Reality TV Confidential

I had to hand it to Art and Rhonda. They both had an eye for detail and an innate understanding of how to create a spectacle. It really was a dramatic sight to see all four female contestants lined up on the carpeted steps in beautiful white wedding gowns. It also fitted the matrimonial theme of the reality show rather well.

To match this breathtaking sight, we'd set up the room to be suggestive of a wedding. We'd decorated with a monochromatic white color palette to play off of the simple white interior that was already there. A long white carpet had been rolled out to form an aisle lined with bouquets of white roses, peonies, and calla lilies. At the end of this aisle was a small circular white-clothed table with a baby wedding cake. An African-American male wedding cake topper was alone on top of the cake. Next to the cake, we had laid out two blondes and two brunette female wedding cake toppers; customized to resemble each of the four female contestants.

After all of the drama this past week, it was now decision time. Tyrone would make a choice that would leave him either a winner or a loser. I made a brief introduction before passing it off to Tyrone. He gave me a quick peck on each cheek before starting his speech.

Dressed in an impeccable Armani suit, Tyrone stood before the girls and explained:

"Girls, I never thought it would be this hard. I didn't think I'd have to lie my ass off, play mind games with y'all, make you bitches fight each other. I already apologize for that; I'm sorry. But that was the way I wanted to play the game. Life all about decisions, and if I make the wrong decision, it gonna cost me.

"Peyton, I think you single because you constantly actin' like you single. You be remindin' me of a divorcée scannin' the bar at last call. But you too young to be desperate like that. I'm just tryna get to know ya, and you a straight-up predator. It's like your biological clock is a tickin' time bomb, an' you need some 'o that super sperm I got! Maybe I stupid if I don't pick you.

"Julia, I think you could be the bitch that's single. Except for that brain fart you had on the first day, you answer every question I ask you correctly. And, you seem to be a genuine person. But, I struggle 'cause it could be you a talented actress, and you say you audition for movies. No doubt you gonna blow up huge; you so damn beautiful.

"Alyssa, I think you got an open marriage wit' someone. Maybe 'cause you travel a lot for work. But I ain't got no time for a thot. I think you be the type to spread your legs for the whole crew. Y'know what they say, a key that open many locks is called a master key, but a lock that is open by any key is a shitty lock.

"Naomi, I think you single because you work the hardest out of all these bitches. It impress me that you go against your morals and values to prove you single. That must've been a tough decision, and I want to give you the keys to the palace. I ain't gon' lie to you; I want to wife you up; I know you the one for me.

"Now it's time for me to make my decision. So what I'm gonna do, is I'm gonna come up and kiss the two finalists. Then, gimmie your hand, and y'all both come wit' me."

There was a dramatic pause as the cameras panned between the girls to capture each of their expressions. They all appeared quite anxious as they waited to find out who Tyrone would pick out from the lineup.

Tyrone selected Naomi and Julia by giving each of them a lengthy kiss that was imbued with longing. He took one in each hand and led them up the aisle as though the three of them had been just married.

Waiting for them, I stood in 5-inch Louboutin heels and a sparkling sequin cocktail dress (a refreshing break from my usual skirt suit) next to the table at the end of the aisle. I'd removed Alyssa and Peyton's wedding toppers off-camera since they'd already been eliminated.

Standing beside the table, I explained the next part of the ceremony. I said:

"It is time for Tyrone to make his final selection. Unfortunately, Tyrone can only pick one of these two wedding cake toppers to put next to his. If he chooses the actual single, he may kiss the bride, and you're married. Just kidding! You get to split the eighty grand with Tyrone!

"But, if he chooses you and you're married, then you get to pick up that cake and slam it right in his face. You and your real husband have won all the money."

Tyrone took his time moving his hand back and forth between each of the female wedding cake toppers. He'd been directed to take his time to build suspense.

Finally, Tyrone picked up the brunette. He was just about to place it next to his topper when Naomi grabbed the cake away from him. She lifted up the cake and shoved it in Tyrone's face with so much force it looked like she was throwing a punch.

A stressful drive back to the office.

