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"We will answer the 'how long' portion in counseling, starting Wednesday night. We will do 12 sessions and the first is a solo for you. I will join the following week."

I could hear her crying and sniffling over the phone, and I started to tear up.

I wasn't sure I was going to be able to go through with this.

"Which option would you like Kari?"

"Option 2, please." she squeaked out

"Kari, you have to understand that you will not be able to see your boyfriend at all during the time I'm in your house. If I even hear that you thought about it, I will choose option 1 for you. We are going to be functional roommates. I want nothing to do with you. But JT needs me ... and I need him."

"Do you understand?"

Silence. Sniffling.

"I need to hear you say it!" I stated firmly

"I understand." she sobbed

Kari's house:

I arrive at Kari's house about 40 minutes later. She met me at the door and exchanged pleasantries. It was obvious that she had been crying. She stepped up to me, and tentatively gave me a hug. I didn't reciprocate. When she stepped back, I took my duffle downstairs where I saw that she had placed a couple of extra pillows and blankets on the couch. It had a fresh sheet stretched out on top of the cushions.

As I topped the stairs, JT ran full force into me screaming ... "Dadddy!"

I dropped and hugged him tight and told him I loved and missed him.

I went up to our old bedroom and collected some more clothes and lugged them downstairs as Kari finished dinner. I came back up to find the table was set and ready. Dinner was quiet except for JT rattling off everything I missed in the last week.

Wednesday: Session 1 (Kari)

Kari and I were cordial for the first couple of days. No big blow ups, just a bunch of I love you's and please forgive me pleas.

I never responded directly.

I gave her the address and she took off to see the counselor as I watched JT that night. Little over an hour later she came back to the house. Her eyes were red, and her beautiful face was stained with running make-up.

It tore me up, I loved her so much and missed her tight little body in my arms and in my bed, but I knew I couldn't give in.

She came and sat down in the living room near me and spoke:

"Mrs. Watson mentioned that you have a list of questions for me next session."

"That's correct, will that be a problem?"

"No, but can you tell me what questions you have?" ... "You can ask them now if you want ... I'll be honest."

"I'm sure you can guess." I said, I could tell she didn't like my answer.

"Ok, please don't forget that you once loved me." she whispered

"I wouldn't be here if I didn't still Kari!" ... "But you broke my trust ... that's one thing I'm not sure we can get back.

"JT and I ate earlier ... if you want, you can warm something up." I told her

"No, thanks, I don't have an appetite." she stated as she got up and went to her room.

The rest of the week was more of the same. Quiet. We just stumbled through our days and nights.

No one was speaking, and there was still a lot of sadness and tears

I had my phone interview and was asked if I could fly down for in-person interview in a couple of weeks and I said yes. Their assistant called me and we started making the plans, we were going to try to make it a one-day operation.

Week 3:

The first part of the week was uneventful.

More silence.

I prepped for the joint session and reviewed my questions and the events up to this point. I was having a really hard time understanding where we had gone wrong. I couldn't pinpoint anything in our relationship that pointed to this kind of an end. I like to think of myself as an observant guy, I try not to let too much pass me by, but I was completely stumped.

This obviously had to be a huge part of our session on Wednesday.

Wednesday: Session 2 (both of us)

We contacted Kari's mom to watch JT and asked her to keep him overnight and get him to pre-school.

Kari had told her everything, so she was very sympathetic and happy we were seeking help.

We both had a feeling this was going to be a long and rough night.

"Ok, Dean, you said you had some questions for Kari? ... The floor is yours." Mrs. Watson announced to us both. "Just remember to be civil and that you are both here because you love each other."

"Yes ma'am." I stated as I bore holes through Kari sitting across from me.

"I want short and precise answers. I don't need you to go into details ... and if you lie to me, I'll divorce your ass first thing in the morning ... ready?" I asked. You could tell she was nervous and fidgeting in her seat.

"Yes."

"Do you love me?"

"Yes, very much!"

"Short answers please." I stated feeling myself sliding back into my cop interviewing days and she could sense it. My stare was blank, and my tone was flat. I worked hard to keep my emotions out of my voice.

"Do you love him?"

