All Comments on 'One Night, in a Motel'

Mind-numbingly bad, ridiculous, no credibility whatsoever and not even the slightest bit sexy.

Five stars.

Let the fireworks begin.

Ridiculous story. Are we expected to believe that he couldn't tell the difference between his wife who's had two children and his virgin daughter?

"You popped my cherry, Daddy." How utterly stupid.

fucking hot

I enjoyed it…. Ignore the anonymous asses. It’s a fantasy, so it doesn’t have to be perfect. One can assume that the daughter and mother are very similar in size, shoe, etc. And the dominant bedroom play explains the resistance. So it’s passable…

I would like to have seen the story continued, as I did feel that there was much more that could have been developed from the story line. I would have wrapped up the road trip in this first installment, then picked up back at home. I’d left the low sperm count pat out too.

In the next story, I would have them continue back at home, and had her turn up pregnant, after continuing to fuck regularly all summer. She could have gotten pregnant their first time, as she was a virgin, and didn’t have any need for birth control yet. This would also have given good basis for her deciding to stay home and attend community college. They could use a drunk anonymous fuck at a graduation party as an excuse…. Something along the lines that she had been a “good girl” all through high school and wanted to let loose for once? The story could continue with them continuing to fuck whenever they could, and mother happily helping raise the baby. (Eliminating the low sperm count could allow you to inject the mother having had problems conceiving, , but wanting lots of kids, and explaining why only two kids so far apart. Also gives credence to mom being okay with baby.). Daughter goes on birth control after the baby is born to prevent another baby until she gets through college. Somewhere in the next year of college, daughter confesses truth about baby to mother, and instead of being mad, she says she had her suspicions, and they work out an agreement to share the daddy…. Next part of the story could have the daughter graduating community college and having maintained her high grades, getting a scholarship to a nearby university. They decide that the baby will stay home and mother takes over during the week, while the daughter comes home every weekend. And because daughter is missing he daddy so much, it comes to pass that the mother and daughter actually start sharing the dad together in the same bed, and also engaging in some mother daughter incest.

That would also allow a chapter or so about daughter possibly developing a lesbian relationship with her roommate in the dorm at school. And perhaps another about her bringing the roommate home on a weekend and her winding up joining her parents in bed too.. you could possibly continue a chapter with the roommate coming home with daughter to speed summer break before thei senior year, resulting in lots of hot sex and combinations.

You could wrap things up senior year going two different ways possibly? Daughter falls in love with roommate, but still loves only one man, her daddy. Roommate falls in love with daddy/family too. And the daughter and roommate get engaged, and marry after graduation, staying with parents or close by…. Or, you could go a different route and possibly have mother suddenly become sick the end on summer, only to discover that she has advanced cancer or something, and not long to live. Mother lives long enough to see daughter graduate, and roommate winds up marrying dad afterwards, since daughter couldn’t legally. But all three are a big family and continue to live together, making more babies.

Either way, you could have a Christmas senior year chapter where daughter decides to go off birth control after thanksgiving, and spend Christmas break trying to get pregnant. Roommate joins in and they both get pregnant together by daddy, and babies born after graduation. If you went the mother dies route, you could have her ask the girls to continue to take care of the dad after she’s gone and them agreeing, and deciding to give her a chance to experience them getting and being pregnant in her last days. Then maybe she could hang on long enough to see the girls graduate and give birth before she passes?

Just some ideas or thoughts. Keep in mind that I do have a pregnancy fetish too. LOL

TO: RiverMaya, 5 Stars!? That is so cool! 'I' gave it 5 Stars too! :)

TO: Anon - "Ridiculous story." Yes, dipshit. You ARE supposed to believe it. This story has been out for 8 hours and already has 13 Favorites from people who ACTUALLY enjoy erotica. While "Bittersweet," which is one of my favorites, has been out for a week and has 19. That's how good this story is. And only shows how pathetically irrelevant you are.

God bless.

