Saving the Doctor Pt. 07

Author's note:

I'm not sure how or if I should have warned people about this at the outset. There's no tag for it that I know of. However, if it wasn't obvious already, a MAJOR arc of this story is that our flawed protagonist, besides struggling to fend off depression, also struggles to overcome his unhealthy lingering attraction, and susceptibility to the manipulations of an evil femme-fatale/seductress, that until recently he had been in love with.

I hadn't considered this to be a heinous concept (especially as I've said the ending WILL be a happy one), or to be completely out of keeping with the other major themes of cheating and temptation that have been present from the start. However, it's seeming like there are some who consider this to be an unforgivable, character-destroying taboo. You're obviously free to think that, but if so, be warned that you might not make it through the first half of this next chapter, and you should maybe just stop now, because although it's going to wax and wane, it's not a theme that's going to magically disappear.

I'm aiming for characters who are strong in some ways and weak in others, and intelligent in some ways but irrational in others (you know, human beings), and to keep in mind that even the best of us make decisions based more on emotions than rationality, more than we ever like to admit. Maybe I'm failing spectacularly at that. I'm still new, and still learning. Please keep leaving constructive criticism, but I'm not going to re-write the rest of the story just to drop that theme.

Otherwise, I'm glad to have anyone who's still with me. Let's take this brief foray into a depraved little slice of hell together. :)

*****

Part 7. Flirting with Futility.

1 month later,

"Cut please."

Jon cut the suture and handed the scissors back to the nurse.

As the surgeon loaded up the needle again Jon looked back down and saw a bit of blood pooling at the edge of the wound.

"Think you might have a bit of a bleeder still on that end," he mentioned nonchalantly.

The surgeon looked down with a furrowed brow as she leaned forward. "Oh, yeah good catch Jon. Here I think you have better access to it from that side. Cautery Deb?"

The nurse handed Jon the electrocaudery and he smoothly and carefully zapped the small oozing vessel to stop the bleed.

Melanie was a good surgeon, and she likely would've caught it herself in a minute anyway, he figured.

"Thanks," she said, taking it back from him with the edges of a smile visible under her mask.

"No problem," Jon said flatly, taking the scissors back.

They continued sewing up the fascia as Melanie hummed along to some pop singer he didn't recognize and the ventilator and monitors beeped away.

"I'm always glad to see your name on the assisting list Jon, you've got a knack for the O.R." Melanie said. "Probably could've done well in surgery if you'd wanted to. Still could honestly."

Jon let out a quiet sigh, "Thanks Melanie."

He could appreciate the compliment on a mental level, but didn't feel any pride from it. A lot of things were feeling that way. He knew there were things all around that should be making him happy, sad, inspired, pissed-off... He could identify them and note them, but his brain just shrugged and moved on. Right now he just wanted to focus on sewing up a piece of tissue and not worry about anything else.

"Did you ever consider it?" Melanie continued, sounding genuinely interested.

Jon took his time to answer again, "I did for a little bit. I still like working with my hands every now and then, and it's nice to get to do assists like this at least... But all the other shit you guys deal with, the lifestyle, the late nights and early mornings, the stress, the call, the hospital politics..."

"Ugh..." Melanie shuddered in agreement. "Yeah fair enough."

"Yeah. Plus I liked all the other aspects of medicine too much to just focus on surgery. At least I did at the time. I dunno. Sometimes I still wonder honestly, but I don't know if I'm really cut out for it."

"Well you should do what you want, but don't sell yourself short. It's not impossible to get back into a program if you wanted to. Wouldn't be easy, but even so, you're still young."

Jon scoffed, "You're calling me young, what did you match to residency straight out of high school?"

Melanie giggled, "My, you DO know how to talk to a lady."

Deb snorted, "He's not lyin hun."

"Well I was already gonna offer that if you ever wanted a reference letter I'd be happy to oblige, and I'd say that's a sure thing now. Give me a call if you ever change your mind."

Jon found himself smirking but didn't look up, "Thanks I appreciate it."

"Mind closing up and I'll go work on the post-op orders?" she asked.

He finally looked up at the twinkle in her eyes. He wondered if his were still bloodshot like they had been this morning.

"Uh, yeah sure," he said.

He took the the suture-driver and started sewing up the skin.