It was another long drive back to the office in the minivan. Tyrone hitched a ride with us on the way back and squeezed into the third row next to Peyton. For the first half of the trip back, they were locked in a heated debate over whether or not Tyrone had achieved The Hat Trick. Recalling the slang term from her college days, Peyton informed him that the definition of The Hat Trick was to have had sex three times in one day with three different girls, and when they added it up, he'd taken closer to 48 hours to achieve that feat. Tyrone counterargued that he was within the 24-hour time limit if she counted the blowjob he got from Alyssa in the back of the minivan on the way to the dance studio. Peyton rolled her blue eyes and said dismissively, "Oh my God, you are such a male chauvinist! Dream on if you ever think you're getting a piece of me again!"

Naomi sat directly behind me in the captain's chair; I adjusted the mirror to see her expression. I had expected her to be jubilant since she had just won eighty thousand dollars. But, instead, oddly, Naomi was totally despondent. She looked almost comatose as she stared blankly out the window. Alyssa was sitting in the other captain's chair, idly thumbing through a Cosmo magazine with a bored expression on her face. Julia was asleep in the passenger seat beside me and had begun to make these cute little snores.

I heard the familiar ringtone of my BlackBerry. I picked up the phone and held it to my ear.

I didn't even get a chance to say "hello" before Hal started talking.

Hal asked urgently, "Megan, where are you guys right now?"

I looked around and answered, "I dunno, exactly, we're on the #605 heading south. It'll probably be another 45 minutes before we get back to the office."

"Good, you left the building; you're on the road."

"Yes. Why? What's going on?"

"Eric threatened me with a gun to get his phone back and the address of the building we're using for the set. But, unfortunately, I didn't have it on me, so we had to get them from the receptionist. So now he's heading there right now."

"What?!" I said in disbelief.

"He's driving a grey Dodge Ram crew cab, you know, one of those pickup trucks with four doors."

"Oh my God! Are you okay?"

Hal answered, "I'm fine. Lisa's a little shaken up, but she's okay."

"That's terrible; what should we do?"

"Don't worry, we called 911; they're dispatching police to both locations. So there should be a couple of squad cars here by the time you get back."

"Okay, sounds good. I'll see you soon," I said in a purposely calm voice so that none of the contestants would be alerted to the fact that anything was amiss.

Hal added, trying to be reassuring, "No worries. Be careful and stay safe."

No sooner had I got off the phone than suddenly my heart leaped out of my chest. A grey Dodge Ram crew cab was on the opposite side of the interstate, coming straight towards us!

Could it be the same one? My heartbeat was absolutely pounding as the pickup truck approached. As it got closer, I turned my head slightly to try and see the driver. It must have been my imagination, but I could have sworn I saw Eric's head swivel as our vehicles passed each other.

My body was beginning to shake, which I hoped no one sitting behind me in the minivan would notice.

I kept my eyes laser-focused on the back of the pickup truck in the rearview mirror. We'd just gone under an overpass, and I watched Eric's taillights in dread, waiting for him to get off at the exit so he could turn around and come after us.

Instead, amazingly, Eric passed the off-ramp and kept going. I just felt a massive rush of relief as I realized he must not have seen us. My mind must have been playing tricks on me when I thought he looked over at us from the opposite side of the freeway.

Traffic was congested but moving freely. I pressed down on the accelerator as soon as Eric's pickup truck was out of sight and weaved between the other vehicles on the freeway. My heart was racing, and my eyes were on the rearview mirror half the time I was driving, terrified that the grey pickup truck would appear in the reflection at any second.

My mind was reeling. Had Eric found out about our role in corrupting his wife? No, that was unlikely; he would have murdered the producers back at the office if that had been the case. Could Eric really be on his way to the building to kill his wife? Was he about to go on a rampage and shoot crew members as well? Or did he take the drastic action of holding Hal and Lisa at gunpoint in some sort of desperate attempt to rush over to the set and help his wife escape from the show? Whatever Eric's plan, it appeared that being in a reality TV show had pushed him right over the edge. Fortunately, no one had told any of the husbands the show schedule and that we were already on our way back.

It was pandemonium when we got back to the office. The LAPD SWAT team was setting up a perimeter around the entrance and insisting that we all evacuate. I was surprised at how disorganized they were; I expected more competence from the famous police force. The receptionist, Lisa, was in tears. The couples were not exactly happy to see each other either.

