All Comments on 'Separate Vacations: Parallel Lives'

How was this a rewrite, or an alternate?

The characters are the same, the sequence of events are the same, you made him a little more successful at the end and made his fighting skills a little more public pre marriage

In the end this wound up at the same ending

Its like you took a house with white satin interior, changed it to an eggshell semi gloss cannibalized the coat closet by the front door to expand the half bath with a shower stall and claimed to have remolded it from the studs up

As a stand alone story I'd give you a 3.5 for the hero winding up just another cuck

As a "knocking on the dark side" by getting him a divorce settlement and everything else virtually remaining the same redux I'd give you a 1.0

This is a unique category of stories - an indiscretion, a discovery, and a resolution - all pretty much follow those three segments. So, the creativity, writing, and uniqueness make the difference. Occasionally, a story leaves us hanging and other authors suggest different endings. To my knowledge, I've not seen anyone modify a couple of the characters and tell basically the same story as the different people would modify it. The original story was great; this story is great. (I do tend to prefer reconciliation to BTB, but either, if well written can be excellent.) Very well done!

You kicked ass with this one... Just fantastic. Loved the original story and love this one too. Great stuff.

My favorite authors on this site are DQS1 and Richard Gerald. I intend to read many of your other stories and expect you to join them. Both of those authors manage to catch the devil/angel in their female characters. I assume that I’ll find that talent in your existing stories, and certainly expect to see it in the future.

..I'm simply NOT into stories where couple gets divorced, only to get back together again. Those situations simply don't pass my BS meter.

Gave it 4 stars for the effort and quality of the writing, not a lot different ending from the original. Took away the one star for the sheer stupidity of going back to a cheater. I worked in a large company of about 5,000 employees, over the years there I worked with offhand 6 people that after divorcing a spouse later remarried them. None of the redo's lasted. There was even one special kind of stupid guy who married and divorced the same whore 3 times.

I think I liked both stories equally well. I will say this; Qhml1's adaption is about the best slant of someone else's story is about the best I've read on Literotica. Close as I can come is in the movies Gunga Din and Sergeants Three. Really well done five screaming stars.

I loved the story and that you finished the story. If you ever run into DanielQSteele could you ask him to finish When We Were Married please. I see that Bill Maitland and his on again off again girlfriend in the story As some of us heve found there are writers like you that can complete a story and his is way past due. I believe his last Book was like 1.5 years ago and some of us are getting older and may not be around to read the ending. I give you a 5. Not sure what some of the other readers are having problems with this story, and as always PLEASE keep writing.

But why are you only writing half a story. There are so many LW the same as this why bother using someone elses. There are so many gaps that it gets annoying. Names like death guy in the bar, who was he meant to be? I googled but not anyone as famous as you made out. Don't say I should read another story first, this was not on tge continuing story category, or had part 2 in the title.

Your writing skill keeps me reading, but in this case you let your reader/s down.

SepVac is one of my five most favorite LIT stories. There are several places where I have ‘fixed’ SepVac in my head, but not on ... well, I can’t really say ‘paper’ anymore ... a public outlet. One is similar to qhml1’s ... when Sweetie is en route to Hawaii with the girls. Except I imagined him filing for separation. I also had him eating before the business dinner and buying his own pot of tea before going to her table. Then calling in his ‘boss’ to chaperone after she started out with catty crap.

However, what I don’t like is that Q (sorry, q) changed Sweetie into much more of an unmitigated bitch than DQS, and forget her Mom. Didn’t think she could get a worse characterization, but q just made her bat-shit crazy. Trouble is that pure evil (at least in my opinion) has little drama to it. In the original, Sweetie was selfish, but not terminal-bad, so there was some doubt in We-The-Readers’ minds about what she might do. No such doubt was there in this version.

.

I DID like a point that was missing in the original ... the length of time between WHEN Sweetie knew about the retreat (NOT a vacation) and the time she dropped it on him. A lot of planning ... my sense is that she saw three opportunities: 1) getting a month to be THE parent impressing her daughters. 2) Getting some single girl time with the ‘perfect specimen of what she wanted Hubby to be ... plus another chance to play with an impressive tool she had only seconds to admire on the beach. 3) What she actually told Hubby about wanting a Hubby she could respect! I thought her giggling comment about ‘Uncle Steve being silly was much more telling about motive 2 than all the photos q’s agent secured. Subtlety vice baseball bat!

4* All in all, a good change of pace, but one of the poorest of q’s offerings. That is STILL excellent reading territory! But it is tough to walk in the shoes of another author’s characters!

did we really need 10 pages.

That story has been a burr under my saddle. Thank you for removing it with this story. Now if someone could do the same with “Of All People “.

Okay,it is over the top, it is maudlin at times,ridiculous in other places, but in the end I really enjoyed a genuine DQS story by QHM1, and the ending was great. As much as a lot of this is over the top, the idea of two people loving one another but toxicity getting in the way is far too real. I also enjoyed the references to various DQS characters,too,nice job.

but you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. But you made a really decent effort. Next start with better quality material.

