Secret Prayer Ch. 08

They were coming up to a year since Gage left his mission and they started dating, and through therapy, Gage had decided that he wasn't going to let his upbringing ruin marriage for him. At the same time, though, he wasn't going to be the one to decide when it became that serious, as he didn't want to put any pressure on Jarek. If Jarek decided he didn't ever want to marry, then they wouldn't, and Gage wouldn't be the one bringing it up.

Jarek had been talking with his therapist about the potential for marriage as well. He hadn't really given it much thought until he met Gage and then he learned that Gage had no desire to get married, so he had pretty much permanently tabled the idea. He found he was willing to consider it but he didn't really want to bring it up because of how upset Gage had gotten about it before. He shared these views with Jeremy when he talked with him, but mostly as a means of venting.

Jeremy let him vent, but also gently advised him that if he wanted to marry Gage eventually, then he'd probably have to be the one to gently bring it up since he didn't imagine Gage would even if he'd changed his mind because of trauma and possibly fear that it would be rejected.

"Sometimes you talk about difficult subjects because it's better to be on the same page, you know?" Jeremy asked him. "I've had to start a few conversations telling Jimmy I didn't want to upset or hurt him, but that the conversation was important. For instance, we had to talk about whether he wanted to even invite his father to our wedding. Not a comfortable subject for him, but it was necessary."

Jarek nodded his understanding, still skeptical but willing to give it a try. He didn't address it right away, however, as he was enjoying their closeness and didn't want to disturb it. And they were closer than they ever had been. Gage knew in his head that it would never be his choice to not be with Jarek; he was content staying in this relationship the rest of his life so long as Jarek didn't get bored with him, which he very well could.

Gage was starting to show more of his hobbies to Jarek too. He let Jarek and Tate come with him to an area he found where he could dirt bike. Tate and Jarek couldn't do the types of tricks Gage could do, but he let them borrow a couple of bikes to just enjoy moving around the low track while he went up to some of the bigger slopes.

Tate and Jarek were standing and watching as Gage came around a turn and brought the bike up into the air, leaving the path behind for a moment as the adrenaline flowed through him. He leapt above the bike and then came back down onto the seat right before the bike's back wheel hit the dirt again, sending up a spray before he managed to get the front wheel aligned on the ground so he could turn and come back down toward them.

Jarek looked impressed but concerned when Gage came to an idling stop in front of where Jarek and Tate waited, their bikes off. Gage pulled his helmet off and was beaming until he noticed the concern behind the look Jarek gave.

"I don't ride professionally," Gage commented. "So, my injuries will likely stay minimal. The worst I've gotten was the wound you saw when we first met, honestly. The other bad one was a broken arm, but my jump was the best of the bunch, so..."

"I'm sure it's a lot of fun," Jarek said doubtfully. "I just see it from a physical therapy perspective... I really don't mean to limit your fun in any way, I just worry about your safety at the same time."

"Can't take the physical therapist out of the man," Gage joked and kissed Jarek on the cheek. "I'll be careful, I promise. I won't ride this hard all the time, anyway. I have my other bikes too, which means I can just ride and enjoy the wind sometimes on the regular road. Plus the doctor said that he was impressed by how well you did with physical therapy on my knee, you know...I'm good as new again, other than that giant scar."

"Chicks dig scars," Tate said, then looked at Jarek. "Do guys dig scars too?"

"I dunno," Jarek responded with a smirk, "I'll ask the next one I see."

Gage grinned. "I mean, Jarek's never complained about me naked," he said and then started walking the bike back to his truck without waiting for either of their reactions.

Jarek nodded, saying, "He's not wrong," as he walked his own bike back to the truck, a dark green Ford Ranger.

Tate snorted at that, because he knew Gage had a fair amount of scars. You couldn't live with someone in such close quarters without finding out things like that. "Good thing you two are already all goo-goo eyed for each other or I'd have to tell you two to get together or tie the knot or something..."

Jarek's face took on a faraway look, as if he were considering Tate's words as he loaded the bike into the bed of the truck. Gage gave a look too, one that looked thoughtful and a little wistful. Tate didn't miss either look, but decided not to push the issue, at least not now. They finished loading the bikes back in and got them home and put them away before Gage went in to take a long shower. When he pulled back the curtain, he saw a thoughtful Jarek sitting on the toilet.

Jarek looked up at Gage, emerging from the shower with the water glistening on his sun-kissed skin, and took a really good look at the scars that crossed Gage's body. His biggest scar was across his knee and down his leg, which Jarek could still remember how it looked when it was swollen and bloody, but he bore some across his chest, a few on his back, two others on his legs, small nicks that had healed over a long time ago all over his forearms, and now the newest one along his arm from work which was still red as it finished healing.

Jarek realized while studying Gage that he couldn't separate the scars from the stories he had told Jarek of how he had gotten each one. Stories told after countless love making sessions where they were cuddling in bed after exploring each others' bodies. He couldn't even picture Gage without his scars and, while they didn't make him any more or less sexy, they added to his charm.

Gage grabbed a towel and started to dry off, running it through his hair for a moment before he put the towel around his waist and came over to where Jarek was. "I promise not to try and add anymore scars if I can help it, you know."

"Oh, they're just a part of your story," Jarek said quietly as he shook himself out of his reverie. "I just don't like the idea of you getting hurt. Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," Gage replied with a nod of his head. "You can ask me anything, love."

"I know we talked before about how neither of us wanted to get married any time soon. I just want you to know that that isn't a closed discussion. Y'know. For me," Jarek said awkwardly and haltingly, as if trying to choose his words on the fly and not really finding the right ones.

