Sex, Drugs, and Rock 'n Roll - Continued

This is a continuation of the story Sex, Drugs, and Rock 'N Roll from 10/23/22. John and Em's next steps. Please go back and read that first. Thanks.

EM

"Oh, God, Ryan! What have I done? Did you see his face? I destroyed the man I love. I destroyed the thing I love most in this world.

"And Laura. My baby is not his? Fuck. What if he tells her? What if she finds out? Why didn't I know about it?"

"It's OK, Em. Take a breath. He's too good a man to tell her. And I guarantee he loves the hell out of her no matter what. She's already what, 9 or something? He's not going to say anything."

Pulling her into a standing position he hugged her and let her sob.

Jerking her head up, she said through tears, "I have to go! I have to make this right! I'll quit the tour and go home. I have to fix it! I have to make him understand! Shit! How can I make HIM understand when I don't understand why I've become the person I've become. What the fuck kind of person am I to do the things I've done."

"Em....Em. Slow down a second. You have to think about things before you jump off the cliff. You can't quit the tour. We have another month to go. If you pull out now we are done as a group. We'll never get another deal. We'll be blackballed.

"But I don't think it would do you any good anyway. He's pretty pissed. And pretty hurt. I don't think he'll be in the forgiveness mode for a while, if ever."

"Oh, fuck, Ryan. Why didn't I listen to you? Why didn't I listen to Cody? You both tried to warn me! I'm such a fool! I've been whoring around like a .....well, like a whore. While my husband is at home taking care of the kids. God, I hate what I've become. I've believed all my own hype and glorified in being a rock star derelict. No rules, no limits. Do whatever I want whenever I want. That might have been OK if I were single and 22, but I'm married with three kids and in my thirties. What the fuck?"

"It's OK, Em. We can work through this. We'll figure out what we can do to help you. And maybe we can help both of you."

"Ryan, you've always been there for me when we're on the road and we've been very close. Too close. But I love my husband. I love my kids. And I have to do whatever it takes to become the kind of person they deserve. I have a month. Maybe if I clean up my act and stay out of the tabloids and exposé sites I can go back home and at least not have the door slammed in my face."

"Well, Em, if your husband actually streamed all or some of that, you and I are both going to be all over the internet. Not sure the dust will settle by the end of the month."

"Shit. You're right. But my kids. My kids! They'll see it. All their friends and teachers will see it. My God it's going to be awful for them. If they played the part about Laura....my God... that'd be awful and I'll never be able go home.

"I think right now the only thing I can do is follow the recommendations of a very smart man that I love so much. When we felt like the group was in a hole and we were getting used to drunks throwing beers onto the stage, John said to take one step at a time, one day at a time, and do the very best you can. Remember? That's what we did and look where we are now. So maybe it will work with John and I. So as of now the rock girl is dead, the whore is dead, and the person I was before all this is going to re-emerge. No drugs, no drink, no sex except with my husband. We play our hearts out like never before and see what happens.

"Ryan, I hope you can support me in this."

"Sure, Em."

"So, first step. We have to find Cody and I have to apologize to him. The group won't be the group if he leaves. I don't want to be the one that blew it up. Then back to the hotel room, alone. Maybe I'll do some writing. What do you think?"

"Good plan, Em. I'll help any way I can. And if it's alright with you, I'll spread the news to the crew and others so there are no surprises. OK?"

"Great. Now all I can do is hope and pray, like never before, that he doesn't divorce me before I have a chance to talk to him about it. Even if he won't talk to me, I have to talk to the kids and apologize to them as well. Damn.

"I have to let our manager know. And we better monitor the news and social media to see what, if anything, John released. And I probably need to do that before I call the kids. Arrrgh! Too many steps already. Will you help me, Ryan?

"One step at a time, Em. You can make it work. We'll keep our fingers crossed and hope for the best. Let's go see Cody."

JOHN

What a pile of shit this is. I sort of knew she was monkeying around on the road, but when she came home I thought she was all mine. But things changed a lot over the last year. Too many things that just didn't add up. So many things I should have called her on.

It probably wouldn't have made any difference though. She's been so deep into her rock star fantasy that the old Em was gone. I barely recognized the new, entitled Em. The Queen of Metal.

