by norstorm
Nice story, well written. A little more detail would have made it a great story.
The premise of this story is very interesting and could easily be the basis of others. I recommend that you work on more artistic description and encourage you to continue to continue developing your characters. It also would be beneficial to increase both the build up to sex and the actual duration of sex.
This was such a good read. I really loved the whole thing. I hope you continue on. =)