Regaining My Life

"So you went to Zoë's."

Chris continued looking into my eyes, "Yes. No way was I going home. Zoë probably thought I was pretty weird. I remember coming in, giving her a long hug, and asking her to use her guest room. I was just overcome with emotion. I couldn't sleep. Kept thinking about you. Thinking about Jack being a shithead. Thinking about making love to you." She put her hand on top of mine. "I couldn't stop thinking about making love to you."

I raised her hand to my mouth and kissed it. "Christina, you have not been out of my mind for more than a moment or two since Friday. I can't stop thinking about you either."

She squeezed my hand. "I probably didn't get to sleep until dawn. I slept until noon. Zoë is such a good friend; she made me breakfast and didn't say a thing. I told her about Jack, and she wasn't at all surprised. She reminded me that he has always had a wandering eye. Jack hit on her hard at the welcome party back during my first week on campus. We'd only been married a year! She told me about that the next Monday, one of the reasons she became my friend. That reminded me that he grabbed one of my bridesmaid's ass at our wedding reception. I later found out that he grabbed another friend's breast on the dance floor. Zoë also reminded me how he's always been flirting with every girl he sees."

"And here I thought you two had a storybook marriage. That you were living happily ever after."

"Right? I guess I just ignored all the signs. I kind of thought the same way. I've been so blind, probably willfully blind. I didn't want to know. How did Zoë put it? 'This isn't a romance novel. This is real life. Sometimes things don't work out the way they're supposed to.' I feel like such an idiot. I should have seen it coming. I thought we had a good life together. Yes, our love life has slowed. Maybe I could have prevented it. After the baby came, I know I was ugly and I wasn't desirable."

I raised my hand, "Point of personal privilege. You have never been ugly. You have never been undesirable. You are hands down a very beautiful woman. Chris, if Jack decided he was going to cheat on you, I doubt there is anything you could have done."

Chris said, "I hope you don't mind, but I told Zoë what happened between us." I raised my eyebrows. "I didn't tell her all the details, but I did tell her that you were an amazing lover and that I had never experienced anything like that in my life."

I must have blushed a little. I certainly felt very awkward. Seeing her plate was empty I said, "Can I get you another sandwich?"

"No, thank you." I picked up her plate, placed it on mine, and took them to the sink. I came back and sat down. Chris put her hand on mine and our eyes locked in again. "I'm sorry Quinn. Zoë is my best friend and I had to share. If I didn't, I was going to burst. Please don't be mad. You are my other best friend."

I sighed. "Chris, I could never be mad at you."

"Zoë also told me you wouldn't be mad because you loved me. Probably a lot more than I realized."

"Zoë's right, again."

"This might sound crazy, but I have been thinking about us. About us being together." Suddenly her eyes were welling with tears. I held her hand again. She used her napkin to wipe her eyes. "Quinn, other than Zoë you are my best friend. Zoë told me how much you loved me because I told her how much I loved you. You are good and kind and decent. You are like a saint."

"Whoa, Chris, I am no saint. Ever since I first met you and you looked into my eyes, you had me. I was a married man and I lusted after you. I would imagine what your nude body looked like. I downloaded every picture you posted of yourself on Facebook. I thought about what it would be like to make love to you, how my life would be if you were my partner."

She nodded. "I thought about that last part all day yesterday. Here's the thing Quinn. I don't know how we could make it work. You have twenty years on me. You're already a grandfather, with what three grandkids?"

I nodded.

Chris continued, "You would be 73 when Jackie, I mean John, turns 18. You've done fatherhood once. Could you start all over?" She had a point. "When this divorce is final, I would have no problem asking you to be my partner, to be my husband if we decide together that it is right for both of us. For right now, I don't think we should think about it. That's a long way off."

I just nodded again.

Tears were tracing down her cheeks. She stopped trying to control them.

Chris' lower lip was trembling, "Here's the hard part." She swallowed hard. "I don't think we should be lovers for a while."

I grimaced. How did I know this was coming? I didn't have an answer so I just continued looking into her eyes.

Chris finally continued, "Yesterday, it dawned on me when I remembered what you said on Friday when we were lying in each other's arms. You haven't seen anyone since Roz passed away. I would be your rebound love. You would be mine. If you will eventually have me, I will gladly share the rest of your life with you. But, I think you should start dating. When I'm ready, I should date other people too."

