All Comments on 'Party in her Pants'

Something different

Arousal in that in-between stage of awareness is a fruitful adventure. A bit over-the-top but inventive, intriguing and indicative of promise.

What would the husband’s reaction be when the baby was born half Black, like his natural father?

I should've probably mentioned earlier that this was a submission for the 750 word contest. If I wasn't constrained by that limit, I would've definitely cleaned up the start of this story a bit.

I am torn between complimenting the style and substance of your composition...

and being disgusted with a totally amoral story of rape and gloating at the lifelong consequences of that rape for the woman the MC claims to "love"; not to mention the MC's glee at stealing the joy of "newlyweds" who had chosen each other (rather than the MC) out of love. The MC comes off as a despicable self-absorbed narcissist whose "conquest" of his prey only emphasizes his weakness as a human being.

I didn't like the story...but you wrote it well. So...4 for the writing, 2 for the plot--averages to a 3. You have talent so I hope you keep writing.

MLJ