All Comments on 'Ritual Breaking of Suburban Wives 07'

Okay there were parts of this chapter that I didn't think the story needed. Just like I mentioned about chapter 6 in almost it's entirety. But thanks to your forward for this chapter I think I understand why these last two chapters feel off, almost bifurcated to me, despite the high quality of the writing and deep content.

You are trying to write two stories as one. First there was the story of a housewife who while being punished for her transgressions goes through an emotional erotic transformation and begins to explore new sides of herself she never knew existed And then there was a story of a matriarch who sole purpose as a "psychologist" is to identify subs that she can use as stress relief tools for her raging violent tendencies.

On their own exploring each persona, their roles, and their day to day activities would probably be an interesting read. But placing them both together and trying to make them each be the lead character in a chapter let alone through out an entire book...didn't work for me. It was like a tennis match, I want to focus on one player. In the tennis match you wrote, I felt like I had to run back and for between them following the ball (storyline), leaping over the net and diving into the mindset of the other as they volleyed back and forth with every paragraph.

It was a good story and I think you for sharing it. But for me I like to keep my focus set on one heroic lead - either the housewife or the matriarch and in these last two chapters that focus was lost for me.

Thank you again.

Sweet ending to the story. Like it a lot.

@LostnFoundBin

Thank you again, for the extremely thoughtful and constructive comments. I'm honored that you took the time to read each chapter, and then share your observations with me. I don't know if this was your intention, but your incisive criticism makes me feel like I really earned every compliment.

Brooke is unquestionably supposed to be the protagonist. This is her story. The Matriarch isn't necessarily an antagonist, but she is the force that Brooke has to test herself against. That's what I was going for. It's possible I made the Matriarch and her backstory too interesting in comparison to Brooke. That's not an uncommon problem in fiction. However, since Brooke was modeled on plenty of LA suburban wives I've had the pleasure of meeting, I was hoping readers, and especially women, would be able to identify her.

Re: Anonymous and your comment about being too stupid for words.

I sincerely hope you read every one of my stories, and feel exactly the same about all of them.

Re: Anonymous and your comment, "Sweet ending to the story. Like it a lot."

Thank you! Thank you so much!

Loved the happy ending that they got their lives back on track together. For me a lot of stuff featuring the matriarch was just too much.

Like someone else has commented at times it did come across as two conflicting stories, at odds with each other. From Brooke’s perspective realising that you identify as a sub isn’t the same as enjoying everything that the matriarch was happy to dish out. It’s not an issue of trying to kink shame because I think that’s pointless. After all the matriarch had only found one woman from the neighbourhood who enjoyed everything that she (the matriarch) had to offer. It might be interesting to see the dominant training from her husband’s point of view.

Thanks for sharing, it really is appreciated

Tess (uk)

Thank you, Tess (uk). I'm so appreciative of the time you've invested to follow my story.

I intentionally tried to go edgier than I had before on this story, just to see what the results would be like. So if I went too far with the Matriarch's dominance, I'm not surprised.

I agree, that kink shaming is pointless in a section for Nonconsent/Reluctance on an erotic lit site. Amazingly, I see more than my share of kink shaming on Fetlife. So many nuns-in-training there!