Saving the Doctor Pt. 07

"... Uh, yeah. Okay. Sorry."

"It's... it's alright Jon. Just, maybe next time if you need to get a hold of me. For work. Text first before you call. K?"

"...Yeah."

"I'll um... See you around. The hospital. I guess."

"...Yeah. B... bye Melanie."

"Bye Jon."

Jon let out a shuddering breath of embarrassment and forced his clenched hand not to throw the phone against the wall. He swore at himself, sat down and collapsed his face in his hands, rubbing his tired eyes with his palms. His breathing and his mind both slowly settled, until he gradually convinced himself it didn't matter, because nothing did.

He eventually laid down on the couch as a crime drama episodes played through on the TV. He had lost track of the plot but didn't care anymore. He just wanted something to distract his mind, or else it would inevitably fight back and try to make him remember the true reason his life felt hopeless.

There had been no word from Carly since that last text. No hint that she had talked to anyone else, even Grace. No rumour of where she was or what she was doing. She was gone.

That devastating truth tore through him like a knife every time it crept to the surface. The guilt and regret would well up inside him until he felt nauseous and wanted to scream and put his fist through the wall. He thankfully hadn't done that yet, but he remembered that his guitar still lay crumpled in a broken heap in the corner of the den.

A tinge of embarrassment crept through the fog in his brain as he remembered starting to write a song for her. Then getting so pissed off at himself for the cheesy idiocy of it, and the fact that he couldn't get more than 3 chords in. He had smashed it against the end table almost to prove to himself how useless it all was. He hadn't gone back into that room since. The turntable she had bought him was in there, and he was afraid both of the memories it might bring, and that he might smash it too if he stared at it for too long. He didn't need to have another man-tantrum. There was no real catharsis there. He just needed to accept that there was nothing he could do. He was helpless other than to try to put her behind him, forget and move on. Except that doing that made him feel like his life was meaningless, that he had no where to go, and that nothing mattered. That every change in his life he had put himself through in the last few months had been all for nothing.

A text from Elaina broke him out of his trance.

- Just to let you know, I'll be there at 2 on Saturday to help get the house ready before Donna shows up at 3:30.

It was such a matter of fact text but his hands felt clammy texting back.

- Okay, that's fine. I'll try to have it clean already though.

- Well even if you do maybe we can use the extra time to have a chat.

- Okay.

- It'll be nice to see you again.

He fought off a tightening in his chest. He willed himself not to respond.

She texted again.

- It's been lonely without you.

He stared at the text in silent frustration and then finally his hand shot out and grabbed the phone and he angrily texted back.

- I thought you said you were dating again.

- I was. It felt strange.

- It'll just take some time.

- Don't you miss me at all?

- Are you drunk?

- Just a glass of wine. Are you?

- Why do you care?

- I care about you Jonathon. I still care. I can't just turn it off like you. I'm not that heartless.

- None of this has been easy for me. Don't act like you're an innocent victim.

- I know. I don't how many times I can say I'm sorry. But maybe you can let me help you make it easier. Even just for a little while...

- I'm fine.

- You're a terrible liar even over text.

- What do you want?

- You know what I want...

- I mean right now. What do you even want me to say?

- Do you still have those pictures I sent you?

Jon shoved away the phone and exhaled. His heart was racing in more than just anger. He was mostly angry that his cock had decided to twitch when she mentioned the photos. He ignored the next text and tried to focus on the TV show.

It was hopeless. His mind drifted back to last week when she had sent him a couple of boudoir pictures of herself on her bed in a new set of jaw-dropping dark green lingerie, that looked sexier than anything he'd ever seen her in before. The text had read:

- I'm going on a date tonight. Do you think he'll like these?

He hadn't responded, but he hadn't deleted them either. He had enjoyed them very much that night, to his own disgust. He had done the same again a few nights ago even after telling her to fuck off and stop bothering him.

His breathing became deeper at the thought of them, his cock swelling eagerly. Eventually he swore and reached over to his phone.

Her last text was still on the screen:

- There's more of them if you want... ;)

He closed the message angrily. Then he swore, opened up the photos and undid his zipper.

