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All Comments on 'Pornstar Ch. 04'

by SimonBrooke

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  • 3 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousalmost 18 years ago
What happened?

This chapter felt rushed, a LOT, which is probably due to the lack of punctuation. It had a lot of run-on sentances... paragraphs of them, something your previous chapters didn't seem to suffer from.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 18 years ago
keep up the good work!

Keep your story moving and don't worry about the little shit. It's plenty readable and you can only improve. Loved it for sure.

Lo_PanLo_Panover 12 years ago
Too much 'like'. Like, you know, like, yeah?

You're good, but rely too much on trying to sound like a teenager. Drop the constant, like, like...... Please?

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userSimonBrooke@SimonBrooke
31 Stories
110 Followers
I'm here because I'm interested in stories, both in reading them and in writing them. Most of my own stories aren't strictly erotica, although they all revolve around the area of sexuality, dominance, violence.

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