TO: Anon - "Mind-numbingly bad, ridiculous, no credibility whatsoever and not even the slightest bit sexy."

"Sighs" You know? Some day, God willing very soon, you're going to pull your dumb ass out of that chair. Crawl up the stairs from your mother's basement. And go to the Doctor for that Penal engorgement procedure to fix that Micro-penis condition of yours. And not long after that, please - God - not long after that, you'll find a woman that is willing to -fuck- you. And you will FINALLY know what pussy feels like. And - on - that - day! God in Heaven! Will send his host to sing, "Hozannah! This is the day of the Douche!!!" And your opinion will finally MATTER!!!

But alas...

Today is NOT that day.

As a graduation present he should give her a baby bump.

Hot as they cummmmm.

david.dunlop@mailfence.com

"I slipped my middle finger all the way into her ..." then later, he "popped her cherry." Sounds like this author completely failed biology, or maybe HaydenDLinder is the only real virgin involved in this bullshit, totally unbelievable and anatomically incorrect story.

TO: Anon, "Sounds like this author completely failed biology,"

HOLY SHIT! I FINALLY get to say this! :) There is NO such thing as Hyman! It's a total fucking myth! It's just the flesh surrounding her vaginal channel that gets pushed out of the way and tends to bleed when being penetrated in the beginning. So, FUCK YOU!.. BTW you made me very happy here. :)

TO: Anon, "Hot as they cummmmm."

TO: Dunkirk,

TO: Anon, "fucking hot"

I am VERY happy you folks enjoyed this. Thank you so much for the support. :)

And TO: collin4xxx, Dude? I'm glad you enjoyed the story. But why don't you write the next one? You've already posted the storyboard for it and that's the hardest part. The details take time but their not hard. PLUS, that story sounds hot as fuck!

Let me know if I can help BUT it sounds like you already have it under control. Just do it, man. :)

That was a fun story.

I LOVE the way you write. It is hot and dirty and erotic and now I am going back and reading all your other stories.

I don't know what it is with some people. This is fiction and erotica and it is HOT. And some people don't know as much about anatomy as they think...ehh anonymous?? You can put a finger in your vagina and not "break" your hymen. Seriously go read up.....

garbage...one star

Good story Hayden. Ignore the trolls. 5*

TO: ameliaplaying, Thank you so much. I am very happy you enjoyed it. Now, I tend to be a bit egotistical about my writing but I think you will enjoy the vast majority of the rest of my library as well.

As for the Trolls from the LovingWives category, Forget about em. They followed me over here because they are just sure they can actually have an effect on something.

Also, you ever notice how the dumbest son of a bitch in the room always thinks he's a genius? Trolls are that guy.

Hey Gordo12, Something told me you'd like this one. :) Thank you for the 5 but... You know I CAN'T ignore the Trolls... I can't help it Gordo... Kicken em in the face is just... Oooooo soooo goood. Sure. Sure. You can say a better man wouldn't kick the poor defensles little Trolls. But we both know I - AM - NOT a better man! :)

TO: Anon, "garbage...one star"

Well, yeah. But you only think that because your fucking moron.

MIKEY! How you doin man? I know this is a loaded question but how'd you like the sequel to "My best friends girl?"

Also, I'm glad you enjoyed this one and I should have another one dropping in about a week. It just has to clear the Mods.

5 *

Well told. Loved it.

Thumbs up I really liked this one thank you for sharing! Keep kicking!

TO: Monagamous_Now, I was just thinking I hadn't heard form you in a while. How you holding up?

I'm glad you enjoyed the story. Thank you for the support and for the 5. :)

*

TO: brownlab, I am very happy you enjoyed it. As for, "Keep kicking!" It is what I live for. :)

This was hot! For the trolls....Plausibility (believable) - the mark of a good fantasy (it IS...fantasy...isnt it (don't answer that)...lmao). How can it not get a 5??

To: orater1, " How can it not get a 5??"

I know! Right!? ;)

Loved it!!!

Thank you! :) I had a lot of fun writing it.