He exhaled at the sight of her long slender body slithered out on the bed, the lacy lingerie painted over her skin. He imagined himself pouncing on top of her to nibble her neck and press his body into her. Her long smooth legs wrapping around him. Ripping the lingerie off and plunging deep inside her. He grunted as he stroked himself.

A phone call suddenly came up on the screen and blocked the picture.

It was Elaina.

He swore and moved to hang up, but his finger hovered over the button. He swore again and watched his finger move, almost on it's own, to answer the call.

"What?! What's so important?" he demanded, trying to control his breath but failing.

There was a long silence. He could hear her breathing too on the other end of the phone.

"You sound like you're out of breath," she said quietly.

"I had to rush to answer the phone," he said

"You never answered my question. Have you been looking at my pictures?" she asked delicately.

"...No."

"You're a terrible liar. Don't worry, I wanted you to."

"I wasn-... What do you want?"

"To hear your voice. I miss you. I miss being with you."

He was so used to her cold serious demeanor that it always took him off guard when her voice sounded soft and affectionate like this. It was intoxicating.

"Don't tell me you don't miss it to," she whispered.

"We need to move on Elaina," he said, hating the tremble in his voice.

"Mmmm come on honey can't we just reminisce for one night?"

"I don't want to."

"Yeah you do. You're a terrible liar. Come on, wouldn't it feel good to be here with me, curled up on the couch, under a nice big warm blanket. Our hands wandering, distracting each other from the TV until that delicious cock of yours is pressed so hard up against my ass that we both can't take it anymore..."

His hand hadn't moved from his erection. He couldn't help giving himself away by exhaling. She chuckled softly when she heard it.

"Mmmm you know it would feel so good. Are you imagining it now?"

"Why don't you call up Wade, or whatever you said his name was, and he can help you out with all that," he said angrily, as his hand moved over his cock.

"Awww your voice is just dripping with jealousy honey. Is that really what you want? Another man in bed with your fiance?"

"You're not my fiance."

"I'm whatever you want me to be, honey. Right now we can imagine anything. I could be on the couch, on the kitchen counter, on the carpet of that trashy condo," she moaned into the phone and he stared off into space as he angrily stroked himself.

"Wouldn't that feel sooo good. What would you say?" she purred.

"Stop it," he croaked.

"No... I don't think that's what you'd say."'

"You're unbelievable," he scoffed, but his hand hadn't moved off his cock.

"Mmmm THAT's more like what you'd say," she giggled. "Come on Jonathon, you know you'd rather be the one making love to me. Don't let Wade take your woman for himself. You don't want his nasty cock invading your fiance's pussy do you? Stealing the pleasure that's rightfully yours?"

"Fuck you!" he blurted out, with a shaky voice.

"You can. You should. I'd let you call me all the names you want as long as you keep fucking me, over and over. Needing it. Loving it," she moaned into the phone.

"It wouldn't mean anything," he grunted into the phone.

"Keep telling yourself that. Ohhhh the way you fucked me so desperately even though you told yourself you didn't want to... Hnnn just because you couldn't help it. You needed me too much you just couldn't help it. Oh my GOD Jonathon it was so delicious!" she panted. "I keep thinking about it. Wanting you to fuck me again like that so badly! I know you must want it too. I know you must dream about it too."

"Hnng... So what?" he panted back.

"Are you stroking yourself honey?"

"Are you?"

Neither answered through the sounds of their heavy breathing, but they both knew the answer was yes.

"It's okay honey, just let yourself feel good. I know you've been suffering. Just let yourself feel good tonight. Imagine me there. Naked on top of you, the lingerie tossed on the floor."

He grunted automatically in response.

"Our bodies wrapped together. Your cock right at home deep inside me throbbing and hard," her voice shook.

"Fuck," he blurted out as he stroked harder.

"Oh GOD Jonathon! It would feel so good. So right. Ahh! Having you cum deep inside me. Claiming me again!"

He panted and groaned letting himself get lost in her fantasy.

"Ohhh you're getting close aren't you honey? I can hear it in your voice. Ahhh, me too. Just try to feel me there with you. Loving you. Making you feel good again. Watching you try to fight it, but knowing you can't, knowing you want it! AH!! Jonathon!!"

