Realisation

Elena had noticed a man at another table looking over at Amy midway through the gentle interrogation. She nodded over in that direction when the man wasn't looking. Amy looked over and got it straight away. Blonde, pretty and dressed more excitingly, Amy got most of the attention between them.

"See, a small tit man," she laughed.

_

They'd exchanged numbers the previous evening and she couldn't wait to message him.

Elena: I'm heading home, did you get all of your work done?

He replied soon after. He was a fast responder; he didn't play silly games like she'd done as a twenty-year-old, and she appreciated that about him.

Henry: Yep, wrapped up about an hour ago and feeling pretty exhausted.

That is a late finish, I can emphasise with that.

Elena: I can leave you alone tonight if you want. No games and I won't be offended. I've finished late from work many times and I know sometimes you just need to be left alone x

Henry: I am tired, it's true. But I'd hate for you to think I don't want to speak to you. Given I'm likely to be less engaged than usual it may be a good time for me to drop a truth bomb on you...

Uh oh, this evening just got serious. She swallowed and responded without delay. She didn't want to wait to find out whatever it was.

Elena: Go on...

Henry: So... I'm divorced from my ex-partner. No kids, no remaining ties. Happy to answer any questions you have but thought you should know early on given I'm younger than you and already divorced. Eesh sounds bad when you write it out.

Henry: I mean, not that's passing judgement on you or anything! I just meant you might want to factor that in when you consider if you want to go on a date in the future. Which I know I haven't asked you to yet but yeah, wanted this out of the way.

Elena felt immeasurably relieved. If that was the big truth bomb, she could live with that. She was smiling at her phone and feeling sassy again. He brought out different shades of her personality and it was refreshing.

Elena: Well this is a welcome change from Mr Confident, seeing him stuttering all over the place. For what it's worth, my best friend divorced her husband at around the same age you must have been. If that's all you're hiding, you can go back to being your assured self; I like it better.

Henry: I'm also asset-less now. Just setting your expectations nice and low here haha. Just a little bit of savings and I lease where I live. I did own a house with my ex but the house basically started falling apart after we bought it (beginning of the end actually), so we sunk a lot of money in that we barely recouped with the sale. I can certainly afford to pay for dinner though ;)

Her heart raced in fear as she thought of what to say in response. Amy had never called it what it was, and she was the only one that properly knew. She had told work it was compassionate leave to save her going through the endless wellbeing checks when she returned. So, she had never said what it was, never put a name to it. But he was being honest with her and that meant a lot. She didn't want him finding out down the line and not being able to deal with it. She'd be back in that place again if that happened.

Elena: In the spirit of honesty, you should know that a couple of months ago I effectively had a nervous breakdown after falling into a pretty crippling depression. I'm on medication for it and may be for a while yet. I'm in a much better place, but I come with that baggage and you're going to need to accept that if you want to date me. Sleep on it and let me know.

He didn't reply and wasn't online at all for the following 20 minutes. It was the lowest she'd felt since she called Amy and asked to be picked up from a random street she didn't know.

You're an idiot El, an absolute idiot. This is why you're better throwing yourself into your work. It's taken so much of you, what else is there anyway? And you should be proud. Second-generation immigrant, running a department with 50 people in it. Yet you always want more. You always think life can make you happy. But you're not happy with what you have and people would kill for it, so why would you be happy with more?

Her phone chimed, breaking her out of her stupor. She wiped her eyes.

Henry: Sorry, my train went underground. Thank you for sharing. I've been around both the episodes and the medication; I'm quite used to it. Not myself but people around me, I mean. People that are still in my life and people that are now not in it. You can probably infer enough from that to guess who.

If he's been in a relationship with someone medicated, that'd help a lot. But then he left the relationship so who knows what he can actually manage.

Her thoughts didn't help her and soon after that they said goodnight somewhat awkwardly, despite the positive reactions they'd both received to their respective 'truth-bombs'.

