All Comments on 'Paying the Piper'

In a story of this length, there are going to be some typos and grammar errors, no big deal. Nice story and very involved , lots of characters, and very creative. Pity the subject is so depressing.

Wow … loved it. Great work … looking forward to more. 5/5

Really well written

For the love of God PLEASE keep writing! Truly talented writers can be found but are sorely lacking here. I would love to read more of your work.

ttt59, I noted from the comments a few naysayers, you have written a very moving story which has a very unexpected ending? perhaps as one commented Rick does return in another life. Paying for indescretions has a way of returning with a vengence, Your story illustrates that premise very well. Lookinforward to another great story.THANKS

Many of the LW stories unfortunately conform to a rather stereotypical BTB format — perfect, clueless husband finds out usually by chance that his near clueless, bimbo wife has been unfaithful and immediately (like a switch) completely rules out reconciliation — after all, she is a slut who destroyed his vision of her and them — and seeks revenge (in this case delayed but well beyond the slut wife). On the other hand: Composition & Use of Vocabulary (good), Readability (good though too long), Plot (predictable even his death), Drama or Humour (well, no humor and a bit of drama around Lori’s condemnation), Sexual Content (OK, which is often completely lacking in BTB storylines), and Character Development (better than many LW stories, though not surprisingly husband is POV and most developed; no nothing about the kids despite there importance in his decision — well importance up to point). Of course, everyone will have an opinion about his suicide, but to me it was a terribly selfish act especially as it was designed to “spare” the children. Indeed, it will only serve to compound their pain as they look back on the deception (pain that he will not help ease in any personal way); an act of a person who could not let go of his spite while hiding his misery. Aside: Of course, the bastard who “seduced” his wife lost everything in the end. 3 stars.

BWS Beautiful woman syndrome strikes again. A beautiful woman has options and can cheat because she is entitled and does so without guilt. The only hole in this story that bothered me was his death. People usually like to have a body to verify, especially insurance companies that pay out 3 million. Great story for a first time author 5*.

A good debut. I hope to see more stories in the future. I has a good flow, so I can read longer stories if it keeps my interest. Nothing wrong with the writing, but this story bothered me at the end when that second letter. If you let your kids know you committed suicide, that male's Rick's offense even worse. It pretty much says, "I didn't care about you enough to be in your lives." What if there was another accident and the kids had no mother or father? At the age of 8 that is not going to go well without perfect circumstances. 4 for the writing, missed a 5 because Rick was more interested in revenge than his kids. Maybe it's why Cindy cheated, there was something wrong with Rick and Cindy knew it on some level.

Sad story I would have preferred Rick lived with Lori in Austin at the end but your story and it was well written

Wow!! Just WOW!! Yes, this is a very dark and sad tale but you have written an exceptionally good story. I rarely give a story a 5* rating but I did this one and feel it deserves even more.

Some will probably say Rick was a very weak man for taking his own life but I see a man that felt he was mortality wounded and backed into a corner with no good way out. He felt taking his own life this way would shield his children from a messy divorce with their mother being revealed for the cheating bitch she was and set them up financially for their future. Loved how he finally got to tell his side of the story on his 45th birthday to everyone. Especially the blowing up Bennett's world.

I originally questioned whether I should invest my time to read a story this long with no tags and from a new author but I'm certainly glad I did. I added this story as a favorite and started following you. Really looking forward to more stories from you.

Even being the perfect handsome rich husband isn't enough....they always want more...ambition is gluttony

The last couple of pages destroyed the story for me. The 3rd and 4th options were so far out of touch with the story. A man decides to kill himself as the best option for his kids, this after talking to a counselor. Than getting revenge on his widow and her ex lover 14yrs later. What a disaster.