"Elaina!" he blurted out helplessly

"Oh GOD!" she cried out frantically. "I can feel your strong arms around me, your lips kissing my neck, my legs clinging around you, your big hard cock twitching and cumming inside me! Ah! Jonathon can you feel it too?!"

"Ugh! GOD! Fffffuck!" He stroked himself desperately and bucked up into his hand.

"Ahh! Cum for me Jonathon! I want to hear you cumming! Just for me! AHH!"

"ELAINA!" he shouted as he climaxed.

"Ohhhh! JONATHON! YESSSSS!!" she screeched.

They moaned together over the phone as their orgasms subsided. A long silence passed and they listened to each other's panting breaths slowly settle.

"Mmmmm. Oh my God that was amazing Jonathon. Didn't that feel good?"

His eyes were closed tight, his body still trembling from the endorphins.

"...yeah," he finally whispered back, sinking into the couch and feeling himself give up completely.

"I can't wait to see you Saturday. It'll feel even better back in our own bed won't it? Won't that feel good?"

"...yeah."

"Wade wanted me to come over tonight. I should tell him no right? You'd rather I stay home instead right?" she whispered.

"...yeah."

"Okay. I'll tell him no then. Don't worry, I'll see you soon honey."

She hung up.

He dropped the phone and his body fell limp and lifeless onto the couch. As the endorphins finally subsided, a sickening feeling finally sunk in; a worthlessness that he'd never known was possible. He simply closed his eyes and let it engulf him.

***

The clinic room was filled with an awkward silence as Jon sat stone-faced, typing on the computer and finally the printer hummed to life. He signed two papers and handed them to the patient.

"W-... what's this then?" she asked looking confused and disappointed.

Jon kept staring at the computer as he replied flatly, "One for the pharmacy and one for the lab. Put the cream on every day and the rash should go away within a couple weeks. The labs are just to make sure there's nothing else going on. I don't think there is, but if you're worried, that should reassure you."

"K... like I said I've never had eczema before and my face isn't even that itchy. And I just feel like.. bleh all over for the past few weeks, are you sure that's all it is?"

Jon sighed, "Yeah I heard what you said. Look just take it and if it isn't better in a couple weeks then come back."

She looked embarrassed and reached for her jacket. "Okay um... thanks. Sorry it's just... the other couple times I saw you I really appreciated how you took the time to explain and um..." she trailed off as he finally made eye contact with an impatient look on his face.

"There's other patients waiting if that's all," he said.

"Yep. K um, thanks, I guess. Bye," she said, and left the room hurriedly.

Jon silenced the tiny voice in his distant part of his mind yelling out that he didn't need to be an asshole. He was getting more efficient at doing that.

He was getting much more efficient with his clinic too. As it turned out, not giving a fuck can save a lot of time.

He was still doing his job....As much as he needed to. He was at least disciplined enough to make sure he was covering all the basics, and treating appropriately by the book. He was done with hand-holding though. Patients could take his advice or leave it as far as he was concerned. Take the treatments or don't. He couldn't bring himself to care.

He knew it wasn't why he had gone into medicine. He knew it made things meaningless. To rip away the human connection, and just add another chemical to the bag to balance the solution. It was the opposite of everything he used to stand for. He silenced the tiny voice again and finished the brief note, telling himself just to do what he needed to do, to get his ass out the door at the end of the day.

Beth walked in with a cautious look. It was her usual these days. He thought she should be happy that his clinics were running like clockwork now, but she seemed to be enjoying her job even less than him.

When they had started back at work after the Christmas break she seemed fine, almost all smiles with only maybe a tinge of nervousness to her friendly demeanor. Her positivity had been a nice contrast to his flat mood every morning and had almost slowed down his spiral into crushing depression, but the descent was inevitable, he figured. Inevitable and justified. A man dead, and a good woman's life ruined, all because he was a childish fucking idiot. Elaina was just icing on the cake, but now he was thinking she was all he deserved.

Gradually, over the last month though, Beth had definitely lost her pep. She did her job as diligently as ever, and still managed to put on a friendly exterior, which was more than he could manage evidently, but he could see the facade plain as day. Even worse were the pained pitying looks she would give him at the end of the day when he told her to go home and evaded her subtle questions about his personal life. Last Friday she was almost in tears when he bitingly cut her off of what had been a fairly innocent line of questioning, and reminded her of the need to stay professional.

