Saving My Soul

"Call them today and confirm what you need to do. That way we'll know when we can go home."

"You'll stay here?"

"We've all booked long service leave. We knew it might take a couple of months before we could get you home."

I looked across the room at my two sisters. "Um, you do realise... You won't want to... No, of course not. I'm your brother."

"That scene you filmed with Clarice van Dorn was so beautiful," Sally whispered, "No wonder it won so many awards."

"Were you really making love?" Charlotte wondered.

"You've actually seen my films?"

"We all have," Mum whispered.

"Oh... What do you think?"

"Well, answer the question about that film," Charlotte stated.

"I guess I'm a decent actor as I won't say we were exactly making love. I can't remember the last time I did that. But Clarice and I talked about the scene beforehand. We already had good chemistry before starting filming. By the time the cameras were on, we were already into each other, and I don't just mean it physically." I glanced at my mother. "Mum, are you suggesting..."

"It's not that weird!"

I wasn't willing to argue. "Where are you staying? I don't have enough space here. I would if I could."

"We've actually booked an apartment nearby. If you're wondering how we knew where you lived, Bethany had your address in her things. Her parents told us, thinking we'd like to know. We were coming here regardless, but after seeing you when they came to collect her, they suggested we get over here as soon as possible."

I hugged her tightly, feeling her arms around me. "Okay, Mum. Just let me wrap up my contract, then I'll tie up a few more things before I can go home." I paused before admitting, "I don't like living here anymore."

"It's okay, baby. Your home is with your family. That's where you belong."

I told Melody and Mary-Jane that I would eventually be leaving when they got back, Mum and my sisters having left to settle into the apartment they were staying in, promising to meet them for dinner. While sad I was leaving, they understood why. I agreed to sign the lease into their names and suggested they keep the place only for themselves. Definitely don't let any men live with them. In fact, don't bring any back for their own safety.

Dinner that night with my mother and sisters made my heart ache as I realised what I'd been missing in my life for years. For the first time I could remember, I didn't touch a drop of booze on a night out, sticking to water. Mum talked about her career, and I was surprised to hear she was single. Mum might have been nearing fifty but she was a beautiful mature woman. Hell, I'd slept with women her age during my early years in the business. Still did too.

As for my sisters, they blossomed into utterly gorgeous women. Charlotte was a year and a bit older than myself. I was sad to hear she was divorced, though she assured me her ex-husband was a dick and she was glad to be rid of him. As for Sally, she was career-minded, had one or two ex-boyfriends, but the surprise was that both were living at home with Mum. Then again, it was better than the three all living alone.

My agent confirmed I had six scenes left to film as per my contract. Telling her I wanted to complete the contract as quickly as possible, she had me signed up so I would have them done within three weeks. I did have to ask what exactly I'd be doing, as although she was aware of what I was willing to do, I had been surprised a couple of times. I'd walked out of a studio more than once when informed of what I'd have to do during a scene.

To my delight, my penultimate scene as an adult actor was with Loretta. She knew I was going home, and being one of my closest friends, I think our mutual feelings came to the fore during the scene. We pretty much ignored the director the entire time. Watching the scene together later, the look in her eyes spoke volumes. I finished inside her, something I rarely did in films, and we spent minutes afterwards cuddling and kissing. The director instructed the cameraman to keep filming the entire time. Loretta wept as I held her, though she whispered that I was doing the best thing for myself, but that she'd miss me terribly.

It was a sense of relief that I finished my final scene. It was an ordinary scene that I'd done time and again. Blowjob. Cunnilingus. Sex in various positions. Anal, but not the brutal crap you see in so many films nowadays. Then a facial, as that was just expected nowadays. My co-star was a woman I'd been in a few scenes. I'd have rather finished off with Clarice van Dorn, as everyone knew how much chemistry we had during any scene we shared, but she was booked into another film. I chatted with her on the phone before filming. The offer to sleep with her before I went home wasn't a surprise.

