Saving the Doctor Pt. 05

Author's warning: This is a chapter of abuse. Verbal, emotional, physical, and eventually sexual (i.e. rape/non-consent). It's one of the points I warned about in the intro to the first chapter. I'm a bit nervous posting it, but it's what things have been building up to. I hope it's not too hard to read or too ridiculous, and I definitely hope it's obvious I'm not encouraging or promoting the actions / behaviour described. If it makes you nope-out, then I understand, but I promise you this dark tunnel has a light at the end.

Thanks again for reading.

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Saving the Doctor

Part 5. The Breaking Point.

Jon slept in late the next morning. He spent even longer lying in bed, procrastinating from getting up and facing reality. The guest bed felt so soft and comfortable. The sheets were smooth and silky. The light shining in from the window wasn't too bright. Everything felt perfect if he just pretended that nothing was wrong. Blissful denial. It was such a tempting state.

One that he had wallowed in too long.

He forced himself bitterly to stand up and stretch his aching body, catching himself from a head rush with a hand on the headboard. He didn't feel ready, but he had to. He had to face Elaina. To confront her, bluntly, about their relationship. To call off the wedding... probably.

...after breakfast. He decided.

To his surprise she wasn't there when he went downstairs. He tiptoed upstairs and softly opened their bedroom door, only to find the bed empty. No sounds of anyone sicking up in the bathroom. He went back down and found that her car was gone.

He decided not to text her and simply fill his rumbling stomach and figure out where to go from there. He cooked up some breakfast sausages. Elaina hated them, and she wasn't around anyway. A few eggs, and some toast and he felt immensely better. He guzzled down some orange juice as he finally pulled out his phone and texted her, asking where she'd headed off to.

An hour later there was still no response, and he started to worry.

He distracted himself with a short workout, but he was still recovering from last night and his energy level just wasn't there. Visions of Carly flashed back to him now and then. Her beautiful body dancing against him. Their incredible escape into the coatroom. Her tits, her mouth, her smile, her touch, her affection, her... everything. It filled his chest with pressure as he remembered.

He had tried to brush off their first few weeks as a childish crush, though he never fully believed it, and now, it was beyond anything of the sort. He had fallen for her in a very real and ongoing way. He felt like he was past feeling any guilt for it. He knew it was technically wrong, and he regretted that they were both still in relationships and the lies of omission they told every day, but he couldn't tell himself that his feelings for her were wrong. At least not in a way that he should deny and forget them. It felt too pure, too beautiful, too right.

The cynical part of his mind butted in and reminded him that so far almost every overtly intimate encounter had been under the influence. She had only kissed him once sober. He had no idea how she was feeling this morning. What she did or didn't regret. What she ultimately wanted...

It was very tempting to text her, but he decided he needed to think more about what he would say. Maybe it depended on what he was able to bring himself to say to Elaina.

If and when she ever came back...

The thought of her making his work easy and having left him already, filled him with a confusing mix of relief and fear. He wouldn't have to force himself to find the words and the gumption to confront her about why their engagement was a farce, maybe not even admit that he'd cheated on her. She would be gone though. For good. He would never kiss her or hold her again. Never let those intense eyes ensnare him into their prideful possession and be trapped between her long, smooth legs as she bounced her tall slender body on his cock. Never snuggle against her on the couch. He would be alone.

Despite everything he had just told himself about Carly, the thought of it made him feel nauseous and his guts felt like they were burning away. He was suddenly afraid he didn't have the strength to do it. Why? He was miserable now, and he'd been happy enough to be single for much of his life before. Why couldn't he bring himself to be okay with this?

He tried to quell the anxiety by escaping into his book for a while. Inevitably he found himself just staring at the words and daydreaming about Carly again. It helped, but did he really need to bounce from one woman directly to another? Was he really that dependent? Plus, she was far from a sure thing. Hell, he could simply call off the wedding, and sure, they'd have to figure out some finances and how to split the house, but that was simple compared to the divorce that she would have to go through. His cynical mind reminded him again, that he was getting ready to leave his fiance for a woman that he'd only had two drunken sexual encounters with, and he had no idea what she was prepared to do. He argued back that there was so much more. So much personal connection building up to those nights,...at least for him.

