All Comments on 'Scavenger Hunt Pt. 01'

My own stupid fault for not reading the tags, lame blackmail story. So rather than take all the blackmailers notes she decides to masturbate in the middle of the football field? Nobody is that stupid, everyone knows that when you comply with blackmail demands it’s fodder for additional blackmail. That was the tipping point into moronic.

The only reason to read a blackmail story is the part where the victim gets justice/ revenge. Schadenfreude is not my thing.

Best of luck with your writing.

Tess (UK)

Just when it was getting interesting

I personally liked it.

And if the option was to masturbate on the football field or have all the photos and video sent to your contacts and family and friends.... seems like an easy choice. Plus she had no clothes, no phone etc...

Although the blackmail moved along a little to easy, this is a great idea. As long as you involve other people and make her humiliations Non consensual , and not so unbelievable as most of these lame 20 part stories, that could never happen. Make it realistic and As non consensual as possible and it will be great

Great start, can’t wait for what’s next!

You flew through the blackmail way too quickly and easily. Not only did you not explore her internal battle, but you also jumped from one step to the next with too little exposition.

Firstly I think the stakes were pumped way too high too quickly. Make her jump into the stall, find a phone and have her take a photo of her chest (without her face) and text it to the sole contact in the phone. Then maybe she has to venture out, but just across the hall or something. A small task there, then maybe return to locker room for a full body photo. Maybe include some rewards too. Like give her the option of taking the full body with or without her face in it. She chooses with the face, she gets a piece of clothing. She does without, she gets another task. Maybe she does a photo with her face, and gets a sock or scarf. Whatever, let her "choose" her path of humiliation. And again, make it gradual. Give her some downtime between new humiliations.

There needed to be more exploration of her thoughts as to whether to go through with it or not. Why should she do so rather than wait for someone to come into the locker room to ask for help? Each step needs to go through the rushing thoughts in her mind and explain why she would choose to continue with the instructions over stopping and putting her foot down.

But even more you largely glossed over the humiliation she would have felt going through this process. Heck, the entire description of the only explicitly sexual scene in the story was "She masturbated". That's it?!

I mean, I like the premise. Just needs a lot more content to it. Look forward to more.

Totally agree with satedandwaiting's comments - the blackmail bit was way to quick and easy.