Río Sinuoso

"Why are you not eating, dear? Are you ill?" I was asked. "The yogurt's fresh, I promise. I got it yesterday."

Inexplicably, I burst into tears. I was on the edge of telling my mother exactly why I was upset, but couldn't take that final leap of faith. I couldn't bear for her to hate me. So, I said I'd missed Marcia so much, and had bottled it up, but now the weekend was over I found it suddenly overwhelming. More lies.

"You are such a wonderful, sensitive woman," my mother said hugging me, "I'm so proud of the person you've become."

As you can imagine, I bawled even harder.

Chapter 4

I went into my class for my practical as planned, but I was useless. I was vacant. Empty. Soulless. Marcia called me at lunchtime. I considered ignoring the call to avoid talking about what happened - but Marcia was one person I could talk to without lying, and I wanted badly to talk truthfully with someone.

"Hi," I mumbled.

"Hey you!" Marcia laughed into the phone. "Big weekend for you baby!"

"I know. I feel awful."

"I can't believe you did all that. Are you okay?"

"Not really. I've never felt so miserable. I hate myself," I opened up.

"Why?" Marcia asked carefully.

"I just... I let that guy do whatever he wanted to me. It was, just, dirty. It was filthy, I was filthy. I'm so ashamed."

Marcia took a deep breath.

"Penny, come on, don't be so hard on yourself. You're young. Foolish. What's a life without silly things we've done?"

"You're being sweet. But I can't look my mum in the eye. I was sitting at breakfast and she's being so nice, and in return I bring sperm to the table with me, inside my vagina. Inside my stomach," I said dejectedly. "If she knew there was a stranger's semen in her kitchen, inside her daughter, I shudder to think what she'd think of me."

"You swallowed their cum?" Marcia asked, laughing.

"Yes," I admitted, without saying I quite liked it.

"Wow. It was a big night."

"Why did I do it?"

"I don't know," Marcia said quietly. "I did try to stop you, but you were determined you wanted to go with those guys."

"What guys?"

"What do you mean, 'what guys'?"

"Why did you say I wanted to go with 'those guys'?"

"Because you did. You said you wanted to kiss all of them."

"All of who? There was only one guy."

"No there wasn't," Marcia said sternly. "You went into a maxi-cab with six guys."

"I don't remember that. Anyway, it was only one guy that I had sex with. In his apartment."

"Biggsy, his name is Biggsy. You stayed at his place, yes, and you had sex with all of his friends there."

"No I didn't," I said, certain Marcia was confused.

"You seriously don't remember? You're blocking it out."

"There's nothing to block!"

"Okay," said Marcia calmly. "I sent him messages to see if you were alright. Biggsy sent me these links to his Dropbox, saying see-for-myself. I think you better see for yourself. I'll email all the links, each video has its own."

"Video?"

"Take a look, I'll call you back a bit later. Okay?"

"Okay," I responded, confused.

As Monica said, Dropbox links came popping into my phone.

"Oh no," I said out loud, opening the first link. That guy from the apartment was fucking my vagina brutally from behind. Some other guy I don't remember ever seeing was holding my head and fucking my mouth. I was groaning out loud through my stuffed mouth and both those boys were grunting. Other boys were cheering them on. I turned it off because a guy nearby stared at me, recognizing the sounds of sex and making the connection that I was the girl in the middle of those two guys.

Shit.

Chapter 5

6 months later...

Since that horrid weekend I had been on my best behavior. I did everything possible to restore my faith in myself. I doted on my family, I gave love and loyalty to my boyfriend Darren. As a final step of retribution, I finally dared to make confession at church. It wasn't easy to talk about sex with my parish Father. There had been fifteen videos altogether, some of them a half hour long; the priest made me explain what happened in each of them. He said to tell all, to repent all. Every detail. It was uncomfortable to talk with anyone about what happened, let alone my local priest. It was shameful explaining the type of sex I'd had, explaining which guy had done what thing to me, that my vagina had been shaved, my breasts smeared in hickeys, how many times by how many guys I had been inseminated, and that I took a contraceptive pill afterward - all of it completely taboo in our religion.

"Every little detail," the priest insisted. "Tell me what you enjoyed about your sin. Purge all of it out of you."

I couldn't help but wonder if he was getting off on me saying I liked my face forced into the pillow as I was ejaculated into from behind. But, either way, after I was done confessing, it was a huge final load off my conscience to be absolved.

