Sex, Drugs, and Rock 'n Roll - Continued

"Believe it or not, I love you more than anything in the world. I would give up my music, never leave the house, do anything, anything at all to just be with you.....I, I....." crying, and looking at the floor. An empty look worsening her cachectic appearance.

Gently taking her hand. "Em, Em.....First of all, you're their Mom. They need you. They have questions about things that they won't even ask me and I probably couldn't answer even if they did. You're welcomed to stay here as long as you want. It's your home too.

"But more importantly," starting to tear up. "I'm ashamed. I'm ashamed that I wasn't the man I should have been. I'm ashamed that I didn't stand up and make you stop. Try to make you come to your senses. But I was so afraid of losing you. I failed you. Failed us."

"Oh, John. You were always the perfect man for me. You pleased me in every way possible. Please don't ever think that you weren't man enough. I do love you, still, with all my heart. I know, I know. How can I say that after what I have done? What I have always done.

"But it's true. It's almost like a different person did all that, and especially in the last year, that terrible person took over. I don't know who that was or how she could have done it. It makes no sense to me. But I will never, ever be that person again.

"When I saw that look on your face in Richmond, I knew that I had shattered your heart and ripped your soul apart. That look did it to me too. Ripped my heart and soul apart. I am empty inside. A shell, just like I think you are. But you have to get better, John. The girls know how you feel. They told me about you. You have to find someone to love and make you whole. I know it's early and will take some time, but you have to. For your sake, and the girls'. If not me, then someone. Please!"

"Em. I don't know. Too early to think about those things. Remember one step at a time. So, I have to continue my apology tour. I am ashamed and sorry for releasing the tape. I ruined things for the kids, for me, and maybe for you. I should never have done it. It was cruel and petty, but I was pissed and not thinking."

"John..."

"I am sorry that they served you while you were performing. It wasn't supposed to happen like that. The plan was to serve you after the concert. But I should have waited until you came home so we could discuss things. I never should have done it like that."

"John, it's OK. Really. I deserved it. It helped your image in the press and in public opinion. I know you don't care about that, but I do. And I don't think I would have listened to anything you had to say if you waited until I got home. I needed to be bitch slapped to bring me to my senses and you did that! Thank you. And I got a chance to play some of my new songs."

"...and the crowd loved them. I'm not sure how I liked all of our personal stuff just trotted out there, but the songs I heard were great. Who is that one alt. pop singer who wrote a whole album about her romance and breakup with one guy including a song saying she was sorry for writing all those songs about him?"

A weak smile. "What the hell? John, we may have to have your testosterone level checked if your listening to pop music. You're married to the heavy metal queen." Catching herself, "I'm sorry. Were married to the heavy metal queen."

Holding up his left hand for her to stop while still holding her hand with his right, "But I most regret what I said about Laura...."

"John, I am so, so sorry about that. That was one of the biggest gut punches in all this. I was always so careful and never did anything when we were making babies, I..."

"No, Em. She's mine. I never had a vasectomy. I don't know why, why I said.. "

"John! How could you....No. Sorry. I deserved worse than that for what I did. And thanks for not releasing that part of the tape. Thank you for telling me. I was so afraid she would find out.

"And, John. Thank you for being such a great father. They are remarkable kids and it's mostly thanks to you. I have been a part time Mom with my head in the clouds, and up my ass. As I said in my last concert, you have sacrificed so much for the kids, for me, for the band. And now it seems I have wrecked your consulting business as well. Is there anything I can do to help?

"I'll get a job. I could give guitar lessons. I'll do whatever I can do to help the family. Once I can stand up again." Smiling.

"You really don't know, do you?"

"Know what, John?"

"Em. You have a top selling album, your other albums did pretty well, huge numbers of downloads, you sold out all 30 concerts, you have sold a ton of songs you wrote and have rights to a lot more....You have made a huge amount of money and haven't spent any of it for a decade. You're loaded!"

"What? I guess I never checked! Well, half at least is yours as part of the divorce. Hell you can have it all to help raise the kids. College, and all the rest...."

"No, Em. It's yours. I'm doing fine. It's invested in really good things and your financial manager has an excellent reputation. So get better and then you can figure out what to do. I would appreciate it, though, if we don't suddenly flood our home with money. The girls have had enough changes for now. I just don't think it would be a great idea to add that wild card to the situation. Does that seem reasonable?"

