Punk

I looked down at my plate. They thought he'd snatched me from bed? Opened my window and pulled me out in my sleep?

Would it hurt to let them think that? Would Daddy hate me if he knew I'd gone with him willingly? That I'd been in love with the man for over two years?

His heart would probably break. He'd disown me and tell me I got what I deserved.

Maybe not that far, but he'd be disappointed and he'd never look at me the same again. Mama too.

And John might walk away without looking back.

Did I care if John walked away?

I peeked up again and he was watching me. He gave me a smile and I looked down quickly, my heart beating faster.

"Mama, would you pass the cornbread?" I asked softly.

"There now!" Mama beamed. "I knew she'd do it for you, John!"

John grinned, his eyes shining as he watched me put beans in my bowl and cornbread on my plate.

"I heard Connel Hertzog got him one of them new Farmall's like you just picked up from the city," Daddy told John.

"They're nice machines! I've never seen nothin' like'm! They run so smooth and it's all so fast now! I get things done ten times as quick! You could all come out and see it if you like? Next Saturday? I could feed all of you dinner for once! My mother couldn't pound too much in my head when it came to cooking, but I can fry up some chicken as good as hers."

"That sounds fine to me," Daddy agreed.

"I'd love a night off from cooking!" Mama smiled. "Cass?"

I looked up again, then back down as John looked at me hopefully. "I'd like to see that new machine, I guess. I like chicken just fine too."

"Yeah? You like biscuits and fried potatoes too? I could pick up some pop too, you like pop?"

"Milk would be better than pop with chicken," I shrugged. "I like just about anything, I'm not picky."

"I have plenty of fresh milk! Potatoes fresh from the garden too. The fryers are all ready to be butchered too, it'll be right on time to find the best one to fry up."

"Won't be too long till Fall comes along and it'll be time to pull in the corn, will it?" Daddy asked John.

"Mine'll be ready in September," John agreed. "Got my garden started early this year, though, we had such a warm spring. It's all comin' up nice."

"I expect with Fall comin' on so soon and all that work about to need to be done... a man with all that on his plate would need to have a marriage said and done before then to get his wife proper set up in the home before he got so busy."

"I expect he would" John agreed.

I peeked up again and he was looking at me hopefully. I looked back down quickly, not sure what to think. He didn't care that I was a stained woman? And what if I got with child? I couldn't show my face ever again, I'd have to move away. Then there was me... I wasn't sure I could ever let another man touch me, let alone take me to his bed as a wife.

"Daddy?" I asked softly, setting my spoon down. "May I be excused?"

"Of course," Daddy told me, his tone soft but disappointed.

I stopped at the door and turned towards John without looking at him. "I'll see you Saturday. Goodnight and thank you for stopping in."

I fled before he could answer.

Tuesday evening, after Daddy got home, the doorbell rang. "It's for you, Cass!" Daddy called.

I got up, expecting to see Jenny or Mary, but it was John. He smiled down at me as I looked up at him in confusion.

"Hello, Cass. I had to come into town for a few things and I thought... I thought maybe you'd let me take you into town for an egg cream. Your father already said it was fine with him."

I hesitated a moment, then nodded. "Alright," I agreed, my stomach turning somersaults. I stepped out onto the porch as he held the screen for me, then stared at his truck. Panic clawed up my throat as I stared at it, the same white color as the Punks, even if they didn't look alike really. I backed into the house, shaking my head slightly as I tried to calm my breathing.

"Hey! Hey, Cass," John whispered soothingly. "It's alright. How about instead, I go get some ice cream and bring it back here. We'll all have some ice cream, ok?"

I nodded quickly, then fled back to my mothers arms.

He was back in twenty minutes and Mama scooped out icecream for everyone and daddy let us bring our bowls to the sitting room. He even turned on the TV so we could watch The Milton Berle show.

John sat on the sofa next to me while Daddy and Mama sat in their chairs, Mama picking up her knitting. When John reached over and took my hand,squeezing it gently before letting it go, I blushed, but offered him a smile before busying both of my hands with the ice cream.

After Mama got up and gathered all the bowls, John eased a little closer to me and covered my hand with his huge, calloused hand softly. I stayed still, watching the show, and then the next with John practically holding my hand.

