All Comments on 'Pool and Play'

And try again... but remember, if I was there, I already know better than you what I did and how I felt.

Please don't write in second person. It's offensive.

Writing in first person, for such a short tale, makes it difficult for the audience to actually get into the frame of mind you are presenting.

For your first presentation, it was a good idea - just work on the execution and you will have it.

3/5

And grow a thick skin for the anon's - if they aren't mature enough to assign comments to an account, they aren't worth your time.

I'm not in your story .

and please don't end with, "to be continued", that's fourth grade dumb.

Loved the content but the POV sucked and doesn’t work. Also the continuation is at a horrible place!

Good idea, but poor presentation.

No cheating wife here unless you consider using a vibrator cheating (in which case all of us guys probably all been cheated on).

I think you write well but as others have so subtly :) informed you, second person is not a good choice.

As always, I thank the internet for the poison it spews forth for someone trying something new and putting themselves out there. I would have expected this community to be more tolerant and supportive of a new user trying to find their feet in a new hobby.

For those who left genuine feedback, thank you. I will learn from it and improve. I respect the feedback, and will integrate it. The second person person perspective was because I wrote this for my wife. She loved it, and urged me to publish. With that noted, I'm happy for any feedback that doesn't relate to second person. Also happy for any feedback that isn't "its fucking garbage and I hate it".