Just read Harryin VA comment and all I can say is GO HARRY!! 👍

The story had some wheels till the last 2 installments. 1. He could not put 90% of their shared assets in trust. Not in Texas, not in Cal. not anywhere in the U.S. 2. Can you imagine Bennett losing his business over a 13-year-old affair? NOT LIKELY. Sure, it may have been a bit embarrassing but lose his properties? Come on. No one told Rick to take the cowards way out and kill himself and 99% of the population wouldn’t have given it a second thought when it happened...certainly not 13 years later. The Kids, The In-laws and even Cindy's friends and family might or probably would have held it against her. Finally, as self-absorbed, selfish and greedy as Cindy was, she would have gotten at least hooked up tons of times over a 13 year period... remember she deliberately hooked up numerous times with the Bennett. Sorry too many holes in this one. BTRH...

Hell of a story right out of the gate. Soul wrenching and dark eliciting emotions across the spectrum as you read it. I look forward to more of your contributions.

I can't feel much sympathy for Rick given his cowardly manner of exiting the 'problem'. It just made him as big a shit as Cindy. No children deserve what their father did.

Welcome to the LW category!!

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DAMN, ttt59, I am visualizing a "Most Influential New Writer" award in your near future. I've never seen the DEBUT story of a writer "influence" such an utter shit storm of comments.

Your first story, all by itself, is inspiring opinions of just about every kind I've ever seen ... some folks think you are a monster, some think you're a hero. Some think the story is great, some think it horrible. Some think you are a genius, some think you're an idiotl. Some claim the story didn't go far enough, some say it went too far. Commenters said your MC was cruel, that psychiatrists are idiots, that suicide was the worst thing to do, that it was the best thing to do, that the MC couldn't have gotten away with it, etc., etc. One reader even bitched because your story didn't have any "tags" (that one was another writer with submissions on this site, no less).

.

Frankly, I'm conflicted myself. I find that there are aspects that I like, and others that I don't.

I don't know how to rate it, so I won't ... right NOW. I'll think about it for a while, and re-visit the story later.

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Congratulations! This has been an auspicious beginning for you, but I'll bet your readers' responses have flabbergasted you!

Good luck, and keep writing (but don't expect reader responses to be this dramatic for every story)!

Really well done. Thoroughly enjoyed it.

Good story, very well written

Great story even though it is very dark. Keep writing you have a gift. Thanks.

I typically like these stories other than the suicide part... In a way, the hubby deserved to die for being selfish, meaning he thought there was no other way out and chose his job over his pride because of what the kids would get in their inheritance. Some may think he was doing this for his kids, but he thought of himself that the money would help the kids grieve instead of him living. Other than that the story spent so much time on the wife and lover and barely 1/4 of the story to the hubby and outcome. It seems a lot of the writers on here do this as well, where they write the build up in detail but the ending barely has any detail and feels rushed. Barely any details on the kids, Lori, Brad, extended family/friends and work friends after his death. I still think its a good first attempt but I guess I am just being picky.

Ahhhhh, Millennials. They catch their wife in blatant, flagrante dilecto, and even though they feel like their life is over and there's nothing to lose, they fold up crying. If they are truly bereft with nothing to lose, at least slug the wife's paramour. Hell, even a mouse will fight a Bengal tiger when cornered, so what's there to lose? Otherwise, this was a decent tale, thought again, the milquetoast solution of, "I'm gonna kill myself" is a little alien to those to whom survival is still a viable instinct. I LOVED the deliberate and prominent absence of clichés. Definitely a 5+++/5.

.

Also, a 20K word story NEEDS tags. Great writing for a first offering. Keep it up... looking for more from you!

Sad story,

Well written and held my attention throughout the story. Suicide is never a good thing, for some I guess it is their only way to solve a problem.

Keep writing and thank you.

@lenrdspencer, it would be nice if the legal beagles accept a story as fiction and leave out their holier than thou comments!

@sbrooks103x

New writer, six pages, no tags? Maybe others will give you a chance, I'm out. - Sorry about your luck. Maybe someone will make it better for you. You are so full of yourself, I would be surprised if you ever found someone that could love you as much as you do.

A great first story.

Five stars all the way. This writer should think of doing it as a profession.

A well written first story, kudos! ***** stars.

Us real men don't forgive easily. Great story.

Best read in week's. 5 full on fucking STARS

Not bad for a first story. In fact, it was great. Of course, with you starting with this great story, I expect to see more greatness in the future! I look forward to your future posts.