Nevertheless, Joe was standing in the reception area with a cameraman. Hal insisted that Joe shoot wrap-up interviews with each of the couples, even with all the chaos around us.

Post-show interview: Peyton & Andy.

Peyton: I'm confident that I haven't crossed any boundaries, so there's not really been any effect on the relationship.

Andy: So, so, good at acting....

Peyton: We're obviously a bit disappointed because we didn't get the money.

Andy: She did what she had to do. Tyrone played it exactly the way I would have done.

Peyton: For Chrissake, you look like you're about to cry!

Post-show interview: Alyssa & Jake.

Alyssa: I feel really bad. I feel really terrible.

Jake: I think we've had enough interviews. That's enough. Let's go.

The end of the dream.

I quickly ran back to my office to grab my expensive Coach handbag before the LAPD forced us to exit the building.

"Stephanie got fired," Eugene whispered as he gestured for me to come over to his cubicle. Eugene was our production accountant.

I recognized the name "Stephanie" right away. She was the cable executive (I couldn't remember if it was MTV or TLC) who ordered the pilot for this show.

"Turns out Steph had got a bit too far out over her skis when she greenlighted our show's pilot," Eugene continued, "the network doesn't like our concept, and we're not getting the next half-million-dollar advance."

"Oh shit, where are we going to get the funding for the rest of the production?"

"We're not. Levett is pulling the plug. He's meeting with the bank on Monday to tell them the company's bankrupt."

"What?! Oh my God, what's Levett going to do?"

"Don't worry for one minute about Levett! He always manages to land on his feet! He's been draining this company of cash for years; he's already paid himself a cool million in management fees, all funneled to offshore accounts."

Eugene passed me a thick envelope of cash.

"Here's $10,000."

"What's this for?" I asked.

"It's your pay for the last two weeks. Remember, you got a raise when they made you the show host? Anyway, I had to use the prize money to pay the crew. Levett doesn't want to risk being held personally liable for unpaid wages."

"What about Naomi?"

"I gave her a check. But, of course, the check will bounce as soon as she tries to cash it."

"That's really shitty. I feel bad."

Eugene shrugged and said wistfully, "Hey, she almost got her 15 minutes of fame."

Last goodbyes.

Naomi didn't seem too concerned about either money or fame at that moment. I discovered her in the reception area, trying to brace herself against the desk as she slowly sunk down to the floor, wailing hysterically into her cell phone, "I swear, you told me to do it in your letter! I don't understand; I did what you told me to do!"

For as long as I live, I will never forget Naomi's appearance as I approached her. Tears streaming down her face, she still looked sexy as fuck in her white short shorts and a teal-colored sleeveless top. Naomi had that thing that all guys seem to find irresistible; an innocently beautiful face in a sinfully curvaceous body. Despite betraying her husband, I think she was deep down a good person, and I considered trying to repair the damage by confessing everything to her. But I didn't, and that decision will probably haunt me for a very long time. I chickened out and stepped over her bare legs on my way out of the office.

Bright California sunlight greeted me as I pushed open the front door. The rest of the contestants were scattered around the parking lot.

Jake was haphazardly throwing Alyssa's bags into the back of his yellow Hummer H2. Although he was trying to hide it, Jake was exhibiting so much rage that I was afraid he too might turn violent.

Andy and Peyton were getting into a black Chrysler 200. Doubtlessly a rental car; from here, they had a short drive back to the airport for their flight home to Seattle. Their expressions were inscrutable. Clearly, they didn't want to speak to me.

Even though Julia was a born-and-bred Brit, she looked remarkably like a stereotypic California girl as she slipped behind the wheel of a brand-new blue Maserati convertible (how could she afford that car?) and touched up her lipstick in the mirror. Compared to the married couples, Julia was much friendlier and gave me a little wave as she pulled out of the space.

Tyrone was standing next to a white Oldsmobile Aurora from the 1990s. I looked at the rusty old car questioningly, wondering why he was driving such a shabby vehicle.