"Come on Chris, who I am going to go on a date with? I'm an old man."

"You are not. I can think of half a dozen right on campus -- Zoë, Asha, Astrid, Colleen, Julianne."

"Technically, that's five, and Asha is a lesbian."

"Okay, Trish. You know what I mean. I would bet every one of them, well except Asha, would love to go out with you. There's a lot of single women on campus and I'm not counting the co-eds."

"Co-eds are strictly off limits for me."

"Good point, but it doesn't even have to be one-on-one. You could come with the Wood Nymphs on a hike. You know about the Wood Nymphs?"

"That's your hiking club."

"It could be something as simple as going on a hike with Zoë. She would love to show you the local forests." She placed her hand on mine, "Please? For me?"

"Be careful. Look what happened the last time you asked me like that."

"I'm not asking you to have sex with Zoë." Her eyes twinkled. "Although I think that would be a fabulous idea."

I raised my eyebrows, "You want me to have sex with Zoë?"

"Maybe friends with benefits. Quinn, she is so insecure. Yes, she comes across as confident, but I don't think she's been with more than a handful of men in her whole life. I know at least one of those turned out horribly. I don't think it was rape, but I think she was traumatized."

"Isn't Zoë seeing Anders? Those two seem to be really tight. They're like classic hipsters traveling the world. Didn't they go to Denmark together?" Anders was a staffer at the college and Zoë was always posting pictures of the two of them together.

"Quinn, Anders is gay. Didn't you know that? In fact he's getting married to his longtime partner over Labor Day weekend and they're moving to California."

"Oh."

"Zoë's pretty bummed about Anders moving." She squeezed my hand again and smiled. "Whenever possible, I would love to spend time with you. Like today. I don't have to pick up Jackie -- John -- until 3:30. I'd love to help you with your onions and anything else you are doing."

"I'd love that. Let me show you where Roz' work clothes are. You can wear those and not get your nice clothes dirty."

_ _ _ _ _

Chris changed into a pair of torn jeans and a white blouse that had paint splatters on the shoulders. The jeans were too big at the waist and she had a belt cinched tight to hold them up. She also wore Roz' straw hat.

She said, "I have some grubbies I'll bring over and leave here. Roz' stuff is a bit big on me."

We gathered up the onions and took them to the barn where I showed her how to braid the stalks together to dry. Within minutes we were both sweating profusely and I noticed that Chris had gone braless for the occasion, her lovely areolas showing through the now transparent blouse. I decided not to comment and just enjoy the scenery.

We finished with the onions, then went back to the garden and prepped the beds for planting in the spring. I had brought out water bottles for us. She drank some, then poured some onto her shirt providing the wet t-shirt look.

I said, "Good idea," and poured some on me.

Chris gave me an impish smile. We both knew what we were doing to one another, but the idea of not being her lover was difficult. I had a truckload of cow manure and we spread some of it out on the now empty onion beds. After an hour and a half of work, we walked over to the porch and I got us some more water. We held hands and sat in companionable silence. At 2:30, her phone's alarm went off; Chris said she needed to get ready to get John. I walked into the kitchen with her assuming she'd go up and change.

She said, "I'm filthy." Standing in the middle of the kitchen, she unbuttoned her blouse and handed it to me. Her beautiful bare breasts taunted me. She kicked off her shoes, dropped her pants, and handed those to me as well. She stood before me naked, facing me with her hands on her hips. Her body glistening with sweat, "I figured I would save you a trip with the dirty clothes."

"What the hell are you doing to me?"

"I said we shouldn't be lovers. I didn't say I couldn't tease you and keep your interest up. Plus I have a little exhibitionist streak in me. You have no idea how hot this is making me having your eyes on me."

"Here I thought you were this very modest woman."

Chris gave me a very impish smile. "Normally I am." She stepped forward, kissed my lips, and patted my sweaty shirt. "Gonna take a shower. Please stay down here." She ran off. I went and sat on the porch, my cock throbbing.

_ _ _ _ _

Chapter 3

The next day I was cutting the grass on my riding lawn mower. My two acres takes about three hours to cut. I used to load up some songs to my iPod -- yes, I still use an iPod -- and rock out for the duration. Today, I just put in earplugs and thought. Of course, the only thing on my mind was Christina. The memories led to some stiffening, and I frequently felt moisture leaking on my leg.

