All Comments on 'Paying the Piper'

Well, that was some dire miserable shit. What could possibly have motivated you to post it on an erotic story site is something that exists only in your warped imagination. One star, sir, and may you choke on the pointy thing.

But I thought that Bennett was (NA) Not an Asshole?

Great story wish he didn't hope someone dose alternate ending would be cool

What a waste. He should have just killed her.

WOW! Plenty damn dark! Quite a read for a first story on Lit. and especially in LW territory. Very well written. I am hoping to read more of your stories in the future. Thank you.

Exceptionally well done.

An excellent, but very sad story. Well written and much kudos to the author.

On a personal note, I found the concluding paragraphs dealing with making the affair public, a little bit over the top. It seems to be completely out of character for the husband to be so vindictive after so many years. It would have been obvious to him that she would be suffering after his suicide, why create more problems for his children who had already suffered with his death?

Thank you for this excellently crafted and extreamly well written story. Edger would be proud.

Who’s body was in the car?

A good read till the end…then it spiralled and left one with a taste of being unfinished or with questions!! Was Rick alive?? Why speak of insurance fraud if he wa stead anyway?

This story goes straight into my favourites. A dark tale for sure, but extremely well written.

This is a BTB par excellence. Thank you for such a great story, one l really enjoyed.

Scores a well deserved 5/5, wish l could score it higher.

New writer, six pages, no tags? Maybe others will give you a chance, I'm out.

Why do stupid women give up a fantastic man for a bit of strange I hope like her they all burn in hell (jaybee186)

Can really feel his pain. Bitch got what she deserved.

No no no.

suicide is the easiest solution and is the coward's solution.

After his suicide, how can he be sure that his children are both physically and mentally safe.

He can't guarantee anything, and your theory about loss being better than giving up is completely wrong.

we can imagine anything for the future of these children

- a mother who becomes depressed and suicidal too.

- a mother who becomes an alcoholic or drug addict

- a mother who turns into a slut and goes on to visit lovers at the family home.

- a violent or sexually abusive new stepfather.

How can he know the future of his wife and children?

Why would it be better without him?

In any case, what is certain is that he made the choice not to protect them, not to be able to watch over them, in their future, by a purely selfish choice.

I don't call that loving your children.

a divorce is not an abandonment of the family, it is simply the end of a marital relationship.

Even after a divorce, you are still a family with your children, even if you do not live in the same place.

You no longer live with your parents with your brothers and sisters.

Your children will one day create their own home.

So you will no longer be a family following their departure?

No matter the distance, no matter the place, no matter the weather, my children will always be my children and my family. Whether their mother is there or not (death/divorce/separation).

From a highly flawed author to another auther; well done, liked it, just a bit repetitive and so on, alot of tears incidents described in detail where one or two would have do e.

But a good first story here.

Thanks for writing.

I have no idea how to rate this story, neither a one, nor five seems appropriate.

On the one hand it is very well written and it really delves into the LW genre. However, it also exposes the true underbelly of LW, by exploring the extreme long-term pain, suffering, hatred, anger and destruction that marriage infidelity inflicts on families all over our world.

Maybe this story should be the last LW story that everyone needs to read, so they can walk away knowing how bad it can really get and to instead focus on what good there really is in our world.

Very well written but the innocent died. I wish there was more retribution for the guilty. The guy should have remained in the kids life

Wow burn that bitch. Well written but sad. Thank you for the story.

Punish with impunity? Rick is dead. He paid the ultimate price to accomplish his revenge.

The revenge is certainly epic, more like Ahab's/Kahn's words "To the last I grapple with thee; from Hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee.".

Ahab dies.........................................Moby Dick lives.

Kirk escapes/Spock dies. ............Kahn dies.

Rick dies...........................................His wife goes into limbo, a living death.

The story was a really good read.

Sometimes the truth comes back to haunt you. While I personally did not like Rick dying, it was essential to the story and made it quite believable.

Well that was quite a good read this morning.

Hated the last bit though. Why hurt your children so badly and so publically, and the in-laws also? The passing of time, to this reader, makes the final revenge, just too spiteful. It also lessened the self sacrifice for his children. Sad to go into eternity embracing hatred.

