All Comments on 'Punished'

Sweet and yet odd. The guy we hate becomes the woman we love, but then this was a fantasy after all and a very nice one.

Loved it but I think you'll have to do something BIG for your 69th story! ;) (FYI--it would be the next one.)

I skipped over a lot, but what I read was okay. I got lost that he did not tell his 'friend' he better leave town immediately or he was going to put a bullet in his brain for the rape. To just quietly accept that first abuse did not resonate with how a recently transformed person would act. His brain would still be aggressive.

Okay I read and then reread the story and while I liked it, it just kind of sucks that the main character didn't get his due. It's fine that he ended up happy in the end but I feel he had a lot to attend for first and as they say karma's a bitch

First just gotta say I absolutely loved the story. Especially the length of it. Since most stories in this category are pretty short. There’s only one problem I have. The suspense was used up all in the beginning. Personally I don’t think Hunter should have shown up in the story. I would change it so for the very beginning it goes how you wrote it. Gets turned, has problems with job. I would then bring Renee in the story make Michelle try to bed her but very slow. You could write it as he’s unsure of his abilities. Then I would put in the fact of David telling Michelle he can now change. However Michelle doesn’t want to just yet. The David gets Michelle drinking to convince her. Have him Roofie rape her. Michelle is utterly distraught and can only go to Renee for support. I would then write the happy ending. During the whole time I would probably have David constantly talking to Michelle to make him seem trustworthy so it follows in the story. That’s how I would write it personally, still gave 5 stars because it was still really quite good.

You have good ideas. This story and some of your others prove it. You should work on your writing though. With some more practice, you can communicate your ideas more effectively. Right now, your writing displays a lot of aspects of white room syndrome, and that makes it a drag to read. Just a helpful tip.

Loved it

Please next chapter