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The rest of the week:

The rest of the week was quiet again, we talked more. We discussed JT a little, but we never settled on an action about the DNA test, though I knew I wasn't going to push it. I knew JT was mine. After the first couple of days I decided that I wasn't going to pursue the DNA test.

Kari slipped into bed with me a couple more times that week.

That was one rule I didn't want to enforce.

Saturday:

I dropped JT off at Grandma's house to spend the night, this allowed us to stay out later if we choose to.

Date night was bowling and deep-fried finger foods and greasy hamburgers at the alley and a couple of beers. We laughed and had fun for the first time in ages. I loved watching that tight little ass wiggle as she bowled. It had been ages since we had sex and I could feel myself harden and the lust build, wasn't sure how much longer I could resist her.

We got home a little drunk. I gave her a kiss on her cheek and went downstairs. I heard a noise when I turned around ... she was standing there naked. I just stood there looking at her.

I was hard.

"Ahhh?" I asked.

She slipped up next to me, but I stopped her from kissing me.

"Kari ... we can't ... I'm not ready ... for that ..."

It was hard to make clear sense of my thoughts through my beer fogged brain, but I knew this wasn't the way I wanted this to go. I also knew that if I slept with her, my resolve would diminish. I wasn't ready to have that happen, not yet at least.

I could see the hurt in her eyes as she turned without saying a word and ran back up the stairs, crying yet again. Kari also had to know how serious I was about our situation; I couldn't remember a single time that I had ever turned down sex from her. Even when I was furious with her, I would make love to her if she initiated. I'm sure her insecurities rushed to the surface after that.

We men are such easy creatures.

So, I guess she figured if she could get me to have sex with her that it would mean I forgave her. She was probably right; I just wasn't ready yet.

Week 8:

Sunday:

Sunday was a quiet day. We maybe said a dozen words to each other. I stopped and picked a single pink carnation at the flower market on my way to get JT from his grandma's house.

I laid it on the table when she was helping JT put his stuff away. Pink carnations had always been an inside joke for us. When we were dating, I stopped to get flowers at a grocery store one night in preparation for a date. All they had were red roses and pink carnations. I didn't feel we were ready for red roses yet, so I got a single pink carnation. She graciously accepted it with a slightly confused look.

"Ummm ... I heard it meant intent ..." I bullshitted, not having a clue at the time that they actually represent gratitude.

"Oh, really ... and what is your intent Dean Thompson?" She asked flirting with me.

"My intent ... is to love you forever." I said. We never made our dinner reservations that night. This became a normal thing for me over the years, to stop and pick up a pink carnation whenever I saw them. I even gave her one on our wedding day.

I couldn't remember that last time I gave her one.

She came out of JT's room, stopped in front of the table, looked at the pink carnation. She picked it up, looked over at me.

"Are you sure?" She asked. I understood perfectly well what she was asking me.

"Yes." was all I said.

She gave a faint smile, went into the kitchen, and put it into the vase she always used for them.

The next time I saw the carnation was when it was sitting in the middle of the kitchen table.

Monday:

I had been giving a lot of thought about what was next for us. I remembered back to the Friday when I was fishing and all of the old chats I had with my father. I also remember what he told me when I said I was going to ask Kari to marry me.

"Dean, I think it's great you want to marry Kari ... she's a wonderful woman ... but remember, wedding vows are a contract that rests primarily on the husband to carry out." I never really understood what he meant, I always felt it had something to do with not entering a marriage lightly.

I thought about this now under these new circumstances. So that night I looked at our wedding vows that we had printed and framed next to our photo.

"Dean, will you have this woman to be your wife, and will you pledge your faith to her, in all love and honor, in all duty and service, in all faith and tenderness, to live with her, and cherish her, according to the ordinance of God, in the holy bond of marriage?"

"I, Dean, take you, Kari, to be my wedded wife, and I do promise and covenant, before God and these witnesses, to be your loving and faithful husband, in plenty and want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live."

