Perspectives Series: Jess Pt. 02

"I...uh...didn't want to come back to a relationship like the one we had before. I was hoping that you would be happy settling down and raising a family and living a more...um, I don't know, traditional lifestyle."

His brow furrowed as he struggled with the words. He paused to look for any change in my expression. When he saw that I wasn't upset, he continued.

"When you told me that you wanted things to be the way they were before, I didn't know how to take that; I didn't know how to tell you that I didn't want to live that way, anymore."

So that's the real reason he left. The whole time, I thought he left because he didn't want me. My head shook back and forth involuntarily, as I tried to grasp what he was saying.

It can't be true, he can't be saying this; this is exactly what I've wanted to hear. I had just said what I thought he needed to hear from me. I didn't mean it, literally. I wanted all the things he wanted. I wanted to be married, to have kids. I wanted to drive a minivan to soccer practices, and bake cakes for the PTA fundraiser, and bore everyone with pictures of my kids. My mind kept racing with every suburbia image I could think of. I wanted to yell out, to tell him not to leave.

My cheeks started to flush, I could feel them. Sweat began running down the sides of my face. I just needed to hold out a little longer.

"I bought you a ring about 8 months ago. I vowed that if I saw you again, I would drop to my knees and ask you to marry me right then and there."

I held my breath. I was afraid of what the next sentence was going to be.

Simon stopped and looked at me. I thought he was looking for my reaction again, but his face turned to concern.

"Are you alright, baby?" Simon stood up and walked to me.

I felt like I could pass out. I was lightheaded from not eating, and I was about to die from the body heat inside my jacket, along with the excitement of the whole situation. Simon started unzipping the jacket. I let his hands slide down my firm, round abdomen. It was obvious that I was not only pregnant, but a full four months along.

Simon finished pulling the sleeves off my hands and laid the jacket on the love seat behind me. He then knelt down on one knee, reached into his pocket, pulled out a box, and gave it to me.

"This isn't exactly the way I had planned to do it, but it's what I've wanted to ask you for a long time...Will you marry me, Jess? Not because you're carrying my baby, but because you want to be my wife?"

I don't know how I kept them in up to that point. Tears started rolling down my cheeks as though they had a mind of their own. I couldn't say anything. My lips tried to move but they were stuck in place, like in a dream. I nodded weakly as my body started trembling.

Simon steadied my hand with his, and opened the box with his other hand. The ring was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. A large princess cut diamond solitaire set on white gold. It was simple, but not ordinary in any way. I started to cry when I saw it. My shoulders began to shake and I really lost all composure.

Simon took the ring out of the box, and placed the box on the coffee table. He then took my left hand and slid the ring carefully onto my shaking ring finger. The sight of it on my hand was overwhelming. I don't know of any girl that hasn't held her hand up with a ring on it in the store, imagining what her own ring would look like someday. My hands dropped down to my belly as I thought of my own baby girl.

I reached out to Simon's hands and drew them to our baby. He looked down and then back up at me.

"We're having a baby girl." I could hardly get the words out.

Simon started to cry.

Chapter 18

My nerves were thin. I had just spent 9 hours in the car across 500 miles of highway, following a sleepless night. I just got engaged, and found out that I was going to be the father of a baby girl. I don't know if anything could've prepared me for that.

For a split second, I thought of my father and wondered if he had the same feeling when Ann told him she was pregnant with my half-brother. Was he happy; did he shed a single tear? Somehow I doubt it.

Jess's fingers ran through my hair and I could feel the ring against my scalp. I looked up into her eyes. She looked so matronly already. She was much more feminine looking. Kinder, and loving, and calm. It reminded me of my mom when I was very young.

"I don't think I've ever been this happy, Jess."

She smiled bigger and slid off the ottoman to her knees to throw her arms around my neck and hug me. When she lifted her head to look at me, I pulled her face toward mine with my hands on her cheeks, and kissed her ever so gently on the lips. She reciprocated by pressing her lips harder onto mine and opening my mouth with her tongue. Her hands wrapped around my head, and her sense of urgency was evident. I was beginning to feel a stir in my jeans and I wanted her badly, but my brain took over.

"Wait! We always do this. We make love instead of talking. I think we need to talk."