It was about three in the afternoon. I had just turned and started another pass across the adjoining acre, moving toward the house, when an unfamiliar car pulled into my gravel drive. As I approached, I saw Zoë Maisano's blonde head emerge from the yellow Subaru.

Zoë was a short, petite professor. I wasn't sure how old she was, but my guess would be somewhere around 40. She was single, never married and loved traveling. She was open to all types of exercise. Zoë's blonde hair was almost platinum which, given her very fair complexion, I would guess was her natural color. She had a slender waist, which accentuated her slim hips. Her breasts were slightly smaller than average. At the college, Zoë was always professionally dressed. Although we were friends, I had not really hung out with her except at the occasional party when Rosalind was still alive.

I rode up to Zoë. She was wearing large sunglasses and a white sleeveless tank top. I thought I detected her nipples through the material. She capped her ensemble with short khaki shorts and some hiking boots.

Although she was short, proportionally Zoë's legs were toned, long, and lean. I pulled up alongside her and cut the engine. She stepped on the cutting deck, leaned over, and gave me a semi-hug -- arms around me, head next to head, but no body contact.

"Hey," she said.

"How are you doing Zoë?"

"Oh, good, good. I just finished a nice hike up on the trail."

"You hike by yourself?"

"Sometimes."

"Is that safe? A lot of creeps around."

"Oh, I can defend myself quite well. I was supposed to go with Chris. She told you she was filing, right?"

I nodded.

She continued, "It bums me out. We were supposed to go hiking today, but she had to go see her lawyer. She suggested that I ask you to come with me instead. I was almost out the door and I didn't think it would be fair to invite you with no notice."

"Thanks for that."

"Maybe you want to come with me tomorrow."

"I don't think I could keep up with you. I'm not a young man anymore. I'm in decent shape, but not like you."

She laughed. "Don't worry. I'll take it easy on you. How about if I take you out for a training hike. We'll go slow and make frequent stops. No need to be embarrassed. Just you and me."

"And I won't be embarrassed in front of you?"

"Quinn, how long have we known each other?" Zoë and I had started together at the college 10 years ago. "I don't think there is anything that you should ever be embarrassed about with me. You are one of my best friends. That way you can get in better shape and come with us more frequently."

She was a friend, but I wouldn't have put her into the 'best' category. I started to fumble for an excuse.

Zoë reached out and put her hand on my arm, "Quinn, you need to let us take care of you. I'll stop by your house tomorrow at nine and pick you up. Wear some layers and some good walking shoes. Mornings are cool. By afternoon it will be warm, maybe even hot. Bring your sunscreen."

I smiled and said, "Aye aye, ma'am."

"That's a good sailor." She started to leave. "I'll even bring a nice lunch. Anything you are allergic to?"

"Mayonnaise."

Zoë said, "No mayo."

She jumped back into the car and started pulling out. "See you tomorrow," she called and waved.

I waved back. It sounded like Chris was following through on her promise to get me out seeing people again.

_ _ _ _ _

The next morning, I woke earlier than usual and made myself a hearty breakfast of eggs, sausage, toast, and coffee. About quarter to nine, there was a knock at the kitchen door. I looked around the corner and saw Zoë. I waved her in.

"I'm just cleaning up from breakfast. Can I get you anything?"

Zoë came in and said, "Got any coffee?"

Before I could respond, she had moved to the pot. She grabbed a mug from the cupboard and poured a cup.

"Milk is in the fridge and there's sugar on the table."

Walking from the fridge to the table she came up behind me and gave me a hug. I could feel her breasts on my back. I put my hand up to hold her arms in place, savoring the contact; my cock stirred slightly.

Zoë said, "We're going to have a blast. We're going up in the state forest. It's an easy hike, and the late summer wildflowers will be out in the high meadows. I have a nice lunch packed. No mayo."

I gave her a smile, "You're being very kind to an old man."

"Quinn, you are not old. You look like you're in great shape."

"Looks can be deceiving." I finished the frying pan and placed it in the drying rack. "Can I get you anything to eat?"

"No, all set. Good coffee, though. That must be a Navy habit, cleaning up like that."

"That's me. Shipshape and squared away."

"I don't know too many guys who do that."

"You just don't know the right guys. I have some 'to go' cups if you would like to take your coffee with you."

"Yes, please."

I broke out the cups, poured her coffee in, and then handed it back. I poured a cup for myself, then quickly rinsed out our mugs and placed them on the drying rack. "You may want to top that off."

