Rain

"Your hair has come back so pretty," Rolf said.

"So different to how it was." I twisted my head and examined the wavy blonde hair, which hit almost to my chin. "It's lighter and curly. It never had a wave in it before."

"It's going to be gorgeous when it gets longer," Rolf observed, before a thought suddenly occurred to me.

"I want it as long as it goes," I admitted. "I hated being bald the first time. It didn't seem so bad, this time, although I'll be glad if I never have to go through chemo ever again."

I had been in remission ever since. I still saw Doctor Brown regularly, but he told me he didn't expect cancer to ever return, although you can never say never.

In the meantime, Rolf and I are living our lives together, making plans, and enjoying ourselves.

There is too much we want to do, too much we wanted to see and experience.

Rolf embraced my desire to live and experience every single moment.

One day, he asked me to marry him at the top of a mountain.

I said, yes, of course.

When the news spread around that we were going to get married, everyone in town wanted to help one way or another. We are family, after all.

Today, Rolf and I are going to say our vows, down on the beach, surrounded by our friends. Lukas, his wife, and his family flew from Austria to share this moment with us. Rolf's parents traveled from Florida, especially for our day. We invited the whole town to our wedding. Every person brought their tables, chairs, and food.

Today will definitely be unforgettable.

"Rain," Janice said, popping her head into the room, "are you ready?"

"Absolutely." I followed Janice out and down to the waiting car.

I had asked Janice to be my maid of honor. "I won't take no for an answer."

It turns out she didn't want to say no. She cried and said yes. She was the best maid of honor I could have ever chosen.

"What kind of wedding shower do you want?" she asked me.

"What?"

"Your wedding shower. That thing the maid of honor throws where you get a lot of stuff you don't need and will never use but have to write thank-you cards for? You know what it is, right?"

I shook my head.

"Maybe, we can skip that..." she was going to scratch the item on her list, but I stopped her.

"No, a wedding shower sounds great. For the last months, I've been living with Rolf in his house, but I want to spend the night away from him with the girls. There is nothing traditional about my relationship with Rolf or our wedding, but I want a traditional wedding shower."

We had a lot of clean fun, and it helped me to deal with my pre-wedding jitters.

They came rushing back to me when we arrived at the beach a few minutes later. I was really doing this. We were really doing this, and I began to feel all hot and itchy.

"Oh my! You look gorgeous, child," Theodore said, when I walked down to the beach access. He was going to walk me down the aisle. Well, there was no actual aisle, but you get the idea.

"She does. Let's go, Rain," Janice said, "We don't want Rolf to think you aren't coming."

A million 'what ifs' suddenly crammed themselves into my mind, and for a long moment I stood there, my bare feet sinking into the sand.

I was afraid to face cancer again. I was afraid that the next time I might not win.

Rolf needed more than that. He needed someone who would be there forever. He needed someone who could give him lots of babies and a happy house and security. I couldn't give him those things, and I'd want him to have them.

The doctors had informed me that having children was no longer an option. Rolf had sat with me when they explained it to me, and he'd held my hand and then held me afterward as the reality of the situation washed over me.

I'd never be able to give Rolf a child, never be able to create a miniature Rolf.

Would he be okay with that in the long run? Would he eventually need to find someone who could give him everything I couldn't?

Rolf, being Rolf, though, had assured me that he was okay with it all. Besides, there were other options available to us that we could explore in the future.

"There is no one else," he whispered, holding me in his arms. "It doesn't matter how hard you try to keep my heart safe. It's already yours. I love you as you are. I accept that you come with risks. I want you anyway. I am never, ever going to let you go. I'm here for the long haul. Through sickness and health and all that comes with it. Do you hear me?"

He wanted me, I wanted him. It was as simple as that.

"And I keep pushing you away," I whispered.

"Because you're afraid. Because you think you're not enough. But you are, Rain. Because there is no one else for me, but you. There never has been, not since the day we met," I heard Rolf's voice in my mind.

"Rain?" I glanced up to see Janice hovering at my side, a concerned expression locked on her features. "Everything's okay?"

"Um..." I looked back down the beach just as Rolf turned and saw me standing there.

He had dressed in navy blue pants and a crisp white shirt. His hair, which had grown longer, was neatly brushed back from his face, and his beard, which he'd also grown over the past few months, was trimmed. And his eyes... The moment his eyes lit on me, any doubts any hesitation I might have had were extinguished because in his eyes I saw everything I'd ever been looking for.

Someone who loves me cherishes me and adores me.

Someone who embraces everything that life had to offer.

Someone who makes my knees weak and my stomach do flip-flops.

Someone who'll have my back... always.

Without any more second thoughts, I made my way down the beach to where Rolf waited, a huge smile stretching across my face and my heart fuller than it had ever been before.

Theodore squeezed my hand. "Are you okay, my child?"

"Everything is great."

I smiled at Theodore, and Janice, and they smiled back at me.

"Then, let's get you married. You've kept Rolf waiting long enough," said Theodore.

Janice started walking in front of us.

A few second later, I started to walk down to the shore to where Rolf waited.

I only saw Rolf, so tall and dashing in his tuxedo.

Rolf, who had danced with me in the rain.

Rolf, who faced his biggest fear because of me.

Rolf, who had been so very sure of us when I hadn't even been sure of myself.

Rolf, who walked through hell at my side.

He is my lifetime love. My soulmate.

His lips began to curve and so did mine until we were both smiling brilliantly at each other. I was no longer afraid. Instead, I was looking forward to our future together, no matter what it held for us.

All my fighting led me here. I don't want to be anywhere else. I have my new family around me, the man I love at my side. It can't get any better than this.

I stood at his side and my hand was placed inside his, warm and secure. And when the minister asked, my answer was as crystal as a bell.

"I do."

***

In loving memory of my friend "Rain", who fought bravely through a brief illness the last few months of her life. She will be remembered by those who were fortunate enough to have been a part of her life, for her infectious laugh, and her tremendous smile.

Dedicated to the many men and women who have faced the fight against cancer.