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Click here"Yes, I had a father. He died when I was just a kid."
Desiree pulled out a picture from her phone of a man with a young boy holding a fish. The resemblance was obvious as they both had big smiles.
"I don't remember too much. When I was 5 I became his lil fishing buddy. This picture is one thing I remember well. I caught my first fish and I was so happy about that."
"My parents died in an accident. I was 6. They were just crossing the street when they were hit by a drunk driver."
"So who raised you?" Trixie asked.
"My grandmother did."
"So you really didn't have any male influences growing up." Anastasya said it as a statement, not a question.
"No, it was just my grandmother and me. And she was sad of course, she lost her daughter and son in law and I guess that's when things changed for me too."
"Changed?"
"Yeah, I guess I was always a bit introverted but after they died it became something more. Later on I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder. People just assumed I was shy, but I remember that I was always that way and nothing I did could seem to shake it."
"Until..." Anastasya prompted.
"My grandmother was the one who got me into Community Theater. She worked with my doctor to help me cope."
"You mentioned this before, Shakespeare, yes?"
"Yes. Gramma supported the arts and was a patron of our local theater groups. She had me try out for a lot of parts but I wasn't selected for any. I was too shy. It wasn't until I was about 13 or 14 at the time and tried out for the Shakespearean acting troupe that I had any success. I was young but my youth was seen as a plus for the troupe."
"How so?"
"In a traditional troupe the roles of women were given to young men since back in Shakespeare's time women weren't allowed to be actors."
"Once I was on stage, it actually worked because somehow when I pretended I was someone else I didn't have to be shy, I didn't feel shy. It wasn't me up there anymore; it was a character I was playing."
"Once we even held a fundraiser and we were all in costume to meet and greet the patrons and I was able o stay in character and interact with everyone. It was...wonderful." Dustin mused.
"But you told me of your auditions here in New York; your lack of success." Trixie asked.
"Yes. Back in Iowa I always played the female roles in plays; Shakespeare, like I told you. When I went on casting calls here in New York I was going for guy's roles and I had no idea how to act them."
"But they love you here." Trixie wanted to encourage Dustin as Desiree. Her singing was good for business and brought in crowds. Open mike nights were also more popular when patrons sang duets with Desiree.
"I guess." Desiree allowed
She sipped her wine and enjoyed the comfort of having friends. She hadn't ever had friends before and didn't really know how to act. Just be you, she thought...but being yourself, as Dustin, was wrong while being yourself, as Desiree, felt right!
- COMMENTS
Anonymousover 1 year agoHe's an incredibly smart nerd and he's not trying to do his dream work? So his career change is working a whorehouse. I've been around guys like this. He would be insulted to do what he's doing and would have ran out the door when faced with a $4000 tab that has nothing to do with goals. Everything the MC is doing is opposite the profile the writer created. WTF!
BJGoodheadabout 4 years agoAuthorI read your comment yesterday and had to think about it for a bit...but, yeah...I think you're right about the Practice Dildo Scene Idea...that would have been a good scene.
Although I am trying to balance erotica with literature and develop my writing skills through practice I am still new to publishing my stories on line, so having insightful feedback such as this is helpful. I do think leaving some ideas unexplored or merely hinted upon is an effective storytelling technique and will continue to do so, but I think I dropped the ball on that one.
This story is 99% complete, other that a few elaborations and grammar and spelling corrections that I make on my final read through prior to posting...but...If I find time to write out an elaboration then maybe I'll find a way to incorporate that scene as a memory or reminiscence.
Thank you for taking the time to communicate with me, I appreciate it!
Anonymousabout 4 years agoI held off on commenting before to let your story develop a bit before I did, but I liked it from first sight. The premise is interesting and you know how to write.
Your plot and writing style is very good. I felt you were rushing ahead at first (especially I expected more from the scene where her colleagues catch Desiree the first time) but that is understandable if you want to get to the meat of the story. But you kind of rushed things you shouldn't have either. I am sure Desiree's first sexual explorations with the dildo could have made for sexy reading and I wish we knew her mind while doing it. In fact if I have one criticism of your otherwise great work it is the sex stuff. It is hot yes but like most erotica writers your sexual scenes are short and could use with more descripI held off on commenting before to let your story develop a bit before I did, but I liked it from first sight. The premise is interesting and you know how to write.
Your plot and writing style is very good. I felt you were rushing ahead at first (especially I expected more from the scene where her colleagues catch Desiree the first time) but that is understandable if you want to get to the meat of the story. But you kind of rushed things you shouldn't have either. I am sure Desiree's first sexual explorations with the dildo could have made for sexy reading and I wish we knew her mind while doing it. In fact itiveness. Some advice I would give is use a lot of dirty words, shocking euphemisms, focus more on the emotional state of the actor(s). I am sure you fear to be repetitive but sex is kind of repetitive by nature ;) Short and insufficiently vivid scenes are worse, you avoid repetitiveness by using varied words to say the same thing in the way I advised. So in short do not skip or stint out on poignant moments (wish we saw more of Desiree's internal rationalizations for deciding to entertain clients, the buildup and suspense before meeting her first client) or the sexy scenes.
As for the plot so far, plausible for certain. If Desiree found it hard to stand up to Carl at her old job she will find it much harder to escape the far more intricate manipulations of Anastasya. Good job on writing the typical way working girls are entrapped by the sex work business. I am sure she will find her share of the earnings small and the various costs and expenses she makes great, all to keep her desperate and working. She will have to outsmart or outperform Anastasia before her bosses if she wants to rise above her current station. Or that is my guess.
Keep writing and I will keep reading, you are doing great though there is always room for improvement ;)
cbrooks122000about 4 years agoReally good story, I really like it. Definitely, well above the rest I read.
Anonymousabout 4 years agokeep going really liking your story but i hope they get Mark for what he did to him and make him hurt as well maybe have someone with a big cock do mark in the ass