"Good idea," Zoë said as she moved to the pot. "Ready?"

I turned off the coffee machine. "As ready as I will ever be. Let's get going before I change my mind."

_ _ _ _ _

Zoë drove us to the state forest, about a 45-minute drive. She talked the entire time about several things, but never mentioned Chris. I just listened and nodded a lot. As we pulled into the parking lot, she asked, "What's the temperature?"

She pushed a button on the wheel and reported, "Sixty-six. A little chilly to start. I don't think we need jackets, should we bring them in the knapsacks?"

I said, "I don't think so. It's only going to get warmer. The weather lady on channel seven said mid-eighties."

"Right. It is August after all."

As we stood before the trunk of her car, Zoë ran through a mental checklist, "We've got lunch. Some snacks. Water. First aid kit. Plenty of sunscreen for the pale blonde and redhead. Picnic quilt. Looks like we're good to go." She stripped off her running sweats to reveal some short, loose-fitting shorts that showed most of her shapely legs. She took off her jacket and shivered a little. Underneath she was wearing a yellow college t-shirt underneath. I could see a white string bikini tied at the back of her neck. Her erect nipples could be detected through the fabric. She donned a baseball cap.

I was wearing knee length shorts and a long sleeved sports shirt. I put my foot up on her bumper and put sunscreen on my calves.

Zoë came up alongside of me, "Good idea." I held out the tube of SPF 50 to her and we finished the application.

"Aren't you going to be hot in long sleeves?" She asked.

"This shirt is actually really light and designed to keep you cool. Feel."

She felt he fabric, "Like those really flimsy bikinis."

"Oh, I didn't know that. Plus, I have to keep the dermatologist at bay."

"Oh, that's right. You've had how many melanomas?"

"Three."

I put on my broad brimmed hat and tossed my windbreaker into the trunk. "Want me to carry the knapsack?"

"We have two. You take this one. It has our picnic quilt and extra water,"

Zoë handed me a second knapsack. It was fairly light.

I put the knapsack on, "Picnic quilt? You sound like a professional hiker and picnicker."

"Only the best for us."

"Very well. Then lead on my dear colleague because I haven't a clue where I'm going."

"Wait, first a selfie for Facebook. You can be an honorary Wood Nymph." She held out her phone and snapped a picture of the two of us. "Okay, let's go."

Zoë struck out at a leisurely pace, and I didn't have trouble keeping up on the flat terrain. I also didn't mind the view of her legs. I kept up for about 30 minutes, but as the trail began to slope upward, I started sucking wind and fell behind at least a couple of dozen yards. The trail leveled off and came out in a broad meadow. The temperature had climbed significantly. Sweat was pouring down my face and my shirt was stuck to my chest. Zoë had stopped at a park bench under some shade trees at the edge of the meadow and had set down her knapsack. As I approached, she held out an energy bar.

"Time for a break and refueling. Serious hiking takes serious refueling."

"Sounds good, Captain."

Since we were in the shade I peeled off my shirt and laid it out on the bench to dry.

Zoë said, "Oh. That's nice. I love a hairy chest."

A light breeze felt really good, cooling my skin. I sat down on the bench, stretching my arms out on top of the bench. "Serious hiking? I thought you were going to take it easy on me."

"I am, but we need to get you up to speed."

Zoë sat down next to me as I caught my breath, our legs touching. Her bare arm against the side of my sweaty torso. Her shoulder tucked in below my armpit. What a nice feeling.

She dug in the knapsack, "Here's some ibuprofen. Drink some water. You have to stay hydrated. Drink a lot of water."

"Just like survival school." I dutifully downed the pills, drank some water, and took a bite of energy bar.

"When did you have to go to survival school?" She asked.

"When I went through flight school. Learned what bugs to eat, how to stay warm and dry. That sort of stuff."

The meadow had bloomed in an assortment of wildflowers and some distant hills made an impressive picture.

I pointed at the meadow, "This is lovely."

Zoë smiled, "That's one reason why we like hiking. Plus, I like having good company." She patted my thigh.

I smiled at her, "You are wonderful company."

We sat in companionable silence for a minute or two, enjoying the cool breeze. I felt her looking at me and turned my head.

"Quinn?"

"Yes, my dear."

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Ask away."

"Do you think you will ever get married again?"