Melanie was a beautiful woman, even behind a mask and under a pair of scrubs. He knew he should be feeling excitement and flattery at even the hint of chemistry with someone like her, but those brief thoughts just fell away into the emptiness and he ignored them to focus on his work.

On the third stitch he accidentally pulled all the way through, and he let out a whispered swear, having to start it again.

"Ah, she jinxed ya," Deb said jokingly.

Jon simply shook his head and continued on silently.

Melanie talked across the room as she wrote in the chart. "Don't suppose you're on call for assist this weekend to? If not I think the slot might still be empty for Saturday when I'm on,"

"No, I got something up unfortunately," he said.

"Ooo, hot date?" Melanie joked.

"Oh leave him alone, he's trying to focus," Deb interjected.

"Not exactly," Jon muttered.

Elaina was coming into town. It would be the first time seeing her since she left his condo on that embarrassment of a morning, more than a month ago. They were going to be meeting the real estate agent and doing a walk through of the house. Elaina had said there was no rush and they could wait until the spring, but Jon figured the sooner it was over with, the better.

Some nights he wasn't so sure though. He dreaded seeing her again, but sometimes that dread could turn into excitement... Even a craving. He thought to the pictures on his phone again momentarily before snapping out of it and telling himself to focus on his work.

The wound was closed eventually, having taken longer than it should have. He scrubbed out as the nurses did the count. It was the last case of the afternoon and he was eager to get changed and get home.

He normally enjoyed these O.R. assist days and their change of pace from the clinic, but the early morning wake-up to get to the hospital on time had been rough today, and he hadn't recovered. He just wanted to go collapse on his bed.

As he stepped out of the change room into the hallway he ran into Melanie again.

"Hey, thanks again for the help today," she said. "Sorry about the date comment at the end there, if that was kinda out of line, I was just teasing a bit."

"Oh yeah, no, don't worry about it," he said..

"K, thanks, it's just hard to read your face under the mask, and you weren't saying much. I just thought afterwards about like... I know it hasn't been that long since she and you um..."

"No honestly, it's fine." he reassured her.

"Alright. Well are you just heading home then?" she asked.

"Yeah basically."

"You want to grab a coffee first? I'm heading back up to the ward, but I could use one, and no offense but you look like you maybe could to," she giggled.

"Sure," he shrugged.

She talked excitedly about a couple odd cases on the ward as they walked to the cafeteria. He nodded along. They were crazy-sounding cases, but he still couldn't bring himself to feel genuinely interested.

She insisted on paying for his coffee and they wandered over to a table.

"So, just shut me up if this is too personal but... ARE you and Elaina like, kaput, or is it kinda complicated?" she asked, acting very intentionally casual.

"Oh, umm, yeah it's over. The wedding's off. She's moved back to the city. It's sounding like she has a couple potential jobs lined up there," Jon replied.

"Ugh, well I fear for whichever hospital she picks," Melanie said, shaking her head.

Jon just sipped his coffee.

"Sorry, I just... The morale in this place is already so much better even after just a month and a half," she said.

"Yeah... yeah I know," he admitted.

She studied him for a moment and continued, "You know, I don't want to act like it was EXACTLY the same, but I myself was in a fairly long-term relationship with a grade-A asshole a while back, and I remember, after I finally left him, my friends would always bring him up to talk about how terrible he was, and they thought they were helping me move on, but it kinda did the opposite. I'm guessing you might be getting a lot of the same?"

"Yeah... a little bit anyway. I dunno, I kinda just don't want to talk about it."

"Fair enough," she said.

They shared a slightly awkward silence as they sipped their coffees and a page sounded overhead. Code blue, ER minor treatment area. Code blue, ER minor treatment area.

Melanie sucked in a breath, "Gotta work on your triage there guys."

Jon gave a tight smirk. "Wonder what it is. You on tonight?"

She shook her head, "Naw. just gotta head back up to finish a few orders then I'm gone....why? You got anything up?" she asked raising an eyebrow.

"No."

"Yeah me neither. You know it's been forever since I've been out to a restaurant..."

"Mhm." Jon sipped his coffee, too apathetic to put together the hint.

"You know of any good ones around these days?" she asked.

He shrugged, "There's at least 2 or 3 that are pretty decent."

"Well... what do you say?"

He looked more directly at her to see her casual confident face hadn't changed, but her fingers were playing furiously with the end of her stethoscope.

He opened his mouth but realized he couldn't think of anything to say.