More than once, I glanced at him and his open, kind face. His smile was genuine and he looked sweet.

I knew though, that a pretty face could hide an evil heart. That beauty could mask the ugliness.

What really tipped things the most for me was how John smelled. Not like stale cigarettes or sour sweat from not washing, or gas and grease... but just a clean sort of smell. A day's work and sweat, but not a bad smell, like he washed every day and there was only the day's work on him. Earth. The very light smell of whatever aftershave he used. Not the same one Daddy used.

He smelled... like he was a better man than the Punk was. A good man and a hard worker who wanted a wife and family.

Who wanted me.

Even though I was stained and tainted.

When Daddy stood up and turned off the TV, John stood as well, giving me a pleased smile. "I guess it's well past time for me to be heading home. Thank you for the nice evening, Cass."

I nodded, blushing, then hurried to my room as Daddy walked him to the door.

On Saturday, we left earlier than I imagined we would, Mama holding a jello mold in her lap as Daddy drove.

The farm wasn't what I'd thought it would be with a rickety little house like so many of the others. It was a new built house, just like the new ones in town. The barn was also newly built and large. There was a silo as well, and a coop off to the other side, as well as two more buildings I wasn't sure what they were for.

John came hurrying out of the house, grinning as he opened the door for me and Mama both.

"You look beautiful!" he told me, his eyes taking all of me in with the new dress Mama had gotten for me. "That color suits you, doesn't it?"

"It does," Mama agreed. "Soon as I saw it, I knew she just had to have it!"

"Thank you," I told John, a bare whisper.

"Come on, let's set this inside," he told Mama, taking the jello from her. "Then I'll give you all the tour and show you the tractor!"

John was excited as he showed us around, his face lit up with joy.

Near the end of the tour, heading back to the house, he turned to me. "I even have a pond on one of the back fields all full of fish! Plus the Bush Creek runs right along my property line and it's full of fish too! I've become an old hand at frying fish! Do you like fish? I could teach you how to fish!"

"I... I've tried fish in the past and I liked it," I nodded, a little shocked. "I'm not sure that I would like fishing. Aren't they all slippery and... icky?"

He chuckled and turned to Daddy. "Well she may not like it much, but surely you'd like to come out sometimes and we'd go fishing?"

"Of course! The girls can have them a nice visit while we caught up some dinner!" Daddy smiled.

I blushed, realizing they were talking like John and I were going to be married.

Just as we were going into his house for him to show us around, a car pulled up to his house and John looked at it, confused.

"That's my folks," he murmured, confused.

"Hello Johnny!" a woman called, getting out of the car with a casserole dish.

"Johnny!" a young man yelled, getting out of the back and running towards the house.

"Well, we didn't know you had company," an older man called, getting out of the driver's seat. "You never mentioned you might be having company to us? Your mother wanted to come bring you dinner and have a nice sit down?"

"Ahhh..." John blushed, looking around at all of us. "Of course. Come on in, all of you. Mom, Dad, this is Cassidy. These are her folks, Martin and Linda. Cass, Martin, Linda, this is my mother, Irene, and my father John Sr. This incredibly tall young man is my little brother, Jake! When did you get this tall?"

"I'll be as tall as you come next summer, pops already said so!"

"I brought a tuna casserole," his mother smiled, looking me over with a lot of interest.

"This your steady girl?" Jake asked, ribbing John and looking me over as well.

"She is," John agreed, grinning and blushing. "Come in and sit down, all of you. I was about to give them the tour and then fry up some chicken and potatoes."

"Nonsense!" Irene sniffed. "You sit down with your guest and Linda and I will see to the chicken and potatoes! We'll have plenty here with the casserole too, won't we? Her and I can get to know each other since it's obvious you mean us to be in-laws soon. And didn't even bother to fill your own parents in!"

John blushed again, grinning. "Well, she hasn't really said yes, not yet. I'm still tryin' to bring her around."

"How old is she?" Jake demanded, looking down at me curiously as John led me to a sofa.

I felt stressed and nervous, sitting there under so much scrutiny as John took my hand in both of his.

"She's 18, her birthday wasn't so long ago, actually. Cass? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," I whispered softly, trying my best to smile.

"She's a shy one, isn't she?" John Sr asked jovially. "You've always liked the shy ones!"