Cindy was a cheater, who wanted orgasms more than love. Rick was a fucking coward to let some one of Cindys choosing to raise his kids.

Bored to tears.....monotonous and sleep-inducing.

Certainly well written. And very good for this first shot and I'll leave it at that.

For the record this " I'm no progressive. I think all this horse shit about women should be free to roam outside a marriage and expect their husband to remain loyal is beyond nonsensical." Is wrong, this ISN'T a reality, other than to the morons of the Fox News cult and any time a woman is free to roam the male is more than likely a Conservative, so drop your politics unless you can keep a factual even keel from letting your stupidity overwhelm you again,

Rick should have murdered the predator Bennett if he was going kill himself anyway.

Karnevil...From your comment about all publicity is good publicity I can see you know very little about actual real life Public Relations.

So you think that someone who has a business that caters to and puts on weddings isn't going to be severely damaged by be exposed has having the morals of an alley cat??? It is you that is stupid. Unlike you a large percentage of the population still have morals and integrity. Most would not want their daughters or sons to have anything to do with such a wedding venue or the people that runs one. You and a small percentage of others I guess wouldn't. Kind of makes one think exactly how you feel about your daughters or sons. Sounds like you whole heartedly support your daughters and sons cheating on their spouses. I strongly suggest you don't attempt to go into PR. You won't last very long.

Impressive first effort! I would say, though, that your MC's actions post-death were diametrically opposed to the character you had portrayed. He *killed himself* in a (misguided) effort to give his children the best possible life, then he fucks them up 12 years later with the birthday letter. AND his parents as well? Just how is that going to make any of their lives better? Ironically, the person who will be *least* affected by his postmortem shenanigans is Cindy. She already knows what she did, has suffered for it, and will just move on. I also think her kids have a better chance of reconciling with her than dearly-departed hubby planned, as they will probably feel just as much if not more anger towards him as her, but if she's been a good mother for the past 12 years it would go a long way.

I have read many of the comments and am surprised at the unanimity of the admiration of this tale. I agree with the quality of the writing and find the originality refreshing on this site where I thought the plot lines were almost all predictable. I have come to concentrate more on the quality of the writing rather than on the plot, but this story almost insists that you look at the plot. It is indeed the plot that makes this story. And that is where this tale fails miserably. There are several characters who are portrayed as good people and two who are scoundrels. The scoundrels who perpetrate the deception are indeed punished and have to "pay the piper" as the author repeatedly tells us. Although as I think of it Bennet is not really a true villain because he didn't misrepresent himself. Cindy knew that she had no future with him and he never presented himself that way. Lori made it abundantly clear that the liaison was doomed and even Cindy knew that there was no long term "we" with Bennet - and maybe she didn't even want that. The primary disappointment with this story in my mind is that the one real "hero" was the one that got hurt the most and died at such a young age. I, too, thought that Rick might have rigged the suicide and he never really died, but even if that were true he lost his life and his position in the world and lost his children. There is no one who came out ahead at the end of the story. Cindy, Lori, twins, Rick, Brad, Bennet; all suffered from the disclosure of the affair. The Piper was too demanding and should not have been paid so much.

I quickly rated this a 4* because I liked the originality and the quality of the writing. It really should have gotten a 2* rating, but I hit the button too quickly and I haven't figured out if Literotica lets you make changes. I think not, but I have bigger things to worry about.

oh god yes the emotion so much yummy yummy ty

This author is little loser with a small dick.

His wife have good sex with another men.

Very good sex.

ttt59 suck her lovers dick

Personally I don’t think sex scenes in LW are cool so I just fast forward my reader through it…lol I prefer hearing about the husband creating mayhem for both cheaters to the max and including their death if necessary. This story gets 10 ⭐️ stars…now come on ttt59 bring it on. This one is a lifetime movie network if you ask me lol although I can’t stand the shows the wife watch there being without any BTB’s 😂😂😂 Excellent writ… Calibamma707 forgot to login hehe

Well written sad tale of lost love and consequences. 5*

This can't be your first story - too good for a beginner. Where are your other stories.