She broke the silence, "Look, I'm not trying to make it a big thing, I just thought it might be nice. Just two people having a nice dinner together, instead of alone with take-out on the couch for the hundredth time."

He looked at her brilliant eyes and wanted to say yes. At least he wanted to want to say yes.

Instead he found himself saying, "Thanks, I appreciate it Melanie, but I think I just need to head to bed early and catch up on sleep."

"Yeah no problem, fair enough....rain check then?"

"Uh, yeah sure."

"Sorry if I put you on the spot. I know you're probably still recovering relationship-wise. You know, you might not ever feel completely ready, but you should get yourself out there eventually. Just a warning though, the singles market in this town isn't exactly stellar, let me tell you."

Jon gave a tight smile and nodded, "Noted." He looked off across the cafeteria. "I'm not really looking forward to that 'scene' honestly," he sighed.

"Well I mean... It's not like there's NO fun to be had," she said with a suggestive smile.

Jon couldn't bring himself to smile back.

"Anyway, no pressure, but how about I give you my number? Just if you want to hang out sometime?"

"I mean, I can just get it from paging if I want, really," Jon said offhandedly.

"Y-yeah....of course," she said, looking away briefly and gulping.

Jon hadn't realized how rejecting it had sounded until he saw her response, but he couldn't muster up the words to apologize and eventually decided he'd more likely put his foot in his mouth than make things better.

"Well... thanks for the chat Jon, I guess I'll see you around the O.R." she said, standing up.

"Yeah you too Melanie. Sorry I just... Yeah. Thanks. I'll see you around."

She gave him a tight regretful smile and a nod and walked back towards the elevators.

On the drive home, Jon finally put together how much of a clueless apathetic jackass he had acted towards her. He was at least able to feel disgust and embarrassment at himself for his tactless rejection, rather than the nothingness that had been there before.

How is a woman like her even still single, let alone interested in you? And you just can't even care enough to let her give you her number? Just collapse on the couch where you belong I guess.

He walked into his massive lonely house and drifted into the kitchen to heat up what passed for supper.

He had moved from the condo back into the house two weeks ago. He had resisted at first, simply not wanting to prove Elaina right. However, after a leak in the fridge, the noise from the neighbors and eventually a broken toilet that he was forced to call and pay a plumber himself for, after the landlord stopped responding to his calls; it all eventually became too much.

He almost regretted it though. Every time he came home, it felt like Elaina should be there. He couldn't decide if he was relieved or disappointed that she wasn't waiting around the next corner. The silence, broken by his echoing footsteps through the halls, made it feel like he was wandering through some massive tomb, haunted by her memory.

She wasn't just a memory though. There had still been texts. Most were purely practical related to selling the house, but some were... not. He told himself he should just block her number and let her sell the house on her own. Find a new, better condo and set himself free. Every time he started to look online though, he ended up giving up after ten minutes, not being able to concentrate or care, like with anything else.

Suddenly a heavy bang on the window broke him out of his despondent stare. He heard a faint shouting from outside.

"Hey asshole I know you're back I just saw you walk inside!"

Jon opened the door with a frown just as an angry man threw another rock at his window, thankfully only thudding off again instead of breaking it. It was a shit throw.

He took a moment and then finally recognized the man's face. "Brad?"

"Yeah, at least you remember the name of the guy who's wife you fucked!" Brad replied bitterly and threw a stone at Jon who ducked away, barely in time.

"Jesus! Calm down Brad. What do you want from me?" Jon said, holding out his hands calmingly and walking cautiously down the front steps.

"Where is she?"

"Who?"

"My FUCKING WIFE! You know, the one you fucked around with! The one you convinced to leave me! I figured you ran off with her, but then I see you somehow have the guts to show your face back here again. Where is she?!"

"Brad, I swear I don't know. It wasn't like that. I didn't make her-"

"Bullshit!" Brad pointed and walked towards him.

"Brad for Christ's sake you fucked Elaina so I think we're both-" Jon blocked away sudden punch from Brad and their arms entangled, pushing and pulling at each other.

"NOT till after!" Brad grunted trying to shove Jon on to the ground. "Elaina told me everything you... RGH! did with her, you fuck-wad, and so we got back at you, but YOU fucking started it!"

Brad's left arm pulled away from him and threw a few blows, but Jon blocked them, other than one grazing his shoulder before holding his arm back again.

