No More Swedish Meatballs

The raise was conditioned upon Karl’s transfer to the company’s plant in Paoli. Paoli was the last stop on “the main line” – Philadelphia’s main suburban train line. Evelyn started taking the train from Philadelphia to Paoli while Karl was working to look for a house near the plant. They settled into their little duplex in April. Ned was born three months later.

Evelyn had weathered the pregnancy and the move very well. She’d actually liked being pregnant. She didn’t, however, take to motherhood as readily. Bottle feeding was coming into fashion which suited Evelyn just fine. She’d almost freaked out the few times she’d tried to nurse Ned. The feeling of him sucking and tugging on her breasts was too overwhelmingly sexual for her. She couldn’t relax and enjoy the sensation. She had Ned weaned to the bottle within a week.

Karl and Evelyn were like two strangers sharing a child, meals and a bed during their first year in Paoli. They were intimate sexually but not emotionally. They barely knew what to say to each other when they were together. Evelyn didn’t like Paoli. She was having a hard time adjusting to suburban living. She didn’t have anything in common with the other housewives who made tentative efforts to include her in the usual female suburban activities, like the garden club, and the coffee club. All they ever thought about was babies, husbands and housework. Their conversation was inane. It drove Evelyn to the brink of insanity. By the end of Ned’s first summer Evelyn had gained 10 pounds and had big chip on her shoulder. “I want to move back to Philadelphia,” was the usual opening volley on Friday night.

Karl’s work was demanding and not something he could talk about. He was mentally drained when he got home from work. He’d eat dinner without saying much. Then he’d sit with Ned for a while. It didn’t matter if Ned was asleep. Karl just liked to be with his son. He liked seeing the subtle day to day changes in the infant’s development. He didn’t mind the diapering and feeding, and he often sang soft lullabies in Swedish as night crept in to the little home.

After he was done with Ned, Karl would brave a few hours with Evelyn. Evelyn, Karl discovered, was great at hating things. From about 8:00 to 11:00 Karl and Evelyn would sit on the front porch in the sultry night air sipping beer and trying to communicate. Sometimes Evelyn would go on about this or that politician. Karl would try to be interested. He used to find Evelyn’s talk interesting. What happened? He wondered one night when he found himself solving a problem from work in his head while he listened to Evelyn with one ear. Is this what all married couples go through?

Evelyn became restless on weekends. Karl loved Paoli. He loved his yard. All he wanted to do on the weekends was garden, or some carpentry, or little odd jobs around the house. Evelyn wanted to get a sitter and go out. She missed being able to go to the movies or a play at the drop of a hat. She found Paoli stultifying. Weekends were the worst.

At first Evelyn was soothed if she could have a beer or three on Friday and Saturday night. So Karl started buying a case from the local distributor every Friday night after work. Beer became a habit with Evelyn. As summer slipped into fall Evelyn started drinking almost every day. She wanted Karl to drink with her but he couldn’t keep up. He started getting terrible hangovers which hurt his work performance so he gave up drinking altogether.

Thanksgiving was coming up and Evelyn had never felt so alone in all her life. Ned was no company. She hadn’t made any friends. One night she started to bug Karl about getting a television.

“I’m here all alone with the baby all day,” she yelled. “There’s nothing to do in Paoli. I have no one to talk to. It would give me something to do. I could keep up with what’s happening in the world.”

“It’s an idiot box,” Karl said scornfully. You have better things to do that sit around watching a stupid box. There’s plenty of house work to keep you busy. Or there would be if you’d bother to do it.”

“What do you know?” Evelyn flung back. “You sit all day in your Goddamn office doing all your mucky-muck calculations. You’ve lost the ability to communicate. When you come home you won’t talk to me. You say more to Ned in an hour than you do to me in a week. What do I do all day? Clean the house for you; take care of Ned for you; shop for you; cook for you, wash your Goddamn clothes. To Hell with you and to hell with your house. I’m leaving!” She made a grab for the car keys but Karl was faster.

He grabbed the keys. “You’re not going anywhere,” he said angrily. “It’s dark outside and you’re drunk.”

Evelyn pushed him hard and he shoved her back. She fell. “You son of a bitch,” she roared as she got up. She picked up an ashtray and sent it sailing by his head. Karl grabbed her arms and twisted them behind her back, and she started kicking. They grappled with each other for a few minutes. Then Evelyn sunk her teeth into Karl’s shoulder. He cried out and let go of her. She ran upstairs crying and locked herself and Ned in the bedroom. She refused to come out. Karl got into the car and started driving.