"She is," John agreed quickly, grinning sheepishly. "She's pretty much perfect. Can't think of a single thing I would change at all."

"She's a little short," Jake offered. "And small. You two'd look a little silly standin' side by side for weddin' pictures."

"We'd look just fine," John smiled. "Anyway, I could sit for the pictures."

"Have you picked out a dress?" Irene called from the kitchen.

I realized she must be asking me and I blushed furiously.

"Mom, I just asked her and she hasn't said yes yet! She hasn't had time to look for a dress!"

"Nonsense! Most girls already have a dress picked out by the time their old enough to know what love is!" Irene laughed.

I heard my mom murmur something, but I couldn't hear what.

Irene went quiet.

Daddy leaned up in his chair, looking at me. "You doin' alright, Cass?"

"Yes, Daddy," I assured him, though on the inside I was all twisted up.

"Maybe I could show you around the house?" John offered, standing up and helping me up.

I let him lead me through the dining room and down the hall to look at all three bedrooms while making small talk, the nice open bathroom and the study off the master bedroom. "I wouldn't have much use for it," John shrugged, looking around the study. "I've only even been in here twice, and both times it was when I was showing family around the house. I figured you might need a sewing room, or a reading room. Your dad said you liked your music and records, you could have those in here too. Whatever you like."

"John..." I began, then hesitated again as I went to look out the window to the chicken coop.

"You can call me Johnny if you like. My whole family does because of my dad being John too. I'd even like it if you did. Just didn't seem as manly to introduce myself to your dad as that."

"Johnny," I tested the name, then decided I liked that better. "You... know what he did, right? That... punk?"

"I know what your father told me? It doesn't matter to me, Cass. He hurt you and I aim to heal you from it."

"You realize that... I might already be with child?"

"I considered that. If we get married quick enough, no one would know it wasn't mine."

"That wouldn't bother you? To know it was another man's child? The get of a... punk?"

"Cass... a baby has no choosing over how they come into this world. I'd be a father to that baby just as much as I'd be a father to one that came from you and me. They'd be mine, and I'd raise them as mine and they'd have no way of knowin' they weren't mine. We'd raise them right, make them better than the man who put them in your belly. That was all he was. I'd be the father, not him. He just put the seed there, that's all. I'd be everything else, to you and that baby."

I couldn't turn around, my eyes and nose burning with tears.

His large hands on my shoulders surprised me, his lips on top of my head warmed me to my toes. "I'd be good to you Cass. I'd make you happy. I saw you that day in church, smiling with your friend... I never went with my folks to church, but that day I did. I started coming again and again after that, just to see you smiling and talking to those girls. I introduced myself to your father and asked after you. He told me how long till you were 18 and I was fine on waitin' for you. You are everything I ever wanted in a wife, Cass. Hearing your folks talk about you and seein' how you were with folks who weren't your two friends... I fell in love with you, Cass. Even though you never looked my way or knew I was alive."

"Daddy talked about you all the time," I murmured. "Spoke highly of you and told me all about how nicely your farm was coming along. I guess he even mentioned you had a house built nice, brand new, but I wasn't really listening. He talked about a lot of people and you were one of them. Another friend of his that he talked about over dinner and in the sitting room after. I knew who you were... I just didn't know you," I told him, closing my eyes to relish the feel of his gentle lips on my head and his hands holding my shoulders so softly. I liked this moment right here. This sweet moment that felt so good with his words warming my soul.

He was good. Nothing like the smirking man who took advantage of girls who liked his looks. Played into their crushes, then destroyed them.

"Cass? Do you think... do you think I might be able to kiss you before you left tonight?A small one, just to say goodnight?"

"I... had a mind to wait till we were married for that," I told him, my body tensing up as I waited for his words to that.

"Is that a yes, Cass?" he asked hopefully, his hands tightening around my shoulders.

"I suppose it is," I agreed. "So long as you truly don't care that I am a stained woman and you wouldn't hold it against me."

"I wouldn't! I don't care, Cass! It's you I want and that means all of you! You won't be sorry!" he smiled, turning me to face him as he looked me over.

Blushing, I smiled back, then looked down.

"You're crying, Cass?"

"You touched my heart a little is all," I breathed, embarrassed.

He hugged me close, going to a knee to hug me against his chest. "I'll make you so happy!" he whispered.