Very nice beginning effort. Good portrayal of individual character emotions, and dealing with consequences of poor judgment choices. A harsh reality in this fictional setting is that some people actually do want to end it all when betrayed by a love one. In the case of this story, a loving individual like Rick would probably not actually want to leave his children. But, this is fiction, and you have adequately revealed Rick’s line of reasoning. Bring on another story! Thanks.

Well, that was a hell of a good first story! Looking forward to many more!

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Well played, sir! Well played! (Dustin Hoffman as Capt. Hook) THANK YOU for an interesting story.

I enjoyed this tale of self abnegation. Yessir, his only way forward was his death, for his kids, no less. And limitations periods are tolled until the fraud is discovered, even if it is years later. Discovery will start the limitations period running from the date of discovery. So, he killed himself, then fucked his plan over. A minor detail, no doubt, since absurd martyrdom was the MC's goal. Should’ve taken the kids with him, since their money will soon be forfeit.

Unquestionably 5 stars.

BUT,

As others have said, the vicious action from beyond the grave does not befit the sterling character as created.

AND,

The quality of writing is so good that the silly little errors, in the spelling or use of words, really jar.

I look forward to more stories from a top writer who could become a major contributor to this site.

Just, wow! Wonderfully conceived and written. I know someone who reacted to an unrepentant cheating wife by attempting suicide. He failed, was divorced, and relatively soon found and married his perfect soulmate. Decades later, they are as strong as ever.

oooo almost thought he faked his death and was living it up with lori. anyway too much emotion to care about all the errors and weird sentences. oh yeah one thing that bugged me (not sure why) it is forbade past tense of forbid. u typed forbid for a past tense forbade. i know it sounds weird and so wrong to type but thats it

Very well written story. Also, very dark. I guess you took the saying to heart, when you plan revenge, dig two graves, one for the one you seek revenge on and one for yourself.

Loved it

Great story. I would have loved to have another chapter where the kids confront mom.

Well done.

Leaves and interesting thought for follow-up. Really good first story.

Heart breaking story! Amazing 6 stars to writer. Thanks

Great first story!! Can we extend this story with chapter two where the kids show up and beat the shit out of their mother?

Deeep first story. Masterfully crafted. Look forward to more such tails.

Good first story. Keep writing. I seldom give 5's, but I had no choice on this one.

Keep up the good work

I rarely rate 5 stars. That said, I had to do so for this story. AMAZING 1st story. Please keep writing. DMW

WOWCH ❗❗❗ ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

A first story this good? Amazing!

I gave it five stars, and woulda gave it twenty stars, if I coulda! So, that works-out to be me, with a bad case of "woulda, if I coulda...but...I cain't! Aw-w SHUCKS!

But, that don't mean...I still wish I coulda...'cause I do! :)

All the nay-sayers in comments here, can go pound sand up their asses! Ain't nothing wrong with this story at all!

For being your first story here, what a fantastic job and great story you wrote! Flat lays me out...then blows me away!

In fact, I'm gonna pull myself back together, make the loose pieces fit somehow, after being so blown away...then go back to page one and read it again!

Loved this story "as-is" author, thanks! Can't wait to read your next story!

Really interesting for your first story. Welcome to the fray of LW.

Hooked

Well written, with an ending that I can't get into. There were too many foreshadowing comments about the lover's inevitable downfall. The grieving husband's character wasn't developed at all, we had more first-hand knowledge of Lori, the assistant, than we did of the affected spouse before it all blew up. The insurance scam and eventual humiliation did little to make up for using suicide as a solution. I respect the quality and the effort, but can't say that I liked the story or would give it a good score.

Thompson or Thomas? Sweetie is called both of those. If Sweetie maintained her maiden name why not give her a last name like Shepherd or Pugh?

compliment and complement are NOT two spelling options for the same thing!

nor are heal and heel

nor are discrete and discreet

It may be a personal weakness, but I heartily dislike it when an author gives We-The-Readers an advance notice of the way things will go a year or 12 pages in the future. It is done at least twice in this tale! Actually, at least four when the author gives a big hint about suicide, and soon thereafter a post-mortem note.