He drove around the country side for about an hour before he started to calm down. What in the hell am I doing with my life? I want out. He started to think about divorcing Evelyn. Then he realized the trap he was in. I’d have to make enough for her and Ned as well as myself. And God, I don’t want Ned growing up with just her as a parent. She’d ruin him. No one would give me custody and I couldn’t take him anyway. I have to work.

Karl started to think of all the things he wanted for his son – things his parents hadn’t given him. A stable home. Security. Little things like books and a nice yard to play in. A mother who didn’t have to struggle every day to put food on the table. A real father he could depend on to teach him all the things Karl had to learn the hard way. He wanted his son to grow up knowing he had a bright future ahead, including college and beyond if that’s what he wanted. None of this would be possible if Karl walked out on Evelyn. He also knew deep down that Evelyn wasn’t capable of raising a child alone. Karl had seen how Evelyn would space out at times. And she was just a little too fond of the bottle. He got a cold chill realizing Evelyn might walk the same road as his father, and become despicable drunk full of talent but unable to accomplish anything. Karl hardened his resolve and turned the car around. He went back to Paoli and Ned. And Evelyn.

Karl’s worst fears were confirmed when he got home. After Karl left, Evelyn grabbed a few bottles of beer from the refrigerator and locked herself back in the bedroom. She barricaded the door, took two sleeping pills and proceeded to get stinking drunk. Ned had been fussy ever since the fight. Evelyn tuned him out and he cried himself to sleep. A few hours later he woke up in full howl with a crappy diaper. Evelyn took the diaper off and threw it out the window, leaving Ned naked and sobbing in his basinet. Evelyn was beyond caring. She curled up in bed and went back to sleep.

She woke up at three a.m. to Ned’s screaming and Karl’s angry banging.

“God damn it Evelyn, let me in. What the hell are you doing in there? I’m going to call the police if you don’t let me in. They’ll take Ned away you rotten, stinking drunk.”

Karl was terrified. Evelyn shouted back “I’ll let you in when hell freezes over.”

At least she’s alive, Karl thought with relief. “Evelyn, sweetheart, let me in” he cajoled. I won’t hurt you. I just want to be sure Ned’s okay.”

Ned was sobbing. She picked him up and tried to soothe him. “No, I won’t let you in.” She sat on the floor rocking Ned.

Karl went down to the basement for his tool box. He’d though about breaking the door down but that seemed stupid. Instead he took the door off its hinges and pulled it loose from the frame. He climbed over the bureau Evelyn had pushed against the door. Evelyn lay sound asleep with Ned naked and happy curled up in his mother’s arms.

Christ, Ned thought. What did I do to deserve this? Ned was a poopy mess so Karl picked him up tenderly and walked into the bathroom. He drew a bath and spent a half hour playing in the bath tub with his four month old son. Afterwards he diapered the baby and gave him a bottle.

The basinet was a mess so he gave it a thorough scrubbing before putting Ned down for the rest of the night. Then he grabbed a blanket from the linen closet and went to catch a few hours of sleep leaving Evelyn sound asleep on the floor. He couldn’t even bear to look at her. It was too soon. The wounds were too fresh.

We’ll have to talk tonight he thought. Things can’t go on like this. Evelyn was still sleeping when Karl left for work. He had breakfast at a nearby diner rather than risk waking Evelyn. I’ve married a demon he thought sadly as he drove down into the valley where he worked.

Good always comes from bad, or so they say. Karl looked so distraught when he got to work that an associate, Jim Philips, asked him if he was alright. Karl shook his head. He hesitated. He didn’t often open up to strangers. But he really needed a friend so he spilled the whole sorry story. Jim was surprisingly sympathetic. Karl and Jim were about the same age and Jim also had an infant son, Jim Jr.

“My wife’s been a terror ever since the baby was born” he commiserated. Maybe it’s something they have to go through.

“Evelyn might be happier if she had some one to talk to,” Karl said, thinking out loud. “She doesn’t get along with the women in our neighborhood.”

“We should get the two ladies together” Jim suggested. “Misery loves company you know.”

Karl laughed for the first time in weeks. “You may be on to something.”

‘

“Tell you what,” Jim said. “Why don’t you bring Evelyn and Ned over to our place Saturday night? The women can have a hate festival and I’ll show you my shop.”

Karl and Jim formed a bond that day which lasted a lifetime.

Evelyn called Karl at work around noon. “I feel terrible, she said contritely. I promise I’ll never act so stupid again.”

“It’s okay honey. I know you’ve been feeling isolated. I’ll have a surprise for you when I get home.”