_

She worked from home on the Friday and worked hard to ensure she wasn't working that weekend. She barely left her desk and skipped lunch entirely. When did I last pee? She wondered after her last meeting at 4pm. She'd pulled up the sleeves of her knit jumper at some point around lunchtime, when she knew she needed to knuckle down. They remained that way until a reminder came up on her phone.

Call with Henry: 7pm.

With her focus on work, she'd forgotten that they had agreed to have a video call that evening.

Shit, shit, shit!

She set about making herself presentable at high-speed. She changed jumpers into one that didn't have creased sleeves, spent a precious few minutes debating whether or not to change out of sweatpants before struggling to find the leg to get into her jeans, and then hurriedly applied concealer under her eyes. A quick brush of her hair before putting it back into its bun and a touch of lip gloss, and she was set.

Her phone rang as she sat back down, ready for the call.

"Hey," she answered as brightly as she could, despite the obvious nerves.

"Wow, hey back," came the somewhat middle-class accent. It didn't sound like it was raised in the city.

"That's a relief," Elena chuckled, line already half-rehearsed.

"What is?" He looked better than his photos. Or maybe she liked him more than she did when she saw them the first time.

"You look like your pictures," she winked and relaxed.

They both settled into a comfortable conversation pretty quickly. She assured him she was fine with what he had shared, and he assured her of the same.

"Erm, hold on a minute," he interrupted, as she was briefly updating on her day. "Who's that?"

She looked around and realised she had accidentally put her cat into view. "Oh, this is Freddy, do you want to say hello?"

"That depends, is he okay with competition for your attention?" He's such a charmer.

"He hasn't had much of it so we might have to ease him in," Elena quipped.

Freddy barely stirred but Elena was satisfied with the way Henry behaved to be sure that he was at least cat-tolerant, despite confessing to growing up with a dog. "Same here," Elena had replied.

They spoke about family for a bit and then despite the fact it was their first conversation together, they spoke about whether they wanted kids.

"I'd like kids, if my partner wanted them. It's not always straightforward, is it? With life and a career and everything," he said sincerely. "How about you?"

She considered how best to answer. Would saying: I've not thought about it much aside from when my Mum reminds me I'm not getting any younger, be poorly received? She went for a version of it. "I'm open to it but it's not a huge part of my thinking currently."

Henry seemed to be considering her answer for a spell. "What?" she prompted nervously.

"Well, it strikes me that you don't seem to know what you want in many aspects, but I'm pretty certain with what I want in life. Do you not worry they won't align in time?" He pondered aloud.

"Big question," she chuckled without much humour. "Why don't you tell me what you want and I'll tell you if I think it'll align?"

"Okay, well I've given indication enough that I want something serious and long-term, so I'd be pursuing this with that in mind," Henry started, matter-of-factly. She nodded in agreement, there was no other option as far as she was concerned. "I have specifics that I'm looking for which would work within that, which are to be disclosed if we get to that point."

"Boo," Elena replied teasingly, sufficiently masking her intrigue and the slight rise in her pulse rate. He was vague enough to make her think there was more to it, so she put some of her professional skills to use. "How do I know you're not going to say it's the same as what I'm looking for, just to get with me?"

"Nicely baited," he praised, calling her out on it. He was smart. "Do you suddenly know what you're looking for?

"Broad brush strokes," came her immediate reply with a nonchalant shrug of her shoulders. He didn't buy it; she was pressing too much to not be interested in a positive way.

He smirked and it was the kind of smirk she'd pictured on him at the start. The slightly condescending one. She wasn't surprised to realise it had turned her on, even though the thought of him finding that out made her nervous. "What I'll say is that what I want is intense. It wouldn't be for everyone. It's built around contrasts."

She swallowed, noticeably. "I understand."

"Do you?" He held such an intense look she felt she could only agree. That thrilled her like nothing else. He'd keep me honest.

"As much as I can right now, yes." Her mouth was dry, but she dared not ask him to wait while she grabbed a drink.

