All Comments on 'Room Service'

Decent premise.

But couldn't get past the second paragraph on page 1.

You really should find yourself an editor. There an an overwhelming number of spelling errors, wrong words, typos, etc. They detract from the story so much that it's simply not worth the effort.

One star.

I loved your subject matter but your story needs drastic editing. Here's how I would've edited your first chapter.

Cassie walked through the lobby of the hotel. Her heels clicked as she effortlessly walks in her 4 inch black stiletto pumps. She preferred to wear higher but given she was at the advertising conference all day she was pleased she had opted for the shorter. She made her way to elevator. After standing a while, the doors opened, she stepped inside, pressed the button and watched the doors close in the mirror behind her. She looked up at the security camera in the corner of the elevator and couldn't help thinking if some security guard was watching her on the other end. Cassie was fully aware men found her attractive. She had caught a few ogling before and she enjoyed the attention.

What do you think?

Hi Anonymous user

First of all i would like to thank you for being my first comment. I would love an editor, do you know where i can find one? I assume your not offering as reading it was such a struggle. I also assume by the second parargraph you mean the first of the story as the first paragrah explains this is the first thing i have ever written. Which judging by your comment you may have missed. I am sorry that my first ever attempt to write anything was such a chore for you. However i wilk take your comments onboard in the hope i will get better.

Hi i like your edit. As stated in the first section this is my first ever writing attempt. If you want to or anyone else want to edit it all im more than happy for the help and feedback. Thanks

Only just became aware of the editors program and have sent some requests.