Gage studied Jarek for a moment, taking in the nervous energy he was giving off. He bit on his lip to keep from smiling or smirking, wanting to stay serious. "No? That wasn't a one and done conversation?"

Jarek smiled at that, "Much like our whole relationship? I don't want to pressure you in any way or another, but I didn't know if you still felt the same way as you did before."

Gage ran a hand through his still damp hair, something he did a lot when he was thinking or nervous. "I don't feel the same, no. I mean, I'm definitely not going to be out there some day taking photos in front of the temple or anything, but I think I can find a balance between feeling uncomfortable with everything that stood for and knowing that getting married to a man I love more than anything is more about the commitment and the legal ramifications. God and oppression don't need to sit over that decision anymore."

Jarek smirked. "We could totally do wedding photos in front of the temple, whether as part of an actual wedding or as a means to thumb our noses at the church."

Gage laughed at that, picturing it in his head. He could just see people like his Mission President losing their minds over that. "I could be open to that."

Jarek smiled and nodded, standing up and hugging Gage fiercely. Gage hugged him back and kissed him on the forehead. "Were you nervous to talk about this?" he asked Jarek quietly.

Jarek nodded quietly. "I've never been so nervous to talk to anyone before. I'm not usually like this and it confuses me."

Gage caressed Jarek's cheek with his fingers lovingly. He could understand how Jarek had been feeling. He'd considered bringing this topic up himself but didn't want Jarek to feel pressured. "I think I get it, but you can talk to me about anything, even if it's a difficult subject, like my brother."

Jarek nodded, "I'm so used to keeping everything so close to the vest."

"I get it," Gage said. "Craig didn't teasingly call me cagey for no reason. It's a lot easier to open up to you than to them though."

"I noticed," Jarek said, patting Gage's butt suggestively.

Gage laughed. "You know you love it."

Jarek grinned, "Almost as much as you do!"

Gage got that mischievous glint in his eyes as he opened up the towel at the front again, letting it fall suggestively onto the floor. He let out a laugh as Jarek smirked and chased him back into the bedroom where Gage soon found himself pinned down to the bed under Jarek's body while they kissed.

Not too long after that, Gage, Tate, and Marina took Jarek out for dinner to celebrate him finishing grad school and passing his exam with flying colors. Now all he had to do was complete his residency or 2,000 hours of practice to be on his own with patients. With his GPA and a letter of recommendation from the doctor who oversaw Gage's care, it wasn't difficult for Jarek to find a good position to begin his training.

Tate stayed with them for another semester, then he ended up moving in with Marina. They had an apartment near campus that was perfect for the two of them and their two cats. Around the same time, Jarek and Gage decided to move to a better home for them. They found a nice little three bedroom home they could afford that had a large shed in the back that Gage could turn into a workspace, which is exactly what he did with it, while he happily let Jarek set up one of the rooms inside as an exercise room.

Jarek had a theory that learning yoga with Gage would help him be more aware of where his own body was in relation to the space around him, so he insisted that Gage join him. Besides, Jarek had begun to feel flabby without the constant dancing to keep him limber. After their second month solid of doing yoga together, Jarek finally set up the pole that had been sitting in storage since the move.

Gage looked excited when he brought it out, and even asked Jarek to teach him how to use the pole correctly. It was clumsy for a bit as he learned body positions and how to spin around on it, but Gage was a quick study, and incredibly enthusiastic. Moving like this definitely showed off Gage's athletic form, though it was clear he had been doing other sports and not dancing most of his life. Jarek taught him some of the basic moves and then sat back to watch him explore what he could do for a few days.

Kayla had a healthy baby boy and Addison had just announced her and Brett were pregnant when Tate and Marina got engaged. It got both men thinking again about what the future would look like.

Gage had been experimenting with small pieces of woodworking and metalworking, and eventually began making jewelry in his workshop out back. He didn't let Jarek see most of what he was working on until it was done, but Gage kept this very locked down for a while.

Gage made a ring that was made of gold, iron, resin, and wood. He waited until Jarek brought it up again, though, not wanting to put any pressure on him. Their engagement was very low key and personal, doing it after a long massage for Gage that ended up with them making love. Gage was still floating from the climax when Jarek had snuggled up against him and brought up them getting married. That was when Gage got the ring out and gave it to Jarek.

In the end, they did go and take photos in front of the LDS Temple in Chicago. It was a beautiful place to take photos for their wedding, and it was a way for Gage to show his old faith wasn't going to hold him back. He found peace in being mostly an atheist, and there was something healing in sending out that photo to family and friends of him and the man he loved in front of the temple.

Their actual ceremony was outside followed by a reception that definitely wasn't up to Mormon standards. Gage's dad and his family did not come to the wedding, but the rest of the family did travel out to it, as did Jarek's family, his parents included. It took them some time to come to terms with it all, but with time and getting to know Gage over phone calls and video calls with the brothers, Jarek's parents eventually came around. Jarek had already gotten apologies from the brothers for adding to the stress during the HIV scare, but he also got an apology from his parents for the cops being called rather than just talking to him.

This was the life that Gage had never thought he could have. He marveled in being able to kiss the man he could now call his husband, and know he wasn't shackled to a life of living a lie or being celibate for the rest of his life. They had even started talking about whether they would eventually want to add to their family or not, and Addison and Marina had both offered to donate eggs and be surrogates if they wanted that. Whether God exists or not, Gage, and in a way Jarek, had finally answered his own prayers.

"When sailing on life's stormy sea,

'Mid billows of despair,

'Tis solace to my soul to know

God hears my secret prayer."