When he walked me back out to the living room, he was holding my hand and he called out loudly, "She said yes!"

Daddy smiled and stood to shake Johnny's hand as Mama came running in to me to hug me. Irene hugged me too as John shook Johnny's hand as well. It felt surreal, everyone talking at once about the wedding.

"John was saying how he wanted to get it done before fall and the harvest," Daddy spoke up quickly.

"Next Spring would be a beautiful wedding!" Irene countered.

"Mom, I have spring planting," Johnny reminded her. "Plus... I've been pining after this girl a couple years now and I don't want to wait another day now that she said yes!"

"It's so sudden and soon," Irene complained. "We'd hardly have time to get anything ready! There's no need to rush it... is there?" she suddenly asked, sounding worried.

"Mom! She won't even let me kiss her until our wedding day!" Johnny whispered, sounding upset.

"Well, you understand with it being all rushed. People will talk and they'll all think the same thing!" Irene shot back.

"I don't care what people think," Johnny shook his head. "She finally said yes and I'm ready to talk to the preacher tomorrow and ask to have the ceremony right after church tomorrow! I won't give her a chance to think about how much better she could do!" he laughed. "Give her a chance to talk herself out of it! She's mine now and I aim to seal the deal."

John chuckled and Daddy nodded his head. "A man can understand that, even if my Cass isn't a fickle young lady. She says a thing, she means it and she's never backed out of her word. She'd marry you tomorrow or next year, however you like it now that she's agreed. She's real good like that, being agreeable once it's decided, even if it's something she was against at the start. She never complains or balks or argues over it once it's decided. Her mother's the same way unless it's something she feels strongly over, then she won't let it go till she has her way. Might be my Cass is the same, but she hasn't found anything yet that she feels that strongly about."

"If you want it soon, we can work around that, Irene sighed. "But at least wait till next week so we can have a nice reception here afterwards. Invite friends and family from out of town, as well as everyone in town. Give them some notice at least."

"Folks really will assume it's a shotgun wedding," John sighed. "But if that's how you want it, they'll find out soon enough they were wrong. At least give your mother her week though."

Johnny smiled down at me. "That suit you, Cass? Next Sunday?"

"If that's what you want," I nodded at him.

Mama and Irene went back to the kitchen, making plans. Johnny sat me down on the soffa, holding both of my hands again and grinning, his face all filled with joy again. Daddy was giving me a sad smile and John and Jake were laughing and talking, teasing Johnny about becoming a married man.

When we left late that evening, Mama looked back at me from her seat in the front. "I'm glad for you, Cass. I hope you made this choice because it's what you want and not because you're afraid?"

"He's a good man," I told her. "Sweet and gentle and kind. He loves me, adores me even, I can feel that in him. I may not love him, not yet, but I think it will be an easy thing to learn to love him. To trust him. And... he even said if I am with child, he'd care for it like his own. That id would be his own no matter who put the baby there."

"He's a good man for that," Daddy nodded. "A real good man. Most men wouldn't do that. Most men wouldn't even consider it, or still want a girl after what was done to you. Like it was your fault somehow. Shallow, useless men. John is a real good man, I saw that in him right off. Coming right to me to ask after you and staying away until you were of age. I liked that about him. He wasn't the only one to ask after you, but he was the one I liked most. I think you're going to find yourself caring for him a lot sooner than you'd imagine, Cass. I'd bet on it and you know I'm not a betting man."

"I know, Daddy," I managed to smile. "Do you imagine he might stop in this week to see me? Before Sunday?"

"I imagine he will," Mama agreed with another smile.

He did come, both Tuesday and Thursday evening, smiling and holding my hand after dinner while we watched a show or two. Daddy normally didn't watch a lot of TV, but when Johnny came over, he thought it was a good way to let us sit together with him and Mama there.

Thursday evening, he leaned in to speak to me quietly. "Have you packed yet? Gotten everything ready?" he asked excitedly.

My breath caught and I panicked a little. I would have to leave home! Of course I would, I was getting married! My hope chest was already full and waiting, it had been for quite a while now! I would have to pack up all my things, all my clothes and move away from Mama and Daddy forever. I let out a small cry as I looked at both of them, Mama knitting and Daddy holding his pipe, watching The Honeymooners.