He considered her with that same piercing stare in his brown eyes until she felt flustered. She waited, because the move was his to make and the reward would be high for her if he made it. "When you wore the navy dress, it was only a suggestion for your benefit, but I was pleased you listened to me, nonetheless. That should give you an indication of some of what I'm looking for."

She swallowed again, desperately trying to introduce some saliva into her mouth so she could speak to him. "When you suggested I wear that, my reaction ranged from swearing at you to doing as you said. When I woke up the next morning, there was no doubt in my mind I'd be wearing a navy dress, and I felt good all day that I had."

The smirk had left Henry's face as she spoke, to be replaced by one of surprise and then of gratitude. "So it seems this match was even better than I could have imagined."

"Just go slow, please." Elena's heart was racing. She'd planned to be more subtle, test the water over dates, plural. But he made her loose-lipped. "You can surely tell this is new to me?"

He nodded in agreement. "But it's why you were so keen on my profile?"

She briefly considered a teasing response but in this moment of honesty, she couldn't bring herself to it. "One of the reasons, maybe the main reason, but quite honestly you've got a lot going for you and I like the way that sets us up."

He didn't get what she meant in its entirety, she could tell. But she had no doubt she'd explain it to him in time.

"I've got plans tomorrow, watching rugby with friends. I'd have invited you but I think that might be a bit too intense, even for me. Perhaps in the future. Are you free on Sunday?"

"I am," she confirmed, mentally cancelling her pilates class.

"Great, give me this evening to plan our date and I'll call you tomorrow morning to confirm, sound okay?"

"Yes," she enthused. A proactive, decisive man? Even Amy would be on board with this.

"10am work for you?"

Elena wasn't sure if it was really a question and didn't treat it as such. "Absolutely."

They dialled off and she leapt up, surprising Freddy. She was giddy with excitement. She felt alive. Special, even. Had life actually thrown something good her way?

Before she did anything else, she shifted her alarm from 10.30am to 8.30.

_

How do you prepare for a phone call with a man you'd never met, when you spent the night before thinking about being on your knees and sucking his cock?

Her instant and growing attraction to Henry had invigorated her and intensified her newly-awakened sex drive. She was so enamoured with him already, she couldn't even picture herself looking him in the eye during the call, out of sheer embarrassment.

Perhaps spurred on by guilt, she really made an effort to dress up for his call. She did her makeup, applied lipstick and picked out a dress.

This is a bit obvious El, even after last night.

She couldn't help it though; she was drawn to the lilac dress that was cinched around the waist and fit her well. She had found a stand to prop her phone on which meant she'd been sitting on the sofa and he'd be able to see all of her. She wanted to look good for him.

"Wow," he said again when he saw her on the video call the next morning. She laughed, a pathetic teenage laugh. "I promise I'll stop saying that eventually, but you look really good Elena."

Calling her by her name, holding eye contact, the confidence. It all got to her. It was so different to what she had experienced thus far.

"I hope you don't stop saying that to be honest, Henry. If I'm getting that kind of reaction, I'm doing it right."

"Well said," he smiled in that way she was growing so fond of. She felt sure she'd do a lot for that smile in the future.

"Tell me about our date," she asked eagerly. Perhaps it had been so long since she'd been properly excited for one that she'd just forgotten to play it cool.

He chuckled in a flattered way, which gave her butterflies. "We're going to meet for a couple of cocktails in town, then we're going to dinner. I'm not a believer in the whole thing about avoiding dinner on first dates. That's for people who are intimidated by conversation as they can't hold one. We clearly can," he observed with a tone of seriousness and almost defiance.

"I agree," Elena replied, blushing at how cute she found it. She relaxed as he looked at her, aware it'd be a similar position the next day. "Don't tell me you got dressed up for this call," she teased, for reasons she didn't pinpoint at the time, referencing his rugby shirt.

He smirked at her, and she knew that was partly why she'd teased him. To see that smirk again. "No, you know why I'm wearing this. Why are you wearing that dress?"

"Touché," Elena replied, blushing. She realised that she was craving the way he made her feel. The embarrassment and slight uncomfortableness, as though he was always ahead of her. It turned her on.