Jess caught her breath and nodded. "You're right. I know you're right. I just...I'm sorry."

"NO, don't be sorry. I want the same thing you do, believe me. I just think we have some catching-up to do and some details to work out. Where were you headed when I pulled up?"

"I was going to get dinner. I don't have anything in the house that I want to eat and, well, I was sort of craving custard."

"For dinner?"

Jess nodded and looked down at the floor. I could tell she felt embarrassed by this.

"I think custard sounds like a great idea for dinner. Why don't we go get some, and come back here and talk?"

Jess hugged me and kissed my neck. She whispered in my ear.

"Then can we spend some more intimate time together?"

I nodded and she continued.

"I haven't had sex in months and this pregnancy is making me horny as hell."

"Really?"

I realized then that I knew nothing about pregnancy. Nothing about cravings, or urges, or if sex was dangerous or not...the only thing I knew is what I'd learned from Doug about Mary's pregnancy. We never talked about the really personal details.

I stood up and helped Jess to her feet. Instinctively, my hands drifted to her abdomen as if drawn by invisible magnets. I knew Jess's body inside and out, but this was a new part of Jess that I had to become acquainted with. I was immediately surprised by how firm and tight her stomach felt. It was so different from anything I'd ever felt before.

"How far along are you...er, we?"

Jess smiled. "Uh, we are about 18 weeks give or take. It's hard to say for sure whether I got pregnant in Dubai, or here on my birthday."

"So when does that make your/our due date?"

Jess chuckled at my attempt to include myself in the events.

"Late March, early April timeframe. We should have a better idea after this next sonogram."

"When is that?"

"Next week, I think. Or the week after, I'm not sure."

I couldn't hide my confusion. Jess was always on top of everything. She knew her calendar like the back of her hand.

"Are you alright?"

"Welcome to pregnancy. Confusion, forgetfulness, fatigue, nausea...it's a wild ride."

I carefully examined her face for signs of regret, but couldn't see any. Jess loves her sarcasm.

Chapter 19

Like the perfect gentleman he was when we first met, Simon retrieved my jacket from the loveseat and guided my arms into the sleeves. He even zipped it up for me. We walked out to his car parked in the driveway. I had forgotten to shut the garage door when we walked inside. I've been forgetting a lot of things these days.

Just the previous week, I'd forgotten to turn the iron off when I went to work. The week before that, I missed my appointment to get blood drawn. At work, I kept it together because everything was on my calendar. But I was a mess at home. Simon is in for a real shock.

He opened the car door and helped me inside. His attentiveness would bother me a bit, if it didn't remind me so much of the way things used to be with us. I don't think he is doing it because he believes I'm so fragile, I might break at any second. If I thought that, I might have to knock some sense into him.

The ritual was complete when he checked my seat belt and started the car. I sat back and closed my eyes, and remembered. I'd loved Simon for so long, but I'd never been able to imagine my future with him until that very moment.

"So how did you find out that I was pregnant?"

"Martin. I guess Teresa saw you in the drugstore."

I thought Jill saw me. It doesn't matter.

"Martin didn't put it together that I was the father. I never told him about us trying to have a baby."

The way Simon described it, you would think we sat down and planned the whole thing. I always thought of it as an accidental pregnancy. It never even dawned on me that he was more ready to have children and settle down than I was. He had planned to ask me to marry him while he still lived in Dubai, and he planned to have children when he came back to Kansas City. I just wasn't privy to the plan.

I started to have a real revelation. The more I tried to control the situation with Simon, the more screwed up things got. If I would have just let go, things would have happened in the proper order. I kept getting in the way. It was a real miracle that he even came back.

A vibration startled me. Simon had a cell phone, and it was vibrating in the console. He ignored the call and eventually it stopped buzzing.

"Remind me to get your cell phone number. It would have come in handy a few months ago."

"Would you have called me to let me know you were pregnant?"

I paused and thought for a few moments. I could hear the betrayal in his voice. He must've been very hurt when he found out from Martin, instead of me. I felt very guilty and very ashamed of my actions. I was so caught-up in my own drama, I didn't think about how it might look from his point of view.

