the scales how do you get the GRACE to make a believable RAAC possible here? I look forward to your conclusion, but it’s going to be quite the escape trick to avoid the tired old tropes. Fingers crossed you can split the eye of the needle with that camel...

on CBS or NBC... even Reality TV would not believe the impending voilent upcoming reactions.

This was not a good follow up. It was way too long.

The dialog is a bit repetitive. You have dialog between Jay and Maddie, with Maddie summarizing the events, only to have it repeated by their “friends”. I am assuming that it is not your intent, but it sounds like their stories are rehearsed. That makes your characters sound conniving.

Reading this storey puts one into a coma.

you killed the characters by letting them talk to death.

So far all this hand wringing, whining, excuses and crying doesn’t change one little bit what happened. Maddie along with Jacquie, Cindy and Kirk set out to have in effect an orgy. Maddie was drinking sure but she was not on E nor was she roofied. but totally able to think straight. Sure she was aroused but knew Jay was angry and humiliated and had left but didn’t give a crap and boned another dozen or more men and would have continued if Jamie and Cindy had not got her out of there. Jay needs to have it off with Kirk for starting the gangbang not permanently hurting him but a lot of bruises and cracked bones would not be uncalled for. Jay has to divorce Maddie stay away from her for a year or so then maybe start dating again and see if there is a chance for them. The other three couples need to end up in counseling, maybe move away and in the case of Jacqui and Dan also divorce. A twist might that Maddie finds she’s pregnant. Is it Jay’s or Kirk’s or someone else’s, black or white? All that said no man could, unless he’s total cuck, take Maddie back after the disrespect and humiliation she showed him and fucked a dozen other guys. Just some thought’s. Long to much angst but good story.

I am a disabled Vietnam vet. Your story punched a lot of buttons for me. I read the other public comments about your story, and the only thing I can say is those folks do not and could not have the life experiences. They appear to just be fucking sad, mean trolls. Please know that I very Much enjoyed your story. Please continue to write. This was not a wank and walk story, the emotions and feels that you articulated so well. Show a deep understanding of human need an desire. Tell the haters to go to hell. There is much truth and depth in your story. I do not believe the the HATERS can even begin to understand, as their shallowness speaks volumes. Please continue to write and know that your beliefs and story can help to heal this fractured country that we live in.

I am surprised at how many people are upset with this one. I realize that this is just part one, so I’ve given some wiggle room. If it turns into a cuckold story like the original or a RAAC, then I’ll agree with the others. It started to look that way just 5 days after the orgy, which seemed unrealistic. Especially after months of crossing the line. The problem is with Jacqui. Who believes she’d just roll over like that after corrupting everyone.

Yes they forgot about jay. Sooooo Put her on the curb and set her on fire. They had rules. Temporary insanity is no excuse. Mass insanity by everyone is no excuse. Gulf lite fluid should help. 4

Used amigos so many times I thought it was a bad Chevy Chase movie. The story was too wordy and went around and around without any real resolution. The mention of taking her upstairs for a spanking over and over again was tedious. Appreciate the effort but now my brain hurts.

No real man would accept her betrayal and that of his supposed friends. Long drawn out story of a cuckold

I banged out early as I could see where we were going and how the victim was being made into the usual cuck, weak, doormat whilst the whore and friends carry on. I flipped to the end and saw by the comments I was correct in my assumptions so that was it 1* and find something else and not waste valuable time read any more of this crap. Thanks for trying you had a great chance to do good work but gave it up to join the the ranks of the cuck loving men bashing brigade that unfortunately poison this genre.

I have read the comments and wish to reply to several of the most common faults found with my story.

It is about a 'Cuckold'. In my opinion, a cuckold is one who allows their partner to dictate and abuse them. Jay is not a cuckold, he's just guilty of what many people do in real life - avoids potential confrontation.

Repetition: The concept was the aftermath and how often when something happens do we rerun the incident. Here, the angst is rerun as that is what happens. There is no straight line conclusion. If this was just a series of sexual adventures, there would be no need for the soul searching.

The Betrayers didn't have much substance to their excuses: True because they could not have much because what they did was so reprehensible especially Jacqui.

The real focus was on the lack of communication between them which is the cause of their problems despite seemingly having good communication. Most marriages die because of this.

For those who have enjoyed reading it, Thank you.

No writing skill, really wordy and boring, no dynamics, resolution unsatisfying, lose any caring about the characters.

