Results and Consequences

"Gerryyy?"

"Yes..."

"I have so many things to thank you for already, but could I ask you to take the I-95 to Newark, please? It'll be just a quick stop, I promise... and I'll navigate you."

"Of course, baby, take me to your destination."

"Thank you." She caressed his shoulder, but remained pensive.

A half-hour later, they were in front of a small house in Carmen Crescent. Paula nervously left the car to drop a greeting card in the mailbox. She came back inside, looking relieved of a huge burden, smiled and asked Gerald to drive them home.

"This is where I grew up, Gerry. And where my parents still live."

"Why didn't you knock, then? You're sure nobody's home?"

"Positive. Dad has slaved all his life in various waste-to-energy plants - he always got angry when I used the word incinerator - and lives for his yearly Christmas drive down South with mom. And Cathryn stayed on campus. But it feels nice to be able to do this, and do it with you near me. I know I'm still on Dana's clock, but I'm so thankful, on top of everything, that you just let me be Paula today."

"Don't even mention it. So, are you back on speaking terms with your parents?"

"Huh... you know?"

"You mentioned it in passing when I visited you in the Hospital."

"Oh, sorry I forgot... but no... I think I fell from too high a pedestal to mend that wound."

"I'm truly sorry... it would have been really wonderful to have a clean sweep this Christmas..."

"Hey, don't knock the last few days! They have been almost a miracle and I'm so happy for you."

"You got that right... and thank you."

"Believe me, the pleasure was almost all mine. Say, Gerry, can I listen to my playlist some more? I want to gather my thoughts before I tackle a touchy subject with you later."

"Euh... sure." He remained unsettled as she started his iPod. As luck would have it, Second Chance by Shinedown was next to play.

She kissed him on the cheek before he negotiated a complex interchange. "Have I told you how much I love my playlist recently?"

---

They stopped for an early supper at Elmira. And Gerald was beside himself. "So, are you ready to talk?"

"As much as I'll ever be, I guess, but I'm scared a little... can I do this while we're back on the road?"

"Sure... so, change of subject: was there ever a conclusion to the inquiry into your beating?"

"Actually, there was, and I owed the police a big apology. They tried very hard and almost pulled it off. They had collected foreign blood samples on my clothing and managed to get some testimonial evidence. But the blood sample yielded no DNA hits, there was no camera evidence and I could not remember any face for a sketch or a lineup ID. Even if they had a couple of tangible suspects, no court orders were forthcoming for DNA samples and the DA confirmed me, a couple of weeks ago, that they had to close the prosecution case. Unless some memory flashes back before legal prescription, the fucking predator is going to get away with it."

"I'm very sorry, Paula."

"I'm not... not anymore, anyway. I've moved forward with my life and I realize now that a trial would be HUGE dive back into that deep sea of shit." As was getting to be their tradition, they devoted themselves to their food afterwards.

As promised, she began when they were back on the road. It was now getting dark but the skies remained thankfully clement. "Gerry, I've accepted the fact that you love me, despite my every warning against it, and I want you to know that your feelings are not unrequited, as you once said. You have been the anchor of my very messy life for more than a year now... even when we were apart..." she took a long pause, then a deep breath. "I love you too, Gerry..." she then remained unable to speak.

"BUT..."

"Yes, Gerry, there is a but. I cannot retire yet as Dana. And when I'm ready to be yours, I don't want to share. For whatever it's worth, do know I've already slowed down considerably, owing to my senior's schedule and also to the fact that, since I met you, my heart is really not much into it, especially since the Niagara trip."

"You don't think I could support you?"

No, Gerry... I am absolutely convinced you would have offered already if you could have... or at the very least you would have become one of Dana's regulars or tried to be a sugar daddy of some sorts." She had him there... she was right on the money, in every sense.

"Plus, there is this other thing... and I need your advice."

"All right..."

"I'm consulting about reassignment surgery." She spilled it all in a single breath.

"Why would you want my advice about that?" Gerald was doing his best to mask the fact he was devastated.

"HUHHH?" She wasn't.