I had read DQS's Separate Vacations a few times because it was so well written and the lack of backbone in Bruce pissed me off every time. Yeah, the writing is that good. I hated the ending too. It made no sense to me. Not the reconciliation so much as how it was presented. But DQS did(does?) like males that take a lot from a woman. All-in-all this was more satisfying than the original but the original's character's had more depth, particularly the "bad guys". 5* from me for sure.

Now, care to take on my personal White Whale, DQS's "Currency of Time"? It needs a makeover.

Please proof read your writing. So many silly mistakes that detract from the story.

Changing POV is a big negative. Just use 3rd person if you have to jump around.

You stayed fairly close to DQS' original story, but gave us a husband with a stronger spine and more success. Tiffany gets handed a few more lumps than the original contained, and, overall, seemed to me to be a bit more distraught over losing Bruce. I needed to see that small bit of humanity, however subtle it was, to believe she was even worth the effort of redeeming.

Well done. Thanks for posting. I always enjoy your stories.

I said it when I read the original, and I'll say it again now. She pulls a gun, in public mind you, after years of being divorced, and he's just okay with it? A threat to shoot him if he cheated on her, which was something that had nothing to do with their problems and he somehow overlooks all of that, plus lighting a fire in public, and that's how they get back together? For anyone sane, an ex lighting a bonfire indoors and pulling a gun would equate to run-the-fuck-away, not 'sure, let's get back together. Just...

Seriously?

This story is much more preferable to the other. No offense to Daniel for the way they structured the story or fleshed out the characters, it was a very well written story that resonated with me. However it resonated with me from the husbands standpoint and I felt pity that fate seemed to make him what she wanted but only made him happy to have her, even with her problems still very alive. I understand that they both had their issues to sort through that led to their ultimate divorce but in the original he was the only one who had matured she was still the same, no one who truly trusts their lover threatens to shoot them into a eunuch with a loaded gun.

This story gave a more fleshed out version of the upper crust party from the original who seemed to get little attention if any. This story had him achieve his dream and bring to light that his wife not only lost faith in it, she didn't have much faith in him to do what HE wanted to do and with her resources he could have. The morality of the company for allowing that pick to sniff around her was brought up, her mother's issues were brought up, her issues are explored by someone besides him that she had to try to listen to and it all jus felt much more balanced. 5 stars.

Cant understand people who liked being emotionally abused. Tiff, w/ her mother's influence, is understandable. But Bruce? Did he grew up being fucked up in the head too? NO. I am surprised he didnt let big cock fuck him in the ass, too.

Very nicely done. You took one of my favorite stories and fleshed it out and expanded upon it nicely. An easy 5/5 from me.

Tiffany pulling a gun on Bruce shows that she still hasn't learned anything. To be truly deserving of another chance, she needed to show humility and genuine contrition for the horrible way she treated him over the years. The gun and her threats of violence dramatically reveal that she hasn't really learned anything and still wants to control the relationship.

Years after they divorce, Tiffany was seething over Bruce taking the children away for a "holiday of a lifetime". Tiffany berating Bruce about the holiday is on page 9, two scenes before the reconciliation. To show progress in her character arc towards redemption, it should have been Tiffany, not their daughter Kaitlyn, who says this:

"Is this what it was like when we left you and went to Hawaii? I'm sorry"

Instead she says: "Well, you dick, you won this round."

Even in the final scene before they reconcile, we see this telling insight into Tiffany's character:

"She grinned, thinking every time Bruce saw those billboards, it would tear him up. Another successful writer, and it wasn't him."

Tiffany takes joy in imagining her ex-husband suffering. This is not a woman who has learned anything since the divorce, or regrets the abuse she heaped on him. She then finds out Bruce is now a phenomenally successful writer, her eyes change to $$ signs, and she pulls a gun on him to demand they get back together. The story makes her look mercenary and controlling, not humble and penitent!

Reconciliation stories are very hard to write, especially if the cheating wife is as incredibly selfish and narcissistic as Tiffany was at the outset. The story needed to be about her being shocked into a change in outlook and behaviour, then a steady character arc of progress towards a woman worthy of being given a second chance.

I really like a lot of qhml1's work, but writing a homage to DQS's story was like being stuck in a straight jacket. Having to include the same scenes prevented him from writing Tiffany's necessary character development that would lead to a believable and well earned reconciliation.

was better

this one ....just 3 starrs

and Mona pregnant..? .........wtf ?

Pretty much the same story you always write. Cardboard cutout female character, a protagonist with Superman-like skills and an arc that leaves him rich and famous and her groveling. Try writing something bordering on reality for a change, you might introduce some actual tension. Comes across as pandering for a high score rather than attempting to write an interesting story.

entertaining; i would've liked this one better, if I hadn't read the original; but still, really entertaining; a little less painful compared to the original and that's one downside to this; I can't help but wonder what would've Matt Moreau done with this; of course, i read his works to basically laugh at all the hate comments; MM is one of the best you know, he would've taken this story and made it into a real nightmare.