The fight was brushed under the rug and the underlying problems were never discussed. But Saturday night was a great success. Evelyn and Wanda, Jim’s wife, hit it off immediately. They both had a fondness for highballs and gossip. Jim showed Karl his amazing electric train set up in the basement. He also had a bunch of electronic gadgets which fascinated Karl. Jim had some television parts from sets he’d cannibalized, and a beautiful Philco console. He passed them off to Karl, happy to get them out of his basement.

”I’ll have your TV up and running in no time” Karl promised Evelyn.

Evelyn was on cloud nine having found a new friend with a baby almost the same age as Ned. Karl and Evelyn began planning their first Christmas party.

Karl wanted to make it a tribute to his mother. He called his sister to get his mother’s Swedish recipes.

“You’ll love it” Karl promised Evelyn. We’ll have the Philips over and there’s another couple I’d like to invite. Evelyn was definitely up for a party.

They hadn’t been back to Philadelphia since Ned was born. They took the train to center city two weeks before Christmas. It was a cold, blustery day. The city was all decked out for the season. There were Salvation Army Santas on every corner. They stopped in at the old rooming house and were greeted fondly by a number of old friends. Max was there. He stayed in the background watching the couple carefully. He’d felt guilty for a long time about they way things turned out for Karl. But it looked like things were working out. His conscience was eased when he saw how happy Karl was with Ned.

After they left the co-op house they went to the Reading Terminal market. They bought salt herring to pickle, meat for Swedish meatballs, dried cod for lute fisck, lingenberries, meat for silta, cheeses and breads and a cookie press so Karl could make S shaped Spritz cookies.

“Next year we’ll drive. There’s so much to carry. Ned will be walking by then. Won’t it be fun?” Evelyn said as they waited for the Paoli Local to take them home. It was getting dark, and tiny snow flakes were starting to fall. “Looks like we’re going to have a white Christmas,” said Karl.

The next two weeks passed in a flurry of preparations for the party. Karl tried to get Evelyn interested in the food preparation. But Evelyn never did take well to the kitchen. She thought the process of pickling herring was utterly disgusting. She didn’t have the patience to make the little tiny meatballs. But she discovered a talent for baking. Karl turned the cookie recipes over to Evelyn, except for the Spritz. Karl had only a few happy childhood memories. Making Spritz with his mother at Christmas time was one of them. So Karl made the tough semi-sweet S shaped cookies. Evelyn made the stars, and Russian tea cakes and a few other confections.

Ten days before Christmas they went out together and bought a lovely tree. Karl had some ornaments from his mother, and a sweet little elf for the mantle which was a family heirloom. They bought lights, more ornaments and a chresh with a hole in the back for a light. Karl set the tree to soak in the basement for a few days before bringing it up to be decorated. They invited a few in neighbors for a pre-Christmas tree trimming party with mixed drinks and hoagies from the local deli.

Then it was Christmas Eve. The other couple Karl invited couldn’t make it, so it was just the Philips and the Hansens. The evening was a great success. Everyone loved Karl’s food. The liquor flowed freely. After dinner they gathered around the piano. Wanda played Christmas carols and they sang drunkenly for a while. The coup de gras came at the end of the night when Karl brought out the Glug, which was mulled wine with a bottle of vodka to give it extra zing. Karl lit the glug with a candle and sang his mother’s favorite Swedish carol, and then poured everyone a final night cap. It was almost two a.m. when the party broke up.

“What a great evening” Evelyn purred as they walked up the stairs together. They were both drunk and happy and almost in love. Evelyn forgot to use her diaphragm.

The Hansen’s went over to the Philip’s house for New Years Eve. “We should make this a tradition,” Jim said as midnight struck. And they did. Year after year as the kids grew up and the world spun faster and faster the Philips and the Hansens went through the ritual. Christmas Eve at the Hansens and New Years Eve at the Philips.

“I’m pregnant,” Wanda whispered to Evelyn during the first New Year’s Eve party.

“Are you happy?” Evelyn asked.

“Of course I’m happy” Wanda said with a catch in her voice. “Why wouldn’t I be happy?”

“I don’t know. It’s kind of soon after Jim, jr.”

“I know. But it’ll be great. It might bring Jim and me closer. He’s always down in the damn basement with his trains. I thought I married a man but I got a little boy.”

“I thought you two were getting along fine.”

“Yeah. Everything’s always fine,” Wanda said bitterly.

Evelyn wanted to ask more, but thought she’d be intruding. So she gave Wanda a hug. “If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, just call me, okay?”

“Sure.”

That night in bed Evelyn asked Karl “do you think any married couple is truly happy?”