"You obviously know more than I do about the inns, the outs, the risks and the grizzly details of what is it exactly that you are considering... so your request is not about a factual or ethical opinion from me. If not, then we are talking about WHO you are and how you feel while living in your own body. How can I have something to bear on a subject so visceral and intimately personal? I would never dare ask you to stay in transition forever - the very language of it is nonsensical! If, for some weird reason, you are worried about the effect the procedure would have on us as a future couple, then I can reassure right now: that procedure changes your genitals, not who you are. And it is you that I love. And will always love, by the way."

"But... but... suppose it is not as visceral as you think... I really appreciate that you try to reassure me emotionally but... let's say there is a place to discuss this rationally... I really need your advice."

"I'm too biased for what you ask."

"Don't!!!" She snapped, and looked about to cry... so much for the Christmas effect...

"Don't what?"

"Don't play the ethical card... I think it suits you to hide behind ethical conundrums because, since they can't be solved, you don't have to try to. I KNOW you're biased, Gerry, because of what you taught me so well and because we love each other. But you are also a caring and wise man whose opinion I greatly value. So yes, please and pretty please with sugar on it, I want to know, Gerry, if you wanted your penis to become a vagina - that might be sensitive or not, that you would have to dilate forever and what not - would you DO IT?!"

"You really want to know?"

"YES!!! I beg you!"

Gerald relented. "All right... first, the procedure does not give ovaries, I think... so there is no gain on the childbearing aspect of it." She looked ready to physically pry his brain open, so he asked for patience with his free hand. He hated having to watch the road and not her.

"Second... well, the aesthetics will probably be imperfect, so as regards the beating you once experienced, it would have probably still happened... or maybe you would have been raped first, beaten afterwards... no real gain there. I don't think that public prejudice, when it manifests itself, differentiates between fully transitioned trans people or not. To some, you will always be a freak... and so will I for loving you." Such frankness stunned her silent. She waited for more.

"Third... the sex life. Sex, when it is not about copulation, is about bonding or, at the very least, about pleasure... and for my part, I already consider sex with you mind-blowing, amazing, even uplifting... Dana, either as your bitch, your bottom or your loving man, as we just played out yesterday, I would be forever happy and sated. Of course, that last argument has merit only if I suffice for you as a sexual partner..." Gerald choked on that comment.

"So... if it was me and I was lucky enough to have an angel like you declaring your love for me, then I see no rational reason to do it. No expected result would be worth the consequences, unless I fall back to the visceral."

There was a short silence. Then Gerald felt two arms hug him under his armpits and a set of lips rest on his cheek for the longest time. He could feel her face was wet with tears.

"I'm sorry, Paula..."

"Don't be... I can see how difficult it has been for you to tell me this... and I regret that I sort of bullied you into it... but Gerry, I really needed to hear it. Thank you so very, very much; now I think I can sleep on this. Do I have time?"

"Sure... we have a bit more than two hours to go before Buffalo."

"All right... I'll start my playlist from the beginning... I like hearing my songs in my dreams." She let go of him and settled herself in her seat.

"Just promise me one thing..." while Paula had just sounded relieved, Gerald obviously wasn't.

"Anything, Gerry..."

"You'll let me be near you if you decide to go through with it."

"Of course, Gerry... there is no way I'm doing this without you. But this is premature, baby... you'll see me graduate first."

"Fair enough..." he let his remaining thoughts go unspoken to let her sleep.

5. The Graduate

"Paula Marie Winters, BFA communication design, magna cum laude..."

Paula walked with the fake serenity the pomp of the circumstance dictated but her heart jumpstarted in high gear because she recognized two very important voices in the crowd's cheers. Cathryn and Gerald were there. Soon after she picked up her diploma and thanked everybody on the podium, she sneaked a look back in the crowd and recognized her sister's waving arms. She would have to wait for Gerald, though.

When it was all over, after the throwing of the caps and everything, a very nervous Gerald navigated within the mingled crowd, to find both sisters hugging and speed-talking gibberish. He had not seen Paula since Christmas; he could wait a little while longer and let them have their family moment. Cathryn actually noticed him first. Paula motioned her to wait a second then, oblivious to teacher ethics, she jumped, robe and all, in his arms. If kiss-and-jumping had been a judged sport, that leap, with her lips landing square on his, would been worth at least a 9.8 at the World championship level.