"No."

"What did he give you that I failed to supply?" this question stunned her, you could tell, and she started to sweat. I knew better than to just ask 'Why', this deep of a psychological question can't be answered like that. She would be all over the place and her answer would be complex and leave us both confused. I knew from interviewing classes to lead her on a little, pull the statement out of her a little bit at a time and she won't even know she's being truthful and telling me the whole story until it's too late.

I don't think she expected this line of questioning.

"I ... uh ... you have given me everything I have ever needed ... he didn't compare to you." she answered.

"That can't be true. If it were, you would had never felt the need to find whatever it was from another man." I said flatly.

"Please don't be mad, but ..." she trailed off

"I'm not mad Kari ... I'm pissed off! Hurt, and greatly disappointed in you ... but, .... Please ... go on." My sarcasm seeped into my voice.

"It ... It's just that we fell into a rut. It was exciting to be wanted again ... I ... I guess ... and he chased me ... did his best to seduce me."

It was my turn to sit stunned for a minute. I've always believed it was the man's role to lead the family. That meant meeting the entire family's needs. It never occurred to me that Kari needed to be chased.

Seduced by me.

I thought that just telling her I loved her was enough. But I guess I left a gate open and a coyote got into the yard. I wasn't really mad at either of them, I felt it was my responsibility to make sure she was happy, but I still had a great sense of loss and anger over the situation.

I made some quick notes in my pocket notebook, a habit I picked up as a police officer, this was something I needed to reflect on and come back to.

"So, I don't want you? ... Is that what YOU think?" coming out a little louder than I intended.

"Your life is so boring? Having a faithful husband and a little boy who loves his mommy ... isn't enough?" I could feel the anger building in myself, and I was casting it in her direction and decided to change direction a little bit.

"Who is this 'Loverboy' who excited you much more than your husband could?" I'm sure she knew this question was coming but it appeared to still take her back a little. Maybe it was my aggressive posture, back straight, hands up by my chest and even though I was still sitting, my left foot was leading my approach and my right shoulder tilted back a little.

"I ... um ... Dean ..." she stuttered about a little like she was stalling trying to absorb my comments and formulate an answer. "I know you love me." She said looking at the floor, not able to look at me.

"He's a part-time instructor at the Yoga Spot, and he flirted with us all and made us feel special. He found he could prey on women who had been married for a while ... I guess because ... he has figured out that no relationship is perfect."

"He was simply different. He added a spark, he flirted and made me feel like I was wanted again." she paused, and I started to breathe heavy again.

"He wasn't 'bigger' or 'better' than you. In fact, he could never hold candle to you. He isn't half the man you are baby.

"I wasn't the only one who fell into his trap."

"So that makes it ok?" I started, "Since you weren't the only married woman he fucked, he must have been in heaven with so many of you willing to spread your legs for him!

"FUCK Kari! ... Some dude flirts a little and you drop to your knees? ... now what?" it was more of a rhetorical question and I didn't expect her to have an answer.

"When did he have time to seduce you?" I was starting to put a train of thought together. As a manager my shift didn't end at 4 like everyone else's, I still had daily production reports to complete, prep for the next day to oversee, so often I wasn't home till well after 5 or even 6, and then I was normally in bed by 9 since I got up at 3:30 to get ready for work, and was in the plant by 4 am. I could see how my schedule offered her a lot of free time, but I knew JT didn't leave till after 8 and was usually home by 3, so when did she have time? I figured it out.

"So, those Friday night classes ... they were with him, weren't they?"

"Yes." She whispered, barely audible.

"And those all-day Saturday workdays ... they were to make up for the time you were fucking him? ... and not higher case volumes?" I was struggling to keep my anger in check now.

"No! ... we would just have coffee sometimes." She didn't or couldn't look at me now, she could see that the pieces were starting to fall into place for me.

"Bullshit ... you telling me you didn't fuck? ... you just hung out?"

"Ahh ... umm ... sometimes." Her face was a deep crimson as she admitted her failings.

"You were allowing your slut time take time away from us Kari! Can't you see that? ... We were supposed to have long weekends together and you would rather play fuck-fuck games with someone else's tootsie-roll!" Again, these were more statements of fact than questions. I was starting to figure out that she was more of an accomplice than a victim here.

