One Bad Year

The counsellor noticed we were sitting together, hand in hand as we spoke and told us that it was nice that for once she had a couple who both wanted their marriage to work and were equally committed to resolving their issues.

We had sessions together and individually. I had the most individual sessions because I had the most issues to resolve. The marriage counsellor asked me some probing and intimate questions and helped me realise that I did, in reality, love Ingrid but the feeling of being wronged was making me repress it and unable to express it. To help us the counsellor gave us some trust exercises to do at home and I was relieved to see Ingrid participate enthusiastically.

The counsellor also helped Ingrid to overcome her shame and guilt telling her that short term is perfectly ok but if she kept feeling that way it would become destructive because she would end up resenting me for it. That put the ball in my court and I tearfully told her that I forgave her. I have to say that blew my mind. I felt a load off my shoulders and I just wrapped my arms instinctively around Ingrid and we both sobbed into each other. The counsellor shed a tear as well as she could see that one act of forgiveness made an enormous leap in our progress and made our relationship stronger. Ingrid told me that her pride in me in recognising and changing my behaviour gave her a newfound love for me and she had felt she had in her mind that she had already forgiven me but she said it out loud to reenforce her point.

My trust in Ingrid grew as we progressed and her phone became a symbol of it all. I began checking her phone daily whenever I saw it without asking then I started to ask permission. That was important to Ingrid. It showed I respected her privacy and trusted her. After a couple of days of not checking she asked me to check it. As I reached out to take it, I couldn't do it

As we progressed through our counselling journey, we did hit two stumbling blocks. Before each session, the counsellor would ask us if we had anything we would like to say. There was something that did nag me though, something that she when we talked after having sex,

"Ingrid, you told me that when you talked to Will about me you said you talked about putting your dreams on hold while I mine were. What did you mean by that?"

Ingrid took her hand out of mine and looked away guiltily from me, "You know I love all things Italian. Well, I always wanted to live in Italy. Not forever, just for maybe a year. The truth is that when I told you I was working late, I wasn't just with Will. I was having Italian lessons. I really wanted to make my dream a reality. If I had ever left you, it wouldn't have been for Will but to go to live in Italy. I was making plans to do so. My company has an office there and I was thinking of getting a transfer."

I put my head in my hands, this was all news to me.

"How does that make you feel, Jack?" the counsellor asked me.

"Is learning Italian and living in Italy important to you?" I asked Ingrid.

"Yes it is, it is the one thing I want most other than having children."

I stood up and paced around the office. I felt shut out. She had a dream but she never confided in me, made me part of it. Ingrid could see I was upset.

I took a deep breath, "That hurts, Ingrid. You never told me this, not from the first moment we met," tears welled up in my eyes. "I think this hurts more than your cheating. There was something important you wanted to do but you never told me."

"Ingrid, do you understand why Jack is upset?" the counsellor asked.

She nodded, tears streaming down her face, and took my hand again, looking me in the eye, "I'm so sorry, Jack. I worked so hard to get your trust back and I've blown it again."

"In your dreams, where did I fit in?"

"If I had left you not at all but before we were having problems, you were there with me. One of the reasons I was happy for you to quit your job and focus on your blog was that I thought I could make my dream a reality then you stopped pursuing your dream."

"But when were you planning to tell me?"

"I don't know, Jack. I suppose I never really thought it would happen. It was just a dream and when we started having problems, I thought I wouldn't have anything to lose."

"Do you still want to move to Italy? Would you want me there too?"

"Of course! I love you! I want you to be where I am. I love coming home to you every night and to watch you cook and eat your meals before snuggling up with you on the sofa in front of the tv. You make me feel safe and bring me more happiness than I could ever wish for."

I took a deep breath, "Ingrid, you helped me make my dreams come true and your dreams are important to me too so if living in Italy for a year or two is important to you then I think we should do it but please never keep your dreams from me again."

Ingrid looked at me in disbelief with her hand over her mouth, "Oh my god!" she muttered before screaming, "OH MY GOD!" and she literally jumped on top of me and we began making out.

Our counsellor made a little cough and said, "Excuse me," and we remembered where we were. Ingrid got off me and we looked like two embarrassed teenagers caught in the act. "I normally don't like screaming during my sessions but I think I will allow it this time. Thank you for making me smile. That was very impressive, Jack. It is rare I get to see so much happiness."

"I am so grateful," Ingrid told me excitedly with tears of joy. "I love you so much, Jack."

When we got home, we finally made love. I resisted a little but Ingrid was determined to show how grateful she was. It was slow and intense but most of all loving. There were no explosive orgasms or kinks. Just slow and vanilla lovemaking. It was an expression of our love for each other and at the end I was finally able to say those words Ingrid was desperate to hear, "I love you."

The next stumbling block was easier to overcome. Ingrid out of the blue became distant again. Of course, the worst went through my head. She was cheating again, wasn't she? I thought we were over this. After two weeks of this, I confronted her,

"Ingrid, we need to talk," I demanded through the bathroom door.

"One moment, Jack. I need to talk to you too," she called from the bathroom. Her nervous voice confused me.

She slowly came out of the bathroom. She looked pale and ill.

"Are you ok?" I asked with concerned

"Yes, I'm fine. More than fine," she replied with a weak smile.

