tagHumor & SatireOnce Upon a Time

Once Upon a Time


Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived a fair princess. But, she was far from happy as her husband the prince, who was not the fairest nor most handsome man in the realm--hey, it was an arranged marriage--had caught her looking at one too many good-sized cocks and had locked her in a tower to which only he had the key.

Princess Anne lived a lonely life in the tower with only her computer as a companion. She knew all the juicy erotic story sites and she knew where to find pictures of that most succulent of all parts of the male anatomy, but she was frustrated by not having even a dildo to keep her pussy satisfied. She used her fingers often, but they were no longer fulfilling her need to spurt girly juices all over the tower. Anne was truly one frustrated and horny princess.

One day after he had demanded Anne fulfill her wifely duties by sucking his diminutive cock, Prince Igor announced that the king had summoned all of the princes and barons of the land to a big meeting at his new castle scheduled for three days later. Since it was a command performance, Igor had no choice but to attend his liege and leave his lovely, frustrated Anne alone. Anne merely nodded knowing that she would finally be able to surf the web in peace once her ugly husband with the minuscule cock left for the conference in a land equally far, far away. Igor merely rearranged his trousers to cover his pitiful manhood and left the room, confident that Anne would be secure in her tower penthouse suite. But to be doubly sure, he left a female guard on her locked door.

Now this is when Anne's luck changed for the better. As she heard Igor's car crunching out of the driveway, she ran to the door and talked to the guard who was none other than her very best friend before she had been locked up. (Igor was a little dense at times in keeping with his lack of everything else, so you have to expect him to fuck up and assign one of Anne's friends to guard her.)

"Peggy, can you get me out of here?"

"Sorry, Anne, but I don't have a key to this door."

"Can you do me a favor then?"


"Get me a vibrating dildo so I can have some fun while Igor is away."

"Anne, it could be my head if he finds out that I gave it to you."

"How is he going to find out? I'm surely not going to tell him and I trust that you won't either."

"OK, I go off shift in an hour. Give me another hour to get the dildo and distract the next guard long enough to slip it into your food slot."

"Deal! Thanks, Peggy. I owe you one."

"You already owe me about five dozen, but who's counting?"

The next two hours seemed like an eternity to Anne as she waited for Peggy to bring her the instrument of relief. Anne spent the time brushing her long golden locks that fell from the top of her head to the floor when she sat down. Just as she finished her two-hour hair brushing, Anne heard a commotion at the door. It sounded as if there was a child making noise in the hallway and she heard the guard running down the hallway.

"Come back here you little bastards! Give me back my book!" The guard had been reading illicit sexy stories while sitting outside Anne's door fingering her bushy cunt with her panties lying on the floor beside her chair. "Give me back my panties!"

Suddenly, as the guard's footsteps faded in the distance, there was a dildo and a key shoved through the opening at the bottom of the door.

"Thanks, Peggy. What's the key for?"

"I heard that there is a way out of the penthouse through a locked secret passage. I couldn't get the key for the front door, but maybe you can find the right keyhole to fit that key into."

"God, I wish it were a good long, thick, hard cock instead of a key."

"Anne, Sir Edwin is trying to find that passage from this side."

"Oh, yummy. I'd love to fuck Edwin, beautiful Edwin of the eight inch cock."

"How do you know how long his cock is?"

"He told me."

"Well, from personal experience you can cut that figure in half and you might come close to the true size. Men tend to overestimate the length of their dicks just to impress us women."

"Even four inches is better than Igor's little pimple of a cock."

"Yeah, your husband once came on to me and I almost laughed when I saw how teeny his weeny is."

"Igor fucked you?"

"Nah, he had me suck the pus out of that pimple he calls a cock. I had no choice. He was going to tell my boyfriend I had fucked him if I didn't suck him off. You know how attached I am to Ralph. I couldn't afford to have Igor tell any lies about me."

"Ok, no loss."

"You're not angry?"

"No, Peggy, how can I be angry over a cock that small? You'd better leave now before the guard gets back."

"It'll be awhile. I got two of the boys around here to lead her through the castle. She won't turn them in because reading smut and playing with your pussy while on guard is not allowed and she would be punished if she complained about her panties and book being stolen. Still, it'd be better for me not to be around when she gets back. See you later."

"Ok. See you later." Anne retreated from the door and took the dildo out of its velveteen bag. It was a good eight inches long and curved slightly. The outer material actually felt like what Anne imagined a cock, other than Igor's would feel like when erect.

Anne slowly eased the dildo into her pussy and turned on the switch to the low position. "Arrrrrrrgghhhh. Oh, fuck! Ooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Edwin shove that dick into my pussy! Fuck me, my love, fuck my cunt raw." Slowly she twisted the switch to the high position and experienced her first orgasm in a long time. Anne was no virgin--she was after all married--but she hadn't felt a cock--even Igor's pimple--in her pussy in a long time and she was as tight as a very shy virgin as she worked the dildo in and out of her now dripping cunt, making sure to hit her clit every couple of strokes. As she thrust the dildo in and out, her other hand went to her lovely 36C breasts and tweaked and pulled the nipples until they stood up begging to be sucked. Anne soon felt another orgasm approaching and was moaning loudly when she heard a voice ask "Does that really feel better than a man doing it?"