Rated it 5*

Thank you for the hard work here.

well constructed, thought and written. thank you soooo sad but an awesome work

What a sad man. The truth is I hope he enjoys hell. Honestly Cindy will be fine. Rick made his own choices, he choose bitterness and resentment and finally suicide. So be it. Cindy did what she did, we are not always responsible for the things that happen to us, but we are responsible for how we react to them. Cindy regretted her actions and wanted and asked for forgiveness and reconciliation out of love for her husband. A faulty but true love. Rick choose the way of anger and ultimately vengeance. My guess is she will be fine, if she is honest with them, open with them completely, she will ultimately be fine. They will reconcile, I have seen it before, they will see Rick's behavior for what it is, petty childish and vengeful and his suicide as an act of vengeance and childish pettiness which ultimately injured them as well as the repentant sinner. With all the pain she caused, they are both lucky to have him out of their lives. Good riddance.

This is the peak of cutting off one's nose to spite one's face. The post-mortem scheme is engineered so meticulously (and implausibly, but eh) that it turns a tragedy into a bit of a comedy.

3 page story at most. The most unlikeable slut I have ever read on this site. I stopped at 911 calling the slut to tell her he died, I'm pretty sure 911 ain't ringing noone and telling them that over the phone. 1*

Outstanding for sure!!

TK

I see this is the first story here for this author. It's a great start. If he continues, maybe something a little less depressing. D

Congratulations on your first post, a five star effort in my opinion.

Dang, was hoping he faked his death somehow and got with Lori.

Well written, lots of interesting nuances, totally lacking in revenge, payback,or emotion. There is absolutely no testosterone in your story. You write cleanly precisely and like a pretentious phony (is there any other type?) wine connisseur. A novice nun would show more backbone and fight that you. Please read some of the LW legends and drink from their emotional displays.

It was a great plot idea, and a good attempt at illustrating the ultimate revenge and payback, but I think it is worth mentioning the obvious flaws in Rick's plan.

1. There is no way Rick could be certain that a car wreck would end in death instead of injury. Instead of leaving his children with loving memories of a vigorous father, they could have watched him whimper and deteriorate in a nursing home, wheel chair, or in a comma, for years.

2. If Rick is going to kill himself, why not kill Bennett too? He could even kill Cindy, but then that would eliminate the long term suffering he hopes to impose on the rest of her life.

3. How could Rick be sure that Cindy did not marry Bennett, that his kids would come to love and respect Bennett as their devoted step father, that his kids would see the great passion and devotion Cindy and Bennett grew and shared? Hell, at some point when everyone became adults and embraced their lives, Cindy and Bennett might even confess to the kids how they betrayed their father, and have spent every moment of their lives since trying to amend and make up for his loss. Rick's final act might be looked upon as understandable, but intentionally cruel and self serving, seeking to destroy the family he left behind, that he supposedly wanted to heal and move on after his passing. It would make Rick look like a mentally deranged avenging angel in the end.

4. Or, even more likely, how could Rick not be sure that in a moment of grief and regret, Cindy might end her own life, leaving the children as orphans?

Upon further reflection, it would have been more intelligent for Rick to fake his death with an unrecoverable body. He would accomplish the same effect on his children and Cindy. And once the kids were grown he could reappear, explain what their mother did to him and what he tried to do for his children without destroying his own life and mental health. And he could visit his revenge upon Bennett and Cindy personally; sweet.

Again, a great effort. I'll probably wish I had commented more or differently later, but it is well done and very thought provoking. Thanks for the effort.

Wow ! Now that's a BTB

Not a bad first effort, well written if a bit unnecessarily padded out and repetitive, a lot of back story is OK in a novel or longer work, but in a story just a few pages long, and unless it's important to the plot it doesn't really a add anything, it can even cause some readers to give up early. The characters were well described, the narrative good, but I thought the sex scenes were a little clichéd and flat. But overall it kept my interest. As for the story itself I guess everybody would agree that Cindy deserved everything she got and more, but I'll leave the name calling and righteous indignation to the so called 'real men'.