And just automatically blocked out 10 pages of time to read it immediately. This was, hands down, my favorite DQM story and Qhml1 is one of my favorite Lit writers. Considering the home run GeorgeAnderson did with ‘Another Life’ and there was no way I could not read it.

Just to get it out of the way, because of deadline, this did not have the polish I have come to expect from you but that is a venial sin.

I am not sure what some of the carpers expected. We were in DQM’s garden. Instead of the Left path, we took the Right path and saw the same scenery from a different angle. A few nice flourishes and different perspectives. It was good.

The stupidest scene in DQMs story was the Fuck-calls, but DQM insists his heroes suffer mightily and (bites lip at the brazenness of the understatement) qmhl1...doesn’t. Oh boy he doesn’t. So it’s omission was a welcome change.

Twelve Million Dollars. Really? Really?!? (Enough said)

The funniest scene was when Mona described his writing as suitable for 12 yo girls. I found it hilarious for reasons of my own.

Twelve Million Dollars.

This was a page turner and had some quality in every page.

Mona was the best character.

Because I can’t not be an asshole, I would have liked it if you hadn’t made all the other great and established characters ‘StepnFetch’ for Bruce. DQM allowed other characters to be awesome and wise as well. Here Lew was a shadow of his former self. Don’t tell me about the divorce. He was neutered here to make Bruce seem bigger.

In this version, Bruce argues much more cogently about his situation and attitudes. Tiffany argued worse.

Favorite line? ‘Why are you laughing?’ I chuckled at that.

You did not disappoint.

It was RichardGerald and ‘Another Love’ rewritten by GeorgeAnderson.

This wasn’t as much of a redemption of the story here but Separate Vacations wasn’t as deeply flawed as a story.

In this version he goes public and it goes national. Why would no publisher sign him with all that free publicity. Thats the only thing that glaringly makes no sense.

JimC

Yeah, nice new slant! Thanks for your story!

Is he from WWWM? If so can anyone tell me what chapters? I want to find out what his wife did because it keeps being mentioned. I hate soaps though so I don't want to read the entire story.

I have lots of issues with tiffany the main one being her lack of respect for him. She didn't believe in him all the way until the end until he made it. Her being happy to see the billboard of a new hot writer and it not being Bruce--- solidify her lack of faith in him. She went on vacation with another man for a month acting like they were on their honeymoon and took his kids with her, refused to let him talk to the kids.The sex really doesn't matter. Just because she didn't fuck him then doesn't mean what she did was right. My second main problem is when she called him while she was fucking the same douche bag she went on vacation with. I really didn't care for the original, this story was just the same stupid bullshit. I found her to be so disrespectful and him to be such a pussy wimp who just couldn't let the slut go. You can blame her mother but her mother wasn't the one who told her to call Bruce while she was getting fucked. I really don't understand why anyone would want this woman back? She's ok to remarry him without the prenup cause he's now worth more than her. Duh....It's always been about money. I didn't care for Bruce, I felt he was a wimp all the way until the very end. When her business started failing he gave her money.. Why? She wouldn't even give him money to go on a family vacation! It seem to me he loved her more than she loved him and that's just not a marriage. She didn't have any faith, respect or trust in her husband.

The one big mistake with this story is that you never proofread it. So many paragraphs of dialogue without quotation marks and so many typos. What the hell is "tia chi?" I'm sure you meant Tai Chi, but that would have been fixed with only a simple read. I also found some paragraphs near the end confusing as you introduced names and concepts that made no sense. Why would Mara be looking for a date to the charity event when she's supposedly happily married to Lew? Then the story jumps to Tiffany. Only you know what that was all about. The story was worth five stars, but I gave you four because of all of the easily avoidable mistakes.

your had to pick this one.

Actually I liked the DQS one better, but I read it first so that may be it. Excellent work as always from gmhl.

But seriously why doesn't someone take on Breadwinner - now there is a story that needs to be explained and finished. It is powerful and there is plenty to work with. It deserves for someone to flesh it out and end it.

The original was so compelling with such a trash ending, it was begging for a rewrite. I was thrilled to see Q of all people tackle this one.

Basically keeping the original ending, however, was not the solution. I mean, the ending was handled moderately better, but she still even brought the damned gun! FFS, that probably bothered me the most about the original. It made no sense. If she has truly changed, she would realize he is not her father and there is no need to threaten to blow his balls off if he cheats - HE NEVER CHEATED! SHE DID!* I also still don't see how ANYONE could get past the phone calls with the talk about how she was so stretched out he could never satisfy her again and she would only be faking it with him. Besides, he wouldn't need to. A decent looking author and in demand ad man with millions in the bank would have plenty of options, and wouldn't have to pick between his bitter, emotionally abusive, high maintenance and high mileage ex or someone almost a decade his senior who immediately dumps him when he doesn't want to rush into marriage.

Still, thanks for the story.