"Edwin! How did you get here?" She ran into his strong masculine arms and pressed her hot body against him.

"Through the secret passageway, silly one. It took me a while to find it. That is why they call it a secret passageway." Edwin's hands replaced Anne's on her breasts and once again her moans filled the penthouse suite.

Soon, discretion forced them to withdraw to the bedroom where Edwin showed Anne the secret passageway before ripping the remaining clothes off her body and throwing her to the bed. His face immediately dove between her lovely long legs with their firm, youthful thighs. She hadn't been allowed a razor to keep her bush trimmed so there was an abundance of golden hair--yes, she was a true blonde, but not a dumb one, if that's what you are thinking. Edwin's tongue parted the hairs and forced its way into the opening created by her outer lips.

"Oh, Edwin, you don't know how much I have dreamt of having you eat my pussy. Take your pants off and let me see your cock. I want to suck on a real cock for a change."

Edwin lifted himself up from his chore of lapping at the portal of her womanhood and pulled his pants and underwear down in a single move. His cock wasn't eight inches long, it was ten inches long and about six inches in circumference. Anne gasped at the size and bent her head to lick the pre-cum dripping from the slit on the end. After she had laved his cock head, she engulfed it with her hot mouth. Now it was Edwin's turn to moan his appreciation of her skills.

"God help me, Edwin, but I have to have that beautiful piece of meat inside my cunt right now."

"Your wish is my command, madam." Edwin positioned his throbbing cock in the middle of the cunt hairs and pushed down. Anne pushed up at the same time and was rewarded by the head of his man meat pushing past her inner lips. She could feel every vein on his prick as they pulsed and throbbed with his excitement.

For Edwin the entrance into Anne's clutching love box was slow and almost painful. He allowed time for her to adjust to his thickness and despite her abundant lubrication it took almost five minutes for him to bottom out.

"Oh, my lover, I have never felt so stuffed in my life. It feels so good, so much better than my dildoes ever did."

"I'm glad you like my cock, my dearest princess."

"Ugh! Did you have to remind me that I am married to the prince? Now fuck the daylights out of me before I go crazy."

Edwin slowly started thrusting into her lovely, tight pussy feeling the ripples her cunt walls made around his cock. Slowly at first and then faster and faster, until they were both panting from the exertion, his cock pushed its way all the way to the bottom of her cunt. He could feel her body begin to tense in anticipation of its orgasm and knew that his was almost as close as hers.

With a few more hard, deep thrusts into regions no cock had ever explored before, Edwin sent Anne over the edge and she muffled her screams of joy by locking her lips around his in a passionate kiss. Her tremors signaled defeat for Edwin's efforts to prolong his sweet agony and he shot stream after stream of hot, potent sperm deep into her receptive womb.

"Are you on the pill, my lovely Anne?"

"No, but what a time to ask, dearest Edwin. Didn't you think to bring condoms with you?"

"Hell, no! Condoms are for wimps."

"Yes, but wimps do not get the chance to make their princess pregnant with their children."

"Oh, gee, when was your last period?"

"About two weeks ago."

"So you could get pregnant?"

"Very easily."


"Good? What do you mean good? The prince will have your head if I get pregnant and he finds out you are the father. He hasn't fucked me in almost a year."

"He hasn't? There goes my plan to pin any baby on him."

"No, Edwin, Igor can't fuck with a dick as small as his dick is. All I can do is suck the juice from the end of it. Except for his teeny balls hanging down between his legs, he could be a woman and I could be sucking his clit instead of his cock. You are the first man to ever make love to me."

"But, I didn't take your virginity."

"Yes you did. My hymen was broken by one of my dildoes before I was locked up in this tower penthouse. You are the only man that has ever fucked my cunt and Peggy knows you were trying to find a way in here."

"Well, I can tell her that I couldn't find the passageway."

"Too late."

"What do you mean?"

"Look." Peggy was standing in the doorway with Sir Ralph and they were both as naked as the day they were born. Ralph was sporting an impressive erection of his own and the gleam on Peggy's thighs told volumes about how aroused she was.

"Edwin didn't lock the door so we thought we'd drop in."

"Did you lock the door?"

"Yes, Anne. Ralph and I locked both doors to the secret passageway."

"Seems that it isn't so secret anymore."

"I guess you're right. Mind if Ralph and I join you two on the bed?"

"No, come on. Edwin, make some room for our friends and partners in crime." As Edwin moved over, Peggy and Ralph joined them on the bed and the four of them started loving their respective partners once again.

Prince Igor never found out about the secret passageway, nor did he find out who had made Anne pregnant until the baby was born and was the spitting image of handsome, virile Sir Edwin. This caused no little trouble until the king stepped in to solve the problem. Igor was banished from the realm, Anne's marriage was annulled, and Sir Edwin became Prince Edwin.

And of course, everybody--except Igor--lived happily ever after despite the two AM feedings and diaper changes.

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