"I would have called you before I knew I was pregnant. I went over to Martin's house looking for you, but no one answered. I gave up after that. When I found out I was pregnant, I didn't know what to do."

"Did you think about getting an abortion?"

The words were almost offensive to me. "No, not for a second. I know that's hard to believe, but it's true. I want to have this baby. I just didn't plan it all very well. I wanted you to come back to me for your own reasons, not because I was pregnant. Then I started thinking that I didn't want to be a burden to you, and that really stopped me from trying to reach you.

"I also thought that you were still in town. I didn't know you moved to Dallas."

Simon was about to back out of the driveway when he stopped and put the car back in park. I looked at him quizzically as he turned toward me.

"How did you find out I live in Dallas?"

Oops! I hadn't thought about whether or not I was going to tell him about Jill. I guess it's too late now.

"I just found out today. Jill told me."

"Jill?"

"Yeah, she came over today, unexpectedly."

"Jill came here? Why?"

I considered lying to protect Jill's secret, but it wouldn't be a good way for Simon and I to start our life together as a married couple. Anyway, aren't fiancés covered under some kind of immunity clause?

"Well...um...I'm not supposed to say anything, but Jill just found out she is pregnant. With Martin's baby. That's why she came over...to talk about being pregnant."

"What?! But he can't..."

"Yeah, so everyone thought. Apparently, he can."

"I can't get over this. No shit?! Really?!"

I nodded.

"Damn! That is bizarre!" Simon moved suddenly toward his console and reached for his phone. "I have 4 missed calls from Martin. He must know. He never calls me this much."

"I seriously doubt he knows by now. Jill just left here maybe a couple of hours ago and she didn't seem prepared to tell him yet. Call him and find out, but DON'T tell him...OK?"

"OK."

Simon chose Martin's name from his drop-down list of calls and waited with the phone to his ear.

"Hey, Martin...how you doin'? I saw you called."

I could barely hear Martin's voice through Simon's cell phone speaker.

"Really?! What was Jill doing over at Jess's house?" (pause)

"Oh. And?..." (long pause)

"Yeah, I'm still here...No, I'm not. I knew it was mine when you told me Thursday. We had unprotected sex when I came back from Dubai." (pause)

"I don't know. I don't tell you everything." (short pause)

"I will tell you this...we're getting married." (pause)

"I know I told you that before, but this time I actually asked, and she said yes."

"Not over the phone, you dork...I'm in KC right now."

"Just got here an hour ago. Did Jill say anything else?"

My eyes darted to Simon's and I started shaking my head to warn him not to say anything.

"Well, that happens when you're pregnant."

"Yeah, she's sitting right here. We were on our way to pick up some custard."

Simon pulled his mouth away from the receiver, "Martin says congratulations."

"Thanks, Martin", I yelled loud enough for him to hear.

"Alright, man. Talk to you later."

Simon ended the call and turned to me.

"He doesn't know. She didn't say anything."

"What do you think Martin is going to do when Jill tells him?"

"Oh, shit! I don't know."

"Do you think he'll stay with Teresa?"

"I don't know. I don't think Teresa will handle this very well. She's wanted to have kids for a long time. She went off birth control a long time ago and has been trying to get pregnant with Martin. He wants to have kids, but he didn't think he could. This will send her over the edge. And things aren't the same between them as they used to be. Martin told me the other night that he thinks T may be having an affair of her own. Apparently, on several occasions, Martin has been unable to reach Teresa in the middle of the day. He even came home once and she wasn't there. She said she was shopping but she had no bags. She always buys something. And Martin is in love with Jill. I mean, really in love. This is different for him. He's never had a relationship like this with anyone. He's going to flip when he finds out he is going to be a daddy."

"You know, when Jill was talking about Martin, I got this whole different picture of him. I mean, he sounds like he can be a real sweet guy."

"Martin has changed a lot over the years. Jill brings out the Martin I used to know."

Simon put the Volvo in reverse and said, "OK, where is this custard place? I'm hungry."

The drive was short and we didn't resume our conversation until we were back at the house. Simon began talking first.

"I'd really like to get married right away, and then if you want a big church ceremony, we can do that next year, after the baby is born. Is that OK with you?"

"Yeah, that's perfect; except, I don't really want a big church wedding. I'd just like to go to the Justice of the Peace with a couple of friends. Maybe Martin and Jill."

