Nightmare From Hell

She spoke softly, "Ben, I'm sorry. I totally lost the plot. I blew us up. I ignored you. Something I've never done. As a result, I've lost you forever.

"Why did you not physically stop me? You could have overpowered me, stopped me before I left."

I replied sadly, "You had to make the decision. I stopped you, tied you to the bed, there would always be the thought she's going to do it in my mind and probably yours."

Jasmin spoke, ""You need to know you were right about William and them. This was all about fucking us up. Barry and I were in the missionary position though I never felt him in me. He was telling Ian it was the tightest cunt he'd ever been in. William walked into the room then. They'd given him a key. Your nightmare became my nightmare.

"I told him to leave. He just laughed and said he'd pay. He couldn't wait to tell you he'd fucked me on Monday. When he stripped I laughed at his little dick. My nipples can be almost as big. He slapped me and the others just laughed. Altogether they might add up to you.

"Once he arrived, they took what they had paid for. As you predicted I was just a fuck bucket for them. They could only manage twice thankfully. I never made any effort to revive them. I left saying now I knew why their wives let them out every night. They could have their lovers with proper penises. Even a dildo has more life.

"My conscience had been battling me since our date. She knew it would end us. I was fixated on Jasmin. I came home needing you to be your loving self, help me through this, help me mend us. Instead, you showed me what I'd ignored, the damage I'd caused. I was just a whore. You're right, that's all I am and ever will be.

"I know the divorce papers will be coming soon. I'm so sorry for all the pain I've put you through. I know it won't go away when you leave, in either of us.

"I'll never love anyone like you ever again. I'm just a despicable whore.

"I texted the three of them saying no money in my account by 11am, I'll raise a small claim at the court. William answered with a laughing emoji. He wasn't laughing when I sent him a piece from my second phone. Your advice again saving me. He's now scared I'll tell his wife. I didn't reply, she will know very soon. Let her ambush him, the bastard.

"All three have paid me. I've put the money to the school clothing bank.

"You never mentioned William tonight. Did he speak with you today?"

I replied, "No. I knew about William as I arranged for evidence for myself if needed. I haven't watched it. You could have used it if necessary to get your money. I'll take the three of them down. Barry's wife's brothers will be told. He won't enjoy meeting them.

"I resigned today. I've been given time to rethink, an opportunity somewhere else but I need a complete break. I'm seeing a counsellor on Wednesday. After that I'll look to get away for a little while.

"I put the divorce papers in today naming them all. You will be served here, not at your work. You'll understand the financial settlement."

I went to my room. I was so overcome with fatigue. I could hear Jasmin crying, sobbing really.

It's been three months now. I turned down David and the other firm. Jim tried to persuade me otherwise but understood. He's left an opening for me or the opportunity to be a freelance consultant in the future if I can overcome my despair. I work about one hundred miles away for a firm who analyse other firms for insurance companies and process certifications. It means a lot of travelling but I don't mind. I have no place I need to be.

I've spoken with two counsellors. The problem is that to fix me, I have to let go of the anger. When I try, all I see is what I have lost. It fucking hurts too much! My friends say I need to do it to move on with my life. What life?

Only once have I felt like my old self. It was after I bumped into William one night in Ayr. I may have found out he was working for a company there following Jim sacking him. I live (really exist) about forty minutes away. I'd hired a motorcycle with a false driver's licence. I'd grown a beard to match the photo on the licence. I came away breathless but very happy. He was breathless, well he was struggling to breathe but very unhappy.

I was interviewed by the Police but couldn't help their enquiries. I had no alibi. I was at home alone, like every night I was home. They checked the block of flats CCTV. My car hadn't moved from the parking area. The front and rear cameras never showed me leaving. The side camera was broken. By the time the Police interviewed me the beard had disappeared. William never saw my face as I wore a mask and dark googles. I never spoke.

The court has sent me notification that the divorce case will be heard in a few weeks. Jasmin's solicitor is asking that we have joint counselling. I have stated my reasons for not wishing any further contact with her. I may have been very blunt.

I've been in Perth a few times, visiting friends and family as well as work. I don't use the Mount. Friends tell me I should at least speak with Beth. I haven't. She doesn't exist. She is as devastated as me apparently. She's slipped into a clinical depression and is awaiting in person treatment. She never goes out, sees no one. She had the option, I didn't.

Jasmin is probably still plying her trade!

David keeps in contact with me. He's apologised repeatedly. He spoke with William but he should have spoken with Jim before it all blew up. He knows I'm not happy in this job. There are few challenges. He always ends by saying just come back. No one knows what happened only it involved you and William. Through him, I know Barry had a serious accident with a brick wall. All three are being divorced.

David was very joyful when he said someone had taken the opportunity to beat the crap out of William. No one had yet been found. He said the speculation was that as there was a large piece of wood up his arse, he had found himself somewhere he shouldn't have been.

When William was sacked by Jim, Moira was angry at Jim until he explained fully the reason. He was livid at himself for not being more proactive in trying to make him a better person. Moira was the one who spoiled William. She was mortified William was so conniving he'd helped break us up. He's never been welcomed home. Neither visited him during his stay in hospital.

Ian was in hospital for a week or so after being assaulted. Again, the Police interviewed me. Apparently he'd been assaulted by someone wielding a baseball bat. I've never owned one. The one I found in the park was burnt very shortly after Ian's assault!

I did have an alibi for that one. I was playing poker, badly, with some old friends.

I'll wait until Barry has fully recovered.

Tonight, is like most other nights unless I'm away for work where instead of my flat, it's a hotel room. I've been to the gym, eaten a simple meal. Now I'm sitting in my studio flat alone. I've not made any attempt to find new friends. I don't go out as I'm not good company.

My attitude doesn't help. I'm told by my closest friend, Ron that I make the Rev I. M. Jolly look like Ken Dodd on speed.

How could such a great fantasy become the NIGHTMARE FROM HELL?