My issue is with the ending and the actions of Pitt. Much was made of him being the perfect caring husband and father, but then he tries to destroy the happiness of his kids, his parents, friends and just about everybody who knows him, not once but twice. He committed suicide with the idea that dying was preferable to divorce for his children, the guy obviously lived in cloud cuckoo land. Then for good measure he destroys everyone again twelve years later by disclosing why he did it and kept it secret in the first place, what the fuck! Why?

One other issue is Bennetts comeuppance, he owned three successful and highly rated hotels, a piece in the local newspaper accusing him of having sex with a married woman isn't going to make the slightest difference to his business, in fact, if anything more people will go there out of curiosity, people don't care about others affairs unless it directly affects them. As the old saying goes "there's no such thing as bad publicity,"

A decent story spoiled by a rather stupid ending. Maybe more effort put into the conclusion and less in what led up to it. But not bad nonetheless.

Ohhh wow, suicide is never the answer, and while it makes for a dramatic scene and crystalizes the cost that infidelity can bring about. The claim that its better kill oneself for the sake of the kids than have them deal with the burdens of divorced parents is a rather ridiculous notion. I'm sure the children would rather have a part-time dad that would be there throughout their lives. To be there for the birthdays, the recitals, the sport activities, the small innocuous things that builds a lifetime of profound memories. Than the pain, grief, and loss of death, which in an instant robs them of so much future happiness.

Wow, that was fantastic writing. Looking forward to future stories!

Suicide is an inherently selfish and self-serving act born of cowardice. It is an attempt to escape the necessity to confront some painful or frightening aspect(s) of an individual's current circumstances. It is predicated on the belief the individual will no longer have to cope with the source(s) of pain or fear once the passage through death is complete. While this may or may not prove to be true, it is clear the suffering the deceased sought to avoid is visited in various forms on those he/she leaves behind.

Rick was too weak and cowardly to face his wife's betrayal. Seeking revenge, he chose to inflict grief, fear and guilt on his children, other family members and friends in an effort to weaponize them against his unfaithful spouse. His betrayal is orders of magnitude more severe and despicable than hers.

Wow, damn good story and some plot twists that were unexpected. I fear that this story may not be a highly rated as it deserves (right now, it's ranked 4.3+) after all of the trolls chime in but prior to his suicide I feared a long life of grief for Rick. Cindy, even early in the story, already appeared to be the classic cake eater and through her "tears" seemed more concerned about what it did to her "full" life than the destruction of her family. I still gave this a 5* rating - it's not for me to determine how an author ends a very good story

six pages but no tags? Not sure I am ready for this.

I am sure there have been other stories with this plot line for the revenge, but I have not seen them. It is an angle not usually covered and was brilliantly portrayed.

I almost think the last action was overdone, as whatever he thinks this will devastate his children and destroy their childhood memories.

But great read. Well done

I hope you keep on writing. The best LW story I've read in years

A well crafted story, to the point without hyperbole. Writing style kept the reader rapt with attentiveness while provoking a strongly felt emotional response. A great debut for this author, and best wishes for a productive future. If this is a stand-alone contribution, it is destined to remain iconic in its singularity against a framework of the remaining formulaic tales. GREAT WORK.

Warning: page 5 elicited this note,

“…she snows you off your feet with the crumbs she throws you…”

YEP, SHE’S GOT BENNETT DAVIS EYES.

I hope you keep on writing. The vest LW story that I've read in years

Welcome here ! It was a rather sad but realistic story and I gave 5*.

Difficult to read. I like a happy ending and this one certainly didn’t have that. Nevertheless, a good story.

stupid ending. if this is all you have, please stop.

WOW! Great start for a first story. Little surprised at the husband taking his life, but he sure ruined his wife’s and her lover’s.

The sick twisted selfish bitch continually planned and fucked behind Ricks back while planning weddings. Does it get any more despicable??

Very powerful. Very tragic.

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It was heartbreaking to see Rick choose suicide. Once he decided that “death was better than divorce” for the kids….why didn’t he figure out a way to have Cindy experience a fatal accident?

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Not a feel good story…but a really well written one.

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5 *****

Wow, a BTBAB (burn the bitch and the bastard) from beyond the grave. Well written story and an excellent first effort.

