- Non-Erotic
- Poly is Not a Party
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Click herePoly is Not a Party
I am trying my hand at a different genre altogether. I know it won't be hot or sexy, but it will be raw, honest, and open. Worth a shot...right? (insert shoulder shrug)
Based on my name, poly at the pen, it is not a surprise that I am polyamours or at least a version of it. Twenty years ago, I admitted to my husband that I questioned my sexuality. He was beyond supportive and suggested that I explore that side of myself. That sort of exploration did not happen for another five years; but when it did, it opened up a whole new world for the two of us. I eventually met a woman who I fell in love with, and we became a polyamours family before we even knew what that was. My husband and I have three children, and the woman became their second mom. It truly was amazing having one parent for each child, and we became an incredibly close family. However, I have a very public-type career, and I was not willing to be open and risk that. Our girlfriend could no longer be just the "friend." While my heart was broken, in the end I couldn't blame her. I continued to date women off and on, but it was never the same. A few years later my husband suggested that we have a threesome with a man, which sounded exciting to me.
We eventually met a much older gentleman who we both clicked with, and we began seeing him. He and I had similar careers, so we clicked instantly. As time progressed, we became incredibly close and fell in love. My husband, who sucks at communicating, slowly shut down and pulled away. What started out as three people having fun ended up with me having a boyfriend and a husband, and a husband who felt left out.
We lived this way for over five years, and I was incredibly happy because I did not know how sad my husband was feeling. However, he was slowly dying inside, and finally he snapped. We had to start going to therapy. In order to save my marriage, I ended it with my boyfriend. A decision that still haunts me three years later. My husband and I are incredibly close, and we healed, learned, and moved forward. We decided to make our poly journey more about him and me, hoping that we would one day find another couple who was like us.
So this is where I stop my incredibly brief and boring summary, and write into the unknown void to the unknown reader. Do people really understand what poly relationships are all about? I don't think so...at least not where I currently reside. So where am I going with this piece? I am not even sure considering I've done more deleting and backspacing than actual writing.
I am madly in love with my husband, and if you knew us, we would probably make you puke. I am that corny wife who posts on social media how wonderful her husband is, and all my profile pictures are of him and me. We hold hands, say I love you, and kiss to the point where our children yell at us. Does it make logical sense that I would want to date another human? While many couples bicker about dishes, laundry, or money, we have those disagreements plus additional conversations. I can't tell you how many times my husband has held me in his arms because someone hurt my heart. Poly is not all about swinging parties, fucking the next best thing, or wild nights. Not even close.
I guess that is where I am going with this...poly is not a party. We will meet an interesting couple, but then they flake out on us. No one has the common decency to say, "Hey we are not really interested, but we wish you all the best..." Nope. Just radio silence.
Or how about the couples out there who are cordial for five minutes before he busts out the question, "So can I fuck your wife?" Really? Come on man...who does that?
Then there are the ones who lie. Just lie. Why? There is no need for it.
Sex and sex only? Nope. Gonna have to pass.
How about the people who want to be chased...nope not going to work either. We would like a mutual friendship first...
Let me unload all of my baggage on the first day...sorry that is not appealing on any level.
How about the guy who is totally poly...but his wife can't know...but he's willing to date a couple...well he's straight...yep...we are back to, "So can I fuck your wife?"
Is dating in the regular world this difficult? I met my husband when I was nineteen and never left his side, so am I completely clueless how this works? There are 325 million people in America; you can't tell me that my husband and I are the only ones who would like to have an intimate friendship with a similar married couple. I feel we are like an endangered species desperately trying to find our tribe or herd.
My literotica stories are often about group sex because in my utopia multiple people can care for each other without the bullshit and drama. I mean true caring: friendship, honesty, mutual respect. I am beginning to wonder if that is where my dream couple lives...in the lines of a story.
So I leave this out there to you, my unknown reader...maybe you can relate to my struggles. Maybe you think I am full of shit and poly is nothing more than shagging with a new person. At any rate, I hope I left you with something...
- COMMENTS
Anonymous11 months agoMy Daddy once told me, 'All that is brown, is not chocolate.' Sounds like you've stepped in more 'brown' than chocolate. Do not despair. Both you and your husband sound like incredible people. You will prevail. There are others out there with the same inclinations. I know from personal, first hand experience! Before I lost my wife we lived a polyamorous life for nearly half a century. Do not give up. you will never regret the memories of a life well lived and friends well loved. I don't! Your dissertation is both heart wrenching and heart warming. You're right. Its not ALL about sex. So, screw the naysayers. No, on the other hand DONT.
Anonymousabout 1 year ago@sexecutioner I don't think it is fair of you to judge what happened based off of so little information. Poly is hard and it requires tons more communication than a monogamous relationship. A lot of people (probably primarily men) hide their thoughts and their feelings and do well to keep it hidden. For numerous reasons. It's hard to be open and vulnerable when you think it's going to ruin the happiness of the one(s) you love more than anything. It wasn't mentioned in the post, but it is entirely possible that the poster did pick up on signs that things were off and did their best to confront the issue, just to have it be shrugged off or denied entirely. Lots and lots of people do that. It's so hard to communicate big and complex feelings. If you struggle to communicate to begin with, then this kind of communication can feel impossible. The poster did not fail. The two of them made a mistake. One that they were able to work through and learn from. And that is huuuge! So many people repeat mistakes over and over again without ever learning. Give the poster some compassion, please. As well as other poly people that are struggling to keep everything balanced and happy. Monogamous people go years unhappy in their relationships, monogamous people make big mistakes, monogamous people struggle with communication, monogamous people get to breaking points and find their way to deal with it. This is no different
Sexecutionerabout 1 year agoSo you blissfully carried on with total ignorance to your husband suffering. Basically abandoning him for your selfishness. For five years. Cool....