Cog

*Making out with some other dude, whipping out her tits and giving the guy a hand job constitutes cheating to most people, even if they didn't fuck.

This story was complete waste of time and utterly ridiculous.

By the midpoint of the story when the wife was finally faced with a divorce hearing and with counseling.... there was simply no place for the AWFUL long winded boring story to go. We have a husband who for what ever reason seems to love the pain and agony he is mentally deranged wife is causing him. Throughout the story numerous people around the husband keep telling him that he still loves his crazy vile mentally unstable self center wife and or that she still loves him.

The husband seems to confuse pain and suffering with love -- thee are no demonstrable acts on the part of a wife anywhere through the story where she is engaged in a conversation ...behavior ... or expresses any sentiment that she still loves him.

having wild monkeys sex with the ex one time does not prove that there is any sort of emotional connection there

Even worse the husband keeps finding excuses to talk to her either by phone ... through the kids ...through some intermediary and it always ends up hurting the husband much more than ends up hurting the wife.

Yet he persists in having contact with while at the same time realizing the exceptional pain and agony that every conversation and meeting with his ex wife brings up .

This makes no sense. Given the man' pain and suffering is gone throughout the story WH Y does he think that the next phone call is going to be a reasonable?

Why does he think the next face to face conversation is not going to cause some pain and suffering?

HARRY in VA

This is written on page 9:

Even as Mona put the finishing touches on her makeup and straightened the seams on her hose, she was fuming.

I belive the author is taking about Tiffany and not Mona.

Apart from this I love the story

This doesn't feel like the work of qhml1. I've enjoyed your other work but this piece just feels drawn out and amateurish.

FYI, DEFCON 1 is when the nukes fly. DEFCON 4 is the first step towards a nuclear posture. - page 4: "Tiffany didn't respond nearly as well to the therapy as I hoped. She went to defcon 4, a totally nuclear attack that surprised almost everyone."

I've read all of your stories and scan your author's page about every two weeks hoping for a new publication. I found this last night and was stunned. I have been such a fan of DQS's stories and even purchased all of his extra Married volumes on Amazon. For you to combine all his characters and retell this story in your own way was just amazing to me. Well, I can't thank you enough for this, but let me try... Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!

I enjoyed DKS's original, and this was just icing on the cake. Brought back memories of the original with the same but with I think good differences. It was fun to read. Thank you

I didn't see much difference and I read them back to back. Maybe I'm just too experienced (hah!) but to take that for all those years? No woman is worth that much pain. Then to hang onto a lost love who did you wrong? She had shit on the protagonist so often that he had to be either:

1. Long out the door, or,

2. Beaten down so much that he hardly noticed one more insult.

Either way the story died before it even started.

Next time use a more believable plot.

R.

Always a fan of your writing and this was an entertaining story. Different enough to hold your interest and with more depth as to why the characters acted the way they did.

Also, liked the way you integrated the other characters into the story. Brought back fond memories of reading all of DQS1 works.

Of course, DQS1 women are bat shit crazy when they dump their husbands and then the redemption, so I always suspend belief that this would not happen in real life.

But it was a terific ride.

One quibble, Thought Mona's sister was carrying Lew's child because she could not, or was it her just providing the eggs?

Thanks again, for such a fine story. Would give it a 10 if I could.

... Although, in a way, qhml1 kinda cheated to get it.

Let's be clear: "Separate Vacations" by Daniel Quentin Steele is, in my book, one of the best stories in this entire website. Actually, his Jacksonville Chronicles are the main reason why I stopped regarding Literotica as merely a flap site and started taking it seriously as a place where I could read some genuinely intelligent and engaging tales about the human condition. Is it always the case? Fuck no. But sometimes, an author shows up and give us some faith back in amateur literature... which is definitely the case here. The thing with the original "SP", for me, is that every time I merely glanced at it, I end up reading the whole thing! I was about to do exactly that before I had to force myself to write this comment instead of re-reading it for the umpteenth time! Actually, I did - 'couldn't help myself...

So yes - I love this story. And, thank goodness, qhml1 took good care of it here.

I could go on none-stop on how great it is to revisit such great characters (Lew and Bill, finally hanging out together, something they rarely did in DQS stories, even though they're best friends!), how expending the story genuinely make its players a whole lot more interesting, that actually dealing with Marge's mental issues was truly a good idea... but yeah - greatness all around.

It's not perfect, might you - the Sarah bit, even though it was needed to forward the story, with the trip and all that, legit bored the hell out of me. And I'm not too sure that turning Stephen into a completely predatory dick was better than simply making him a horny dumbass that should have know better than to mess with a married woman, like Steele did. But small grapes, frankly - the overall effort was tremendously appreciated.

To conclude... If some of you are actually still in contact with DSQ1... could you please beg him to finally finish his "Paul and Paula" story? I know - it's been YEARS, and most people rather get a genuine conclusion to WWWM, but GODDAMN - he can't simply drop the insanity that are the Donnallys on us and expect us to just ignore it, as if he never wrote and post it! FTDS, Daniel!!! Geezus Krist...