"How many times? ... How many times did he make you feel special and wanted?" I asked.

"I don't know ..." she started. I cut her off in mid-sentence.

"How many times did he fuck you?" I asked more pointedly.

"It was a total of three times and that was the only one at our house, I know that doesn't mean much. But I think it might mean something to you." She quickly replied, almost like it was rehearsed.

I stopped for a second, my heart raced.

I just stared at her; tears streamed down her face.

She started to say something, and I practically yelled "WAIT!"

I flipped through my notebook, I re-read my notes from my conversation with Frank, our neighbor.

"Bullshit!" It was a statement.

"What?" Kari asked, not sure what I meant.

"Want to try again?"

"What do you mean?" her eyes were enlarged, and pupils dilated. I think she knew she was caught.

"I spoke with the Johannsen's ... Frank said he remembers seeing that fuck's red Nissan multiple times ... so I know you were fucking him at your house ... a lot." I slipped back into cop mode.

"Want to try again?" I asked.

She just broke into tears and large sobs.

She couldn't respond to me even if she wanted to.

I looked at Mrs. Watson who was handing Kari a box of tissues. Her disappointment was written on her face. I think she was as stunned as Kari was at how much I knew.

Kari must not have been as honest with her as we had hoped.

"Guess we are done here." I stood and went to the door.

The last thing I heard was her sobbing even louder and more violently.

"Dean, wait!" Mrs. Watson called after me, but I was already bounding down the stairs. I drove but figured Kari could find her own slutty way back to her house.

I was in the Rav and gone before either could make it to the front door.

I was no longer sad; I now was pissed. Furious at my wife.

I found myself out in front of a local bar, a real meat market. I played with the idea of going in and finding the first available woman and even up the score. I'm no prize, just an average dude, but figured even I could get some hussy to let me do nasty things to her in a bar like this.

'Was I that desperate?'

'Would it make me feel better?'

Though I was beyond pissed at Kari, that would put the final nails in my marriage and make me as bad as she was. 'Was I really ready to do that to JT? But More importantly was I ready to do that to myself?

'I really need to figure out what I want.'

Instead I grabbed my tablet and headed into the 24-hour donut shop. Got a large coffee and sat up at one of the tables. I knew Jane posted all the instructors names, pictures, and bios on her Yoga Spot website. I pulled it up to get an idea of what Mr. 'I Fuck Better Than You' looked like. It wasn't hard to pick him out since he was the only dude on the site.

Eliott Watts. 'Fuck me.' Not Elliot or Elliott, but Eliott. It was even his bio that way. He had worked at many different yoga places in town and out of state. I knew from Kari's experience it wasn't unusual for a small shop to hire part-time instructors to make class availability more flexible for customers. I studied his picture as though it would tell me how he got into my wife's' yoga pants. What a smarmy looking little bastard. It even had his class schedule on there, I grabbed a screen shot of everything.

I looked at my watch and it wasn't too late, a little after 7 and I had a little more business to do. I searched my contacts and pressed dial.

"Hello?"

"Tommy ... Dean here ... you busy?"

"Oh, hey Dean ... no, just sitting outside some dirtbags place waiting for his secretary to be done blowing him so I can get some pics."

Tommy and I go back a few years. We worked at the copshop together, but he had to take an early medical retirement after a particularly nasty crash left him unable to be a cop anymore. He's been a private investigator for a couple of years now, and just the guy I needed right now.

"This will be quick my friend, I need to hire you to get me some background on a little cunt who is trying to fuck Kari." I lied; I wasn't ready to share my shame yet.

"Oh fuck, got to go ... send me the stuff ... yeah?" he spoke in a rush.

"Done, I'll call in a couple of days." And I hung up and sent the screen grabs I took.

I felt better now that I had something going on, it wasn't much but whenever I thought I got some traction on this thing I would slide back before the start line. This felt like something, I needed a small win even if it wasn't.

Packed up my stuff and got back into the SUV, it'll be 8 by the time I get back to Kari's and I have to work early tomorrow. When I pulled into the drive, every light was on. I could see Kari at the table through the window.

