by I_enjoy_cats
Loved it. And you said it just flowed out of you. But there were some abrupt transitions and sentences that didn't make sense, like "We were headed up the bottom of the mountain and we felt like we were falling." Falling up from the bottom? Heading up the bottom?. Just a couple of distractions to an otherwise hot story (especially if if you like anal, which I can leave behind.)
Overall, hot. But...
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It's overly long. The first encounters with each of the boys is basically retelling the same part three times. Then, when it gets to where things expand from tit and blowjobs to actual fucking, it's basically the Seinfeld yada yada yada (or, long story short).
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As for "We just waited for Fred to go out of town." well, yeah, for including Caleb and Mitch., but surely there would be times for some one-on-one fucking with Joseph.
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Your comment pretty much indicated this was the first and only draft. The general writing advice is usually to put the story away for a few days and the read it with fresh eyes. It'll help with the transition issues the one comment noted.
Was good till I hit page 4. Now wanting his mom to do things to the other guys killed it for me. **
I stopped reading.
Great for your third story. I will say it started out so hot with Joseph and his mom really getting into each other, it was turning me on! I thought it would continue and soon they would do some serious fucking. Then the story took a quick turn and Erinn is sucking Mitch, Caleb, and Joe, turning into a cock sucking slut in no time. Joseph never did get his cock into his mom's needy pussy. I still gave you 4 Stars.
Oh boy. I owe I_enjoy_cats an apology. I posted that the three first encounters with each boy were basically retelling the same part three times. I took a better look, and, yeah, I was wrong. Sorry.
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I still wonder why Erinn and Joseph have to wait until Freddy is out of town. I mean, surely there would be times Freddy would be away from home for a few hours, leaving time for some mother/son one-on-one time
Great for just you're 3rd story! It did get a little crowded with the cousins. I would have liked to have seen after Mitch and Caleb went home, Joseph and his mom had some intense fucking between just the two of them.