Despite occasional well-described scenes, this story was difficult and painful to read. Too many changes in POV as well as time changes (past or present) without a clear idea of who/when. You also need to clean up spelling, syntax, and punctuation errors as you continue to write. Two stars for effort. No comment on the story line.

And they all lived happily ever after lol

Jay should leave, not just walk but run, run as fast as his little legs will carry him, because by now it surely must have dawned on him that he is incapable of not being manipulated by women, even the so called amigos manoeuvred him into accepting the BS that his so called friends were spewing.

The author defends Jay saying he’s not a cuckold, well I hate to burst that particular bubble, but when a spouse, be it male or female, has sex outside the marriage, their husband/wife becomes a cuckold or whatever the female version of a cuckold is.

Still it appears that once again love conquers all, aren’t we all so ecstatically happy that the women proved yet again that they are allowed to get away with anything short of genocide because of the way men (commonly referred to as pigs, and rightly so, (just saying)) have treated them throughout millennia.

Apparently we are not finished with this one yet, I note the ‘to be continued’ moniker at the end.

Oh deep joy, I shall await the sequel with bated breath as to what new adventures poor Jay is going to be conned into, maybe some S&M, watersports or brown showers the list is seemingly endless, perhaps they’ll convince him he’s gay or at least Bi, and such a weak character would be all too accepting because that’s what the little lady wants.

Love, isn’t it just to die for, Ahhhhhhhhh

I was curious about the story, so I took your advice and read the lead-in story. I agreed with most of the comments in that it defied common sense, what husband would stay so silent through everything that lead to the night at the sex club? I guess based on the negative, harsh reviews that's why there was never a sequel - not sure. I commend you for taking the risk of writing the sequel and attempt taking order out of the chaos. Solid work but there are a couple possible "foreshadowing" hints that could send it off the rails again. There are hints that Jay and Maddie might consider going outside their marriage again with other couples - that's insane! It's your story, but after everyone has seen the devastation, the reasonable answer is to never go close to that ledge ever again. Not just for them, but for sure the amigos and their spouses.

Separate note: For those that rate it a 1* based on cuckold, wimpy husband story, have you ever been completely in love with someone with wonderful children? If there's a path back to the marriage, you owe it to children to surround them in love with both parents under one roof. The path back would pivot on the understanding by the offending spouse that what they did was profoundly bad, almost to point of death, and would forever change their world view so as to never possibly happen again. (No, I've never been a cuckold or had my spouse cheat on me, but there are other things in a marriage that can shake its foundations almost as much and I have experienced some of that...)

For now - 5* but I'll be watching for the conclusion.

Lots of really poor excuses for everything that happened. They started with innocent role play and enjoyed some fantasy play as a couple, nothing wrong with that. She set him up at the club, but he could have ended it by telling her they were leaving long before Kirk fucked her. He claimed he was afraid she would refuse him and stay and that would end his marriage. Well shit, if she chose to stay, knowing he objected and wanted to leave, the marriage SHOULD be ended. When our wimpy MC encourages Kirk to fuck his wife, he surrendered any right to complain about it!

Thanks for writing. You have some skill but that thing really needed an editor. Could have been tightened up to about half the length and not lost anything in terms of entertainment or ground covered.

I, like many, am not a fan of chucks but you did manage to walk that fine line, in my opinion. Jay is a Pussy, capital P intended, but I can almost see how this just went off the rails for him and he’s just in a tough spot. But I’m pretty done with giving him the benefit of that doubt, not sure I need another 5 pages of him pissing his pants and crying his little eyes out.

One star, nothing more needs to be said.

This story is a new low in wretched pathetically stupid. The original story wasn't worth having a sequel to and this story certainly is not. In fact if anything it's far worse because the whole story here is Disingenuous by the author directed towards the reader.

On page 2 the husband asks why did you do this quest from or why did you your friends plan this ?

WHO THE FUCK CARES?

The fact is that the Wife intentionally and deliberately engaged sexual activity outside of the marriage that the husband did not know about

. Then when she engaged in this gang Bang fantasy she built strong emotional psychological and sexual connections to other people and other men outside of the marriage.

Anything after page 2 is a complete waste of time and doesn't deserve Any effort by anyone to bother reading

and 9 pages of this awful shit. why do these dumb as fuck idiots authors think terrible stories like this can be saved?

for example THIS from page 2

I want to know why you thought it okay to lie to me, to deceive me, to humiliate me and betray me.

