Scenes from a Marriage Pt. 18

I wasn't sure that this was something most people would ever understand, but it was definitely true for me. And it felt so good to know that she knew that part of me and accepted me.

That Wednesday, I woke up early and couldn't get back to sleep, so I went downstairs to geek out a bit. It had been about a week and a half since we'd had a real scene, and I was really horny, so I watched some porn. (I actually like erotic stories better than porn, but Mistress had limited the number of stories I was allowed to read to one per week, and I didn't want to use up my story for that week yet.) Unfortunately, as I watched, I couldn't stop myself from rubbing my cock through the bars of my cage. I didn't make myself cum, but I did pleasure myself for a while. I knew that Mistress didn't want me doing it, but I was feeling needy enough that I did it anyway.

When it was almost time to get my day started, I went back upstairs and crawled back into bed to snuggle with my wife. She started to wake up, snuggling into my embrace.

"Good morning," she said.

"Good morning, my love. How are you this morning?"

"I'm sleepy. How about you?"

"I'm horny," I said. Then I realized that I needed to be honest with her. "I woke up early and went downstairs, and I was so horny that I couldn't help playing with myself a bit." My tone was apologetic.

"Hey, you know you're not supposed to do that." She sounded a little upset at me.

"I know, Mistress," I said contritely. "I shouldn't have done it. But I was just so horny. It's been a week and a half since our last scene, and I was just feeling really needy. I've been trying so hard to let you drive, as we've talked about, but I felt like you were just ignoring me, and I guess I just needed an outlet."

"Then you need to talk to me, not play with yourself." She sighed. "I'm sorry it's been so long. I guess I just got busy with everything else we've been needing to take care of, and I didn't realize it had been quite that long. And maybe I was also thinking too much about planning the next scene and how to make it perfect but not actually making it happen. Sometimes I might need a reminder if it's been a while, so that I can take that into account."

"I guess I can understand that. But we've been talking so much about me letting you drive, and I've been really trying to do that. I don't want either of us to feel like I'm the one deciding when we play, and if it happens when I suggest it, then doesn't that just make me the one driving?"

"You need to trust me that if I decide we're going to have a scene, that that's what I want to do, not just something I'm doing for you. You know, I do enjoy our playtime too, and sometimes it could be that if you suggest it, I could realize that I've really been missing it too. So if I decide to play when you say something, that doesn't necessarily mean I'm doing it for you."

"Yeah, I know. But it's hard to remind myself of that."

"You know, it could also be that you say something on a day when I was planning for us to play that night anyway, in which case it's definitely not because of what you said. You need to trust me to make that decision."

"Yeah, that's true," I said, realizing that it could actually work both ways. "In that case, if you decided not to play because of what I said, then I'd be just as much driving as if I was making the decision directly."

"Exactly."

"Okay," I said, trying to internalize the lesson. "I understand what you're saying, Mistress. I'll try my best to let you know when I'm feeling needy."

"Good."

We snuggled for a little while longer, then got up to start our day.

That night, before we went to bed, Mistress called me over to her side of the bed. I stood in front of her, and she had me drop my underwear.

She reached out to grab my balls, tugging and squeezing them - not hard enough to hurt extremely badly, but definitely hard enough to get my attention. I winced and bent over in reaction to the pain.

"I want you to remember that these are mine," she said sternly, although not meanly. "You do not play with them without permission. If you are horny or needy, you tell me. You do not take care of it yourself. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Mistress."

"Good." She let go. "Now let's go to sleep."

I pulled my underwear back up and went back over to my side of the bed. We curled up together and went to sleep.

That Thursday was our anniversary. Unfortunately, due to the pandemic, we couldn't really go anywhere or do anything, so we decided that we would just order a nice dinner delivered to us at home from a local steakhouse. I did get my wife a few anniversary cards, which I gave her throughout the day. But otherwise, it was a normal day until dinner time.

After work that day, I had a video appointment with my therapist, and she helped me clarify some of my thoughts about some of the challenges that my wife and I had been facing. Afterwards, my wife and I had a long talk about some of what I'd been thinking about.

We talked again about the fact that when it came to things like how often we were playing, I would try my best to communicate with her about how needy I was feeling, and I would try to remember that she needed that information as input to her decision, but I needed to trust her to make the decision, regardless of whether that meant playing that night or not. Somehow, after discussing it with my therapist, the message seemed to sink into my head a little more clearly than it had the day before.

We also talked a lot about the need for me to be able to really trust her to make the right decision about how much pain I can take during a scene. After a bit of discussion, I realized that the real issue was making sure that she knew how much pain or pleasure I was feeling at any given time. While I did also want to have more feedback from her about how much she was enjoying herself at any given time, that wasn't strictly as important as her knowing how I was feeling, since she was the one making the decision. I knew that if she knew how much pain I was feeling, she would not push me that hard unless she was really enjoying herself enough to be worth it. She suggested that we put together some sort of scale, maybe expressed in terms of "hotter" and "colder", for me to quickly tell her how I was doing during a scene. I agreed, and we decided to sit down together that weekend to come up with something.