"John, I'll do whatever you want. Father knows best, right? And I'll follow your lead. Just know that it's there. There for ALL of us. Maybe I can set up a monthly draw. I will need to pay for counseling. A whole lot of counseling to help me understand who the hell I am. I can pay for your counseling too if you want it. If you think it might help. What about the kids? But I'll need insurances, to pay at least my half of household expenses, and pay at least half of the kids expenses. Like a child support."

"Em. We're doing fine. I can pay for all that."

"Please, John. I need to feel like I'm helping. I need to feel like I'm part of it. Not an outsider. Is that OK? I've never done any of this stuff. I went from college to married and you took care of it all. I need to know how to do all this stuff. What if something happened to you? I need to be able to care for the kids. And care for you if you need it. Just like you're caring for me."

"Sure, Em. When you're a little stronger we can set it all up, get some charge cards, and take care of all the other things. But you have to get better first. You have to get back to your music."

"There is no music right now, John. It died at my final concert. There's no music in my head. That's part of the emptiness. Oh, John. How could I have fucked things up so badly?" Crying again.

"And John...If you can't ever love me, at least don't hate me, alright? Please? I couldn't live with that. And it wouldn't be good for you or the girls, either. Please?"

"I don't hate you Em. I could never do that." And he gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Now drink some water and get some rest. I'll bring you pancakes a la Laura and some kind of nutritional smoothie later. The door will be open and here's a bell you can ring if you need anything. The girls thought you needed it. Don't try to get up on your own. Remember, no falls allowed in our healthcare facility."

LATER

"OK, Pops. Time to get off your butt and carry that monster of a tree inside and set it up. Chris and I had to smile very sweetly and bat our eyelids to get the guys at the tree lot to load it up for us and tie it down.

"And they even threw in a wreath! Can you believe it?"

"Hailey, I don't think...."

"We'll, start getting the ornaments from the attic. No, wait. Will that wake Mom up? Do we need to let her sleep?"

"No. It'll be fine. She'd want you to do it. Now about the tree lot..."

"No time for idle chit chat, Pops."

"...and, Dear old Dad. We've been talking about it and...."

"No. Whatever it is, NO!"

"Now, Daddy. You know you would do anything for your darling youngest child because I'm so cute, right? And you want me to have a special Christmas because of all the stuff that has happened..."

"And, Pops, you want to make it a special Christmas for Mom so she gets better quicker...."

"OK, OK. Out with it. You're scaring me to death."

"Well, we think we need to decorate the inside of the house, get some poinsettias, put lights up outside, and maybe one of those blow up snowmen or Santa. And oh, so much more. We have to go all out. We have to make cookies, sing carols, go ice skating, take Laura to see Santa....

"And make lots of hot chocolate with marshmallows even if it's not real cold outside....."

"Sold. We'll do it all and more. We'll make it the best Christmas ever. So, let's move furniture and make room for this monster. Get the tree stand and I'll get the tree. Then we'll bring your Mom downstairs and decorate the tree. Then we can see what we have and figure out what we need. After we finish your lessons tomorrow we can go get all the stuff we'll need. Sound like a plan?"

"Absolutely! See, girls, I told you we could talk him into it. Let's get to it."

LATER

"Mom? Mom? We're going to decorate the tree. Do you want to come down and help?

"Sure, wouldn't miss it. How...."

"Our big, burly Dad will carry you down the stairs, and, yes, you should fear for your life. And I will bring the wheelchair. Or we can put you on the couch if you get light headed."

"Alright, big, burly John. Pick me up and don't get a hernia or anything. You have work to do for Christmas I hear."

"OK. Here goes. Darn, Em. You weigh nothing. It would have been a lot easier to carry you across the threshold of our new house than it was."

"You ass! You're the one that knocked me up and made me gain all that weight. I didn't really want all those donuts." Laughing.

"It's good to hear you laugh, Em."

"It's feels good to laugh. I haven't done that in a long time."

"Alright. Girls! You start the ornaments and I'll get some hot chocolate with extra marshmallows and candy canes. Chris why don't you put some Christmas music on. Traditional Christmas, not rock Christmas."