WHO THE FUCK CARES? ... the cunt whore planned this and in doing so DELIBERATELY went out of her way to HURT jay

even worse her planning with the other guy established then built a psychological and emotional and sexual connection with another man outside of the marriage

game over man

Couple of critiques. #1 When you continue a story try to stick to the original writing. You injected a lot of English language that wasn't in the original. #2 Dan is almost a completely different person in this. #3 it is a VERY long Aftermath to a story that's only 7 pages. #4 After all that happened in the original he'd be a fool to even let her back in the house to apologise. And #5 You give every clue that he will forgive her. She has thought many times in this story that he'll dump her. That's a surefire clue.

Seems a lot more plausible than the original, but that's a pretty low standard to set. The main problem here seems to be that the wives have more balls than the husbands do. They all seem to lack the spine to stand up for themselves. To slightly mangle a Shakespeare quote, "A pox on ALL your houses!"

p.s. - I don't think you can get STD test results that quickly.

What aftermat? It's the SOS as the original except you drug the SOS out for another 9 pages! There's no resolution here so what's the point? You just piled shit on top of shit! 1 star

I want to thank you for pointing me to the original story that inspired yours. That story was beautifully written and masterfully told.

I couldn't finish the first page. It's terrible. It was just weird and awkward. Didn't like it.

It makes men weak. It makes them do things they don't want to do. It makes them accept shit like this as a reason to forgive. In other words, it turns them into pussies. He should ask himself what he would have done if there were no kids, if love had nothing to do with it. The lies and all the others seem to be what he was stuck on, as if he didn't hear that 14 men and 8 women fucked up his entire world. DIVORCE

... Just maybe if you hadn't rehashed those sex club scenes about ten times, nine pages would have been enough to finish your story.

and cuck crap to boot

CLM

I don't feel even potential reconciliation is deserved. They all admit guilt even if!, unintentional no penance was served. You can't commit a crime and tell the judge I'm so sorry, I fucked up, can I go home now? 8 pages or 3 or 4 days of turmoil for one night of talking presumed road to recovery? Don't add up chief.

I reccommend getting a copy of "The Little Book", otherwise known as "The Elements of Style" by Strunk and White. You lack efficiency and economy of words. Sorry, this lack drained any pleasure I might have derived from the reading.

You tryed and for your first shot its OK. Dont do the mistake to think you have to do everybody right. Its YOUR story and if you need another 9 pages to tell so it is. A lot of the comments is about you failed to tell a BTB but like BH76 it was emotional to read about THEIR pain. Its always nobody think about consequences and goes carried away. Lets see what is in your next capter.

Oh, about a real man what is it? To shoot and go to jail without parole? To raise kids as single parent never have time to work or be at home? To run? NOBODY knows. And how are you outside to say you have to react this way? Because you did? Because its common to do so? Your so proud about Seals and Marines how face a bullet but be to coward to face your wife after a betrayel? You kiddy me!

But this is gay as fuck and totally bullshit.

I think you have talent but you need to seriously refine and revamp your twisting of reality.

The crying and confessing were total bullshit. Everyone betrayed Jay, broke promises to him and deceived him in some way.

Kirk needs his fucking ass handed to him and then get to watch his wife gang banged all night like not so sweet Maddie was. The whore that instigated this needs shipped away to never be seen again and Maddie needs to be institutionalized because she is so obviously a deranged and delusional mess that she shouldn't be trusted around her children.

What was she high on? Bullshit again. There is no explaining her becoming an instant gang bang whore and the repercussions for that would last her entire life. There is no STD test that quick to make her safe to be with for probably at least a year with several follow up exams.

She also wouldn't be ready for action down there for probably several weeks after her slimy cunt was hammered by at least 14 men and many more than once.

Jay is written as kind of unreal as well with you portraying intense anger, which is realistic, but then extremely wimpy and weak in the face of his betrayers which is not.

The whole meeting at the end is as utter shite.

The real tragedy is that you can write but you didn't refine your characters or reality enough to be even remotely believable.

You wrote a shit story with shit characters because for any story to be good, you need to be able to convince the readers to buy what you are selling.

That is where you totally failed. I don't buy any of the bullshit your characters are peddling or your warping of reality to fit your narrative.

Do you realize the physical repercussions of just what Maddie did? You absolutely ignored it not to mention the mental and emotional repercussions.