Would you be surprised to hear my mother and sisters were present that last day? They learned quite a few things that day about filming. It is not sexy at all. While I was fucking my co-star, we were surrounded by the director, sound engineer, cameramen, producers, hangers-on, and other staff who kept a film production going. Thankfully, we were professionals and used to it. Knowing my mother and sisters were watching was a bigger turn on then I'd admit, and I noticed all three pairs of eyes light up when they saw my erection in real life.

After a shower and saying farewell to the few people I actually liked, my phone blew up over the next few days as word of my retirement spread through the industry. I had very few male friends but plenty of female friends, and there were plenty of offers to meet up at parties, for dinner, and knowing I was single, plenty of sex as well. As I was preparing to leave, and trying to sober up completely, I turned down everything except for an invitation from Loretta, which we agreed would be last party before leaving, while Clarice wanted to see me one last time out of the studio.

I told my mother and sister about both invitations, promising I would behave. Clarice's invitation was first, driving over to her apartment around a week before I was flying out. Despite so many of the women I starred in films with, she was still entirely natural and her beauty shone through without needing to cake her in make-up. We'd starred in numerous scenes and films together. Clarice was a fake name, her surname 'van Dorn' a slight nod to her Dutch heritage, though she was actually a German national.

We had dinner and I like to think we genuinely made love that evening. None of the garbage we'd have to do on set. No faking, not that she needed to do that too often with me, but the women are expected to talk dirty and make a lot of noise when being fucked. Lying back in bed afterwards, our appetites for one another well and truly sated, we discussed my future while I had to ask what she'd do.

"I'm going home in six months, as soon as my current contract expires," she said, "I'm going to return to university, completely my degree, then find a regular job. I hope to find a man who can overlook what I've done with my life. Many say they can, but when reality hits them in the face, few can actually handle what I've done."

"Feel the same way, to be honest," I admitted, "Family know what you do?"

"Mother supports me, says it's my life and the choices I make are my responsibility. My father just doesn't think about it. Most of my friends know I'm over here but certainly don't know I work in porn."

"Or they've seen a film and are too polite to mention it?"

She snuggled into me and it felt so normal, it actually hurt my heart. She was a sweet thing, two years younger than me, nothing like Bethany in looks or personality, but we'd agreed long ago that a relationship wouldn't work while we were both in the industry, admitting we'd both just get jealous that we were not being exclusive, work or not.

After feeding me the next morning, we shared a last hug at her front door, having exchanged all the information we could, promising to stay in touch. She wasn't just a lover; she was one of my best friend's. As we were both single, she was often my date when attending award nights. If she wasn't available, I'd attend with Loretta. Now that always set tongues wagging, considering our twenty-odd year age gap.

Loretta's party was attended by plenty of people I recognised, and many close friends. Loretta made sure there were no drugs, and while others were drinking, I kept my word to my family by not touching a drop, not even a light beer. The fact my family was there did cause plenty of comments and conversations, but everyone was friendly and it was amusing when my sisters recognised a few of the women I'd been in films with.

The tears from my friends at the end of the night were genuine or so I liked to think. Many knew I wouldn't be back, that this part of my life was over. More than one insinuated they'd like to fly to my homeland to visit. Loretta was the last to say goodbye. I just hugged her for what felt like hours, feeling her shudder against me as she cried.

"I'll miss you the most," I whispered.

"I love you, Mark."

I knew it was like the love of one close friend for another, but I whispered back, "I love you too, Belinda."

Very few actually knew her real name. She was an industry veteran and kept her personal life very private. I was one of the few she trusted with the most intimate details of her life. She leaned back so I could carefully wipe her cheeks. "I love your family, by the way," she said, "I can see how much they love you."

"They arrived at the right time. My life was spiralling."

She hugged me tightly again before we exchanged whispered farewells. Only two women actually had an invite to visit me back in Australia. Her and Clarice. I knew neither would likely ever come visit, but though we shared scenes together, they were also the closest friends one could have in the industry. With a last soft kiss, I joined my family in the car. I'd already moved out of the apartment I'd shared with Melody and Mary-Jane, all my things back at the apartment my family had lived in for the past few weeks.