My move to the pious end of the scale to rebalance my wickedness of my actions was creating a lot of frustration in one place, though. My boyfriend Darren and I didn't have sex often even before my terrible weekend, but afterward I became even more conservative. The thought of his cock brought back nervous memories; and the worst part was, I didn't know if the memories were from the fucking, or from the videos of the fucking. If Marcia had never sent me those links, would I have remembered all I did? I guessed I would have, it would have pierced my dreams first, then filtered through into my memories eventually. It was probably better that I saw it all there on-screen soon after it happened; my torment was deep but quick.

It had been tough to watch, but I wanted to know everything I did. I couldn't believe that I said yes, they could film the sex when they asked. I was surrounded by cock and I looked delighted. What was I thinking? I couldn't believe I was so wantonly asking for more sex, more sperm. I spent time online and in the church library discretely researching demonic possession, looking for someone or something to blame other than myself. I couldn't find it.

"Your body is amazing," Marcia had tried to console me. "You look great in those videos. Your breasts, I wish mine would keep shape like that when I fucked."

I sighed at the thought. It was true. I did look good with my clothes off. I did look good being fucked. In the videos, those boys were obviously happy with their 'score.' I couldn't bring myself to be like that with Darren though. It wasn't how I was brought up. It wasn't me. Daggers of shame stabbed my chest and stomach every time I thought of it. I just hoped it would dull over time.

Chapter 6

"It's doing my head in," Darren complained. "How am I going to marry a girl so self-conscious and timid as Penny? Sex never happens. And if it does, it's just pants off, lay there like a dead bug."

Darren was sat on a low wall outside work with Missy, eating sandwiches. Missy was from the same church as he and Penny; Darren helped her get the job as receptionist.

"Penny's family are conservative, you know that," Missy said. She was younger than Darren and Penny, eighteen versus their twenty-three. Five years difference isn't much as people get older, but it wasn't too long ago that five years was a world of difference for her and Darren. Missy had adored Darren from way back then. Working in the same office as him now was thrilling. Talking to him every day, especially about something so adult and personal, it gave her chills. She did her best to hide her feelings. It helped that Darren was too wrapped up in his own life to notice.

"Not as conservative as that Marcia's family. When they moved away, Penny opened up a bit more, you know. I thought maybe she was relaxing about it all, being away from that friend. But then she went and visited Marcia for her birthday, and ever since then Penny is more frigid than ever. It's like Marcia brainwashed her to stop having proper sex again."

Missy nodded. "Maybe it's about sex before marriage. Maybe after she's married things will change?"

"I don't think so. No one could change that much overnight. She's frigid. You either are or aren't, and she is."

"I'm so sorry, Darren," Missy said, silently happy there was a problem. "I would never..."

"What?"

"If I had a boyfriend like you, I'd make sure you were happy."

"Yeah?"

"I'd let my boyfriend do whatever he wants. Men shouldn't let frustration build up. A girlfriend should be helping a man, not making it worse. It's selfish," she added.

"It is," Darren agreed. "You're right."

"If you and I were together..."

"Were together... what?" Darren turned and looked at her. Missy subconsciously undid a button on her shirt.

"You could have me whenever you wanted."

Darren didn't say anything. He looked at her, his mind ticking over. Missy opened another button. She puffed her shirt forward, showing him her bra-covered breast. Missy wasn't big at all, but in Darren's condition, tits of any kind were spectacular.

"Really?" he gulped, staring into her shirt, "You'd do that for your man?"

"Of course."

"Down there... too?" he mumbled, blushing as he nodded to her pelvis.

"Hmm," Missy nodded slightly. "Of course."

Darren took a deep breath, looking at Missy in a whole new way. He was rock hard.

"Would you... your boyfriend, would you put him in your mouth?"

Missy turned crimson at the thought. She nodded. "If he wanted, I would do it for him."

"Wow," Darren said. "It would be lucky to be your boyfriend. Do you have one?"

Missy looked at him and shook her head.

"Wow," Darren nodded, his head spinning with possibilities. "Could we... could I try a little bit?"

"You have a girlfriend."

"Yes, yes, I'm sorry,"

Darren said, turning away and taking a deep breath. "It's just... I'd feel bad to make the same mistake again, you know. If I did... make a change... I might want to know... it was going to really be different. Maybe try it out first, you know?"

Missy's heart leapt. Darren would seriously think about changing to her? She hoped he couldn't see her shaking.