It was like Tyrone read my mind. Almost immediately, he explained, "I hate bein' a statistic and all, but I'm one of the 4 out of 5 former NFL players who go broke within three years of retiring from the league. That Jaguar I was braggin' about; it got repossessed about six months ago."

"I'm sorry to hear that. Too bad you didn't win the prize money," I responded automatically. (Of course, the production company was filing for bankruptcy, and there was no longer any prize money.)

"Y'know, I kinda suspected that Julia was the true single," Tyrone admitted, "but I thought it only fair that Naomi get that money after everything I did to her."

"In my limited experience," I declared, with sudden conviction, "Fair ain't got nothin' to do with it."

I tossed the envelope with $10,000 onto the passenger seat of my green Volvo S70 (my parent's old car that they'd given me as a graduation gift) as I got in. I slammed the transmission into reverse and tore out of the parking lot as fast as I could, scarcely braking as I drove onto the street.

I felt an enormous sense of relief as I lit a cigarette and put Los Angeles in the rearview mirror. A weight was lifted off my shoulders with each passing mile. I didn't stop for gas until I was in Nevada.

Like so many Hollywood productions stranded in "development hell," our reality show would never see the light of day. Art edited a rough cut of the series on his own time; I think he hoped to quietly shop the show to other networks or platforms. He mailed a DVD copy of the uncensored show to all the principal crew members as a keepsake. I added it to my bookshelf without thinking too much about it.

Epilogue.

Joe has the kind of magnetic personality that draws people to him. Therefore, it was not surprising that he stayed in touch with all the contestants. This is how I found out what happened to everyone after the show had ended.

Eric & Naomi: Where are they now?

Eric was taken into custody without anyone being hurt. However, he was convicted of brandishing a weapon as a misdemeanor offense and spent 21 days in county jail. Because of the arrest, he was fired from his position as a project manager.

Naomi stayed behind in Los Angeles while Eric drove home to Texas. Naomi didn't want to go back. She'd made the mistake of leaving Eric a tearful voicemail in which she admitted to having had sex with Tyrone, which Eric had immediately forwarded to her dad. After that happened, Naomi's conservative parents essentially disowned her.

Joe took pity on Naomi and helped Naomi to get a job cleaning houses in Claremont. Shortly after that, Joe began to worry that she was suffering from depression and suspected that she may have gotten into drugs. We later heard from Hal that he had discovered Naomi working as a prostitute on Sunset Boulevard. Hal had made quite a few remarks during production that Naomi was the most attractive contestant on the show, and I was too afraid to ask him whether he had picked her up. I wouldn't put it past Hal to hire a hooker.

Eric also struggled after their divorce. At first, he dated a sexy Puerto Rican chica, but she ended up cheating on him with her ex-boyfriend, resulting in him becoming even more distrustful of women. Then, Eric's parents were forced to sell the farm, and the emotional turmoil caused his parents to split up.

Eric now lives with his dad and is trying to get his life back on track with a new maintenance job at a golf course. However, he's given up on dating and is no longer interested in pursuing romantic relationships.

Andy & Peyton: Where are they now?

Somehow, Andy and Peyton stayed together. Andy said he loved Peyton no matter what had happened on the show. However, his commitment was about to be seriously tested!

Andy's comment that his wife wasn't on birth control because they were trying to get pregnant had been portentous. Three weeks later, Peyton found out she was pregnant. I guess they thought the probability was low that she had conceived a baby during the show's taping. But, astonishingly, she'd gotten knocked up right on camera! I cannot imagine the reactions at the hospital when a Black baby boy was delivered to the two white parents! Apparently, Andy broke down in tears when he realized he wasn't the father.

Andy and Peyton successfully sued Tyrone for child support payments. It seemed slightly unfair that this wealthy professional couple was extracting money from a down-on-his-luck Black man. When Tyrone asked Levett for help, Levett refused, pointing out that they had not used the condoms available on the set.

Within a month of the birth, Peyton was pregnant again. This time, the baby girl was Andy's. The married couple became very busy with their careers and family. Then something bizarre happened. Tyrone showed up on their doorstep, saying he had no place to go and that he wanted to meet his seven-year-old son. So, like an unwanted houseguest, he ended up living with the family for the next 18 months!