It was with a spring in my step that we left the apartment on that last morning. I wasn't particularly sad to be leaving nearly everything else behind. I had my health, which verged on a miracle, a healthy bank account, despite the drugs, and I was still under thirty. I knew getting life restarted wasn't going to be easy, but with the support of a family that still somehow loved me, maybe it wouldn't be too difficult.

*****

"Mark, wake up, honey," a warm voice whispered into my ear. Coming awake rather quickly, I rolled onto my side and heard a gasp, slowly opening my eyes to see my mother gazing down at me, colour coming to her cheeks rather quickly. The jet-lag was still affecting me, and it took me a few moments before realising I was both naked and sporting morning wood.

They might have been on set back in the LA but hadn't seen my cock up close. My mother was within touching distance and her eyes kept flicking down. "Mum?" Her eyes met mine and I smiled at her. She caressed my cheek and her smiled broadened. I knew she was delighted to have me back home. "Let me put something on. Is it early?"

"Didn't think sleeping all day would help your body clock."

"Thanks, Mum."

She kissed my cheek. "You're welcome, baby. I love having you home again."

Getting up, I did put on a pair of shorts before heading out into the hallway, walking down to the bathroom to pee then wash my face. Looking in the mirror, I still looked tired. My chest was bare as years of waxing had resulted in my hair growing back slower and sparser. My groin was always bare... To be honest, the only areas where I still had it was my head, face, arms and legs. Considering I was filmed from behind quite a lot while on set, I waxed my butt too.

Heading out into the kitchen, Mum was at the stove, cuddling her from behind. She leaned back and smiled up at me, kissing the top of her head, before cuddling each sister as they sat at the table. Charlotte smiled and looked happy to see me, Sally giggled as I gave her a gentle squeeze. Taking a seat, I noticed both look at me. The last time they'd seen me in the flesh, I may have been twenty but I'd done a lot of work on my body since then.

"We won't inundate you with questions just yet," Sally said, "You've been a zombie the past few days."

"And I guess you're still in recovery from everything," Charlotte added.

"I'm sure you have a lot on your minds," I replied, "I'm willing to answer anything on your mind."

Mum placed a plate of food in front of me, doing the same for my sisters, before she sat opposite me. Her blue eyes sparkled as she hadn't stopped smiling since we'd arrived at home. Glancing at either sister, Charlotte dug into her plate but Sally would glance at me every few seconds, a shy smile on her face. "Want me to put on a shirt?" I asked, wondering if I was embarrassing her. She blushed but shook her head. "Guess I look different now?"

"My brother is hot," she whispered, then looked away as she blushed rather brightly. Chuckling, Mum had a giggle too while Charlotte teased her sister.

"If you've seen some of my films... I still find that a little weird, to be honest."

We finished breakfast and I realised rather late that it was the weekend, as none of them made a move to head off to work. Seeing my confusion, the three giggled, Charlotte letting me know it was Saturday. Then again, I hadn't had a nine-to-five job in years, and I could be called in to film a scene or two any day of the week. Though I'd reconnected with a couple of friends since returning home, I had no real plans, so ended up in the living room, nursing a coffee as my sisters joined me, Mum taking one of the recliners.

"You've been back a few days, Mark. I know you've got a lot on your mind, but have you thought about your future?" Mum asked.

"I'm thinking I'll go to university as a mature student."

"Doing what?"

"Actually, I know more than one former co-star ended up becoming a teacher. I know my previous life could follow me, but those I know who did it would face their past if it was mentioned. Of course, it would depend on where they live. If they lived in an open-minded community, no-one cared. But in the more conservative areas, if anyone found out, they'd be chased out of the job."

"Your marks at school were good from what I remember," Mum told me, "I can dig out your old school reports, but I think as a mature student, you just need to prove you can pay."

"I have savings to get me through to the new school year. I can pay my way until then. I could get a part-time gig but no idea doing what, to be honest. Not sure putting 'Being able to fuck on camera' will look that great on any resume."

Mum and Charlotte eventually left me alone, making me smile when they both kissed my cheek and cuddled me. It felt nice to be genuinely loved. Sally remained sat by my side, cuddling into me, wrapping my arm around her as we continued to watch whatever was on television.