"You mean... try... having sex with me?"

"Yeah," Darren blushed.

"Let me think about it," she said as calmly as she could muster. "Is that okay?"

"Of course," Darren said warmly. "Let me know if you wanna... you know... have a try."

"Okay. I will come back with an answer," Missy replied.

"When?"

Missy took a deep breath.

"When would you want to do it?"

"Well, Penny is away on Sunday. After church I could take you up to Argyle's creek on my uncle's property. Go in the back way. Take a picnic blanket. No one goes up that way anymore. You could take your clothes off... without anyone knowing."

"Ummm, okay. Let me think about it. I'll tell you at lunch tomorrow. But... if I did... if you try me and you liked it... you and I...?"

"Maybe," Darren nodded.

Missy's heart was a-flutter. Just like that, the boy she'd always wanted to be with was saying she had a chance to be his girlfriend. It was both terrifying and exciting.

"Could I... take a quick look?" Darren asked nervously, looking around, seeing they were alone.

"Now?" Missy asked.

"Yeah, just quick, before we go in."

Darren stood up; Missy still seated on the low wall. She pulled her shirt and bra cup forward, letting Darren stare in at her bare breast and nipple down her top. Darren stayed ogling Missy as long as she let him, which was until some colleagues came out the side door, talking and laughing. Missy was so anxious and nervous that she went back into the office with her front buttons still loose on her shirt.

"So... you and Darren, huh?" the other receptionist Josie asked. Josie had no idea how Darren and Missy knew each other, or their background.

"Why do you think that?" Missy asked, blushing too obviously.

"You didn't completely re-dress," she said, nodding at Missy's small breast coming mostly out over the top of her small bra.

"No, no, it wasn't... I didn't get completely undressed. I only undid these buttons," Missy said then suddenly stopped talking. Josie smiled and laughed.

"It's okay, baby girl. He's cute. No shame in chasing one of the management trainees."

Missy discretely re-buttoned her shirt and did her best to get on with her afternoon.

Chapter 7

"My goodness Missy, Darren? Really? How? Why?"

Missy was sitting in her friend Natasha's back living room, whispering.

"He said he's not happy with Penny. That maybe he'd be better off with me."

"But him and Penny... it's been years. I can't remember those two not being together. Everyone assumed they'd get married."

"It's not as good as you think. Darren's completely fed up."

"With what?" Natasha puzzled.

"Everything," Missy exaggerated.

"And so what did he say? He's secretly in love with you? He didn't even know you existed until this year."

"We work together. We have lunch most days. He talks to me, you know."

"And says what? I'm dumping Penny and gonna ask you out instead?"

"Maybe," Missy grinned.

"Maybe? What's maybe mean?"

Missy hesitated. Natasha and her talked about everything together, but this one was tough.

"It depends on...," Missy stumbled.

"On what?"

"He wants to try me out first," Missy flat out said.

"Try what out?" Natasha laughed.

"Darren is completely frustrated with Penny's sex. She doesn't do anything for him. She's completely frigid."

"Oh," said Natasha, a bit shocked to hear about Darren and Penny's sex life.

"I said that I would never be like that with him. I would make sure he was happy."

"With the sex?" Natasha gasped. "With the sex you give him?"

"He said he wants to try me out. If it's good, then..."

"Oh my goodness. Missy, you're kidding me? Seriously! He wants to try having sex with you, to see if you are better than Penny?"

"Yeah," Missy blushed red. "It's crazy, right?"

"Crazy. Stupid. Ridiculous. Impossible. You've never had sex. With anyone. Even if you were mad enough to go through with it, how are you going to do it? How could you possibly be better than Penny when you've never even done it! At least it sounds like she's not a virgin. Like you are!"

"I don't know. I just... do as he tells me, don't I?"

"Oh goodness, Missy. You know how stupid this sounds. Do you really want him that badly?"

Missy nodded. "Ever since the beginning of high school. Oh, Natasha, if the girls saw him drop Penny to go with me... can you imagine?"

Natasha sighed. "Penny will hate you."

"She deserves it. She's not doing what she should to keep her man."

"I don't know," Natasha frowned, "This whole thing... doesn't seem right."

"Natasha, I've got to try, it's my chance. If I do well, if he likes me, it could change everything."

"He'll know you're a virgin."

"I'm a small girl, I'll say it's just tight."

"Oh my goodness. Missy. I'm not sure about this."

"I'll be fine."