Best story I have read here in a long time. Bravo to the author!

Quite an interesting and well-written story.

Very very good in fact.

It helps trumped over these cuckold stories in LW today.

So sad and very tragic ending.

/

I wasn't happy at all that Rick did end his life. I was hoping Rick faked his death.

No whore is worth the self-killing even though I did feel that way for a few years.

Devastating loss because of betrayal really really hurts, deep.

I think there should have been two or more paragraphs as to what had happened to Bennett

Cindy deserved everything the full amount of what paying the piper rendered.

But why Cindy became celibate and stopped being Bennett's fuck buddy? It was already too late to fix the marriage and Rick didn't care anymore who she have sex with...

Too little too late.

Good story and well written but as much as I like a good BTB this is too harsh for me

Oh…one more thing to my comment about how powerful this tale was.

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Just noticed it was first submission by this author.

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Just wow. As noted: 5 *****

ttt59. The basic premise was good, at least initially. Plus, your actual writing was ok. It needed a more personal touch to involve the reader more in the events but that experience comes with time and practice.

What ruined it was the detail. Yes, I tend to be pedantic. I lectured in Financial Services at tertiary level, covering financial planning, estate planning, legal aspects pertaining, Trusts/Wills and I was also a chartered life underwriter (re insurance). Almost all the details listed in the will were wrong! No, Rick does NOT control 100% of all the marital assets. His wife owns 50% already.

Plus, she is an intelligent woman. She would NOT have destroyed his original note. It would have protected her position. All that emotional venting on things like the one page advert in the newspaper would NOT have been done. It's a legal minefield. Also, why are other people interested (his old firm) in his family situation? What if his wife actually did get together years later with Bennett and got married. Did Rick expect her to become a nun?

Finally and most sad of all, Rick was a coward for committing suicide because he couldn't face the world with a divorce. That was not a solution. I didn't even bother to check California's statute of limitations for insurance fraud being 4 years. I thought it was 21 years??? Four years is nothing. If he faked his death and was still alive, he would be liable re the insurance payouts. Anyway, nice try but keep the legal details correct in future. Cheers. Keep writing.

Gave you 5 stars for a well written story. Some of the dialog was a little cold or stilted considering the parties were so upset. But then again sometimes people upset get very formal wit their grammar when they speak.

I usually do not care for death in a story particularly suicide, but you managed to pull it off and it was incremental to the story. Kudos for a first story published here. I hope to see more.

I like the story right up until the end. Rick was described throughout the story as this seemingly perfect, loving, altruistic guy who goes from victim to perpetrator trying to destroy from the grave every life around him, including his kids. That part makes no sense given the description of his character. Would a man with Rick's supposed character really destroy his kids' relationship with their mother out of spite, 12 years later?

Still a well written story though.

Loved it except Rick had to die. Could he have faked his death somewhat and moved to a small island? But this worked as well. 5*. Thanks for your time writing this. SK742

A parent, who dies young, can be a source of inspiration for a child. A parent, who commits suicide, will mess his child up for the rest of their life. He didn’t think it through. That said, it’s not his fault, because he is a character in a story. The author however, has to answer for why a guy, who dearly lived his kids, and had earlier said that abandoning his children was unthinkable, abandons his kids.

Well done, well written and just WELL. 5 stars from me as Well.

To Anonymous who wrote WHAT A SAD MAN. ---- It is stunning that you can actually blame Rick for the destruction of the marriage and for his reaction. Cindy had an 8-month long affair with another man where she consistently lied to Rick and intentionally put her Family and Children at Risk.

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You claim without any proof “Cindy regretted her actions and wanted and asked for forgiveness and reconciliation out of love for her husband. A faulty but true love”. She had an 8 month long affair and you blame Rick for not accepting her remorse and apology at face value?

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Are you like mentally retarded?

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Even when Lori quite THAT did not wake up Cindy and shock her into action. But the worst aprt is when you wrote “they will see Rick's behavior for what it is, petty childish and vengeful and his suicide as an act of vengeance and childish pettiness which ultimately injured them as well as the repentant sinner.”

Again at no point in your entire dumb as fuck comment did you said anything about what Cindy did being wrong. Not a single word. You blast Rick for making his choices but you don't say a single word about sending making her choices.