Thanks for the redux, qhml1.

"When We Were Married Volume 4" is out!

Thanks for the head's up, johntcooksey. BTW, The Currency of Time is actually on LIT already, but there's absolutely nothing wrong in supporting DSQ.

I made myself read all of it after I commented on page 4 and I have to say that it got better and overall I enjoyed it. Maybe I'm bitchy today so apologies for the earlier rude comment.

I have only one word to say to you:

smashwords

And, honestly, if you're not going to do something about it by July 31, you're gonna hate yourself in August!

Just saying... and you're welcome.

Tiffany faints 4 times in the first half of the story. I quit reading after that. Weak, unrealistic characters and silly plot gets **.

I have read both stories, love both authors, but don't see a lot of difference in the two stories except that this is longer.

Also, both stories are sad. no one in his right mind would have that selfish bitch back under any circumstances... let alone in these, where she demonstrates repeatedly that in spite of her protestations of love, she views him as a worm to be stepped on or a piece of shit to be walked around.

both stories were great, until the end

One great writer follows another with the same idea and story.

You both done good!

T.T.

As always the best the site has to offer

Or perhaps, second time as a comic book. Especially Marge, the mother-in-law from Hell. But a fun read nonetheless. This is a story that stirs up emotions in men like no other. This version could stand some pruning but sometimes wretched excess is just right. Thanks for the read, Q.

I enjoyed it. It was a huge improvement over the original which I found painful to read, not for lack of talent but dislike of nearly everyone that was in it.

Courts don’t care about men, only the mother. She could have ducked the entire Green Bay Packers on live television while doing a line of coke and they would STILL give her full custody.

But when she arrived home and she “screamed”. Do that. In the privacy of your home, scream as long and as loud as you can and tell me if you’re coherent.

Also, why the fuck would she scream or question what she did? She knew she was having an affair, she knew she was cheating on him so why in the fuck would she scream as though it was a complete surprise? You kept telling us that she loved him and she professed her love repeatedly but her actions told a different story. So you couldn’t even make it congruent.

I have a lot of respect for qhml1 and will temper my comment accordingly. Especially for someone who has posted so much more than I have. And one is obviously doing something right if they so thoroughly dominate the favorites list. But I smiled wryly when Mona criticized Bruce's writing because that seemed to hit close to the mark for qhml1's work. A ten page story will frequently be one page of loving wives genre conflict followed by nine pages of happy ending with diminishing relevance to the category. This story doesn't do that, thankfully.

I remember being happy to see a sequel to Jezzaz's Mr. and Mrs. America because I could tell qhml1 had the same reaction to that story that I did based on the direction it took. But then the story was beat almost to death, given a transfusion, beat all the way to death, brought back with a defibrillator, then beat to death again.

This was really Good.

Why rewrite another’s story ,that is so close to the original that I feel I read 10 pages all over again .

I love your stories. I generally don't like authors re-writing other people's stories even if the original writer sanctions them. I don't like it even if the original author intentionally or unintentionally left the story incomplete. Maybe, if the writers are co-authoring a story, it would be okay. I hope you exorcised your demons. Please write your own stories in the future.

A nice change up to an already great story. I liked the way you added things in without changing the whole story line. Now if you could just finish part 2 of the “Sharing is Caring” themed story “The Love Shack”, life would be good.

Married or not, she controls him like a puppy. Even after the divorce, her actions control his emotions. She gets pissed at his dating,yet she fucks anyone she to. And somehow he forgives her and takes back. RUN FOREST RUN!

I loved DSQ1's stories and I love your writings as well. This was a different line on the original 'Separate vacations but with the same outcome. Thank you I await your new work with anticipation.

I believe you are correct. I noticed the same thing, and the only may that makes sense is if "Mona" is "Tiffany."

I loved it. Thank you. I also very much appreciate you taking on the challenge of ‘tweaking’ a DQS1 tale to create a better sense of balance… You did it. Congrats!

I too enjoy and appreciate DQS1’s work. His writing is tremendous. If I were a writer, I would feel (what I presume to be) a similar compunction to rewrite (or FTDS) a DSQ1 tale. I’ve always had an issue with his stories lacking a sense of balance. I agree with your perspective when you suggest that DQS1’s protagonists were too noble… I think that’s definitely part of it…

… I would also suggest that another part of the imbalance comes from an undercurrent of attitude from DQS1’s female lead characters. It’s perhaps subtly obscured by the writing and not as consistent as the nobility of DQS1’s protagonists, but I always have a sense that the loving wife feels unapologetically justified in having used infidelity to address any (real or perceived) grievances in the relationship. It’s as if using sex as a weapon or infidelity as a means of expressing upset is perfectly normal … or at least not a reprehensible response or communication device in a marriage. This is reinforced by an apparent lack of empathy for the pain they cause their husbands – do they even show real remorse? (for contrasts in LW attitudes, I would suggest Rehnquist’s works or Boilerplate Rendering by TheUnoriginalist).