"If I'm making too many decisions and you're uncomfortable, tell me." He was checking on her without making it obvious, she knew it.

"No, I really like it. It's what I want," she admitted bravely. With all the energy she could muster, she looked at him with a fierceness and a determination to not blush. It was essential he understood how serious she was about that part.

They spoke for a bit about rugby and Elena's lack of knowledge of the sport. Henry promised to give her a crash-course of the rules before gently letting her know he had to head off.

"Before you go," Elena rushed out before she lost her nerve, "do you have a preference on what you'd like me to wear tomorrow?"

"Hmm," he pondered it. "Something you wouldn't normally wear, perhaps something new and just for me."

"You have a cheek," she teased. Before he lost his nerve and backtracked, though the way he held his expectant stare made it unlikely, she was quick to agree.

She left the video call more aroused than she could ever remember being from a conversation alone. The certainty of the man, to practically demand she buy something for him was outrageous. But it got to her, badly. She was flushed, aroused and feeling really quite compliant. That was rare for her; to do as anyone else wanted.

Well, no use wasting a good look, might as well go shopping in it. She was going to spend money on whatever she bought, that was for certain. It was an offering; one that she could wordlessly use to indicate the depth of her interest and commitment to exploring what this was.

____

Her nerves were high as she sat in the taxi the following evening. She felt she had met the brief. Amy was floored when she sent her a picture before leaving and that gave her a lot of confidence that she was indeed wearing something she wouldn't normally wear.

It was a bottle green velvet dress with an asymmetrical hem that was cut close to the thigh on her left side. The other side was cut long and that elongated her legs - preferable given their height difference. The dress hugged her hips and shamelessly flattered her chest and bum. It was therefore the kind of outfit she hadn't worn in years. The pre-booked taxi driver had done a double-take when he saw her in the mirror but otherwise was strictly professional, even as Elena touched-up her makeup on the final stretch of the ride. She'd kept her hair up as always but dropped a couple of strands on either side, so it framed her face better. She'd spent some time looking for an accessory to cover her bare neck and settled on a thin necklace that fell into the space of her chest but kept plenty of her skin on show. In truth, a choker would have looked better with the dress, but that would have been pushing it.

She wasn't surprised but was nonetheless quite thrilled to see that Henry was there already and in smart trousers, shirt and dinner jacket, as he waited at a table within view of the door. She took a deep breath and stepped in, walking over with confidence.

"Wow," the customary greeting met her ears as she walked to him. He really did look amazed.

He kissed her on each cheek in the traditional way, which she immediately liked. He looked good with his tidy beard and short style hair, and he smelled good.

"That is some power walk," he praised as she took the chair he had pulled out for her. "You must be someone not to be messed with at work."

"Not just at work," she winked at him and looked around, before settling on him. "So don't fuck this up."

He nodded graciously. "It really would be a fuck-up if I did that. I can see that already."

She ordered the same cocktail he had started on and then she looked over at the elegant bar.

"They say it's cringe, but I like the intimacy," he told her of the place.

"You really are intense," she smirked. It was quite surprising how quickly she felt at ease and told him so, to soften the teasing.

They spoke through the usual getting-to-know-you topics as they sipped the first cocktail. It was nice; comfortable. They agreed to leave for the restaurant down the road at the end of the first cocktail. Drinking on an empty stomach wouldn't have been the best idea on a Sunday.

The restaurant was similarly elegant and tasteful. Amy would have been putting pictures up on Instagram, that was for sure. She smiled inwardly, knowing that Henry was putting effort into the date.

She excused herself after they ordered and took her phone from her bag when she got to the bathroom. Amy had already checked in with her - not unexpectedly.

Amy: How's it going Hotstuff? Is he treating you well?

Elena: It's going really, really well. He's the sweetest man and he's pulling out all the stops. My mouth was hanging open at the prices on this menu and we've already argued about splitting the bill, but he won't let me.

Amy: Aww your first fight. Has he complimented the dress?!