“What do you mean?” Karl asked, immediately feeling defensive.

“I don’t know. Do you think Wanda and Jim are happy?”

“Sure they are. You’ve seen them together. They’re a swell couple. Aren’t you happy, Evelyn?”

“Of course I am.” She smiled, closed her eyes. She didn’t feel quite so alone knowing Wanda and Jim had their troubles. Just like everybody she thought as she drifted off to sleep.

One month later Evelyn started to worry. No period. Another month passed. Oh shit Evelyn thought Karl’s gonna kill me. She didn’t know how to tell Karl, so she called Wanda in a panic. “Wanda, I’m pregnant” she cried over the phone.

“Why honey, that’s wonderful! We can be pregnant together.”

“You don’t understand,” she wailed, “Karl’s gonna kill me.”

“Oh come on. Karl’ll be pleased as punch.”

“No he won’t. I don’t think he wanted Ned, although he’s a great dad. But we never even talked about having another child and frankly, I don’t think I’m up to it. God. Another baby. More Goddamn diapers and bottles and no sleep and all the crap that goes along with them. I wish I knew a good doctor.”

Wanda was horrified. “That’s a horrible thing to say. Women were made to have children. It’s god’s gift.”

“Well you didn’t sound so happy about it at New Years”

“I was just a little down in the dumps. I didn’t mean I don’t want another baby. I can’t wait for this one to be born.”

“You’re no help. How am I going to tell Karl?”

“Just tell him. Put on some lipstick and your prettiest dress, make his favorite dinner, get a few drinks into him and tell him when he’s relaxed and feeling good. It’s simple.”

Evelyn followed Wanda’s advice. Karl was overwhelmed by Evelyn’s dinner and her looks. She’s glowing, he thought. I wonder why she’s so happy?

Evelyn had set the stage, now it was time to play the part. Karl walked right into it. “You look beautiful tonight, honey. You seem so happy. What’s gotten into you?”

“A baby,” Evelyn replied.

“A baby?” Karl didn’t get it.

“Yes, a baby. Remember Christmas Eve? We felt so great after the party, and we…, and I
forgot all about my diaphragm. Oh Christ, Karl, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to happen. I know you didn’t want another baby.”

“A baby. Wow.” Karl was stunned. He tried not to remember that horrible night when he almost left Evelyn. And now another baby. Shit. But Karl was a true gentleman. Also, he’d grown to like his little life with a wife and a baby who was a miracle to watch. He saw how scared Evelyn was when she gave him the news and felt like a heel. A child should be a joy not a burden. He gave Evelyn his brightest smile. “Really honey? That’s wonderful. I hope it’s a girl this time. Two boys would be a bit much, but a boy and a girl would be just perfect.”

“You’re not mad?” Evelyn asked with a tremulous smile.

“Mad? Heck no. We hadn’t talked about it but I was kind of thinking how hard it would be for Ned to grow up an only child. I’m really happy.”

Time passed swiftly. Marjory Philips was born with a lusty howl in late June. Jim and Wanda were pleased as punch. Evelyn suffered the summer heat badly. She was heavily pregnant when the heat finally broke in mid-September. She breezed through the last eight weeks of the pregnancy with the help of the ever attentive Karl. Ned was walking and talking right on schedule. He was a happy, healthy baby and the light of both parents’ lives.

There was only one sore point. Karl insisted Evelyn not drink during the pregnancy. Evelyn kept on about it saying a little beer now and then hadn’t hurt Ned and wouldn’t hurt this baby. Karl stood his ground. Evelyn went through the days wanting -- what? She craved a drink but somewhere deep inside she knew it was trouble. So Evelyn drank coffee day in and out. Her cigarettes were her angry companions. They followed her everywhere.

Finally the waiting was over and Elizabeth Hansen entered the world. She was a beautiful baby who seemed to have been born smiling. She inherited Evelyn’s temper but it didn’t become a problem until later.

Another Christmas season came and went. The Philips and the Hansens shared the joy of the season. Wanda and Evelyn drank a secret toast on New Years Eve to not being pregnant this time next year.

The two families became very close. They joined the same church and visited back and forth a lot as time passed. Jim and Karl were working on different projects. They didn’t discuss their work with each other or their wives. It seemed kind of hush hush to Evelyn. But Karl said it was just very dry technical work. The two men were on the leading edge of technology. This was back in the days before micro chips, lasers and photo optics. TV’s still had vacuum tubes. Solid state was high technology. It was before stereo and FM radio, and long before touch tone telephones. There was no color TV, and only three channels to watch.