She had missed him as well and she tasted him a little longer before asking to be let down, fearing their luck at remaining unnoticed might run out. "Thanks for coming, baby love... it means the world to me that you're here!"

"You're very welcome, Paula. Truth be told, only a complete psychopath could have stood you up after reading the very moving invitation you wrote."

"That one was just for you, sweetie... and I keep the copyrights."

"Spoken like a true communication professional. Congratulations for everything you have accomplished. I am very proud of you."

"Thank youuuu!!! And so am I!"

"So what happens now?"

"Well, I have a week's vacation from work - you were right, by the way, I am now an employee - and this week-end is my time with Cathryn. We talk about the rest Monday morning, at your office. Your secretary did confirm the meeting?"

"She did... but what's this about?"

"It happens that I need your professional services, my good man. For once, you will be the one receiving a professional fee..." she hushed him with a kiss before he could reply. "We will also have time for ourselves Monday afternoon... I know you're free, I've had your secretary guard that time slot for me." Gerald was baffled.

"All right now... don't be greedy! Time I got back to sis... I promise I'll behave and I will see you Monday, OK? Bye now!"

She was, literally, a tornado. Thus she came to him, thus she left him there, stranded. To pass the time and change his mind, Gerald mingled with some of the faculty members he was familiar with. Both sisters had vanished.

---

By Monday morning, alone in his office, Gerald was a wreck. For one thing, she did call him "baby love" and said they would talk about "the rest" but, on the other hand, there is also a chance that today might be their final goodbye. And what about that procedure she was thinking about? Could that be the reason for the meeting? Her will? And, to top it all off, she's late! He checked his appearance again - for the occasion he wore the Italian silk jacket she had not seen yet - and then resumed pacing.

Thankfully, he did not have to wait much longer. The door buzzer rang and he let her in.

He walked through his office door to greet her but, seeing her, he stopped.

(Oh! My Good Lord!)

She was wearing a classical look tailored to match her pearls. She wore an off-white silk blouse with shoulders pads that accentuated the plunging neckline and her thin straight-cut mat-black pants. In addition to her pearls, she wore stiletto heels and a large belt with a silver decorative buckle. She had let her hair grow, but not much, and now sported an asymmetric cut and had them coiffed with a few shining silver highlights. Her makeup was a masterful blend of marine and silver hues. She wore no glasses this morning and carried an assorted black leather document holder. She displayed formidable poise and her choice of dress highlighted her tall, thin figure to devastating effect. Gerald was tempted to let her walk runway-style right up to his office and sit her behind his desk.

"Good morning, Ms. Winters. I had been expecting you." He motioned her in.

"Good morning to you too, Mr. Anderson, and thank you for receiving me on such short notice. Marjorie is not with you?" She walked with a sway that, as she expected, was hypnotizing him.

"Euh... no, Marjorie only works for me two mornings per week, keeping my books and managing both my agenda and court schedule. I am not that busy and she still gets to enjoy part-time retirement."

"How very considerate of you..." by that time, she was close enough for him to see cracks in her demeanor... and all of a sudden, she gave up, burst out in laughter and hugged her lawyer.

"Mmmmm! How I missed you Gerry, you have no idea! I even toyed with the notion of throwing out my sister yesterday! Please don't let me forget, in the future, that I have a 36 hours endurance span with her..."

"Noted." He was, in reality, busy absorbing her lavender-and-bubble-gum aroma. "Aaah Geez.. proprieties be damned! Paula, you look so amazingly beautiful that I'll turn blind if I keep on staring at you. And, also... huh... is it me or has your face changed a little?"

"Thank youuu! It's just for you!" She did a full pirouette and her voice was musical. "And I'm VERY happy you noticed, Gerry. I've had laser corrections performed on my eyes and also my very last touches of facial feminization done!"

"Well, the results are stunning. I sure hope you're happy with them."

She kissed him on both cheeks. "Now, I am..."

"You know, Paula... I have been waiting, and a little dreading, this day for months now. So... since I am all yours for today, please sit down and explain to me what can I do for you."