The girls looked at each other. "Dad, Dad, Dad. When will you ever learn? You have to put the lights on first. THEN we do the ornaments."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Pops. You do the lights. I'll get the hot chocolate. Mom, you supervise and watch him like a hawk. Make sure he does it right. Lots of lights. No short cuts. Nice and even. Laura. You and Chris start getting out the ornaments. Got it? Let's go!"

LATER

"OK, Em. It's the 23rd and since you're doing so much better, the girls and I have put together a special dinner for you with a few friends. You don't have to wear anything special. And dinner is simple. Burgers and dogs on the grill. Fries and salad. That's it."

"John. I don't know if I'm ready? Who is it? What are people going to think of me after all I've done?"

"Fret not, it'll go great. The appetizers start at 4."

"But, John. It's three already. You're not giving me enough time. Can't we reschedule or something?"

"Too late. We all decided to not tell you until now so you wouldn't have much time to worry and harass us to death. Now, girls. Take your Mom upstairs and spruce her up some. She never needs much 'cause she always looks great. Any questions?"

"Nope. Come on little Mommy. Let's get you ready for the ball.

"Here, Mom. Have a seat. Chris. You start working on that hair. She hasn't been doing much with it. Maybe we should add a little curl and a little style. What do you think, Ma? Like the way you look on TV.

"I'll tackle those poor fingernails who haven't seen a trace of color in forever. Good God, and those toenails....we better get the combat boots out to hide them."

"You three...."

"Then makeup. Don't worry, Mom. Just a little stuff around the eyes and a little bit of color. You look too pale.

"Laura, you get out those clothes we picked out."

"Girls. I don't know...."

"It'll be fine, Mom. You'll see. Just relax, like you always told me."

"God, girls. There's the doorbell. I'm not ready. I...."

"You look great. The change is remarkable. Look at yourself."

"Damn I look hot!" They all laughed. "I'm ready for the firing squad....wait. I know those voices. My band. You all got the band together? Thank you. I'd kiss you all, but I'll mess my lipstick and I'm likely to tear up and that will wreck everything. Thank you. Let's go!"

"Em! You look great! It seems like forever since we've seen you. How have you been?"

"Cody! You brought Sharon! Sharon it is so good to see you again. It's been a while. So let's go talk. Do you guys want some beer, wine, or whatever? I can't wait to hear what you've been up to."

"OK, girls. I'll start the grill. Hailey can you cook the burgers and stuff? Laura can you work on setting the table. And Chris and I will get the fries, salads, and fixings out. Sound like a plan?"

As dinner wrapped up people were getting to leave since Em was obviously wearing out. John and the girls were cleaning up.

"Sharon, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure, Em. What's up."

"I already apologized to Cody, but I want to apologize to you too. The old slut, whore Em tried like hell to get Cody to do things he shouldn't. But he never budged. He never wavered. He never looked at any other women. He is 100% yours. I am so ashamed of my actions and the things I've done.

"I don't know who that woman was, but she is gone. Gone forever. So if we go on tour again, please don't worry. You've got a great guy. Every bit of him.

"And I promise you I will never do anything with anyone, but John ever again. And the way things are, I guess I could be celibate."

"Thanks for telling me, Em. I had faith in Cody, but I knew you were always hovering and I'll confess that it made me nervous. I hope things can work out with you and John. Good luck on everything and you need to get better and get working on those new songs. They sounded great. Cody's starting to get antsy. He needs music and work." They hugged.

"Ryan, can I talk to you for a few minutes." She gave him a big hug. "Ryan. Thank you. Thank you for everything you did. If not for you I'm sure I'd be dead. It must have been awful for you," and she started crying. "You've always been there. To help, advise, and keep me going. I realize now how hard that must have been for you. I'm sorry. So sorry that my fucked up life fell on you for saving.

"Can I ask you? Did we.... Did we do anything while I was there. I don't remember anything except being an ass sometimes."

"No, Em. Not since before Richmond. Why?"

"Well, I've been here two weeks and I've not had a period. I just wondered....."

"No, Em. It would have had to be before Richmond and you'd be showing by now, right? Especially as thin as you got. Remember, you were starving to death. There was maybe a little spotting before I brought you, but you were such a mess that I never really paid attention. You never had a real period the whole time."

"Thanks, Ryan. And thank you again for everything. I put too much on you. And I hate the position I put you in"

"That's what friends do, Em. Maybe you can save me sometime. Hey, how's the music coming? Have you written anything, Em?"