I felt that the ‘Separate Vacations’ plot was one of DQS1’s best-motivated reconciliations as Tiff ultimately came to understand that she had to change her attitude (and behavior?) for the relationship to really work… That said, how many years did it take for Tiff to finally grasp who Bruce was and recognize his needs? Even if you suggest her mother’s influence (and her need to be fiercely independent) created a blind spot, how does that blind spot motivate using sex with others as a means of (yes… torture, but more fundamentally) communicating to Bruce her displeasure? It doesn’t. More important, however, is asking how her blind spot motivates her feeling “justified” in using sex with others as a means of communicating to Bruce. She only agreed to stop when it became an issue with her employer and threatened her career – not because it was wrong nor because it hurt Bruce, … horribly and repeatedly hurt him… In this regard, Tiff exemplifies the pattern of attitude for LWs in DQS1’s LW tales.

Ultimately, this undercurrent of attitude makes DQS1’s females too repulsive to me to comprehend the motivation for reconciliation – thus, leaving that sour aftertaste of imbalance. I identify with DQS1’s protagonists completely, … … until they want to reunite with someone that uses sex with other men as a substitute for a conversation. How can I not viscerally reject the protagonist reconciling with a partner that is so blasé about acts that cause him (emotional) pain? Are we truly to believe this is ‘true love’ conquering all? Or is each DQS1 reconciliation a cry for an intervention? Where are the protagonist’s best friends? Someone, anyone, … talk some sense into him… What happens the next time she perceives you’ve not met her expectations? Leave the toilet seat up, and she’ll sleep with someone and send you the video!

Sorry for the rant – I should post it under a DSQ1 story for him to see… but hopefully it shows you how much I appreciate your story - what you tried and succeeded in doing. You made it more balanced. You made a better version.

The problem for both this revised version and the original, is that the fundamentals of Tiffany’s character and how she behaved after the divorce really make the idea of a full reconciliation implausible. The arrogance, self obsession, and lasting sense of entitlement have you asking why exactly Bruce loved her in the first place, let alone for years afterwards. We never really saw enough change to her mindset: even in the final showdown she had the audacity to threaten him about cheating.

You are a top writer on Lit, qhml1, however the synopsis of the story was always going to hold it back IMO.

Thanks for the story qhml1.

This reminds me of my copy of the Mona Lisa. It is very pretty. My son has a model of the Empire State Building, it's about 12 inches tall.

Well, I'm trying to say keep writing ORIGINAL stories ❗

No matter how well written "Parallel Lives" suffers in comparison to "Separate Vacations". Very much so😞.

I look forward to the next story you post, I'm

AMerryman

I gave it 5 stars because of the good writing, in spite of you doing the same as many others on Literotica. You have female characters do unforgivable things then male characters forgive them anyway. No man would forgive those phone calls! No woman that loved her husband would make those calls.

Yours was good, but DQSs was great. Just like "It was fun, but it was just sex, and good as it was, there was no emotion." Your words too lacked emotions

I like your take. I liked the original. Good job.

This story needs a new ratings category; SIX stars! Arguably the best story in this category, if not all of the Literotica stories! BRAVO!!!!

With only a few minor editorial glitches, this story weaves its' characters, plot lines and emotional ups and downs like a fine tapestry!

One minor (and I do mean MINOR) suggestion is that the time lapse was not easy to follow. Suggest more details in future stories about how much time has elapsed between key events of the story.

A very nice rewrite and I read the entire story without skimming. But like some others have mentioned I have no idea why he continued to love this woman after all she did to him over and over. The humiliation of comparing cock size is enough to drive any man insane with anger yet he fucked her? He should have said get me a condom first and then again tell her how she is like a coffee can anyway now so why bother.

Yet, when he is now successful, she agrees to propose to him. He should have kept all that paper work saying he has full access to her assets, locked his away from her, and kept the prenup. Then agree to the proposal but have a very long engagement.

And by the way he should keep fucking others on the side and see how she likes it. If she loses her temper again then he knows her counseling was a joke.

DQS posted Ch 4 two years ago, and it was only "part 1." I doubt that it's ever going to be finished.

Part 2 is out, buddy. Came out this January.

You can get it RIGHT NOW... unless you rather complaint about not having read it yet.

This was a great read. Thanks for the story.

Remixed shit is still shit even if it's better shit than the old shit.

But this was crap. In the zone? It started out ok but really got ridiculous in the middle, all that hiya karate crap. The original story was much much better than this. I would suggest keep with your own plots from now on.

I liked the original and the style. I like this one just as well and, since it is more aggressive and expounds into his writing success it is a more complete story. Thanks for sharing.

mix him with one of my favorite stories, and...

you come up with a perfect 5. Great work as always.

The original story was pretty good, but qhml1 filled it out beautifully. I usually cringe when I see a long story (10 pages), however it held my interest throughout. As for why they persisted in loving each other, well the heart wants what the heart wants.