"You don't look it."

"That's because I've just been sick."

"Sick! You should see a-" I stopped when she put a finger to my lips.

"I think I'm pregnant," she told me and I just looked at her dumbfounded. "That is why I haven't been myself recently. I had a suspicion I was pregnant and when my period was late, I was sure. I think I have morning sickness which pretty much confirms it."

"How? And it isn't morning." I stupidly asked.

"You were there so you should know. This is what happens when you punish me," she smiled weakly, trying to make a joke, "and morning sickness can happen any time of the day."

At that moment she looked small and frail. I felt a natural urge to protect her. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight, "I'm sorry," was all I could say.

"Sorry? For what? Aren't you pleased?" she asked worriedly.

"It's just the way it happened. Of course, I'm pleased. I love you," I told her incoherently. I was feeling completely bewildered. I was going to ask what she was hiding and it turned out she was pregnant. I felt ridiculous, stupid, and ashamed for doubting her.

"We'll get a paternity test," she told me, looking at me with certainty in the eye, mistaking bewilderment for doubt. "I promise you this baby is yours; I haven't slept with anyone but you since you first asked me if I would be the sugar in your coffee which is a hell of a pick up line especially when you're sober and in the office."

"I didn't ask you that! I asked you if you took sugar in your coffee and I got into a lot of trouble for that lie because someone reported it to HR."

"You did say it."

"I didn't!"

You di-" I stopped that argument by kissing her deeply. I could taste the sick in her mouth but I didn't care. I just needed to kiss her. The subsequent pregnancy test just confirmed what we both already knew.

"Well, that is a turn up for the books," our marriage counsellor said with a smile. "Congratulations! I'm glad for once the baby is the husbands. It happens more often than you think."

"We're going to have a paternity test," Ingrid announced unnecessarily.

"Ingrid, we don't have to. I know the baby is mine," I protested.

"No, I don't want any more doubt in our marriage," she took my hand into her lap and held it there in case someone would try to take me away from her. "I know better than anyone who I have slept with and for the last eight years only, Jack, is that person and the sex with him is the best I ever had."

"What about your dream, Ingrid," the marriage counsellor asked. "Didn't you want to live in Italy."

"It will have to remain a dream. I have a better dream here," Ingrid smiled wistfully tapping her stomach and giving my hand a kiss.

"Why?" I asked. "We can still go. We just have to put it off a little until the baby is born."

"Do you mean that?" Ingrid asked hopefully, to which I nodded.

"Of course, it's your dream," I told her with a kiss.

Ingrid insisted we went ahead with the paternity test and it was what we all knew; I was the baby's father but I still felt awful with how the baby was conceived.

Ingrid told me, "Let's put the past behind us. It was one bad year and we have so many plans for the future."

In hindsight, she was right about the paternity test. Not that it removed any doubt because there never was doubt to be removed but it kind of gave us some sort of validation of the trust between us and meant we could move on.

After all we went through it felt like our marriage was now stronger. Did the outcome mean I was happy Ingrid that cheated? No, of course not. Was I proud of my role in our problems? Absolutely not. Did I wish none of it had happened? Definitely. But saying all that, we were going to be a family, we had plans we never had before and we both lived for each other.

Ingrid got hauled into HR and got a severe dressing down for the previous months' dramas and given a verbal warning. She asked them not to punish Will. She also told them about her pregnancy and had to reassure them that the baby wasn't Will's. I think the fact that there was no sexual interaction between her and Will, her contrition, her promise not to cause any more problems and her pregnancy saved her from greater punishment but it did hurt her career in the company.

However, her pregnancy changed her outlook on life. Home was the place she wanted to be most and her focus was now her family so the decreased workload and hours suited her.

I made the decision to take the exams to allow me to sell financial advice. I wanted to be able to offer affordable financial advice to small businesses. I decided that with the popularity of my blog and videos, I could make a lot of money and we needed it to move to Italy.

Ingrid gave birth to a beautiful baby girl we named Giulia. What can I say, Ingrid loves all things Italian. We ended up living three memorable years in Italy after Ingrid returned from her year long maternity leave and got a transfer to her Milan office.

Working from home was fantastic. I could spend lots of time with Giulia and my work never suffered because I could work anywhere. It just meant I had to work a little after everyone had gone to bed.

We returned home so Giulia could start school and Ingrid was also pregnant again with a boy we named Marco, again Ingrid loves all things Italian. We decided we wanted our children to go to school in England and Ingrid told me that the reality of living in Italy was greater than her dream ever was but she was ready to return home.

Ingrid became dissatisfied with her career and said she said she needed a change. I suggested that she could work for me with my growing financial advice business. She could work part-time at first doing the accounts and even write some blog posts for me. She was more than qualified and she would be out of the stress of the rat race.

In the end, she didn't work full-time until Marco started secondary school. Ingrid became unrecognisable from the woman I married but in a good way. The independent, sexy career-woman I first fell in love with was now a home loving mother. She was now happier and more contented with life. I think living in Italy allowed her to feel more complete and she was now ready to settle down. We were now a complete family and my love for Ingrid had never been greater and hers for me.

We never talked about that year again. It was too painful and as she said it was just one bad year in many good ones so it wasn't worth remembering.