"You don't want Lisa to be there?"

I shrugged, "I don't know...we've grown apart these past couple of months. She wasn't really on-board with my decision to have this baby. It's funny how people can't seem to hide their opinions about something like this. Anyway, given the current state of affairs, no pun intended, I'd rather have Jill there."

"That's cool with me. I did tell you that she and I dated once, didn't I?"

"Yeah, you told me. Funny story."

"How long is your maternity leave?"

"It's 6 weeks, plus any vacation time, which will be another 5 weeks for me."

Simon contemplated this for some time before he spoke.

"Would you consider not going back to work?"

That caught me off-guard. I had not thought for a moment about giving up my career.

"I don't know. I...what do you mean, exactly?"

"I mean, why don't you take leave and then not go back to work. We can't continue living in separate cities and I really like my new job in Dallas. You've always wanted to move back there. We just need to sell this house and buy another one in Dallas as Mr. and Mrs. Shaw...you know, together."

"I don't have to quit working. I can just look for openings in our Dallas office."

I didn't even notice immediately that I was doing it again...trying to control the plan and take it over.

Simon slid over next to me and leaned in to kiss me. He held my neck with his hand and delivered one of his lingering, passionate kisses. I forgot that we were in the middle of a conversation. We just got lost in kissing for several minutes. When he finally pulled his face from mine, it was like I was drugged. My mind was no longer clear. I was overcome with desire, and that old familiar feeling of surrender.

Simon's hand slid down to my swollen breast and he began fondling it through my t-shirt while he looked me in the eyes. My head tilted back against the sofa.

"I kind of like the idea of you being home taking care of the house and our children."

I let the idea form a vision in my mind and somehow it began to arouse me.

"I don't want to share you with anyone ever again...not even work."

The words were so beautiful to my ears; so romantic. I knew this was my place in his world. It was where I truly wanted to spend the rest of my life.

"Mmmm...that sounds perfect."

Simon stood up and helped me to my feet. He paused for a moment and lifted my shirt just over my belly. Then he leaned down and kissed our baby. He pulled my shirt back down and led me by the hand to the bedroom.

Next to the bed, he ever so gently removed my t-shirt and bra, followed by my shoes, socks, jeans and panties. I stood there nude in front of him.

"God, Jess...you are beautiful!"

Simon sat me on the bed and laid me back with him climbing beside me. He looked into my eyes while he stroked my cheeks with his fingers. His hand would travel down my body until his fingers were lightly touching my breasts and belly. He spent a long time just caressing my bulge while looking into my eyes. This time I broke the silence.

"What are you thinking about right now?"

Simon smiled. "Nothing in particular. Do you know how much I love you?"

He wasn't looking for a response from me. How could I respond to a question like that? The true answer was no. No one ever really knows what's in someone else's heart. But I have a pretty good idea this time.

I lifted Simon's shirt up as far as I could without his assistance. He stopped caressing my stomach long enough to take off his shirt. I did the same with his pants, to reveal that he was hard as a rock. I couldn't imagine how he was able to restrain himself. I ran my hand down to stroke him, and he grabbed my wrist to stop me. I rolled up and over his chest pushing him onto his back.

"I'm bigger than you now, so you'd better watch it."

I straddled his torso with my legs, and wiggled my hips until I had positioned my pussy right over his erection. He was pressing against the opening and it wouldn't take much effort for me to slide onto him.

"Are you sure this is OK? I mean, for the baby."

I grinned and sat down, forcing him to slide inside me.

"Oh, yeah...this is per-fect-ly fine. Oh, God that feels good."

My head fell backward as I arched my back. Simon's eyes shut and he held my hips as he thrust upward into me. He came right away. It didn't matter, because we didn't leave the bedroom for the rest of the night.

Chapter 20

I woke Sunday morning to the faint sound of my cell phone ringing. Jess was curled up next to me, and as I became aware of her skin touching mine, I also became aware of my hard dick against her back. I reached around and cupped her breast with my hand. They were larger than before the pregnancy. I liked the larger size but I didn't want to make a big deal out of them to her. I didn't want her to know that, since they'd likely go back to normal after the baby was born.