Bullshit about the note to the press that results in

Harry seems stable.

cutoff from previous comment

Bullshit on Hubby’s posthumous note resulting in financial ruin for BigDick.

Really good story. Depressing but well done. I will give it a 6 because I love Edgar Allan Poe. "Nevermore" to Cindy.

Hello. Local grammar Nazi here. I saw some problems with verb tenses, missing punctuation, and misspelled words. Remember, Spellcheck is only looking at spelling. If you use a wrong word (currier s/b courier, peaked s/b piqued) and spell it correctly, Spellcheck will happily tell you that all is well.

On the plus side, I did enjoy the story and gave it five stars.

Moving. Not pleasant to read, but I’m glad I did. Very well written.

However, while I understand the attraction of this kind of vengeance, I’m afraid stories that include it are not my cup of tea. There’s enough real pain in the world and I’m not sure it’s healthy to draw a perverse satisfaction from stories in which those who have been wronged so grievously go on inflict so much additional pain..

ok, if this is your first story, I am really impressed. You tell a great one. I honestly thought I was reading dtiverson. most of his are great. This story flowed well, I got to know the characters pretty well. You found the good and bad in everyone. I know it's your story, thanks for writing it and letting me read it. Buuuutttt... a suicide just isn't what Rick would have done. When you work that hard and care for your family that much, you don't kill yourself, and orphan your kids when you have been their primary caregiver while your wife plays slut on the weekend. You take the kids to Belize, or Fiji, and burn the bitch. You leave your humiliation with your traitorous wife and her predator homewrecker, and heap ten times more on them. Rick wouldn't have done that to his parents either. Keep writing

Wow... great story! I look forward to more (please?).

Thanks for posting this.

Wow what a tearjerker this story was. Still I’m glad I read it. Such a shame that Rick took the third option, but I also understand his thinking. Spared his kids the pain of feeling abandoned.

I must say this was well written and people read and remember you really do “Pay the piper”.

BTB stories are passe. Lose four pages and save everyone some time.

I am so glad that, after reading the first three pages, I read an excerpt from the last page. I saved so much time of not reading the rest of this trash.

No matter what u think you know as a man in today’s society all women suck

This was a great start and a lousy ending. He kills himself to make his wife pay for her affair. This is so far out. The kids would get over the divorce and he could have gone on with his life. Taking his on life solved nothing. Then to write of his death years later to extract some sick revenge goes beyond the pale. So what did he accomplish. Due you really think all those years later Barnett would be ruined like any one would give a shit. This was one sick ending .I’m sorry I read it.

What a great story! Thank you so much. 5+ A very nicely conceived and written account of how a nice guy finished last. Funny though, that even as the character was portrayed as the quintessential nice guy, it seems he wasn't able to resist what was a very hollow revenge. BTB by all means but don't drag the children into a lifetime of unpleasant memories with delayed post mortem vengeance and unnecessary revelations. Very nicely drawn characterizations with plenty of flaws to go around. Say what you will about the wife, but in the end the husband might have been even more cruel, not to his wife, who was deserving of retribution, but to his innocent children, who even as young adults must have been shattered by his final communication. It seems that great emotional upheaval can make the irrational look like careful planning. A tragic tale well told. Please let us hear more of your excellent storytelling.

This one of those 10s!

Dark certainly, the pain is almost viscerally debilitating, even to the reader. Of all the LW stories I have read over the years I don’t believe I have ever been more emotionally kidnapped than by this gut wrenching and real look at the ultimate cost of the betrayal of love. And for those of you who can’t or won’t imagine the degree of despair Rick suffers, I suppose I pity you because I suspect you also never felt that kind of love and devotion. For ttt59, thank you for sharing this with us and please ignore the trolls who think that every story on this site must be something that they can happily jerk off to. I suspect this took an emotional toll on you to write. It was very well done.

i'm very glad i found it...superb!

Disturbing, as I expect it was meant to be. To love so deeply is perhaps a flaw, at least in our narcissistic society. As was remarked below, if you can’t comprehend Rick’s black anguish you have probably been spared the pain that love encompassing love can elicit. No the story is not erotic, but it graphically depicts the selfishness of adultery and the incredible cost to those who’s lives are forever touched by the hurt. Thank you ttt59 for sharing a bit of your soul with us.