Read both stories over the last couple of days. Other than making Bruce less of a door mat and reaching his dream as an author not much of a difference.

Original story was brilliant...even if I didn't particulary like the outcome much. Yet still exceptional and believeable because people in "love" can do crazy things. In Tiff's case crazy in love things and really crazy stupid selfish rich bitch things.

qhml1 did a good job so 3 to 4 stars. However, I'd rather see original good work. Never really been a fan of remakes: I saw Godzilla fuck up Japan in grainy old "techni-color", so not much point in watching him do the same in 3D unless they move the story eslewhere along the timeline.

I'll try Smashwords again. I downloaded both "#4" listings and it sent me two copies of Part 1.

..I can't say that I enjoyed this that much. Errors became rather noticeable further into the story. And the relationship between the MC and his wife/ex was just painful. Even with so much love between them, how could we think he grew "a set of balls", as the characters put it, and take her back after everything she did during the marriage, and afterwards.

I'm not someone who demands BTB's, and can't find enjoyment in reconciliations. But this one was too much to believe. Every other potential future wife had her own issues to force the hubby back to the ex. And the friends pushing for it as well. It's evident that the MC needed to speak with a therapist after the divorce, not just about his anger, but his unresolved feelings. He could never truly move on, because he never allowed himself to.

I'm trying to understand WHY you took so much time/effort to write 10 pages of nearly the same story adding just a few 'minor' plot twists, some of your famous characters, and made Bruce a super successful writer? Q what is the point to all your effort that is so very different than DQS?

This rewrite reminds me of the 60/70's hit songs being slightly altered by a today rock band and put out as new/original - worse today's bands are getting accolades for such faux original music. We see the same thing happening in the movie industry remaking great movies with today's actors just adding PC/diversity to make it acceptable for "today's" me-mE-ME indoctrinated fascist society.

Bruce again is the level headed guppy that became successful but in a slightly different way. The rings, the pistol, public humiliation are all the same only torching the Nike's was new.

Actually DQS ending was better as Bruce was not a millionaire but successful and she came back after realizing her loneliness that she had to change or totally loose him to a voluptuous willing secretary. Bruce did not need Tiff or her money! Your version still required Mona to slap some sense into Tiff, to educate Tiff, and Tiff still fought it. I think both of you missed the pressure the daughters would have applied - the deep emotional reality Tiff had to accept or soon loose her daughters too. His vacation should be a wake up call not a competitive call - once again displaying Tiff's warped priorities.

And how nice that the USING lawyers paid for their retired slut secretary mental fix (which was likely a tax-write off for the firm) as this was merely law firm reputation damage control. I was hoping Tiff's mother would have tried to kill/knife Bruce so she would be sentenced to a mental hospital eliminating her from the family, forever. Q totally missed if the latest shrink really fixed Tiff as it sure did not seem Tiff was fixed when she was sitting at the table.

So this alternate ending is a near copy of DQS with just a few new things but virtually the same; I feel you should have done a deep dive into repairing Tiff's screwed up life priorities - instead you continued on how Bruce overcame her greed.

Not bad, but only a 4*. Taking Tiff back will only drive Bruce into madness and another divorce before they hit 50, as Tiff is not fixed just threatened by loneliness leading to hyper insecurities - and soon facing empty nest syndrome. With Bruce's monumental writing success utopic equality will never occur.

Loved it! DQS should be proud.

Thanks for making me reread the original story. It was fun for you include all the peripheral characters; I still think people with deeply ingrained selfishness won’t change their spots, but hey: it’s fiction. Good job, Ahab.

I don't know if this got deleted or if I just forgot to submit it, but I'll try again.

If the cameo character is pertinent to the story, then it requires that the reader knows who they are, and they may not. I saw one comment wondering who "Death" (Angel of Death) was. I knew because I read the stories where he was the main character, others likely didn't.

If the specific character ISN'T pertinent, then why not just use generic characters?

Thank you for making me a better writer. Thanks to you, I now realize why no one should publish a first draft; no one should unleash a Beta version of a story on an unsuspecting readership. Let me remind you, this site is called Literotica and not Illiterotica. Get an Editor who knows how to write in comprehensible English.

I will explain that for the slow people in the class. When I read a story, I invest my time - I want to be carried away into an imaginary realm. I want to identify with the characters and imagine myself embroiled in their drama. One or two spelling mistakes, I can overlook and read on. But, when it becomes a pattern of sloppy writing it kicks my imagination right out of the story.

Needless to say, I will not bother reading any more of your scribblings.

DQS vs qhml1. In both versions Bruce finally makes it to worldly success and Tiffany is impressed.

What if Bruce had not got this success, this public adulation? Afterall, the story is essentially not about living up to expectations but the emotional turmoil Bruce goes through for Tiff.

Would Tiffany return to Bruce in his original form who fails to succeed but just comes across as a great human, a doting father but somewhat deficient in ambition? I am inclined to believe that she would not. She is reaffirming her love for the new successful Bruce in his Armani suit and the Escalade. This happens in both versions.

