All Comments on 'Orc Dominion: Elfin Descent Ch. 14'

Well played. That was amazing.

I never understood why some of your readers did not like Trogar`s father. He respected her and even loved her in his Orcish way. However, it is almost impossible to like Trogar. At first I thought he would be a character like Tyrion Lannister, but Trogar is neither charismatic nor intelligent enough. He is neither a real badass like his halfbrother. He is someone in-between, very hard to categorize. Perhaps this is exactly what you wanted to do. What you definitively achieved is to create a female and a male main character in this series. From my point of view in the first two story there was only one main character. This was fine for me, because I love Jeanette, but I guess you wanted to create a story with two main characters. Although I don´t like Lyriena not as much as Jeanette, I am glad that you did not creat an Elven version of Jeanette. I am looking forward to reading the last chapters of this series and I hope that you will publish some Queen´s castle stories on your blog, before you start the final part of Orc Dominion. I love Angmar and Jeanette. Thank your for your great work.

…but I finally think I’ve finally put my finger on why this series has been such a disappointment to me, after I enjoyed the first two so much. It’s a case of unmet audience expectations, based on my misunderstanding the type of story the you were trying to write.

In fairness, I think my assumptions about the story were defensible given the setup. When you’re writing on an erotica site, your story title involves the word “descent,” and your major perspective character is a dewey-eyed elven ingenue, I suspect readers can be forgiven for thinking you’re spinning a classic corruption-type yarn — one in which said ingenue’s sexuality will first be awakened and then gradually twisted until she’s left craving depravity.

“Elfin Descent” contains hints of that story (notably, Lyrenia’s interactions with Brahm, the bordello owner) but it’s been basically peripheral to the plot. Critically, I’ve come to realize that Lyrenia, while the major perspective character, is not actually the protagonist of the story: it’s clear that you consider Trogar (standing in for the Zentaran royal family specifically and Zentara generally) to be the protagonist, despite the fact that you've written Trogar as an entirely-unsympathetic douchebag whose attempts at scheming are clownishly unrefined. The story’s broadly a power fantasy, but it belongs in the genre of brutish dominance, not deft corruption

With that in mind, I'd offer the following feedback.

Given Lyrenia’s role, I think making her the major perspective character was a profound error. Perspective characters are your audience-inserts: your readers are standing in their shoes, and we come to identify and sympathize with them most closely. Here, though, the kind of princess who’s going to be bullied, outmaneuvered, and ultimately conquered by a feral lout like Trogar isn’t so much an innocent as an imbecile: the reader ends up exasperated that he’s been made to identify and sympathize with such a flaming moron. It would have been better to make Trogar the primary perspective character: let us live inside his head, grow comfortable with his motivations and limitations, and then when he springs his lame, predictable trap on Lyrenia at the end this latest chapter, the reader can take some satisfaction from Trogar’s victory rather than despairing that Lyrenia, as hare-brained as she is, has nonetheless been victimized by him again.

I could never really bring myself to hate how the stories are written, as they ARE written well. However the content, ranging from environments, characters and events, are all just...boring. On the other stories, more focus could be told on a smaller amount of characters, and the story could grow at a steady pace. Here, none of the characters are particularly strong on any level, every event dragged out for far too long, and the actual story moves along at a snails pace. It would be stupid to complain about the route this story would take, since all someone has to do is read the other stories to know this route was written in a predictable manner as the other ones were, but it took 14 chapters to reach what everyone already knew would happen? I was hoping some unpredictable twist would happen at some point, like Lyriena actually using her brain for once instead of this random act this chapter was about, Trogar actually being anything less than an unlikable cunt, or any of the other "supporting characters" actually being strong enough to deserve that title, but nothing came out of it.

I know it sounds like I am being really critical, and I admit I am. I just personally feel just like any novel you might read in the library, or a short story written on the internet, should have some form of viable substance to keep readers coming back. You can write sex, really well, but as for anything else...I fear you lost your touch a long time ago.

I see theres been some negative comments, but I just wanted to say Ive thoroughly enjoyed this series, especially this chapter. I think some people forget that this series is supposed to be in a different vein from the other ones. Thanks for all your hard work!

Anon, yes I definitely didn't want to create an elfin Jeanette. I don't like Lyriena as much as Jeanette either, or maybe I really just love Jeanette. It's definitely much easier to write the latter. I feel like I own/know the character much better.