Very well done, but most depressing.

Only rate 4,need more epilogue

P4: “radical”, not “radial”.

Very well done. Thank you.

LWlurker

A very well written story that does pull the reader into a dark mindset. I felt the author did a wonderful job of building his characters and showing their motivations even if the reader may disagree. Suicide is such a harsh way to go but how many people have contemplated it when dealing with the betrayal of their spouse. I do think this author has created a story that will generate quite a bit of discussion both for and against. We may also see many other authors taking a crack at alternate endings. This leads me to believe it is a very good tale and well done by a first time author.

WTF! Rick was a pussy. The divorced can parent, the dead can't! A real man (or woman) would have suffered all the levels of hell to be there for their kids. And no that doesn't mean staying in a wrecked marriage either. Then the topper, in order to twist the knife in the wife once more, he pulls the rug out from the kids when they reach 20 and undoes his misguided protection of them. They gonna hate his ass. Well written, a little over long but a good first effort. Better than most in LW, but the suicide and epilog, just damn. Can't score it. Look forward to your next one.

Interesting first story but not very likable Rick was an absolute coward and selfish to boot. To do that to his kids is unreal.

Congrats,

Very good story, well developed, excellent characters.

Looking forward to your next experience

Brilliant story. Five star plus in any grading system. Would have loved to have heard more of the shitstorm that finally put Bennett out of business.

Rick was a real man, father and husband. An honourable man, dishonoured by the one he loved and honoured above all, so he chose death before dishonour AND he allowed his family to grow up before he reached out from beyond the grave to punish those who would dishonour him, so fellow readers please ignore the namby-pambies with their "suicide" was not the right path for him.

He chose honour rather than live a miserable life pretending all was well (which the kids would see through eventually) or choosing divorce and living a life of miserable pain and loss.

A better man than most of us by far and because of that it was so satisfying to see him finally punish the cheaters whilst freeing his memory by bringing out the truth.

A very tall tale indeed.

Needs a lot of editing or at the very least a few beta readers.

At first read it looks A okay but your premise is really full of holes, Death is a damn lot harder to come to terms with than divorce. Your data is flawed and irresponsible. Even then I still scored you high for the emotive writing you delivered.

Clearly you are a good writer, but I despise any story that has the cheated upon good spouse committing suicide. Accordingly, 2 stars, which would be one but for the good writing.

After reading the comments i decided to read the story. Glad i did.

I'm not going to argue about the suicide aspect of the story, A well written initial offering. But...

The slutwife never felt guilt or remorse for her betrayal until after she was caught. Also she fell on his dick pretty quickly and easily. (There's one anonymous moron who posts that she regretted her actions, no she didnt.) So I find it implausible that she truly felt the despair that you wrote. That and she never truly "paid" for her betrayal.

WOW!!! What a gripping story, I did not see that coming. I don't believe in suicide although he could not see any other option. The piper took a very high price upon the transgressors. 5 stars

Well written, but how could it be worse for the kids to have divorced parents than it is to have a dead dad, a mom who is a shell of her former self, and then the kids finding out at age 20 that their mom's affair caused their dad to commit suicide (so now they are very unlikely to have a relationship with their mom, and certainly not with their dad who, again, is dead)? The kids would have been better off if he'd just aired the dirty laundry right away and ruined their relationship with her. That way at least they could have a good relationship with him.

Outstanding! Very well written and unique.

Fabulous first effort. I do like seeing the AP ruined in some meaningful way however. I'm not squeamish about that like some on this site.

Great story. Hope you write some more!

I agree with all the tributes that have already be lavished on this story. I can only leave you with my heartfelt thanks and the hope that you have another powerful story to share.

The truth here: Rick was pathetically and tragically STUPID. Did he really love his children? NO. Nor was he helping or protecting them. This new author should have included a PS to this story with the national 800 number for the Suicide Preventlion Hotline. A big FAT "1" for me.