Brad sputtered, "I don't know how a twerp like you ends up bagging a 10 like her anyway but thank fuck she's moved on after tasting a REAL fucking man!"

Jon finally shoved him away, his rage heightening. "Brad fine! We're BOTH assholes then! Fighting me isn't gonna fix anything. Elaina's crazy, I don't even care that you fucked her at this point. I shouldn't have fucked Tabitha either, but she's free to do what she wants, and she's long gone. I have no idea where she is."

To his surprise Brad lowered his hands, though still eyed him angrily.

Jon did the same before continuing, "I know you were screwing around on her long before I came along, so don't act like I'M the one that ruined your marriag-"

Brad's fist suddenly shot up and connected with Jon's jaw, taking him off guard. Jon staggered back from the cheap-shot, and didn't have time to react before Brad pulled him into a headlock and started uppercutting him in the stomach,

Brad shouted at him, his words accentuated with each blow to Jon's solar-plexus, "FUCK you! At least I KEPT it to fucking WHORES, and not another man's WIFE, you GUTless FUCK!"

He finally threw Jon on to the snow. Jon seethed in painful gasps with the wind knocked out of him, only getting up on to his hands and knees before Brad kicked him the stomach. He toppled over on to his side and felt Brad's spit on his face before rolling over and vomiting on the snow.

Brad laughed bitterly, "Not so fucking high and mighty now huh? Crazy or not you should be begging that fox to take pity on you and take you back if she's stupid enough to. Who the fuck else would have you?"

He kicked a spray of snow in Jon's retching face and walked away.

"What the fuck you looking at?" Brad's voice came through to Jon's spinning head thankfully sounding farther away.

Jon slowly got up, turning down help from a passerby and stumbled back into the house.

An hour later he finally sat down on the couch with his food and a beer, and pushed aside the dishes from yesterday. He ate thoughtlessly, trying not to let Brad's words play back through his head. They were effecting him more than the bruises on his stomach at this point. It felt like what little ego he had remaining, had been left out there on the snow. He hated that the only bit of life he could feel inside him was anger over what Brad had said about Elaina. Anger that some of it felt true.

Fuck him. He told himself. And you know what fuck it, I'll prove him wrong.

He pulled out his phone and found the number for the hospital.

"Hi, it's Jon Davidson here, I'm one of the family docs doing surgical assist, I know she's not on call right now, but I'm trying to get a hold of Melanie Richards, she's one of the general surgeons..."

Jon took a breath and psyched himself up, feeling even more nervous than he expected.

"...Hello?"

"Hey! Melanie, it's Jon. Um... you know, Jon Davidson, from the hospital, er like I was assisting and we..."

"Y... Yeah of course, I know you. You don't have t-... Hi Jon."

"Hi."

"...What's up?"

"I um, look I just wanted to apologize again for earlier today. I think what you asked just kinda took me off guard."

"Yeah no, don't sweat it Jon, look, forget that I asked, I didn't want to make it weird, and obviously I did."

"No I made it weird that's what I'm saying. I should've said yes. I... still WANT to say yes. Like, I just didn't think you would have ever been interested in me. And like, I'm... REALLY interested in you actually, I think you're kinda um, like amazing actually, and if you're still up for it, we could go out, tonight, if you want." Jon babbled, struggling with the frustration of getting the words from his brain to his mouth.

"Look it's... maybe a bit late for that."

"Well it's not that late, if you've already eaten we could just get a drink somewhere. I just think it'd be great to get to know you."

"Jon... I'm not sure what's going on with you, but maybe pump the brakes a bit okay? I wasn't saying I wanted to like, start a relationship. I was just kinda figuring on a casual thing, testing the waters a bit, but... I think I've got enough of an idea..."

"Well yeah sure. Casual's good. Casual's fine. Let's... Keep it simple. I'm all for it, just... yeah, you and me. We'll just, enjoy... each other. Let's do it." Jon closed his eyes tightly after his mouth ran on, and cursed himself, hoping it didn't sound as sleazy as it felt.

Her reply destroyed any hope, "Yyyeeaaahhh, no. Look Jon, you said you needed to catch up on sleep and I'm thinking you at least need to deal with THAT issue, so, just get some rest tonight. I've been trying to tell you to forget it okay? It was um, unprofessional of me to ask in the first place, and I take it back. Alright?"