He looked at his phone. It was 11:30. He probably wouldn't be waking her up. Would he seem desperate? Creepy?

Screw it, he wanted to text her.

- Hey. I had a great time at the gala last night, I hope you did too....Chat sometime?

He looked back at it as soon as he hit send, and cringed, thinking it sounded stupid.

He took out his guitar and noodled around, trying to distract himself again.

An hour later he had got up and started pacing. He checked the signal connection on his cell phone to make sure it was working.

He sat down and closed his eyes and controlled his breathing. Taking in the feel of the couch beneath him, the quiet sounds of the house around him, the light of the room. That's all that he needed to worry about right now. He had no women or drama that he needed to deal with in this moment, just himself and whatever he wanted to do. He smiled and decided to enjoy his freedom. He thought of the online game he used to play with his college friends. Todd had said they still had weekend sessions with the others when he talked with him a few weeks ago. He smiled and booted up his laptop, eager to see if he still had some skills at it.

Suddenly his phone rang. A videocall.

It was from Elaina.

He swiped to answer and the confusion suddenly erased from his face when he saw her in a wedding dress.

"Hi honey!" she said with a smirk on her face. "Did you really forget I was doing my dress shopping today?"

"Hi Jon!" Elaina's sister Madeline looked in from the side and waved.

"Hi!" he waved back, putting on a friendly face, and chuckled. "Uh, yeah I might have forgotten."

"I guess last week after I agreed that you didn't need to come with me, you just put it out of your mind?"

He smiled and gave an apologetic shrug.

"Rough morning?" she raised an eyebrow at him.

"Not that bad, to be honest. Sleeping in was nice though. Do I look rough?"

Elaina smiled. "A little, but you're kinda cute with your hair messy," she said with a wink.

"Awww," Madeline chimed in. "How does she look Jon?"

Elaina smiled and did a slow twirl. The dress hugged the gentle curves of her slim figure and sparkled brilliantly.

"Beautiful," he said honestly.

"Okay, well this is my favorite so far at this shop, but we're going to go for lunch and then visit two more places this afternoon, so keep your phone available in case I want to show you some others okay?"

"Okay," he agreed.

"I convinced Madeline to stay for supper before she drives home tonight," Elaina said.

"Okay," he coughed, "Sounds good. Do you want me to get it ready? I don't know how late you two will be, but I could cook up some steaks or something."

Elaina put her hand to her face, "Jon she's a vegetarian."

"Oh shit, right, I'm sorry," he cringed. He had forgotten from the one or two brief times he had met her.

"It's okay," Madeline said from the side.

"No it isn't," Elaina said softly to her, with an embarrassed frown.

"No, I'm not offended Elaina, it's okay."

Elaina sighed, "We'll take care of it Jonathon, don't worry." She looked down at herself and smiled. "I'm glad you like the dress anyway. Alright bye," she said, and blew him a kiss.

"Bye" he said with a tight smile.

He saw Elaina smile at her sister before she hung up on the call "This is so exciti-"

Jon stared at the phone for a few seconds and then collapsed back onto the couch. He suddenly didn't feel like logging into the game anymore.

A deep guilt finally washed over him.

For forgetting her dress-shopping, for forgetting about her sister, for forgetting how beautiful she was and how innocent and girlish she could be sometimes, despite her usual intimidating exterior. For what he had to tell her, that would break her heart and destroy all the work and excitement she had invested in this wedding that wasn't going to happen. For maybe ruining her life. For being a terrible fiance. A terrible fucking person.

A tear rolled down his cheek as he stared at the ceiling. He wasn't sure how long he sat there. Eventually he decided to get up and make himself a sandwich for lunch. He put on some music to help fight off the numb despair, but it didn't help much. He sat and ate and didn't know or care what he did with the rest of the day.

Around 1:30 he finally started to make his way downstairs to throw on the TV, and suddenly his phone started ringing. He assumed it was Elaina again, but he saw Carly's name on the screen and froze. He broke out of his momentary shock and frantically swiped to answer before it went to voicemail.

"Hello?"

"....hey," Carly's quiet nervous voice said.

"Hey... how are you doing?" he said carefully.

"I'm um, not feeling great to be honest. how about you?" she said, almost in a whisper.

"I... I dunno. Okay fine I'm a mess, but it's good to hear your voice."