She also said that she really wouldn't enjoy it very much if she knew it was hurting me. I pointed out that that wasn't quite true, because we knew that she enjoyed leaving marks on me, and she liked it when I had residual pain the next day. I observed that she did actually like hurting me, so it had to be a matter of degree. She said that was probably true, but she didn't yet know enough to know where that boundary was between the kind of pain she'd enjoy inflicting on me and the kind that was too far because I wasn't enjoying it.

I did point out to her that the problem we'd had was that we'd done several very intense impact play scenes in a fairly small time window, and that was really hard for me in aggregate. But I told her that I really did want her to be able to hurt me beyond my level of comfort sometimes, as long as it's not all the time. After all, I asked, if I enjoyed everything she did to me, was it really submission? I wasn't really proving my devotion to her that way. She understood what I was saying, but she said that she didn't really know if she'd be able to push me that hard if she knew I wasn't enjoying it. I said I understood but that it was something I wanted us to be able to explore.

It was a really good conversation. When we were done, I went downstairs with our son and let her rest for a while before dinner.

After our anniversary dinner (I ate about a pound of steak - yum!), and after putting our son to bed, we went up to bed and put on a movie to watch together.

It had been a hot day and was fairly warm upstairs, so I had stripped down to my boxers. My wife was in her pajamas, and we were laying next to each other on top of the covers.

I really wasn't expecting to play that night, because Mistress' period had started that morning. But she surprised me by reaching over to fondle my balls through my boxers as we watched. I moaned, enjoying the feeling of her touching me.

After a few minutes, she grabbed the key to my cage and motioned for me to take off my boxers.

"Oh, you want these off?"

"Yup. I want to play."

"Yes, Mistress," I replied, sliding off my boxers and dropping them on the floor.

She reached down to unlock my cage. I took it off and placed it on my nightstand. Then I lay back onto my back, clasping my hands on top of my stomach, letting her play with me however she wanted.

She turned herself onto her left side, propping her head on the palm of her hand, her elbow braced on the bed, looking down at me. I turned my head slightly to my right to look back up at her as she reached over to caress and fondle my balls.

I moaned softly. "I love it when you touch me, Mistress."

She smiled at me. "I know. I love touching you."

She continued fondling me for a few moments, but then she started playing a bit more roughly. She squeezed and pulled on them, watching my eyes carefully as I winced at the slight pain.

"Does that hurt?" she asked softly.

"It's... kind of right on that line between pain and pleasure, Mistress. It hurts, but not too much. And it's a turn-on too."

"Good," she smiled. "I like that."

"You like making me react, don't you, Mistress?" I asked with a smile. "You like to give me both pain and pleasure?"

"Yeah, I do. I love knowing that I'm causing those reactions."

"I love letting you see those reactions, Mistress."

She moved her hand to my cock, teasing me with a single fingertip, running it gently up the underside of my cock. I looked down, loving the sight of her hand caressing me. I moaned when she reached my frenulum, softly moving her finger up and down over my sensitive skin.

"Mmm, I love how sensitive you are here." I could hear the enjoyment in her voice. "Do you like seeing my hand on you?"

"Yes, Mistress," I moaned.

She continued teasing me for a while, alternating between pain and pleasure randomly. Sometimes, she would tease my cock with her fingertip; other times, she would slap it. Sometimes, she would fondle my balls; other times, she would squeeze or stretch them.

It was kind of an amazing feeling, knowing that she had so much power over me at that moment. I knew that if she wanted to hurt me, it would take almost no effort for her to squeeze or pull harder to cause me real pain. But I trusted her not to push me too far, and I knew that she would also give me pleasure. It was almost the same feeling I had experienced during our last scene, when she'd had me totally immobilized, strapped to the bondage board, when I had given into her control and just let myself feel whatever she wanted me to feel.

I tried to relax into her control the same way that I had the last time. I unclasped my hands from my stomach and moved them down to my sides. She leaned away from my side briefly to let me put my right hand down on the bed, and then she leaned forward again, trapping my arm beneath her.

I closed my eyes briefly, enjoying even the partial sensation of being restrained. I forced myself to breathe deeply and relax into whatever sensations she wanted to give me. Then I looked up into her eyes, trying to convey the depth of my submission, my trust, and my vulnerability with the openness of my gaze.

She smiled down at me as she continued to play with my cock and balls. She could see me getting aroused from this treatment. "Mmm, I love to see you getting hard for me."