She sat down and glanced over his meticulously clean and organized desk. Everything reeked of professionalism, except a small area beside his computer, which made her heart melt. It had a vanilla-lavender perfume bottle with balsa wood pegs diffusers, a bubble-gum flavor gum dispenser, Thunderbirds 1 through 4 arranged in a flight-line and a small framed picture of Dana Deep - tastefully cropped of course - beside their Christmas Day selfies. For the rest, he seemed to have maybe three currently active court cases.

"Is business doing well, Gerry?"

"Just a little busier and I would be perfectly happy. I have a nice client volume, my word-of-mouth seems to be outstanding and I do have the time to give my all to everyone, simple or complicated. Of course, contesting wills can take its toll on the soul once in a while, but clients are the consequence of choosing private practice. How about you?"

"I never thought I would say this, but I am happy and content working full-time and for peanuts. That's because my work is almost revered at that firm and, just on a loyalty basis, I intend to remain there for quite a while before seeking other pursuits... which brings me to talk about this morning's business. I have a contract I would like you to review."

"A contract? Are you sure you..."

"Oh yes... trust me, it's right up your alley... in fact you have unwittingly suggested it when you were my teacher." She forwarded the proposed legal document.

"All right, then, let me take a look."

"Don't you want to settle your fee first, Mr. Anderson?"

"Ms. Winters is a friend of this practice. This legal advice will be pro-bono. Will you need a receipt?" She was still fighting to keep a straight face.

"Later... you may proceed."

He perused over the document, as was his custom before choosing how he would later dissect it.

Its title was a private pre-sex agreement between two parties: Paula Marie Winters, born Paul Joseph Winters, and... Gerald Ronald Anderson. He looked up to her but she refused to elaborate. "Do proceed to the end, please..."

Now he had a hard time keeping focus, as his heart was racing. He became warm and uncomfortable, so he removed his jacket and loosened his favorite blue silk tie.

There was a preamble stating intent to share a bed and... a life (!)

There was a testimonial intent clause, stating a complete 50% sharing of all goods and intellectual properties dating back to the day following their first date.

There was a fidelity clause. This time he paused. "What about Dana?"

She had a contended smile that betrayed just how much she wanted to tell him this. "Dana has been retired and offline for just about a month now. Even the fiscal formalities have already been completed."

There was a physical and moral identity clause that seemed a little weird to him. "What about that clause?"

"The signatories agree to address themselves as, and only as, Paula and Gerry. Likewise, no further modification of identity or anatomy is to be allowed without specific mutual consent."

"Huh... well, I believe your stipulations would work to that end. But what about your reassignement procedure?"

"What procedure?"

"Be serious for a second, please... this is a big deal."

"Indeed... and it just so happens that a caring and wise man, whose opinion I greatly value, taught me, in his own thoughtful tact, that if it ain't broke, you don't fix it." She stopped him again before he carried on "... just keep on going, please."

There was a dispute settlement clause that gave her final say with no possibility of appeal and a responsibility clause that stipulated that all unforseen events and mishaps were his fault. Those made him laugh.

There was an automatic renewal clause and various administrative clauses that were very standard. She had obviously been doing Internet or library homework.

"All right... I will read with a more critical mind but I can say that this looks very proper and well done. In fact, it reads almost like a humorous version of a common-law marriage contract..."

She had stopped listening to him and she signed. He stopped talking... and breathing.

She handed him the pen. "Would you sign it, please?" Gerald felt a jolt: a velvety-soft foot was now enticingly rubbing along his leg. He looked up: despite the fact that her eyes were moist, her gaze was burning with lust and piercing straight through his soul. "I am polite but, in fact, I am not asking your permission... and judging by your reaction, I don't need to."

Her foot was now massaging the bulge in his pants. Once more, Gerald was under the spell of his enchantress and he signed without a word. This was surreal.

"Verrry Goood! Thank you Gerry. Now, owing to our testimonial clause, you are half-owner of this and I would like you to put it on my finger." She placed a box in his trembling hands and she opened it, so nervous he looked.

There was an engagement ring, custom-made to her specifications: a white gold and platinum ring with small encrusted Yukon diamonds, but the central gem was a small, perfectly round, wild pearl of subtle nacreous hues that brought out perfectly the brightness of the ring. Gerald felt like pinching himself... and Paula was mockingly exasperated, with her extended finger.