She half-giggled half-sobbed, "Yours too."

"Carly, there's so much I want to say, but don't know how to, and I don't know where to start. I just-"

"How about..." she interrupted. "Are you free to meet me somewhere today?"

"Yes. Absolutely, anywhere."

"Just to talk," she clarified.

"Yeah that's fine, of course."

"I just... Brent's been acting a bit off, like more than usual. Maybe I'm just paranoid, but it's making me uncomfortable. Anyway, do you have any ideas for where to go?"

"Any coffee shop would be fine, or maybe even the park," Jon suggested.

"Yeah. I like the park, it's more private, it's nice enough outside I think. what time?"

"I could drive there anytime this afternoon," he said eagerly.

"How about 3?"

"Perfect," he said.

"K I'll meet you at um, our usual bench there," she said.

"Yeah, I can't wait to see you," he said, trying to sound positive.

"....bye."

He couldn't decide what to read from her voice other than nervousness. His heart was pounding and he let out a long breath after she hung up. He bounded back up the stairs with sudden energy, to have a shower and start getting himself ready.

His boots crunched on the thin layer of hard snow and ice on the walking path through the park, brilliant shimmering snowbanks on either side and frost sparkling on the trees in the bright sunlight. There was no breeze and it actually felt surprisingly warm when the sun shone directly on his face.

As he came up the crest of the hill he saw her sitting on the bench already and his heart fluttered. His palms started to feel sweaty despite the cold. She was wearing a black parka, cinched in at the waist, the outline of her womanly figure still evident underneath it. A blue scarf around her neck complimented her eyes that sparkled with the snow like two perfect gems. He smiled when he saw her and she gave one in return, but the tinge of sadness he saw in it started to twist his stomach.

She stood up as he approached. They never spoke a word, but stood in front of each other locking eyes. She started to tear up. He hated seeing her this way. He stepped forward and stretched out his arms and she fell into him in a soft affectionate hug.

She sobbed in his arms. Her body shook as she cried. Tears eventually streamed down his own face as he squeezed her lovingly and rubbed his hands over her back.

After several minutes she relaxed her arms and looked up at him. Her face red with tears and her makeup smeared. He didn't care, she still looked like everything he could ever want.

"Jon I-"

He kissed her. She hesitated for a few seconds then sunk into him and kissed him back. Their lips sliding over each other's slowly, and the tips of their tongues touching delicately. She let out a soft whimper and he lifted her into him more firmly.

Finally she broke away, and looked up at him with despair.

"Enough Jon, I came here to talk not to..."

"Sorry, you're just... you're perfect."

She gestured for him to sit.

"No I'm not," she said, as she collapsed on the bench and sighed. "I'm a fucking cheating floozy Jon. Jesus Christ look at us."

"I know," he said. "I mean, not that you're a flooz-..." he sighed.

She smiled through her tears and chuckled at him.

"I've been thinking the same thing, about myself," he clarified. "I know how bad this is, how wrong it is. I know that maybe it makes me a terrible person, but I still want to be with you. I never stopped thinking about you before, when we tried to call it quits. I thought I was getting over you and then it all went out the window the second I saw you again. I know it's crazy but... I think I'm starting to fall in lo-"

"NO! Don't say that Jon, please," she grabbed his shoulder suddenly. She was breathing quickly. "Please don't start talking that way."

"I'm going to call off the wedding,"

Tears streamed down her face. "No. Jon... Not for me. Please don't do it for me," she said.

His eyes were welling up as well. "Why not," he shrugged stubbornly, knowing the answer.

"Because I'm fucking married!" she sobbed.

"Are you happy?" he asked.

"No," she admitted. "But I'm not just going to up and leave suddenly. I'm not going to be that person. I can't. I won't."

"Never? No matter what?" he pleaded.

"Not... never. I just... Not all of a sudden. I mean, eventually there's a good chance we'll get divorced... probably, but I at least need to figure that out for myself before I... do anything more with you. We both do. Properly this time."

He hesitated and then finally nodded bitterly, knowing she was right.

"But... if we were both single. Would you want to be with me?" he asked desperately.

"Of course! You're the most amazing man I-" she stopped and closed her eyes tightly.

"Please, you're just making this harder," she begged.

He let out a light smile despite himself.

