All Comments on 'Poly is Not a Party'

Great picture of the problems we have been discussing over after all your great stories and the issues the can be stirred up.

This is so true from the heart, and from the other documentaries I saw on the issue. It seems to always be 1 male and 2 women, I rarely saw the other other throuple or foursome. Occasionally 2 throuples would get together and have a loving group weekend/vacation together. However, as you have discribed so well, the general lifestyle seems very hard to fit in today's fast paced individualist's goal driven world.

Was hoping to learn something, but it was too disjointed and scattered. I couldn’t tell if the writer was stoned, confused, or just so emotional about her circumstance that she had great difficulty in expressing herself. I suggest she try again when she can focus better.

it's basically college life, with a fancy name tacked onto it. Just 'how many people can I fuck without going to jail, or failing at life?' Yawn.

I wrote a long comment but it got lost :/ So my short answer: Relationships are not easy. Many people already struggle to deal with the wants and needs of one partner. If only two people in a poly relationship love each other you got problems like you already experienced when your boyfriend took the frontseat. You almost lost your husband and you were still falling apart because you lost your boyfriend. That wasnt just a case of bad communication but also not having the awareness about the emotional needs of both partner at the same time. I really dont know what you are looking for. Do you have the need to love 2 people at the same time? Because your approach to the whole thing is kinda weird. To actively look into the dating scene for a third to add into an established relationship. The one poly relationship I know of formed naturally. They didnt look for it but found each other. In your case you never found the third but were looking for them. Thats really not the way. So thats the short comment. I know a lot dating sites/apps, the standard dating and the more explicit sites where its about just hooking up. But none have the option to look for people who want to get romanticially involved with a couple. Its utopia. You already had two chances, the first one that actually worked you couldnt realize long term because you were afraid. And the issue was a standard relationship issue about being valued and recognized. The second one failed because you had not the emotional awareness to see what happens because you were blinded by love and because of lacking communication on your husbands part. Although it actually sounds that he wanted you happy and would have died on that hill. I really dont mean all that as an accusation. Relationships are hard. Maybe you should check out the local swinger scene, in person and not only over the internet. And I dont mean getting directly involved but get friendly with them. Its possible. Maybe then you can put your feelers out to find a like-minded couple. But always think about that it shouldnt only be about you and your needs but also about your husband. From what I have read he always took a backseat role and was supportive of you instead of caring about his own needs. Wich means you have to think about more than he will tell you. Thats just my assumption from the little you wrote.

I'm thinking this is similar to the commune lifestyle of the sixties. I pray you find the utopia you seek and I'll email later my love.

Everything about the poly "lifestyle" is bullshit. A man, at heart doesn't want someone else fucking the love of his life. If he doesn't mind, he doesn't love. And if she does fuck someone else, she doesn't love either. Bottom line, there is no true love in this lifestyles, affection maybe but even that's debatable since there's so much debasement involved with being used as a meat puppet.

I was in a polyamorous relationship for almost three years, as the other guy. It worked for us because, not far into the relationship, the wife revealed that hubby was bi-curious. Turns out he was definitely a bisexual bottom, so we made sure that at least one night a week was all about him.

Sadly it ended when I was transferred overseas..

The title was captivating and the content even more so. We could all look at your relationship, your marriage and be judgmental about it, but why should we? It seems to this reader that you have reached a point in a very loving marriage to be honest about how "love" can be expressed, shared and enjoyed with more than one person. The gender of that person, or persons, is irrelative as long as there is mutual agreement of what to expect from the experience. If it is merely for sex, that might be acceptable if all understand and agree going into the arrangement. But if it is to establish a friendship, to like one another and enjoy time together, then the sex, as it happens will be sweeter for all. Loving, caring sex among three, or even four people who are close friends could be very special. I think the foundation for such a successful relationship has to be honesty, truth, patience and the genuine desire give as much as you receive.

You mention how you first encountered a woman with whom you fell in love. The love of your husband to allow, agree to, or even encourage you in that regard reflects the deep love he has for your needs, even though there might be that feint chance that he would again be somehow ignored. But that seems to have been addressed and eradicated, which is in itself a wonderful thing.

This reader would presume that your husband has the same opportunity to find or accept another person in his and your life should he choose to do so. To recap - isn't it as simple to say that the word "polyamorous" means to love all?

There are those people who, once aware of your marital relationship, would try to take advantage of you and/or your husband primarily for sexual purposes. I'm sure you have learned how to weed them out.

(I have posted but one short story here so far but may post more if I stay. My interests are a little darker than what most authors write, so I may never actually write my true desires and interests. But since I do enjoy any anal activity (only for her) group sex interests me greatly. I have only been in a threesome but your stories imply that more than three can be remarkably erotic. Probably because of your writing skills. I need to revisit your portfolio and read more to learn of your very special relationship.)

A new fan - Grogu269

So you blissfully carried on with total ignorance to your husband suffering. Basically abandoning him for your selfishness. For five years. Cool....

From what a friend of mine tells me, it's important to give "care" to all parties involved in this relationship. You obviously failed.

@sexecutioner I don't think it is fair of you to judge what happened based off of so little information. Poly is hard and it requires tons more communication than a monogamous relationship. A lot of people (probably primarily men) hide their thoughts and their feelings and do well to keep it hidden. For numerous reasons. It's hard to be open and vulnerable when you think it's going to ruin the happiness of the one(s) you love more than anything. It wasn't mentioned in the post, but it is entirely possible that the poster did pick up on signs that things were off and did their best to confront the issue, just to have it be shrugged off or denied entirely. Lots and lots of people do that. It's so hard to communicate big and complex feelings. If you struggle to communicate to begin with, then this kind of communication can feel impossible. The poster did not fail. The two of them made a mistake. One that they were able to work through and learn from. And that is huuuge! So many people repeat mistakes over and over again without ever learning. Give the poster some compassion, please. As well as other poly people that are struggling to keep everything balanced and happy. Monogamous people go years unhappy in their relationships, monogamous people make big mistakes, monogamous people struggle with communication, monogamous people get to breaking points and find their way to deal with it. This is no different

My Daddy once told me, 'All that is brown, is not chocolate.' Sounds like you've stepped in more 'brown' than chocolate. Do not despair. Both you and your husband sound like incredible people. You will prevail. There are others out there with the same inclinations. I know from personal, first hand experience! Before I lost my wife we lived a polyamorous life for nearly half a century. Do not give up. you will never regret the memories of a life well lived and friends well loved. I don't! Your dissertation is both heart wrenching and heart warming. You're right. Its not ALL about sex. So, screw the naysayers. No, on the other hand DONT.