She reached over with her left hand and made a fist around my scrotum, stretching my balls away from me, watching my eyes carefully as I winced at the pressure. Then she brought her right hand over and slapped my constrained balls lightly, several times in a row, carefully watching my reaction. I jumped in surprise with the first few slaps, then took another deep breath and looked into her eyes, just letting myself feel whatever sensations she gave me to feel.

Then she went back to teasing my cock with her finger. After a little while of that, I was starting to get really turned on. I whimpered and thrust my hips up, trying to increase the amount of contact between her finger and my cock.

"Is there a problem?" she asked teasingly.

"I'm so damn horny, Mistress."

"Oh, that's too bad." she said in that same teasing tone.

But she obviously decided to give me some pleasure, because she grabbed my cock in her fist and started stroking it. I moaned in pleasure and closed my eyes, enjoying the sensation.

"Please, Mistress, I need more sensation on the head of my cock."

She moved her fist a bit further up my cock so that she was partially covering the head with her strokes, and I gasped at the sensation. But after a few strokes, she removed her hand completely.

I whimpered and looked at her pleadingly.

"Do you want something?"

"Yes, Mistress, please!"

"You know how to ask."

"Oh, Mistress, please touch me!"

"Touch you where?" she asked innocently.

"Touch my cock, Mistress, please!" I could hear the desperation in my tone.

She smiled at me and went back to stroking my cock. I moaned in pleasure.

For the next few minutes, she stroked me most of the time, but she did still occasionally stop to tease my frenulum with her finger or to slap my cock a few times. The intermittent pleasure and pain was an incredible head trip, and I loved how submissive it made me feel.

"How much longer do you have until you're allowed to cum?" she asked.

"A while, Mistress," I said, shaking myself out of my stupor to try to answer her. "It's only been like a week and a half, so I guess I have like four and a half weeks to go."

"Oh, that's too bad," she said in mock sympathy. "Then I can't let you have an orgasm. But I do want to see your cum. I think I'm going to make you ruin it for me."

"Oh god," I moaned, incredibly turned on by her casual dominance.

"I'm going to keep stroking you. You need to tell me when to stop."

"Yes, Mistress," I moaned, both loving and hating the idea.

I closed my eyes again and tried to focus on the pleasure, allowing myself to get closer to an orgasm that I knew would be denied to me. I was having a little trouble focusing, though; the noise from the movie was a little distracting, and I think Mistress could tell.

"Is something wrong?"

"Just trying to concentrate, Mistress."

"Here, let me help," she said, grabbing the remote and pausing the movie. "Is that better?"

"Yes, Mistress. Thank you!"

She went back to stroking my cock, and I relaxed into her ministrations, allowing myself to just feel what she wanted me to. I could feel myself getting closer, and I started moaning and breathing hard. I could feel myself digging my fingers into the bed beneath me.

Then Mistress upped the ante. "Put your hands under your ass and keep them there."

"Yes, Mistress," I said, complying.

Now I was digging my fingertips into my ass cheeks as she kept stroking my cock. My breathing was getting faster and faster, along with the strokes of her hands up and down my cock.

I could feel the orgasm rising up inside me. Most of my awareness was awash in pleasure, letting myself feel the amazing sensation she was giving me. But there was one small part of me monitoring how close I was, waiting for just the right moment to give up my pleasure for her.

"I'm getting closer!" I cried, panting and gasping, feeling the orgasm well up inside of me.

"Closer!" I was now crying out with each stroke of her hand.

"Very close!" Just a few more strokes...

Suddenly, I was there. "Now, Mistress!" I cried.

She immediately let go of me, and my cock flopped down against my abdomen, angled toward my left side, my cum slowly dribbling out of it and pooling onto my hip. I cried out in despair, bucking my hips, desperate for renewed sensation, only to feel nothing but thin air. I felt robbed, my pleasure cruelly taken away right at the climactic moment.

I sobbed in frustration as my cum trickled out, hating the loss of my pleasure but also lost in the ecstasy of submission, knowing that I had given up my pleasure for my Mistress' pleasure, and knowing that I would do the same thing again any time she wanted me to.

As my ejaculation wound down, I opened my eyes and looked up at her, still sobbing a bit.

She looked back at me compassionately. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, Mistress," I said, still sobbing a bit. "It's so hard being denied."

"Is it too much for you?"

"No, Mistress!" I quickly reassured her. "It is frustrating, but I also love submitting to you this way. I love giving up my pleasure for you. I promise, this is not any sort of limit for me."

"Okay," she said, reassured that I was okay.

She let me rest for a moment or two, and then handed me the box of tissues from our headboard. "Clean yourself up."

"Yes, Mistress."

When I finished, she unpaused the movie, and we snuggled up together to watch the rest of it.

When the movie was over, she had me put my cage back on, and we snuggled up together to go to sleep.

It had been a pretty damn good anniversary.