"I loved your movies, Mark," she whispered, "Can I be honest?"

"Sure."

"I masturbated to them all the time."

I wasn't shocked. At least a third of all the films I made were aimed more at women than men. "And doing that to your brother was fucking someone else didn't weird you out?"

"No... I'd just wish it was me you were with after watching so many scenes. At first, it was just hot. My brother was very handsome, the women you were with were beautiful, but the scenes I enjoyed were always intimate and sensual. I know it didn't feel like making love to you when you were in the middle of it, but to the women watching, my god, Mark. I'd be soaking wet before I even got my fingers near my pussy."

"But things changed?"

"Of course. The more scenes I watched, the more I got to know how you were with the women you were in the scene with, the more I'd imagine it was me you were with. I couldn't really help it. I had a good feeling your co-star wasn't faking it."

"Not often. If I was in a scene with Clarice, that was almost genuine nearly every single time. We had a connection that any director I worked with said just couldn't be faked. There were a couple of other women out there who would practically insist I was doing the scene or entire movie with them." I took a sip of coffee before I had to ask, "Your friends watch my scenes too?"

"Between my friends, Charlotte's and Mum's, you had quite the fan club. I can't wait until my friends come around and visit. It's going to smell like pussy very quickly as they'll all be dripping wet within seconds."

Glancing at her, she looked back at me with those gorgeous blue eyes, smiling at me. Her brunette hair was cut to her shoulders, she had dimples when she smiled, faint freckling over her nose. Her lips were full and very kissable. I knew she had a tight little body on her, barely taller than Bethany. In fact, there were one or two similarities that did make me wonder. Her chest was about the same size, and she wore some very short, tight pants whenever she walked around the house, and they clung to her little butt.

"So you had very inappropriate thoughts about your brother?" I whispered. She bit her bottom lip and nodded as I'd leaned in closer. "And I thought I had some kinks."

"It was safe as you were over there," she whispered back, "But once Mum ran into Bethany's parents and they told us about you, we knew we had to bring you home too."

Resting my hand on her left thigh, she almost jumped but slowly spread her legs as I stroked her soft skin. "But now that I'm here, is it still safe, Sally? I mean, I'm pretty fucked up as it is."

"All I want is my brother to hug me all the time and love me like I know he does."

"I do love you, Sally. I love the three of you so much for dropping everything to come and save me."

She ended up straddling my lap, resting her head on my chest as I stroked her back. Mum joined us again after she'd dressed, smiling at me as Sally was almost half-asleep. Leaning over, caressing the back of Sally's head she kissed my forehead. "We all missed you, Mark," she said softly, "Not sure Sally ever told you, but you were her hero growing up. When your father walked out, you stood up as the man of the house, always looking out for your two sister's."

"She's my little sister. It's my role in life to protect her."

"You did beat up a couple of ex-boyfriends of mine," Sally murmured.

"Yeah, they deserved it for trying to get handsy when you said no to them. So they deserved the busted nose and fat lip they got."

"When you're a bit more with it, I'll admit I do have one or two questions about your career, Mark. You generally didn't mention it too often in your emails or letters, but I'll admit to being curious. If that's not too weird."

"I figured you'd all have questions, Mum. It's fine."

Sally eventually sat up on my lap and I could tell when a woman was turned on, and my little sister was horny as fuck. I think she'd felt my cock getting harder as she sat on me. I wasn't wearing underwear and my shorts were thin. Her shorts were thin and I could feel the heat of her pussy through two thin pieces of fabric.

Without a word, she stood up and disappeared towards the hallway leading to her room. The bathroom was opposite mine, Charlotte next to me, with Sally across from Charlotte. Mum's room was at the other end of the house, with an ensuite. I'd shared the same bathroom years ago and it didn't bother me.

Glancing at Mum, she returned my look and smiled. "I think she's excited being around her big brother again," she stated.

"Yeah, there's excited and then there's..."

"Mark, we've all watched your films. It's going to be awkward for a while because we've seen my son and their brother being intimate on film. If not being intimate, even I'd admit that some of the sex on display was mind-blowing."