I read these words several times. The part that kept coming back to me was about 'pledging my honor, duty and service' to this woman.

Duty and service.

'What was my duty to Kari?'

'What was my service to Kari?'

My duty to her was to protect her. Guard her from those who would prey upon her. My service was to keep the damn gate closed and keep the coyotes out. She was correct when she accused me of neglecting her and taking her for granted. I allowed us to get into this rut, I allowed us to be vulnerable.

Now, she also had a part to play in this situation as well. She failed her vows. She gave another man something that was promised to me, and only me. Even though I may have left the gate open, she willingly ran off with the coyote who came calling. I thought on this all week, it kept me up at night. It followed me into our next session.

Wednesday: Session 7 (both of us)

We did our normal session, Mrs. Watson asked about date night and what decisions we made about JT and the DNA test. I told them both that I didn't need the test and wouldn't be asking for it. Kari looked a little shocked, but I couldn't read any relief or defiance in her expression. Her reaction last week really told me everything I needed to know, JT's mine.

"Kari, I had been doing a lot of thinking this week ... I feel we need to work on our trust issues ... like a lot ... but mostly I've been thinking about our vows." She just kind of stared at me as did Mrs. Watson, neither sure where I was going with this. I read her the vows we took. I emphasized the part of 'duty and service'. I explained how with my background I take both of these terms seriously.

I concluded that I failed to do either with Kari. Tears formed in my eyes.

"I .. I ...I'm .." I stuttered ... "I'm sorry I failed you Kar. That was the last thing I ever wanted to do. You are my light, my heart and my soul. ...I failed at being a good husband." My face dropped into my hands as I lightly cried.

Both Kari and Mrs. Watson sucked in deeply and held their breaths. Neither of them expected for me to accept the blame for her actions. Even though it was her that cheated it was I who broke our vows first by not giving her what she needed.

By not keeping my duty of honoring and protecting her.

Not protecting her from those who would take advantage.

The room was deathly silent, except for my soft sobs. Suddenly, I was hit with a force that damn near knocked me out of my chair.

It was Kari.

She wrapped me into her arms, and we sobbed together. She slid down to the floor at my feet as we held each other's hands and portions of our arms. After a few minutes, our heaving and crying slowed, and we looked at each other.

"You've never failed at anything in your life Dean. You didn't fail me, or JT. Ever."

"Then how could you disrespect me so badly? In our home... In our bed?"

"Because I failed you ... I forgot that I was supposed to honor and treasure you ... and that I had a duty to you." she answered. More sniffling and tears.

"And I'm a stupid woman ..." She said softly.

We sat quietly for a few minutes, holding each other's hands.

"Dean, I know this is my fault, I stole the spark from your eyes, and I replaced it with anger and hate ... I also know that you may never trust me again ..." she hesitated some before continuing.

"But, if you will allow me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to put that sparkle back and to regain your trust." she finished.

We were both quiet during the rest of the session, Kari and I continued to hold hands.

Mrs. Watson took that moment to point out that most situations like ours, more times than not, manifest from both people forgetting to defend and protect each other from the outside world. That a crack in a marriage foundation, no matter how slight, can be manipulated by those with selfish intentions and insert themselves into a marriage normally with a negative after effect. In her way, she bluntly told us that we were both responsible for the situation, as well as her seducer, and it would take time and extreme effort on our part to repair the damage. She didn't let Kari off the hook; she pointed out that her physical transgression should not have happened. Mrs. Watson talked mostly at us and finally noticed that neither of us was really paying attention to her. She decided we could cut this session short.

As usual, there was no conversation on the ride back to back to Kari's. I was drained as well as she was.

Upon entering her house, I just turned and went downstairs, exhausted. I sat down on the couch, and then lay down without even taking my clothes off.

I woke the next morning and felt that comfortable crush of my wife nestled into me.

The rest of the week:

Our conversations were getting back to normal, more and more. There wasn't as many 'I'm sorry' as there once were. We talked about more things than the weather and JT. She actually looked happy more than sad nowadays and I felt more love than hate. I was ready to kick her to the curb and be done, but now I started to remember why I wanted her in my life.