Even before going on the road she was disengaging from me, from the girls, from our life. She was so excited to go I should have known more was going on. But this. Hell, this shit doesn't even happen in the movies.

I should have questioned her each time she got home. I should have insisted we go with her sometimes. But now, all I can do is insist that we get a divorce.

But what the hell have I done? I really messed up by posting all the shit she said and sucking Ryan. God, the girls will be brutalized at school. They just started the school year. It will likely be everywhere. Em and the group are so hot right now. Shit. Thank goodness when I answered the phone the recording stopped so none of the stuff I said about Laura was released.

And why the fuck did I say it anyway? I didn't have a vasectomy. Laura is mine and Em's.

I really screwed up. It's one thing to be pissed. It's another to be intentionally hurtful and petty. And do things that could hurt the kids. But too late now. Done is done. All I can do is take it step by step, day by day.

MORNING

Holy crap, the video and transcripts are everywhere. What the hell have I done to the girls? Well, down the stairs they come. Here goes....

"Dad! Dad! How was the concert? Tell us all about it! I wish we could have gone!"

"Yes, Laura, the concert was fabulous. The group is so much better than it used to be and they sounded even better than their album. But look, there's something I have to talk to all three of you about.

"First of all, I know most of her concerts are online, but it might be better if you don't watch this one. I know that that means you will immediately search for it online. But your Mom did some things on stage she probably shouldn't have done.

"Worse though, I waited in the dressing room after the show and wanted to surprise your Mom and record it so I could show you all. And....and I sort of recorded and streamed your Mom saying and doing some pretty bad things. I am so, so sorry. It will be everywhere and maybe even on our local news since she's from here. And all your friends and teachers will know about it by later today."

"What the heck did she do, Dad? Threaten to kill someone or something?"

"Maybe worse, Hailey. Your Mom has always found being on the road tough to deal with and sometimes does some things that she doesn't usually do here at home. And she was doing some things and discussing some things with the guys in her band that she should have only done and discussed with me."

"What kinds of things, Dad?"

"I would rather not be specific, girls. It's not the kinds of things I would want to discuss with you until you are a lot older. And probably married."

"Daaad! We're not little kids and I would bet my friends are already texting me about it."

"You're right. There are no secrets anymore. Soooo. During the concert, your Mom raised her shirt up several times to show the crowd."

"That's not good, but not the end of the world, Dad."

"True, but there's more. She talked about having.....relations....with people other than me and did some things she shouldn't have. That's as much as I can say.

"So, today is Saturday. Let's see how things go over the weekend and we'll see about whether you guys go to school on Monday or not. Remember, this is a problem between your Mom and me. It has nothing to do with how she feels about you three. She loves you all very much. So if she calls, and she probably will, please take it easy on her. Deal?"

"What the heck, Dad? Is she going to jail or something? They're not going to arrest her, are they? I miss her so much, Dad. It's only been a month. I don't know if I can stand another month. It's been for-ever."

"No, Laura. She's not going to be arrested or anything like that. And we all miss her too much. So, why don't you guys go up and get dressed and we'll go out for a special breakfast. How's that sound? And remember. If you have any questions about what your friends say talk to me about it. OK? Now scram!"

Ten minutes later, Hailey roared down the steps. "Dad! What the heck? I have over 20 texts and they're coming in left and right. It's on all the web sites it's all over the internet. My Mom in a sex tape! God! I'll never be able to go to school again! We want to be home schooled and never go out of the house, ever. Does this mean you're getting a divorce? It seems like you would have to. I mean..."

"Slow down, Hailey. So you watched it?"

"Chris and I did. We kept it from Laura. That was awful, Dad. I can't believe you didn't go berserk! You were scary calm."

"Seems like I did enough damage as it was. Look. I never should have released that. I never should have been pissed enough to do what I did. I really screwed up.

"If we have to, we can home school you for a while, but maybe it will just sort of blow over."

"Dad! This will NEVER blow over! Believe me! Our high school lives are hereby ended. I'm going to see if I can start college early in Alaska or somewhere. I'm going to have to change my name!"

