All Comments on 'Orc Wars: Earth 01'

sooo hot. keep writing!

Hot, truly, but the two very disparate POVs that are only tangentially related for world building purposes creates a fractured whole.

Granted, you are the author and it's all about your vision, but as a reader if I may offer a suggestion? Turn this into two separate chapters.

Flesh out Z's introduction in one chapter, perhaps including what comes next for her quest to find Taylor, and conclude it with something that ties to Riann and Urnua Baile, or perhaps Orc slavery (hinting at Taylor's current predicament?), or even the pornstars Cuckie and Vera.

Then, in your next chapter you properly introduce Riann, Cuckie, and Vera, their tryst, Riann's proselytizing to justify his war, and their colluding to subvert Riann and quell the war.

From there, you could probably get away with the two POVs per chapter, or just alternate per chapter, even if the chapters were short. Nevertheless, thank you for the submission. You've got real talent.

I love me some international espionage, though I could've done without the forced phonetics: it's distracting at best and reads parodical at worst. Capitalization was also inconsistent, and I would have used either the native name or the translation, but not both at once.

Other than that, given the title I was not expecting such an even-handed approach to the culture clash. As Anon says, the transition between the worlds is rather jarring in a single chapter, and might have been handled better as separate, longer installments.

BDSM's not my thing so I'll probably be sitting this one out, but the mix of conspiratorial subterfuge, interstellar war, and "same problem, different answers" approach to what's typically played as facile stereotype makes for quite a novel premise.