All Comments on 'One Piece at a Time'

It is a feel good love story. (Thank You) for a delightful read.

Well written story that made me feel good. Thanks.....

written and its nice to read a short story that says everything it needs to and ends happily too. thanks

I'm still trying to figure out why she left him at the altar the first time?????? I still gave it Five Stars!

Loss, love, redemption, salvation--it's their story and all our stories. Total feel good. I really like the characters, although Rick is almost too good to be true.

Now for my quibbles:

The parishioners were milling about, talking, singing, greeting one another.: Interesting church y’all have there. We’re more formal at our church, so this threw me more than once in the story. Do people sing, pray and talk all at once all through the service in your church? Isn’t that a wee bit distracting?

help me win forgiveness. : Wasn’t forgiveness won for you at the Place of a Skull on the first Good Friday? But of course the lady’s emotions are doing the talking.

"I have. About fifty pounds so far.": Fifty pounds in one year? I’m sure it can be done, but does this girl have an eating disorder? And was she channeling the Goodyear blimp when she left him at the altar a year ago? She jilts her boyfriend and loses fifty pounds in a year; hardly normal behavior.

Her head turned on it's own accord: No, her head turned of its own accord. Possessive adjective, and the idiom is “of its own accord,” or “on its own”.

Pam however, stood : Either “Pam, however, stood” because “however” is in apposition to “Pam stood”, or better still, just kill “however” and let Pam stand.

If He is willing to do that, what else will He do: What else did He have to do or does He have to do? He did it all. Your turn now. All you have to do is accept Him as your Lord and Saviour; He’ll take care of the rest (of course He will whether you accept Him or not, but it’s more fun if you accept him).

He took off to the back of the sanctuary reading to shake hands with everyone as they left.: Your pastor is a trifle abrupt, isn’t he? “He took off” sounds like he made a mad dash, as if trying to catch a bus. And was he reading while shaking hands? No eye contact? That’s very rude. How about this? “He walked to the back of the sanctuary, shaking hands with everyone as they left.”

a years worth of hurt and longing.: No, a year’s worth of hurt and longing. Apostrophe denotes possession. The worth belongs to the year. “Years worth” is more than one year, plural.

church work and real work: No! Church work is real work, or if it isn’t, change your church from within or find another church and change from without. Try this: between “church work and her job”

Kelly didn't have much time for alone time.: Wasted words. Try this “Kelly didn't have much alone time.”

Kelly sort of felt like they should wait.: “Sort of” is a pet peeve of mine; it’s the evasion of a lazy or unimaginative writer. Did Kelly feel they should wait? Sometimes yes, sometimes no? Try this: “Kelly thought they should wait, sometimes…”

his tongue snuck between the seam: No, it sneaked between the seam.

quit swat on the behind: Exactly what is a “quit” swat? Do you mean quick?

After dinner, they decided to not watch a movie.: No, clumsy. “After dinner, they decided not to watch a movie.” You can split some infinitives, but not with a negative like “not”.

neighbors dogs” No, possessive adjective needs apostrophe. “neighbors’ dogs”.

was that he had bought a ring. A new ring, full of new promise.: The man is a bleedin’ saint, so he is! If it had been me, the only ring I’d give her would be mine to kiss.

he'd actually even talked to Pastor Dave about the situation.: Actually even?? What do you suppose the man is there for? To shake hands while reading? Why are you surprised, do you not talk to your priest or minister or pastor or whatever about something more important than who’ll make it to the Sweet Sixteen?

had chopped away at his confidence with one move: She had also publicly humiliated him in front of the people who were dearest to him, stolen the ring he gave her, and behaved like an untrustworthy, wholly honorless brat. She should be prostrate at his feet, washing them with her tears.

She made a promise inside herself right then, that no matter what, she would never hurt this man again.: Right then? Was she uncertain until then? What made her change what passes for her mind then? How about a promise outside herself, if she is capable of thinking of anything or anyone outside herself. How about this: “Unable to bear his stillness any longer, she stood and said, “Before the God I adore and the man I Iove, I promise I will never hurt you again or fail to honor you, not as you deserve because I’m not good enough, but as far as my heart and strength will take me as long as I live.”

she sat her iced tea on the table: No, she set her iced tea on the table.

last couple inches: No, last couple of inches. Partitive genitive. That inch or two out of all the inches that ever were or will be.

musky hue: “hue” is shade of color. You could try “musky scent”, but that’s a cliché. How about this “the feral, animal aroma of her aroused womanhood”.

She supposed she had God to thank for that.: And for everything else. This woman is none too swift, is she?

thunder started rumbling in the distance.: Cliché. Try this: “and the summer thunder beat on the hot still air.”

"I am going in this house. I am getting naked and laying on that bed. I plan to have sex in a few minutes, and I hope you're there for it.": Wonderful! Great! Bravo! That’s the way to do it!

and laid on her back: No, she lay on her back. Use the Resources link and read one of the excellent essays on grammar.

He knew was she was wet; he'd figured that out in the car.: Permit me to congratulate him on his perspicacity. An undoubted coruscation of ratiocination by Captain Obvious. Now get rid of the first “was”, an obvious mistake, and forget what he figured out in the car.

to consummated: No, to consummate.

stood his cock to where she needed it: Try “moved his cock to where she needed it.”

head bumping against her womb: No, might be bumping her cervix and that, I am told by those who possess such an article, hurts. So leave her womb to her gynecologist.

Great story!

Kelly was pregnant by another man. She ran away from the wedding because she cheated on Rick. She came back after having the baby to pick up where she left off. Sadly Rick is none the wiser. So that is why she lost 50 lbs. She was pregnant at the wedding, and was already overweight. When she had the baby 4 months later, she lost more weight so she could entice Rick back. She really isn't as Godly as she appears. Once a cheater always a cheater....

Critiquing the critique. “estragon” ripped this story apart just about every way possible, and yet it still scored higher than anything he’s ever posted. I think that’s interesting.