Greywhisper, maybe that is it, I'm not sure. Elflin Descent is much closer to what I originally envisioned for Zentara, with an unwilling Jeanette who nonetheless found herself enjoying Trogar's abuse. I enjoyed Jeanette's character too much to let that happen though, so changed it up. I wanted to get back to my original plan with Elfin Descent, but maybe that was a mistake.

The other piece is that I tried to make Trogar both a protagonist and antagonist, and ended up doing neither well. I tried to 'humanize' his villainess by giving him some weaknesses that could be corrected with character growth, but it just made him a weak hero. I learned my lesson though; the main orc character is not going to be a selfish clod, but have more noble aspirations even as he tries to defeat the princess-knight.

Icumforgangbangs, I knew from the beginning that it was going to be tough to write a 'political thriller' as opposed to a traditional fantasy war story. I added in the Sylvia and Henry subplots to try and liven things up and it worked...except that they overshadowed the main plot, where there was nothing really happening. I'll definitely be going back to my roots with future stories.

For everyone who enjoyed the stories, thank you for reading and leaving comments. And thanks to everyone who provides feedback, even if it is negative.

-the main orc character is not going to be a selfish clod, but have more noble aspirations even as he tries to defeat the princess-knight.-

Oh my... A noble orc doing bad things...

'clank'

Sorry, that's the sound of my boner hitting against my non-existent armour! :)

Yep. Figures.

But I find I have a hard time following this story. I keep up with it by and large out of curiosity, but I can't say I terribly enjoy it. None of the characters are at all likable; any moment I think one of them might do something remotely based on grounds of reason, they do the opposite and opt for something utterly stupid instead for seemingly no other reason than "well the story needs X to happen."

For random smut, it's a decent enough read, but it feels as though the smut and story are at odds with one another, and to such an extent that both suffer for it.

I don't mean to be discouraging. I liked the prior two stories better, and I think I'd like this one quite a bit as well but Lyriena constantly acts like an insufferable idiot.

As a request to indulge my own fetishes, I'd like to see Lyriena licking some sweaty, hairy Orc asshole next time.

Her apologizing for the dirty stink of her own cunt would also be very entertaining! As would having her drink some more hot piss, deliberately this time.

Well done on all 14 of these installments, and please know that I very much look forward to the next series!

I follow your Blogspot blog off-and-on because I enjoy some of your other writings (as well as the pre-Elfin Decent entries in this series), so when I saw the preview for this chapter there I decided to give this story - this chapter of it at least - another shot to see if improvements had been made in the direction things were going (having thoroughly expressed by loathing of *this* story in a previous chapter comment or two). I was encouraged by the hinting in the preview you posted that Lyriena was finally going to submit to her own inevitable corruption and give up her virginity - but, NOT to Trogar. I was encouraged by this because it finally at least showed a little strength in her character to not give it up to the shittiest piece of garbage character in the entire series, that she was finally going to be able to have at least one small "victory" over who everyone knew from the start was going to come out the winner in the end anyway.

What do I get in return for having this little glimmer of hope? Trogar being the one who ends up doing the deed anyway.

Fuck you, and fuck this story. I'm done.

-As a request to indulge my own fetishes, I'd like to see Lyriena licking some sweaty, hairy Orc asshole next time.-

Oh my, I thought I was the only one with that kink.

-As would having her drink some more hot piss, deliberately this time.-

'clang'

I really must fix my armour, my boner can only grow so large! :P

Yeah, the moment she put on a mask the ending was clear...and once again, Dorian had to help because Lord knows Trogar can't do anything on his own.

Honestly, I really wish it had been a random Orc...or one of Trogar's brothers. That way, no matter what Trogar did or got in the end, he never got her maiden head, a fact that will always eat at him.

Could the story just end here though? Because a whole chapter of Lyriena getting slut-shamed and abused by Trogar is about the only logical progression left and honestly, there's been enough of that crap. Just, let this story end and have its conclusion wrapped up in another story. Honestly at this point, if someone hacked your account and put up a chapter where suddenly a Warpstorm occurred and everyone was hacked to pieces by the legions of chaos...I would probably be amused and consider it an improvement, despite being entirely nonsensical.

One of my favorites!