I was finding love with this woman once again.

I started to think of little things I could do each day to show her that I wanted to be there. I washed the dishes one evening, well I put away the clean and loaded the dishwasher! I left a note one morning wishing her a successful day in the form of a sticky note on her computer screen. I told her that she was hot and would accidently rub up against her yoga pants when we were close to show my physical attraction to her. She started cooking more home cooked dinners, packed my lunch a time or two and made sure JT's and my favorites found their way into the dinner rotation.

I wasn't ready for sexual contact, mentally at least because I walked around with perpetual hard on and I could smell Kari's arousal when I was close.

Saturday:

Date night was tame this week, Kari packed a wonderful picnic dinner and we sat in the local park watching kids play, lovers holding hands and spent a lot of time looking into each other's eyes. We watched the sunset as she scooted closer into me and I slipped my arm around her. She laid back onto the blanket which drug me down with her till I was on my elbow staring into her eyes. We shared our first lover's kiss in that moment. She pulled me down on top of her and I melted onto her, pinning her to the ground. My tongue found hers and we kissed for several seconds. Pulling back from her out of breath, all I could do was stare.

She smiled.

She also knew we weren't going any further, she didn't suggest or try to encourage anything more. It was like our first-time kissing, but we didn't go anywhere as far as we did the first time we kissed.

This was good.

This was perfect.

We kissed some more at her front door before splitting off and heading our separate ways.

Week 9:

We touched and kissed more this week. It wasn't normal, but it felt more normal. Before this mess, our normal was not to kiss and touch, hold hands, graze a shoulder as you walk by. I mean we did that the first few years we were married, it was normal then but that evolved into something else. Now we were somewhere in between, we were developing a new normal. She also found another pink carnation one morning as she got JT ready for the day.

Tuesday:

That morning I got called into the HR office, I was offered the Operations Manager job in Texas. I asked for a little time to consider it, and explained to my HR Manager my current situation, she understood perfectly to why I reacted to the situation quickly with the thoughts of running away and now that things are different and needed to talk with Kari before making any more rash decisions. I was given till the following Monday to decide.

Our conversation also made me think. Was I running away? It reminded me of the 'fight or flight' response. My initial response was to flee but now I've decided it was time to fight for what I wanted, what was mine.

Wednesday: Session 8 (both of us)

Our session started out like normal, we reflected on date night, conversations we had during the week and chatted about next steps. About 20 minutes into the session, I interrupted everyone.

"Kari, I heard back from Texas." I said.

"Oh?" she replied "And?"

"They offered me the job. It's an increase in responsibility and a 23% pay increase."

"Did you accept?" she asked apprehensively.

"No, I have till Monday for a reply. I told them about our situation and that I had to talk it over with my wife."

"But you want it?"

"Not as bad as I want you. Not as bad as I want my family." I said firmly, and then continued "I don't necessarily want to live in Texas ... but I'm not sure how I can stay here. I don't have the attachments you have, so it doesn't mean as much to me to drop everything for a new adventure.

"But it wouldn't be an adventure worth having if I didn't have you with me to experience it." I looked across at her and held her gaze. She looked befuddled, confused but there was a spark of joy in her eyes. I hadn't come out and directly said I wanted to reconcile with her, that clearly before. I think she and Mrs. Watson took it as a good sign.

"As I see we have three options ... one, we can stay here and continue to work out our issues and I stay where I'm at ... two, we pack up move fifteen hundred miles and work out our issues with a fresh start ... or, option three, we could divorce and I could leave you here to get on with your life ... I would like us to look at all our options and decide together." I could see her flinch with that that last option, I didn't mean to be an asshole, but it is still an option.

"Sometimes you're a real asshole." Her eyes showed a little anger when she glared at me. "You come in here and say you want us to be a family and then you throw this in my face."