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Fuck you asshole

I had really hope the letter was from Belize.

So, did Rick actually kill himself or did he fake his death and move to Austin to be with Lori under another identity?

Dark, depressing Victorian stuff.. Readable and interesting but now I need a drink!

I cannot imagine good old Rick blowing up his children's lives the way he did, but its your sad story.

How did Rick and Lori even know each other?

Great 1st story

Excellent story. Emotional. Dark. And punishing.

To those of you on here who constantly post comments about "how can you put up a story like this on an erotic website"?

Go fuck yourselves. You all damn well know what the LW category is.

If you don't like it? Dont fucking read it. Go over to all the other categories where there are literally hundreds of thousands of stroke stories and beat your meat to stories about cucks, hot lesbians, black dicks, slutty moms, fantasies with naked elves, and group sex gangbangs all you want. There's plenty out there.

When someone writes a good story in LW about what happens to a good marriage...a family...when a spouse betrays their partner? When it's well written. And filled with emotion? And there is payback...pain and anguish filled payback? And then your response is "gee why wasn't there more sex? How come they didn't have a 3way with Lori so I could jack off?"

Seriously...what a bunch of fucking morons.

You know how dumb you look for reading the story. Hating it because it doesn't have enough hot sex in it...and complaining about it? When you are literally 2 clicks away from a half a million other stories filled with sex!?

Good first offering. I look forward to reading more. Thank you.

So well written that I have to give it a 5, but the commenter 'franceman' got it right- suicide was extremely harmful and dangerous to the kids. Leaving their future in complete limbo was awful, and the good guy he was, he would never have done it. And to blow up their lives 12 years later, after they've finally learned to cope with it, was just plain childishly wrong. His desire to punish his wife fully, while understandable, went too far. Still, a good read, if frustrating.

Great story for your first effort. When the letter came years later from a P.O. Box in Austin, I was hoping Rick had faked his death and was with Lori after all. Somehow that seems like even better revenge. Rick’s suicide works to some extent, but it did make him a quitter, albeit a very clever one. Living a great life with Lori and owning Bennett’s hotels with her would have been sweeter payback! Gave it a “5”.

One of the most powerful “real” LW stories I’ve read in a very long time. While it appears this is your first posting on the site, it’s clearly not your first venture into writing. Not that many may read my comment, but I must warn readers to NEVER EVER take the path Rick did here. Suicide creates a stain on everyone it touches for the rest of their lives. I speak from experience as my sibling did something similar to Rick except she waited until the time limitation for suicide in policies was exceeded. My niece and nephew would trade all that money in a heartbeat to have her back. Again, powerful tale, don’t agree with what Rick did, but your story “owned” me as I was drawn in. We’ll earned 5*!

amazing story very well written.

This almost comes across as a long explanation/justification for her cheating. Way too long.

Thank you for a terrific debut. I hope your work and contributions proliferate.

By the by, I cannot resist:

She had Bennett Davis eyes.

Ba-dup

A very good first effort. A few typo errors and misspellings, but, a good proofreader could catch those. Great job!

Do not agree with death being better than divorce at all.

Solid writing however.

Now this was a great story!

Wow what a brilliant first story. More please. Needless to say five stars.

Didn't need to kill Rick off, it wouldn't have changed the story. She totally walked in my mind. Explanation of why she did it was lame and very incomplete as well. 12 years was way too long for revenge to have any satisfaction. Lori totally walked as well. Ended up with no likeable characters except the kids, who you barely included in the story.

Well done. Has some emotional depth. Dialog seems plausible, not cartoonish. Keep writing.

This was your first story.. must say a pretty great effort.. however.. any story in which revenge ends in death .. is not a great story! A life lived well would have been the best possible revenge! This story could have gone anyway…

She was extremely repentant.. he could have been the better man and tried again!

Or

He could have accepted that it was impossible to reconcile and divorced her and moved on!

By killing urself .. what u did was become irrelevant to the story or the way you could influence the lives of your kids or spouse anymore!! So an otherwise we’ll written effort goes down the drain! Hope u do better next time!