Between the two versions, the original is a short story with unsaid nuances. The qhml1 version is a more fleshed out novella. I have immensely enjoyed the original and can't really see Bruce retaliating. That's not him.

qhml1 is one of my favourite. But I am still the original fan.

I noted where Q failed to understand a mindset of the original character (citing the way a specific line was rewritten)... but whatever...

Really over all a well written plagiarism, fortunately, done with permission. However, one of the most poorly edited versions I have ever seen by a five star author. As a one time Lit editor I would have worn out two red pencils on this published story. KAK

I just finished reading both stories. I loved both (5*s). DQS's version was more thoughtful, and emotional. qhml1's version is harder, more visceral, more in your face. That being said both ended in the same place. As I read both stories I noticed that the character actions described by both authors are very much in keeping with their characters in other stores. I believe the characters a more a reflection of the author than maybe the author would like to think.

Not entirely my cup of tea.

The original story was so emotionally searing to me it took 4 tries to get through... this one I started to skip bits.

The gun scene in the original seemed to me to be the swing that led to reconciliation - that she was willing (admittedly with a threat of violence, which oddly made it seem more emotionally honest) to make herself vulnerable to him, on purely emotional grounds, was very powerful. The equivalent scene here was less so, at least for me.

And so it was throughout most of the rewrite.

I'm not sure what demon the author was trying to deal with (if the author wants to continue this discussion, by all means send me a note).... I'm actually quite a fan of his work, and wonder what he was trying to get to with this piece. From my perspective, I saw the original protagonist as oddly balanced - he wasn't so sure of himself that he was going to demonize his wife, then ex-wife... he didn't try to game the divorce and post divorce using his children... he seemed to keep a sense of honor about himself. YMMV about that statement.

In any event, I think the underlying question is - is it possible to "win" and not be an asshole? Is it possible to get the golden ticket without getting revenge? I think it is possible, and think I have seen examples of it. So - if stories are sometimes allegorical, and about proper action and nobility of soul... what do these stories teach?

And do we agree with that lesson?

Green-something

(I am always appreciative of the time and energy put into the stories posted here - and would be disappointed if my emotional response to the stories in my comments were to be seen as unproductive. I would appreciate authors' response (probably off the comment page), less so well meaning others, directed at my comments if necessary. So also as always, YMMV)

WWWM 4 was released January 2018, and DQS promises (in my copy of July 2018) that WWWM 5 won't take two years to get out...

Snort.

Green-something

(the story keeps getting nastier... not sure I like that part of it.)

And not erotic. It’s a bit tedious.

I read the original and loved it but this take is just as good if not better, you took key spots in original and tweeked them and it came out just so damn good, i had a hard time not finishing it. i read on my phone and i would only get a bit into it and have to put it down but then as soon as i could i was back, i loved how the characters came alive to me. well done.

A wimp might but no man with a sense of pride would suffer the the abuse, insults, disrespect and especially the phone call nose rubbing big cock fuck that he did and ever forget about it and take her back. (unless he'd had a lobotomy) She absolutely KNEW she was wrong and she called back to make sure that he heard more of it.

It's a crock of shit that he couldn't find a wonderful woman who'd take the place of that vicious shrew... a good woman who'd never once think of belittling, dismissing or betraying her partner.

The selfish and arrogant but finally humbled bitch deserves to spend the rest of her life limited to seeing his success from afar and through the eyes of their kids.... knowing that she'll never be friends with him or be close to him again.

If the authors who wrote and re-wrote these stories actually buy into this sack o'#&*$, both authors are candy asses, appeasers, enablers... and FOOLS.

What was the point of this? Normally one of my favourite authors, but not this time. You butchered a really good story. I couldn't finish it.

Prefer the original,but with Marge getting arrested added.

Not sure why it rated so highly. The author used to tell good, bittersweet stories. But this is just mindless gibberish. Terrible dialogues and bad plots. Worse of all, uninteresting, childish, and shallow characters, both men and women, including the characters appearing in this story from other stories and realms...

I purposely did not score the story. You, and Daniel are really excellent writers. I’ve read every one of Daniel’s stories. The women in his stories went so far over the top that there was no hope ever reconnecting with their spouses. Their actions were unwarranted and absolutely cruel. Yet, he had his male characters endure and stay for more abuse. I ask you, why rewrite when you wind up in exactly the same place. I can’t relate. Tiffany was always a bitch. So, essentially, Bruce stayed because she was beautiful. Sorry, not enough reason. And Daniel, shame on you for not finishing the Bill Maitland saga on Literotica.

Why rewrite a good story,I must add I did like Marge getting arrested,also using some of the characters from DQS stories. I gave it 4****,

Separate Vacations was one of the first stories I read. And was a favorite long before I had an account. You are a good writer and it's note easy do do someone else's work the justice I feel you have done here. Guess I'll have to read more of your work. Thanks for a good story.

effing awsome ending. so much more passion and feeling than the first,thank you,

keep em coming dude, appreciate them