Do you know what type of psychopath or sociopath Maddie would have to be to not be a basket case?

She was only with one man sexually and very in love and satisfied with children and you turned her into a gang bang whore in one night and she isn't hospitalized for physical and mental and emotional trauma after she sobered up the next day?

That is only one aspect of this nuclear bomb fallout you totally ignored.

I suggest if you want to write about setting off a nuclear bomb in a couple's life, and that is what you did, that you don't pretend everyone just got a little too much sun and were cranky the next day.

Consider the damage you are going to do to your characters first and what it would really do to them before unleashing it and then trying to rewrite your history with a bunch of totally unbelievable bullshit about sorry with a dash of didn't mean to betray and some tears. It doesn't work and it doesn't sell.

The total evil you unleashed with everyone stabbing Jay in the back would have lifelong consequences and repercussions that would also be mostly permanent in life altering nature.

You are very good at writing emotionally charged situations and I hope you can get a better grip on your plot and character integrity.

A proofreader and editor can work wonders.

I look forward to more and here is to your growth as a writer.

I give you major props for your efforts. The fact the original story scored as well as it did in spite of the wife's disrespect for her husband is testimony to the changing attitudes among the Lit community over the last 15 years.

So it was inevitable that your continuation would have a far different tone than the original. However, I don't think your Jay ever felt the same twisted, contradictory, passionately aroused angst as the original author's Jay. Your Jay was more about anger than passion, and while I get that you threw us some voyeur's doggie treats, the analytical Jay seems inconsistent. You went to great length to explain why, but you seem to deny that Jay's arousal had anything to do with the night's events.

Maybe this is mature Jay, and all the couples learned some responsibility toward others from this experience. Let us (fictionally) hope so.

All I can say is, I have never read 9 pages of explicit sexual content involving a beautiful sex-loving loving wife that was less arousing.

4* for checking boxes and making a strong effort, but you're certainly not going to become a hot read if you keep writing this way.

RW's two rules of porn: make the woman hot, and the sex hotter, and you're over halfway to a good porn story. The fact that you knee-capped both your primary assets tells me you weren't interested in writing porn.

. . . the follow-up story could have been really, really interesting. The biggest problem: your writing is so convoluted, that at many stages it was literally impossible to understand. Other than the extensive repetition which I found irritating, I found myself having to read certain paragraphs 2 or 3 times over, and I still couldn't figure out what you were saying. The story had real potential, but I would strongly suggest getting someone else to proof-read, as your writing is truly confusing. That said, I do appreciate your effort, as I appreciate the efforts of all the authors on this site, for blessing us with their writing for free.

Maybe the followup could be in a concentration camp, where suddenly the guards and inmates become best friends, after the guards tell the inmates about how they enjoyed every atrocity they committed while high on their issued amphetamines, and the inmates give the guards a bit of a spanking to even things out?

Best stories ever written in LW category and it badly needed a sequel as it just finished on a cliff hanger....

Unfortunately despite the absolute bucketloads of work that I can see you did your sequel just doesn’t fit into the writing or narrative style of the original story.

I highly commend your efforts but I cannot honestly say you have been successful

I give marks for effort, but this story is ultimately just an overwrought, steaming pile of crap. A wife pulls off a double digit gang bang and one of her worst repercussions is having to go to an STD clinic? A visit to a clinic is more embarrassing to someone than fucking an entire football team and not realizing it? The endless pages of rationalizations makes me want to stick a fork in my eyes.

The anger of Jay at the start was great. The emotion and angst ware real. The ultimatum Jay gave was reasonable. The first confession of Madie's was alright, the rest were contrite bull shit. I hope Jay does buy this crap he spent the last hour listening to.

For the most part, I liked the writing, and the editing was adequate. RAAC or BTB - this story attempts something in between which, if continued, might succeed. As it is to this point, though, it has swung too far to the RAAC side. Maddie needs to pay up, and despite her apparent anguish, she isn't even close. Look, she pulled a train! This wasn't a one nighter (she started being unfaithful during several girls' night outs) and it wasn't one time - it was close to a score of times, counting the train and Kirk and Jacqui! I'd like to encourage you to continue it, but Maddie needs to really pay - and not by watching Jay be unfaithful. You need to be creative in making her hurt deeply in her soul, and pay some price which will always be with her, to bring this to a satisfactory conclusion.