"Well... if it doesn't work out, you better only come crying to me. Don't tell anyone else you're doing this. It will be a scandal."

"I won't. It will be fine."

Chapter 8

As it turned out, Sunday was a glorious sunny day. Church was at 8:30 am. It wasn't unusual for Missy to disappear until suppertime after mass, running off with her friends from church, mooching lunch from some friend's family, spending the day in the shops or on the beach boardwalk. Or, on this particular day, meeting Darren at the back of the supermarket and jumping into his front seat.

"You all set?" he asked breezily.

"Yes, thank you," Missy said. "Good morning."

"I've brought some stuff to eat and a blanket."

"You are so nice," Missy said admirably. Darren looked at her like she always wanted him to, with passionate eyes.

"I saw you in church," Darren said. "You got away from your family okay?"

"Yes. They don't expect me until evening."

"Well, that's good," Darren smiled.

They drove up into the foothills, driving past the entrance to his uncle's homestead. About ten minutes further on was a fence-gate. The old combo lock was rusty but still worked. Darren took care to drive his sedan gently along the two-wheel track in the fields, through the woods and into the clearing by the biggest and deepest part of small Argyle Creek. Darren and his cousins came there a lot when they were kids, but almost never now they were adults. Darren lay out the huge, soft picnic blanket, then looked at Missy.

"Well," he said, "We made it here. You're good for a try?"

"I want you to be happy," Missy said shakily.

"Well, come here then," Darren told her. Missy stepped forward and awkwardly they kissed. For the first seconds it was as she had always dreamed; her neck craned up, Darren's lips against hers, their bodies lightly touching, breathing the smell of the man she adored. But then his hand went inside the back of her shorts, into her panties, gripping her bare ass. He pushed her pelvis against her, into his boner.

"Wow, your ass is tiny. Smaller than Penny," he said as he kissed her. Gripping her backside tightly and squeezing wasn't part of Missy's dream of her first kiss as a child. Nor was her shorts button being undone or her zip being pulled down. Darren kept kissing her as he pulled her shorts over her hips and down her thighs, dropping them to her ankles. Missy awkwardly shuffled off her sandals and stepped out of her shorts. Still being kissed, her panties came down next, kicking them off next to her shorts. The warmth of the sun on her bare ass and the wind tickling the wetness between her legs, Missy shuddered in apprehension. It was all so quick. And unromantic.

"Aahhh!" she squealed as a finger struck up her vagina. Her weight collapsed, and Darren guided her down to the rug, his finger not leaving her insides.

"Aaaaahhhhh!" Missy screamed as a second finger went in and started pumping furiously.

"Jesus, your cunt is tight," Darren smiled. "Fucking crushing my fingers. Open your legs wider."

Darren lay on his side, Missy on her back. She held her legs as wide as she could. Her hands gripped the blanket, tightly holding on. She bit down on her lip, shaking her head to endure. The bright morning sunshine made her close her eyes tight.

The feeling of fingers up her vagina was bizarre. Missy didn't even use tampons. It hurt. She felt her insides being torn. She squealed like a knifed pig, but it didn't stop Darren pumping his fingers in and out of her.

"Your cunt is unbelievable. You could snap the cocks off the guys that fuck you. Look," he said, giving a huge shove that made Missy gasp out loud, "Look how hard it is just to force up there. Penny's all loose and wet like a summer ice-cream, you, fucking hell, you're like a wad of frozen butter."

Missy wanted it out. She wanted to beg him to stop, but she couldn't. She had to give Darren better sex than Penny. She had to make him happy.

"Take your clothes off. Let me see your tits," he said, rolling his fingers around her cunt walls.

Missy was grinning and bearing what her man was doing to her, and had to be asked twice to undress. She struggled to undo her shirt buttons. Darren helped her take it off with his free hand. Missy fumbled her bra open behind her back, and Darren threw it off the blanket.

"Wow! You're so fucking tiny everywhere," Darren laughed. "Penny's tits are definitely better than these."

Missy blushed red, embarrassed to be entirely naked, out in the forest, and with her disappointing body. She almost cried that Darren preferred Penny nude than her.

"You can do what you want to me, though," she said quietly, holding the tears at bay.

"Really? You'll do anything for me?"

"Of course. I want you to be happy."

Darren finally pulled his fingers from Missy's insides, holding them up to the light to look at the vaginal mucus on them. For Missy, it was as relieving as having a huge splinter removed.