Wow. Outstanding! Very dark but powerful and skillfully told. Congrats on your LW debut…

Wow! Just….wow!

That was excellent.

I think some readers missed the part about "children have an easier time adjusting to the DEATH of a parent, rather than Divorce of their parents." He couldn't continue as her husband and he couldn't divorce her without hurting the kids. Rick chose to protect his children by killing himself, meaning less pain for the children.

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I wouldn't have done what the husband did, that's for sure and for certain. Personally I think killing yourself over a cheating slut is beyond silly... she's simply not worth it. But in this story, he did it the way he did to protect his kids, not out of grief for the ruined marriage.

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Overall, I really liked the story. Not only that, but you're a really good writer, so I'm looking forward to many more. 5 stars, absolutely. Thanks for posting.

Well written until you got to the suicide part. It takes an incredibly selfish act by a despicable person to commit suicide. It's the wrong decision every time. It deprives those that love and respect you of everything important. Sure it's the easy road out for the person committing the act, but it's the easy way out - end your pain at the resultant pain for everyone else. And reaching out from the grave to ruin everyone's lives were the actions of a coward. A man picks himself up, dusts off the bitterness and pain, divorces the slut and gets on with life in the face of everything. Day by day it gets better. Poor decision. Lousy ending to the story.

Great 6 page build up for a three sentence finish

Congratulations and thank you very much. I hope you post often. I read this twice and enjoyed it more the second time. The one big part I disagree with was that the husband knew the wife was untrustworthy yet he left his children to be raised by her. I think that was inconsistent. I also would have enjoyed the wife reflecting on her indiscretion years later and showing real regret.

Dear Kids,

I abandoned you, although I loved you, to wreak a crazy revenge on your mother whom I hate. Have a great life!

Love,

Dad

Great first effort. Half a dozen grammatical errors. You say she quit teaching because of low pay, but teachers in SoCal after 5 years are earning 6 figures plus benefits for 9 months of work. I hate suicides over any woman. Divorce is better than death and absence for the kids. He still had not met any of the 500,000,000 Chinese women available(sic). Still…..5*. Thanks

First story and already 5 stars. Good start sir

The real question is did he fake his dead and move to Austin with Lori and eventually take down Bennett . Why would the company buying out Bennett be in Austin. Lori was party to bring down the slut and her lover

Paying homage to Mr. Poe is about right for this well written story. I reckon we can say this was definitely a BTB and all of her world story.

Talk about speaking from the grave! Nice ending.

5

Loving wife turns trampy with sufficient temptation. Great guy husband turns into monster. Not a great story.

ttt59 as author created a world where every revenge angle worked and maximized the story’s emotional effect. Except to me suicide is a result of cowardice and or mental illness. Rick was a character so take your pick of which or both that motivated the author. It was a well written story with a good plot that I wish ended without Rick’s suicide. The author’s choice was not consistent with all other characteristics ascribed to Rick. 1star I will never be supportive of suicide as an option real or fictional.

Very good for your first story. I look forward to more from you, thanks

The absolute best BTB ever written on the most selfish worthless narcisstic slut of a character ever made from words. Congratulations on an outstanding story and looking forward to many more!

Yes we do, Anonymous, but do you?

The site is Literotica. Erotic Literature. Its stories are supposed to be erotic.

The LW category is for stories about wives enjoying "extramarital fun". So where are the erotically descriptive sex scenes about them enjoying their fun?

PB

To Harry VA. Well said that man. The woman who caused the problem, with any justice will suffer condemnation by all and ultimately die alone.

The hypocrisy of blaming the victim is a sign of today.

P. S. If the livid kids found her the next morning dead in her bed clutching a picture of Rick, it still would not be enough for forgiveness. They would realise she was a coward, not a martyr like their father.

Shakespearean melodramatic tragedy. This could be reset in 14th Century Padua or Verona. Maybe as a libretto scored by Verdi.

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Very impressive new voice on the Literotica LW stage. Please submit more. Thank you very much.

One of the best in this genre! An amazing story filled with emotion that allowed us to really get to know and feel close to the characters! Paying the Piper sometimes costs everything! I hope this is not the last we read from this author! 5* from me!