"I understand and I'm sorry for causing all this. If we have to move, we have to move. ...and we'll wear Nixon masks so no one recognizes us."

"You're a jerk, Dad," but smiled.

"Look. Because of Covid, the state has a whole home school program we can follow. What if I enroll the three of you and get you started on Monday. It's supposed to be very good.

"And then we'll just see how it goes. We'll take it day by day. Remember, your true friends will still be your friends and we can make sure you still get together and stuff. We. Will. Not. Be. Hermits. Even if you think that is what you want. And, Hailey, I'll need your help with the other two. Especially Laura. She's pretty young to understand all this.

"And I don't know about the divorce. Probably, but don't share that with the others.

"Remember, be kind to your Mom. It's my fault that it was posted. Not hers. So blame me. Please!"

ONE MONTH LATER

"Soooo! Thanks to all of you for coming!

"This is certainly what happy looks like! A sold out concert. One of the top albums of the year. Downloads like crazy. Lots of followers. The guys and I never even dreamed something like this was possible And we owe it all to YOU! YOU and millions of fans just like you around the globe. It's all because of YOU! Give yourselves a hand!

"Can it get any better than that?

"Well, yes it can! At least for us. We love being on the road and playing for folks all around the world. But this is our last concert. We've been on the road for two long months. We love it! We love making our music for you. But we miss home as well. It is so great to be back in the good old USA! And you guys are great. Thank you for the welcome home! There's no place I'd rather wrap it up than right here, playing 'till our fingers bleed for you all.

"We have a couple more songs to sing for you....George, who the heck is this guy?"

George just shrugged and held out his palms in a helpless jester. The gentleman walked briskly towards Em and as he did, a look of apprehension, then fear filled her face.

"No, no no, please no! God, please no."

"Matilda Robertson?" She nodded with a look of doom on her face. "You have been served,"and handed her a large manilla envelope. He turned around and walked off. She was frozen, Ryan rushed over. "Em, are you OK? What is it?"

She opened the top and slid the papers out part way. She burst into tears, started sobbing, and collapsed to the stage, clutching herself. Her guitar on her chest. "No, no, no. It's over. It's over. My life is over."

Ryan talked to the crowd. "Please give us a moment." And signaled to the sound crew to cut the mikes.

"Em, Em. Are you OK?" The other band members clustered around. "What is it? What can we do to help?"

"Help me up, please. I'm not sure I can stand."

Taking a couple of deep breaths and wiping tears from her eyes, she turned to the audience, "I'm so sorry. Please give me a moment. I hate it when entertainers feel like they have to share with the fans, but I have a few things that have to be said." She dried her eyes, rubbed her nose and straightened her hair.

"Folks. This is what happy doesn't look like. I am married to the best man in the world. He is one of the good ones. He has loved me with all his heart. Supported me, us, when the group was struggling and pushed me until we got to where we are today. Every time I thought of giving up, he was there to help me along. He sacrificed his own career so I could be here. He is at home right now with my three wonderful kids.

"You all have read about my shameful exploits for years. You've seen the video. You know all the things I said and what I was doing. What you don't know, because he never let it leak out, was that my husband had come to Richmond to see me before I left for Japan. And he's the one that was filming it. He learned first hand the kind of life I was living on the road and saw first hand what I was doing. A lot of other things were said which again, thankfully, he did not release. That's the kind of wonderful man he is.

"I have cheated on him over and over and over again. I have betrayed his trust over and over again. I have torched my marriage vows and all the promises I made to him at our wedding. I am a liar and a fake. And pretty much a worthless wife, mother, and human being. I forgot who I was, how I got here, and what was truly important to me. I became everything I hated when we started. And now it seems I am going to pay the price. These are divorce papers.

"So, guys? First, please don't live your life like I have, and...

" I don't think I can sing our usual closing songs. And if it is OK with the group and OK with the you all, I would like to sing a few of the new songs I've written since Richmond and that will be on our next album. You guys out there will be the first people to hear them. What d'you think? OK?

"Sounds like it is OK with you all in the audience. So. Let's run through a few of them for these wonderful folks.