It shouldn’t matter that none of them gave a thought to how Jay would be affected. Also, the STD testing was a reasonable demand - he needed to know whether she could infect him!

Offering to take a beating or spanking? Why should he grant such a quick, simple, absolution? They - including Maddie - deserved to live with the knowledge that they’d betrayed a good man and likely wrecked his family.

If I were Jay, I’d want to sell the house, move away from the neighbors, and excommunicate the former friends.

So coming in a women’s face and taking an STD test or the worst things he can think of, what a crock of shit. The original story was crap and this is only marginally better. So much angst and no action. Kill Jackie and the other women and divorce the stupid bitch. A bunch of despicable people and a pretty stupid plot. 2* for at least the effort of writing,

Burn the bitch

I went to read the story you referenced. Couldn’t get through the first page for boredom. Probably ought not to read this one either I suppose

While I appreciate the efforts that went into writing this story, I have to admit I found it hard to finish. Seemed like endless repetition of emotional angst.

Thanks anyway.

I started reading the other comments and became very disgusted with there thoughts and ideas but that is there 2 cents just as this is.

I never read the 1st so have no comment.

This story is a little wordie [maybe a page worth]

If you look at the store and the detail you put in you are really giving everyone's thoughts, ideas and feels on what happened. I have lost my love and at time i look back to figure were it went wrong and like you did you start at the beginning and go forward. some times you find your answer and times you don't. Having out side help and friends that are not involved can help in anything because are objective and can give you ideas or thoughts to think about that you might have missed.

I feel you did a good job of telling everyone's story to get to the truth and know the hurt can be resolved or not and not just for the 2 man people but all involved

its time to read the next part and see what happens

Keep writing and never let people stop you from your dreams

good luck

keep writing ;)

cd

And he is concerned about a gang bang at a swingers party he took her to?

I assumed it was a mistake because it doesn't make any sense.

I stopped reading at that point so only got to page three. One star.

Can not understand any male who would accept that type of behavior.

Talking to male friends and a few accept dressing of wives I wouldn't as well as rest of friends.

From conversations with wife I understand they are more explicit in discussing sex life than I am.

Take seriously moral values and avoid people who don't.

jtwheels

Just discovered the story. It was quite boring, like a run-on sentence. Partway through, I just wanted it to end. The repetition did not help. The story was not erotic. There was a lot of psychobabble. The reactions of the characters did not really seem to be genuine remorse. I hardly see why sending Maddie to a clinic for testing for sexually transmitted diseases in any way compares to the hurt and humiliation that were heaped upon Jay. And speaking of Jay, just because he says he is angry and that he wants to kill someone, it does not negate the obvious fact that he is a total cuckold wimp. The signs are all there. He is turned on when someone fucks his wife. She has pushed him to wear female lingerie including panties in his size, and he enjoyed it? I don’t see how he is anything but a total sissy. He should just leave and disappear, perhaps live with his parents, as he is a total failure as a man. Two stars are all I can give.

I don't understand why you need so long for a cheap cuckold story? Or is your love for cuckolding your mainspring for this shit?

The only revenge is to watch the other wives being gang banged by 28 men double the amount Amy was pleasured by an take video

But this is not my life style it is a fantasy to me if it were real there would be 7 dead bodies in my living room lmao

Ignore those who did not read the story that set up this situation Nor did they use their brains to work out that the 'cop' and her husband are the same person. It was a role play! Author, you have done an incredible job in not altering the events of the previous story, and yet providing a plausible way of saving a horrible situation. For those who did not read the prequel, I add that it was clear that Jay had been deceived but, not clear how much Maddie was in on the deception. Thank you.

Minus stars if possible.

STD testing for humiliation?!

Who knows how many STDs could be with that many people.

We have pandemic of some STDs in this country. Indianapolis is in top 10 in a bunch.

And with delay on test results on some I would wait at least 6 months before I felt safe.

Another WIMPY CUCKOLD

jtwheels

What a bunch of shitty people! What I was left wondering was with Maddie’s cunt continually losing her “womanly nectar” from the constant sex she and Jay were having, weren’t their daughters already in therapy for over-exposure to sex-fiend parents?! AND Maddie is a sleazy slut with a stinky cunt! Jay is just a wimpy Cuck as it turns out. Please make chapter 3 short with the lot of them having sex in a charter bus on the way to semen World in Orlando when a plane crashes into their bus and they all go out oozing bodily fluids.

That was was just plain painful