"Jon, I have very real feelings for you, but I don't want to have an affair. Leave Elaina if you want to, but don't do it for me. Do it for yourself! Please don't do it assuming I'm going to be there for you after. I don't know what's going to happen, but I don't want to promise you that. I'm sorry."

He closed his eyes and nodded. "Yeah. That's the right thing to say. It's the right thing to do. I hate it, but it is."

She squeezed his shoulder. "You're a good man Jon. I hate that I might be changing that about you."

"What? Carly... you make me want to be a better person every time I see you. After I'm with you I feel like you've reminded me why it's worth it to be kinder, and happier and more generous. I feel like I'm more grounded. You're like a-"

She suddenly kissed him again. He grasped her shoulders and kissed her back passionately. Her body shuddered and their lips and tongues forcefully mingled.

She broke away and let out a heavy breath.

He smiled and pressed his forehead against her.

She smiled back and caressed his cheek but then quickly closed her eyes and another regretful tear escaped. She backed away from him like she was afraid to touch him again.

His phone started to ring. He made no move to answer it.

"You should get that," Carly said.

"It's fine," he said, and brought it out to see a videocall from Elaina.

"No you should answer it," she insisted, looking pained and crossing her arms.

His finger paused over the button to hang up. Against his better judgment he moved it over and answered the call.

"Hi."

"Hey Honey. I wanted to show you this one. I think if we get anything from this shop it will be this, but I'm not settled on the tone of white."

"Okay it looks... it looks great," he replied.

Carly slowly paled, and looked at him with a face marred with guilt.

"Do you like the shoulders Jon?" Madeline asked.

"Oh he's not gonna choose the specifics, I'm just showing him," Elaina said before he could reply.

Carly stood up and started to walk away.

"Hey honey, can I call you back in a bit, it's maybe not the best time."

"Jon I told you I'd be calling this afternoon," she frowned at him and squinted her eyes. "Are you outside?"

"Yeah I went for a walk, I just needed some fresh air."

She rolled her eyes, "Okay, well that's fine I just wanted you to see. I'll decide on this later. Is it okay if I call from the next shop or will you be busy bird-watching, or whatever the hell you're doing?" she asked sarcastically.

"Yeah, that's fine, sorry Elaina," he said, glancing up at Carly getting further away.

"Okay good," she said. "Well I also just wanted to mention that some of these dresses are fairly expensive, but I trust I'm not going to find you gasping at the price tag like you so often do?..."

"What?.. No Elaina it's fine, I know those things are expensive don't worry about the price."

"Good. I don't intend to. Well, we're going to look at a few more of... these things. Bye for now."

"Bye."

He hung up and darted quickly after Carly, calling after her. He saw her tearful face look over her shoulder, but she never stopped walking.

"Carly wait!" he caught up to her and put a hand on her shoulder, but she pulled away.

"I just... I couldn't... Jon she's buying the fucking dress for your wedding!"

"I know. I know, that was shit timing, and I shouldn't have answered, I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too Jon. This is goodbye."

His eyes filled up with tears again. "For now?..."

She wiped her nose with her glove. "I- I hope not, but... I don't want to promise you anything. Like I said, that's not fair to you. I hope we both figure things out."

They stared silently for a moment.

"Are you gonna tell him? About us?" Jon asked.

Carly looked distant and sighed, "Maybe. Like, I'll try to confront him about everything else, but... yeah I don't know. You gonna tell her?"

"Probably....Maybe. I'd rather not tell her it was you, if I do, but, yeah I guess I can't promise anything either."

"That's okay. Jon... I don't want to tell you what to do, but... just make sure that you know you're gonna be happy with whatever you decide. You deserve to be happy." The pain behind her smile didn't make it any less beautiful.

"I'd be happy with you," he croaked, with a tear streaming down his face.

She closed her eyes and gulped. Then simply leaned up and pecked him a small kiss. "Goodbye Jon."

She turned and walked away.

"Carly l-..." his words caught in his throat.

She never turned around. He stood there helplessly watching her walk away and out of his life for the second time. He eventually turned back to the bench to collapse into it in despair. He sat for a long time watching the care-free birds flit around the trees above, jealous of their simple life. Finally he started to shiver from the cold and stood up numbly to walk back to his car.