See what you lost?

"Speaking of the asset split, the 60/40 split isn't gonna fly." His lawyer stated. "We will not agree to anything other than a 50/50 split."

"Let's split the difference." Cass offered. "65% for my client and 35% for yours."

"How is that splitting the difference? You went up, not down."

"Of course, I did. What did you expect?"

"I can see that you are not going to be reasonable. We'll come back to that. We are demanding the GTO."

"Not on the table. The GTO is fully documented as my client's personal property. Unless your client can offer up some substantial proof that he has a legitimate claim to it, it's not even going to be discussed."

"We want repayment for the collectables she sold without his knowledge or approval."

"Here's a copy of the video showing he gave his approval for her to sell them. It also shows that he told her she could price them however she wanted. We are willing to give your client half of the $750 she made at the sale."

"My client wants the house sold and to split the proceeds."

"My client is demanding to continue to live in the house until the minor child finishes high school. Worst case, my client is willing to buy out your client's interest in the house."

"Speaking of the house, I understand that you, Ms. Rockwell, have moved into said house and become Mrs. Miller's lover. Sleeping with your client is highly unethical. I must require that you recuse yourself, or I will have to take this matter to the State Bar."

"Oh, puhleez! Seriously? First off, unlike my client who has ironclad proof on her husband's infidelity, your client has exactly zero proof that I am intimately involved with my client. Second, Jules has been mu best friend since we both started high school. Of course, I am going to help her out all I can. That includes representing her pro bono. As for moving into her house, there are a couple of reasons for that. First off, I am comforting an old friend who is going through a traumatic time in her life. It just so happened that I was wanting to sell my house at the time. It worked out, so I am living in the spare bedroom while I am selling my house and looking for a better home. You should also consider the fact that my client has often stated in public that she is completely straight and has no interest in having sex with women. As for taking this to the bar, the only bar you would have any success with is the one down on the corner."

"May I have a moment in private to talk to my soon-to-be ex-husband, please?" I finally offered.

Once the two lawyers left the room, I began my pitch to him. "OK, so here it is. You cheated on me and humiliated me by being so public about it. That pissed me off. This is how it's going to go. You sign the papers. You agree to my terms. No counseling. No arbitration. No bargaining." I stood up and twirled around. "This is no longer yours. You threw it away, and it's never coming back to you. If you refuse to sign the papers, I will be sending all the evidence of you fucking your secretary to you bosses. I will also be filing suit against them for not enforcing their employee handbook's prohibition against MARRIED managers being in sexual relationships with employees who report to them. You will be fired so fast that your head will still be spinning as your ass hits the parking lot. Got it?"

"What happened to the money?"

"What money?"

"You know what I'm talking about. The money in Belize."

"I have no idea what you're talking about. Were you hiding money? I suggest you don't mention that. You could be prosecuted for fraud. Obviously, if you were hiding it, I don't know anything about it. It was probably a hacker that stole it. Consider yourself lucky that it's gone, because if you still have it and I find it, I'll be contacting the DA about it."

He knew, but there was not the slightest hint of proof that he could find.

"Tell me, Jeff. How will you be able to pay the $650 per month child support and my $1,000 per month maintenance after you are fired, and word gets out about why? Do you really think that you will easily be able to get another job that pays nearly as well as this one? Sign the papers, Jeff."

"Please Jules. I love you and want to work on our marriage. I'm sorry I cheated on you. I broke up with her so I could come back and fix our marriage. I don't want her; I want you. Give me another chance, and I'll never stray again. I promise you that."

"First, you didn't break up with Rhonda. She broke up with you after she hooked up with Mary and switched teams. I hear that they're getting serious, and what do you think is going to happen when word gets around that the last two women you were involved with turned gay and broke up with you? Second, you really only want me now because you got dumped and realize what you lost. Third, your promises don't mean a thing. Remember promising me that you would forsake all others? Finally, I am a lesbian. I have no interest in ever having sex with you, or any other guy, ever again."

Jeff signed the papers, and the divorce went through. I waited for five years before I married Cassie. She actually did buy out Jeff's 40% of the house. We still live there. Mary and Rhonda ended up dating for about 6-months, then broke up amicably. They are still friends. Rhonda is actually bi, and she dates both men and women. After the five years where Jeff was paying monthly Spousal Maintenance, Cass and I were married. Jeff was a little perturbed that our wedding was held the weekend after his last payment. He still has several years of child support, though.

It still pisses Jeff off when I drive the GTO to deliver Audrey for his scheduled visitation. I also make sure to dress up for the occasion. I want to continue to remind him what he lost. Every once in a while, Cassie and I will see him when we are out for dinner, drinks, and dancing. I've heard a few times when someone he's with exclaims 'You cheated on HER? Are you out of your fucking mind?' I've also been approached by a couple of women he had started dating and had them ask if it were true that two women he was in relationships with turned gay. Yep. It's true.

Anyway. It's time to end this story. Mary is coming over in a while to introduce us to her new girlfriend. She mentioned that her girlfriend and I have a common acquaintance. Apparently, her new girlfriend had just turned gay and broke up with her boyfriend. Odd.

END!

So, what does a woman in tight pants have in common with the city of Brooklyn, New York?

They both have a Flatbush!