"Hey Jon," she said timidly.

"Hey Beth," he said offhandedly. He glanced up at her with a brief tight smile.

He tried not to look at her too often. He had decided she wasn't worth drooling over, and she could have so many better prospects she probably had long gotten over his sorry ass. Even if he was reckless enough to try to ask her out she'd probably shatter what little ego he had left and it would ruin their work relationship. Still, that fit voluptuous body and that gorgeous face shone through even out of the corner of his eye.

"Thanks for your help again. I'm pretty much finished up." Jon said.

"How did today go?" she said, casually sitting down.

"It was fine as ever." He glanced at her as he started gathering up his things, hinting at her that he had no intent on staying to chat.

"K. Well, your last patient there, Janet, she's always really kind, been with the clinic for years, and never complained about anyone and... um, she made a complaint before she left."

Jon shrugged, "What do you do."

"Jon, she's the sixth patient this week. That makes fifteen this month."

He tightened his lips. "And?..."

"Wh- What do you even mean AND? How can you not care?? Do you know how many you had in the five months you worked here before Christmas?"

"I don't know. Are you even supposed to be telling me about these?"

"Two. Two complaints in five months. From total asshat patients that no one likes. And now you're getting them almost every day from patients who have always been happy with their care here. And you keep insisting everything's fine." She crossed her arms and looked at him in pleading frustration.

"I'm not saying things are perfect, but these are my problems to deal with, not yours."

"Bullshit. It absolutely is my problem. I have to face these patients every day and try to make excuses for you, and hear their angry rants on the phone. It's the clinic's problem too. There's already a few patients asking to switch to other doctors here, and a few that won't come back at all."

He gave her an annoyed sigh, "What was her complaint?"

"Rudeness. Lack of communication. The same as most of them."

"So nothing to do with my actual medical management," he retorted, crossing his arms.

"I.... guess not technically."

"Then as far as I'm concerned there's no real problem."

"It'll be a problem if you don't have any patients left."

He scoffed, "Family docs are in shortage we'll be fine."

She glared at him in fury, and he sat stubbornly meeting her fiery eyes.

"Open Glen Thompson's file," she finally said.

He frowned, "I've already logged out."

"Do it."

He sighed and logged back in.

"He rarely comes in, but you told him he was a hypochondriac to his face," Beth said as he opened up the file.

"I said he was ACTING like a hy-..."

She raised an eyebrow and he stopped himself, begrudgingly conceding her point.

"Open the CT scan report," she said.

"I didn't order a CT scan."

"Doug did. When he saw him three days after you."

Jon frowned and opened the report. CT chest. His face slowly went pale as he read it.

Malignancy. Possible lung primary vs metastasis of unknown origin.

"Fuck..."

"He's already said he's not going to sue. He's just glad somebody caught it."

"He didn't... His symptoms... I don't remember him having any red flags." Jon furiously clicked through the file.

"Jon..." Beth looked at him pleadingly

"Here. He told Doug he had night sweats. He didn't tell me that."

"Did you ask?"

"I..." Jon closed his mouth in frustration.

"Why didn't Doug tell me?"

"He'll probably talk to you tomorrow. Jon I'm not supposed to know this, but they might have a meeting about you."

"He... So I missed one symptom, it's not like it was obvious. There probably wouldn't have been grounds to sue."

She looked at him in disbelief. "What? So you don't care if your patients live or die as long as you're not technically liable?"

"Fuck you."

"Fuck YOU! Where the hell is the amazing doctor I used to know?! That I used to love..." she sniffed. "...working with. That everyone loved and raved about. You were the best doctor I'd ever worked for! Now I don't know who the fuck you are anymore!"

Tears were streaming down her face. He tried to steel himself, but he could feel his eyes welling up in response.

"I'm just trying to get through day by d-..." he stopped himself and took a breath. "I'm just a physician trying to treat his patients as efficiently as possible. That's all I should be to you."

Her stare intensified and her eyes tightened, he could tell it hurt her.

"What you are right now is a fucking male version of Elaina," she said quietly.

That hurt him more. He lurched forward in his chair and stopped himself from getting up.