All Comments on 'Paradise 02: The Senator's Revelation'

Fantastic 5 stars.

great follow up to your other story.

I really liked this story. I feel as though I've read it before in the past 10 years. Keep it up.

I don't know if you intend to carry on with this story but what you have written, Racel, is very good. Another five stars.

Bravo, and 5 stars from me as well! Outstanding follow-up to a very good first chapter!

Very good follow through from part one! I'll add another five stars to those already given for the plot and dialogue. Now, about those little nit-picking things I picked up on for future works; just mechanics in writing:

As a first person told story, there are way too many uses of 'I.' For instance, the opening paragraph has every sentence starting with an 'I.' It follows in quite a few other paragraphs as well. When working with you colleagues, ask them to look at those sentence structures and revise at least every other one, to cut down on that very notable repetition.

For another, just remember that punctuation does include the exclamation mark! With all the sexual exuberance in your story a few of those could replace those, just flat, plain vanilla periods in your punctuations.

I've enjoyed the freshness of the conversations in your stories! Thanks for submitting your work.

A clear 5 star story. I loved that Ali wanted to come out with Kelly there. It can be so hard if you are in the public eye, and that was brave of her. Love your writing xxxxx