From what a friend of mine tells me, it's important to give "care" to all parties involved in this relationship. You obviously failed.
Grogu269about 1 year agoThe title was captivating and the content even more so. We could all look at your relationship, your marriage and be judgmental about it, but why should we? It seems to this reader that you have reached a point in a very loving marriage to be honest about how "love" can be expressed, shared and enjoyed with more than one person. The gender of that person, or persons, is irrelative as long as there is mutual agreement of what to expect from the experience. If it is merely for sex, that might be acceptable if all understand and agree going into the arrangement. But if it is to establish a friendship, to like one another and enjoy time together, then the sex, as it happens will be sweeter for all. Loving, caring sex among three, or even four people who are close friends could be very special. I think the foundation for such a successful relationship has to be honesty, truth, patience and the genuine desire give as much as you receive.
You mention how you first encountered a woman with whom you fell in love. The love of your husband to allow, agree to, or even encourage you in that regard reflects the deep love he has for your needs, even though there might be that feint chance that he would again be somehow ignored. But that seems to have been addressed and eradicated, which is in itself a wonderful thing.
This reader would presume that your husband has the same opportunity to find or accept another person in his and your life should he choose to do so. To recap - isn't it as simple to say that the word "polyamorous" means to love all?
There are those people who, once aware of your marital relationship, would try to take advantage of you and/or your husband primarily for sexual purposes. I'm sure you have learned how to weed them out.
(I have posted but one short story here so far but may post more if I stay. My interests are a little darker than what most authors write, so I may never actually write my true desires and interests. But since I do enjoy any anal activity (only for her) group sex interests me greatly. I have only been in a threesome but your stories imply that more than three can be remarkably erotic. Probably because of your writing skills. I need to revisit your portfolio and read more to learn of your very special relationship.)
A new fan - Grogu269
lc69hunterabout 1 year agoI was in a polyamorous relationship for almost three years, as the other guy. It worked for us because, not far into the relationship, the wife revealed that hubby was bi-curious. Turns out he was definitely a bisexual bottom, so we made sure that at least one night a week was all about him.
Sadly it ended when I was transferred overseas..
Anonymousabout 1 year agoEverything about the poly "lifestyle" is bullshit. A man, at heart doesn't want someone else fucking the love of his life. If he doesn't mind, he doesn't love. And if she does fuck someone else, she doesn't love either. Bottom line, there is no true love in this lifestyles, affection maybe but even that's debatable since there's so much debasement involved with being used as a meat puppet.
Anonymousabout 1 year agoI'm thinking this is similar to the commune lifestyle of the sixties. I pray you find the utopia you seek and I'll email later my love.
Thorlolabout 1 year agoI wrote a long comment but it got lost :/ So my short answer: Relationships are not easy. Many people already struggle to deal with the wants and needs of one partner. If only two people in a poly relationship love each other you got problems like you already experienced when your boyfriend took the frontseat. You almost lost your husband and you were still falling apart because you lost your boyfriend. That wasnt just a case of bad communication but also not having the awareness about the emotional needs of both partner at the same time. I really dont know what you are looking for. Do you have the need to love 2 people at the same time? Because your approach to the whole thing is kinda weird. To actively look into the dating scene for a third to add into an established relationship. The one poly relationship I know of formed naturally. They didnt look for it but found each other. In your case you never found the third but were looking for them. Thats really not the way. So thats the short comment. I know a lot dating sites/apps, the standard dating and the more explicit sites where its about just hooking up. But none have the option to look for people who want to get romanticially involved with a couple. Its utopia. You already had two chances, the first one that actually worked you couldnt realize long term because you were afraid. And the issue was a standard relationship issue about being valued and recognized. The second one failed because you had not the emotional awareness to see what happens because you were blinded by love and because of lacking communication on your husbands part. Although it actually sounds that he wanted you happy and would have died on that hill. I really dont mean all that as an accusation. Relationships are hard. Maybe you should check out the local swinger scene, in person and not only over the internet. And I dont mean getting directly involved but get friendly with them. Its possible. Maybe then you can put your feelers out to find a like-minded couple. But always think about that it shouldnt only be about you and your needs but also about your husband. From what I have read he always took a backseat role and was supportive of you instead of caring about his own needs. Wich means you have to think about more than he will tell you. Thats just my assumption from the little you wrote.
Anonymousabout 1 year agoit's basically college life, with a fancy name tacked onto it. Just 'how many people can I fuck without going to jail, or failing at life?' Yawn.
Anonymousabout 1 year agoWas hoping to learn something, but it was too disjointed and scattered. I couldn’t tell if the writer was stoned, confused, or just so emotional about her circumstance that she had great difficulty in expressing herself. I suggest she try again when she can focus better.
