by ThorninAzuare
You’re using present tense to describe things in the past, and switch from past to present mid action. There’s a reason most writers do not use present tense, it is too easy to mess up. This was hard to read.
As bad as that is, writing in second person is worse.
What they are doing, let them become a part of what is happening on their own.
Did you bother to even proof read this garbage?
1 star