"I am so sorry about my soliloquy and baring my soul to you all. I have given up my evil ways, but too late it seems. See what you think of our new stuff. A bit different than what we've been playing. And thanks again for being here. Let's nail it, boys....

I took the love he gave

A love as thick and strong as the biggest rope

And pulled it apart thread by thread

Until it broke and was no more

What, oh what, have I done?

Why, oh why, did I do it?

What, oh what, do I do now?

I took a heart big as the world

A heart meant only for me

And I broke it in a new place every day

Then ripped the pieces from his chest

What, oh what, have I done?

Why, oh why, did I do it?

What, oh what, do I do now?...

"Em, they loved your songs. They went wild. And did you hear them chanting your name? They love you despite what you've done. They have forgiven you even if your husband hasn't. Hang in there. Maybe we can work it out between you two.

"Nice thought, Ryan. But you don't know my husband. I have done way too much for him to forgive me. He hasn't talked to me for a month and even the girls don't want to talk to me, especially Hailey and Chris. He had to pull them out of school and is homeschooling them. I destroyed "us", made life miserable for my kids, and destroyed me too.

"I have to get high and get something to drink. I can't stand to even think about a life without him. I just need to disappear and ghost myself."

"Em, please. Don't talk like that. You've been doing so well. There may still be a way. Don't give up hope. Don't start the drugs and alcohol again. Please."

"Too late for that. Every thing in my life that means anything is gone. What's the point?"

"You still have your music. You still have all of us. And we'll help you get through this."

"Dammit, Ryan. I am going to start drinking some of this stuff in the dressing room and take some bottles with me. I don't ever want to be sober, straight, or happy again."

THREE MONTHS LATER

"Dad, we've been talking. Something's wrong with Mom. I know we, or rather, I was not so friendly to her before she got those papers during her concert..."

"Those papers were not supposed to be delivered until after the concert. It was a terrible thing they did and I let them know it."

"I know, Dad. But you heard what she said about you and about us. She still loves us. Loves you. She needs our help. We have to find her. Please."

"Hailey. I should have told you. Told all of you. I have called all the guys in her band, the stage folks I could get hold of, her manager, her folks, her friends around here.... Everyone I could think of or find. They all say they've had no contact with her or they don't know where she's at. It's like she's disappeared.

"I even thought of hiring a private investigator or something, but she's not using her phone. Or has a new one. She's not using her credit cards. Nothing. So I just don't know what else I can do. I think she's in trouble too, and could kick myself for ever having the papers given to her until she got home.

"If you or either of your undercover sisters have any suggestions, let me know. I'll keep trying.

"Now who the heck can that be at the door? Would you get it, Hailey, while I finish getting supper ready?"

"Hi. Ryan, right? Are you here about my Mom?"

"Yea, Hailey. Is your Dad here? I need to talk to him. He probably doesn't want to see me, but it's real important. Can I come in out of the rain?"

"Sure, I'll get him."

Dashing to the kitchen. "Dad, Dad. Ryan is here and he says he needs to talk to you. It's real important and it's about Mom."

"Hi, Ryan. Come on in and sit down. Can I get you anything?"

"Uh, no. I'd rather stand if I may and can we talk in...in private a bit?"

"Yea. Sure. Hailey, why don't you run upstairs with your sisters and let us talk. I promise to tell you everything, OK?"

"OK, Dad."

"So what's up, Ryan. I've tried everyone in the world for three months, including you, to find out what's up with Em. It's like she disappeared. It can't be good."

"It's not. You saw or read about what happened when she was served." He nodded. "Well she had not had a drink, any drugs, or sex of any kind since Richmond. You must have noticed how good she looked when she called the kids." He nodded.

"She was hoping that if she shaped up and became the woman you loved long ago that maybe you guys could start rebuilding something. But then the divorce papers came and she fell apart. She just talks about ghosting herself. She has been high and drunk, round the clock ever since. I don't know how she signed the divorce papers.

"She has been living at my place and I have cared for her. No! Don't worry! I haven't touched her except to clean her up."

"Clean her up? What the fuck, Ryan."

"John. She's in bad shape. She won't eat. Hell, she's starving herself to death. It's everything I can do to get her to drink some water or something and I've been adding all sorts of vitamins and calories and stuff to it.