"The music is gone, Ryan. I always had music in my head, but now it's gone. It drives me nuts. I used to see pictures, words and lyrics in my head, like all the time. Now it's silent. I don't know what to make of it or what to do about it. I just pray it comes back.

"Thanks again, Ryan. Keep in touch."

"I will. John's been calling me a couple times a week to keep me posted. I appreciate that. I wasn't sure how things were going to turn out. Well, turn out on so many levels."

"Give me another hug, Ryan. Have a safe trip home."

LATER

"Well, it's Christmas Eve and the girls are snuggled all tight in their beds. I'm sure there are visions of sugar plums dancing in their heads. Thank you, John for taking care of me and letting me be a part of it. I know you didn't have to do any of this. You could have just as easily told Ryan 'no'. You probably saved my life. At least you saved my sanity. Thank you. I'll never be able to make it up to you."

"Em....Em. It's OK. It was the right thing to do, for all of us. I couldn't have ever turned my back on you. I would never have been able to face the girls again. Or face myself in the mirror."

"John. I have a big ask. And feel free to say 'no'. But would you lay beside me in our bed and hold me for just a minute or two?" Tearing up. "I need it. I feel so empty. So lonely. Please!"

"Sure, Em. I'd like that."

Snuggling in bed. "Oh, John. Thank you. You feel so great. I've missed this so much. I will always miss it. I don't know how you can stand to touch me. I'm so skinny and so ugly..."

"No, Em. You're beautiful. You will always be beautiful to me no matter what."

"Thank you, John. Thank you for not hating me. And...wait! What is this? Sheriff, did you wear your pistol to bed or are you just glad to see me?"

"Oh, Em...."

"John, please. What is it they say, 'It's Christmas Eve. It's not too late is it?' John. I'm fucked up, I fucked you up. We're both fucked up, but I need this tonight. I need YOU tonight. I think you need it too. If you do this one additional thing I will never ask for anything else....I need to feel you in me. Please."

"I think I need my arm twisted a little more.... Now ..."

"Just kiss me, you fool. And get me out of these crazy Christmas jammies."

They kissed. Kissed and held each other like they would never let go. Their tongues probed tentatively and then deeply. Em groaned. "Ohhh, John. How I've missed that. Thank you. Thank you. I wish you would never let go, but I understand.

"Wait. Wait! Where are you going? I'm sorry, John!"

"It's alright, Em. I'm locking the door. We have kids, remember? Nosy kids."

"You jerk. Just kiss me. Please"

He did. He kissed and pulled on her lips. Probed with his tongue, then broke and kissed her neck and that very sensitive earlobe. She moaned. They quickly broke their embrace to pull off their pajamas. His hands wandered. Over her breasts, massaging the ripply fullness. He rolled her nipples, first with his finger tips and then with his mouth and tongue. She pulled his face hard onto her breast while he sucked and nibbled.

His right hand slid down and slid across her lower lips. Familiar territory. She arched her back and pushed up against his hand, trying to increase the contact. He slid a finger inside her already wet passage and started moving in and out and stoking her G-spot. His thumb started to massage her clit which had become very firm by now. Her moans increased, she arched her back and stiffened. "Ohhhh, John. Ohhhh, John. How I've missed you."

Her hand was solidly on his member. Gently, but urgently stroking. Gaining momentum as she approached her orgasm, then becoming sporadic as she twitched. "Easy, Em. It's been a while."

"I need you! I need to feel you inside. I can't wait any more. Please!"

He rolled on top between her legs. She grabbed his cock with one hand and spread her lips with the other. Rubbing the head up and down a few times she guided it into her slit as he advanced forward. Moving in and out, first the head, then gently going deeper with each thrust until it was buried to the hilt.

"Arrrgh! John! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Now quit wasting time and start moving that fella. Shit! Shit! I'm coming again! Ohhhaaarrrgh!" She tensed and shuddered and rocked back and forth. She pulled him tight against her pelvis as she finished then started thrusting upward and urging him to a faster pace.

He tensed and lost his rhythm and she could feel his seed shooting deep inside. "Oh, Em!" He resumed and even, slower pace and slowly stopped.

"Stay in me, John. I just want to feel you inside. I want to feel you on top of me. Oh! HOW I needed that. Best Christmas ever!"