I walked in, stood at the head of the table, prepared for a fight.

"Are you divorcing me?" she asked through the tears.

"I told you that I would if you lied."

"Didn't I?" We both knew the answer, but I wanted to hear her say so.

"Yes." She sobbed.

"Did you lie?"

"Yes." She answered staring at the table.

"Give me one good reason I shouldn't walk away right now." I was cold with my tone.

"I quit the Yoga Spot the day aft ... after ... after you saw me ... saw us." She spoke through her sniffles and hick-ups.

"Does Jane know why?"

"No, I was too ashamed of myself to tell her. She warned us all that he was trouble."

"Why did she keep him if she knew he was trouble?" I asked.

"I don't really know ... he brought in a lot of new clients ... I guess that's why." She stated logically, guess I couldn't argue with good business sense even if it caused a temporary riff in the studio. 'Guess I'll need to see what I can do to make that riff bigger and not worth it' I thought to myself as I watched my wife struggle with her new reality.

"How long?" I asked

"I wasn't lying, when I told you it was only three times ... over the last three weeks."

"At the house though?"

"Yes." She replied

"And that was the sex part?"

"Yes." Her answers were short and to the point, I could tell she was finally seeing the potential aftermath.

"But the flirting and seduction piece went on for 3 months prior ... so it wasn't just 3 weeks ... was it?"

"No ... just the sex ... was 3 times over 3 weeks." She managed to get out.

"See! This is what I'm talking about ... you let this little fuck schmooze around you for 3 fucking months till he wore you down and got into your panties.

"What do you think our relationship would have been like if you spent that extra time with me? ... you quit on us Kari, long before you had sex."

"You ... you're right Dean ..." Her voice softened and she was barely intelligible from the crying and heavy breathing, but she got my point.

"Ok, but that wasn't the question."

She stared at me blankly

"How much longer were you going to fuck him?" is what I really meant.

"Don't dare LIE to me!" I spat when I saw her hesitate.

"I ... I don't know ... I was getting scared and was feeling really guilty ... and I knew he was having sex with others ... I knew I needed to end it and felt I was really close ... but it was a little exciting." She was completely defeated now.

"Why did you lie?"

"I was afraid." She stated.

"I know I fucked up Dean. I also know you could have hurt us both really badly, physically if you wanted. Your control and restraint are some of the rarest qualities in men today. I can't tell you how sorry I am that I tested you.

"But what hurts the most, is how I crushed you ... you have always been the strongest man I've ever known. Hell, you didn't even cry at your father's funeral but when I saw you sitting in your chair that day, I realized how badly I fucked up. When I looked into your eyes and saw nothing but blank darkness ... I mean ... your eyes have always brought so much joy to me. How they sparkle when you're happy or how they are dull when you're sad. I can always tell your mood by just looking into your eyes. But, when I looked into your eyes that day, I saw nothing. No hate. No fear. No rage. Just blankness and that scared me more than any threat of physical harm ever could. That's also when I knew I had done the one thing that we could never recover from." Kari sat there staring at me with her reddened eyes.

"I also knew how much you think of this as your sanctuary, I know how wrong I was to disrespect you in your own home ... and that's why I lied"

"That's right Kari, you disrespected me in the worst way I can think of right now ... I don't know how we can come back from this." I said flatly.

"But you never answered the question." She looked confused.

"Give me one reason I shouldn't dump your ass right now!"

"JT." Was all she said.

Truth was that at that very moment I had decided to divorce her. I just wasn't ready yet. I didn't want to go back out to the lake, the damn drive was too long, and I wanted to see what happened with the Texas job. I also wanted to be close to JT, so I was almost as good as she was at telling lies.

"We'll have to see at next week's session" I left her at the table and went downstairs.

She put her head down on the table and sobbed.

I found a lot of reasons to be late each night the rest of the week and then took JT out to the park and fishing on the weekend. We were barely home; I was making up for any future time I was to lose with the divorce.

Week 4:

Monday:

Tommy called that morning and asked if we could meet for lunch. My first thought was 'This can't be good'!