"Kari, I may forgive you someday ... hell I may even trust you again ... but I'll never forget.

"I would much rather it be options 1 or 2." I followed up my statement.

"Can we set a time for Sunday at noon to sit down and decide? I have a packet of information about the location, job description, schools, housing market and job market at your house for you to have and look through. I can get you more information from work if you need it and we can always Google the area." I really didn't want to hash it right now; I wanted the opportunity, but I needed Kari to decide what she wanted.

If she chose option 3, it would be clear that she was done and ready to move on. If she chose option 1, it wouldn't be as clear, but I would read into it that she was completely ready to see where we would go next but I would worry even more, about a relapse if we stayed here where she is comfortable. People who stay in comfortable situations have a higher probability to relapse into unsuitable behaviors.

But if she chose option 2, we might stand a chance. A new location would mean that we would have to rely on each other more, look to each other for our comfort, at least for a while. In my screwed-up logic, it would also tell me that she chooses me.

That I was as important to her as I thought she was to me.

We would know Sunday.

The rest of the session went as expected.

On the way home, she looked at me and asked "Can we go to a club dancing Saturday? ... for date night? ... we haven't been out like that in ages."

"Of course." I answered nervously. I wasn't a dancer, and in the past when we would go out dancing, she would dance with others or with the group we came with. "Just us? ... or as a group?" I asked.

"Just us." She replied. This was an interesting development; I wasn't sure how to take it. I didn't want to be by myself in a loud club as she checked out the local talent looking for my replacement, but I couldn't refuse her because it was the first time, she asked for anything specific.

Of course, she never let anyone do anything inappropriate when she danced with them and she never left me out of the loop. She would drag me out after every other dance partner and she seldom slow danced with anyone but me. But it still always made me a little jealous and lonely and feeling out of place. I guess I'll have to wait to see what tortures she had in store for me on Saturday.

Thursday:

She took the packet in the morning and I could tell she was looking at it when she called and asked if I could get more information on the relocation package. HR sent it in an email, so I forwarded it on to her at home.

The rest of the week was about as it had been. Kisses, hugs, flirting, she was sleeping more with me downstairs.

My ever-present raging erection.

Normal. At least our new normal.

We did a lot of talking about the potential job and move. She did a ton of research, which gave me hope. Only time would tell.

Saturday:

We had a small dinner at her house that night and dropped JT off at her mom's again, she didn't want to get to the club to early and we figured it was going to be a real late night. She looked stunning, short party dress, high heels. I was in trouble tonight, there was something hanging in the atmosphere, I couldn't name it or place it.

But it definitely felt like trouble.

We arrived a little after 9, we found a small stand up table for two. I went to the bar to get us drinks, the music was thumping. We were pushing the older end of the crowd age range but not by much, so I didn't feel too out of place. As I came back to the table there was the first coyote at the gate asking her to dance, she didn't see me, but I was close enough to hear the conversation.

"Wow, you look 'Hot" and ready to party tonight!" the coyote yelled. "You should totally come and hang with me and my friends tonight ... I'll guarantee you a good time ..." he added.

"Thanks, and I am ready to party tonight ... with my hot and sexy husband!" She replied. "He's the only man I'm dancing with tonight.

"Hi babe, this young man was just leaving." She said looking at me as I approached.

He turned and had to look up a little to see my face, he just gave a sheepish smile and left without another word.

She pulled me out on the floor, and we danced. Well, I rocked from side to side and moved around a little and she flat out ground into me with every inch of her body.

I was hard.

I only had two drinks since I was driving, but she got buzzed. She also turned down every guy who had balls to ask a woman with a guy standing next to her to dance. She kept true to her word. She only danced with me, she only looked at me.

Around 12, she went to the bathroom and came back a little flushed and giggly. She wasn't gone long, but my fears leapt to the front of my brain, 'she was playing with someone ... I just knew it'. It became obvious to me why she was flushed when she took my hand and held it over the top of the table. Turned it palm up and dropped her wet panties onto my palm.