All Comments on 'Shattered Ch. 03'

Was notably improved between chapters one and three. You--to a minor degree, in my opinion--took some hits about the choppy writing in chapter one. No such complaints can be made here. This flowed smoothly and well.

My one complaint? Frankly, you didn't take enough time to totally set up the revenge or dwell enough on the confrontation and the emotions both would've been going through.

Still, an excellent start to what I hope is the first of many stories to come from you!

By making her sufficiently well so she could make it on her own, the writer took the easy way out. I challenge the writer to write an alternative Chapter 3 where she does not recover sufficiently to be able to live on her own. Where she have to live the rest of her life taken care of by others. Will that be her husband, or her lover, or her children or in an institution? To explore these options or choices would make the story really interesting. As it is written it is just an ordinary cheating wife story, although well written.

Nice story. Keep writing.

Great ending,

Each chapter got better, the ending was the best.

but you described Jill in the story, which makes readers familiar with her, and Amber was not described that much, so when Jill was replaced by Amber, it mught be great in real life, but for readers it will be settling with inferior, new replacement need not to as beautiful but better person, described in detail so that readers are familiar and accpet her as better replacement. They way you described Jill was like she was not from same earth, and now she was just going through bad phase, and Steve settled with some ordinary girl, (oridiniary doesn't mean ugly or less beautiful, but, very low profile in story)

Anyway good read.

Liked it. You definitely improved by 3rd chapter.

You still are a bit choppy and perhaps too much in a hurry to get to the end. Hansbwl is correct. The non-recovery story would be tougher and more interesting but you certainly deserve prais for the present effort.

Touche, you ended just right a bunch of losers get it in the end, i only wish her sister mary would have been dealt with.

this chapter was pretty good. the whole story itself is not that original but i did like reading it. thanks

I hope we will be reading more stories from you.

Jill's partial recovery is an iconic allegory of the moral of the story. She recovered from mortal injury, but there is a price to pay, a physical reminder she cannot escape. Because Jill is self sufficient, Steve can move on.

And what of her sister? The corrupting voice of temptation that was whispering in her ear.

The confrontation scene was pretty good. Thanks for sharing the story and I hope that you continue writing.

Fully expected a wimp cuckold husband story. I was wrong and apology to the author. You did a good job!

Yeay, no wimp hubby in sight! Being fond of details however, I would have liked to see the fallout from her kids, pressure to explain why sister Mary knows so much and has so much to say... The kids or even the wife should be aggressively telling her to F-off ... more pressure to the wife about " why didn't we downsize our life if you wanted me at home more?? " good luck with the forklift operator wage. Thanks for the story.

I liked the ending, but bitch in law was way too big mouth, it seems both sisters have big mouth for big dicks, should have asked her to go fuck herslef, but never mind. What about their kids? Why cane? Why not let jill sit on wheelchair? If I were the writer I would have chopped Chris's dick with Jills teeths, a big scare on Jill face making her look like some monster from cheap horror movie I am no sadist, I just can't take cheating.

Loved the story and love the ending. The main character did not take the high road but a road that one seldom travels. There is life after death as the author points out in the final paragraphs.

really badly done. WHY is Mary so angry with steve.?

Lets assume Jill just fell out of love with Steve and in love with another man.

OK...it happens.

But steve wasnt cheating on Jill. He didnt drink... He didnt beat her. He wasnt abusive in any way.

He worked too hard.

So why is Mary so furious ? and why does Steve let Her shit all over him?

what a pathetic ordinary Cliche..... a Husband working too hard is NOT justification EVER for a cheating wife.

EVER. Period. No exceptions. WHY?

Because if the story was reversed we would be screaming at the husband for cheating on the stay at home mom/ wife.

This story is awful on so many levels.... In this chapter steve the super geek is now supposedly angry & determined to wreck havoc on those who shit on him.

So this idiot author has him wreck on havoc on some small insignificant characters.

who cares? the ONLY reason the author does this is to prove that Steve isnt a wimp.

yet when he runs into Mary at the hospital Mary ass fucks steve with MORE crushing humiliation.

what is the source of Mary Rage? Lets assume Steve was NOT paying enough attention to the wife -- though as we found out the wife refused to go anywhere with him even when Steve Pleaded.

OK the whore wife fell in love with someone else.

but steve's " SIN' Was working to hard for his family. he wasnt cheating on her. He w asnt out at Bars all night. He didnt have drinking problem. He was not in anyway abusiveto his wife the cunt.

So why is Mary so furious and so angry at Steve?

and even worse why does steve let Mary shit all over him?

a bad ending to a silly story

I waded through a fucked up story and never realized just what he was trying to do. Flowery words do not make a good sex story..go to some namby pamby site and write love sonnets

A lot of the things that he did before going to the hospital, that were finally uncovered at the end of the story, was a little confusing and hard to follow. It may have been the fast pace that the story was going at that time.

All in all a good read, thanks.

The story telling was good, I was into it. I am glad to see that Mr. Jimmy didn't get away. He needed his head caved in after the phone call. The phone call was a challenge of sorts. In the end the end Steve has a new wife for love and support. Jill has to rely on a cane for hers. Mary needs a baseball bat permanently sticking out of her ass. what a bitch. Another?

The complete 3 part story it was slow at times but a good story. I am looking forward to your future stories now that you have got the first one out of the way. (GOOD LUCK)

I enjoyed the read. You did a good job of utilizing his skills in the IT world and explaining it in a manner even Harryin Va could understand! Don't let the barb's get under your skin...even when they are from writer's. I'm guessing their first story in no way came up to this level of your first attempt...so only listen to positive criticism....ignore the sour grapes indicating they wished they had thought of this story line first!

Yes, I thought there were some holes. Your last two paragraphs were nice but it sure seemed you were in a hurry to quit this story and move on. (hope there is another one in the works!). Her sister needs some retribution...guess she never liked him. But really, we can only listen (read) the testimony and then try to figure out the real truth on our own. You gave us enough clues to learn that his wife had long ago decided he wasn't good enough and clearly those two had talked about her need to leave him and her sister had crossed him off since he wasn't blood.

Who cares why she came to the conclusion she did...the fact is she cheated and he never saw it coming. He put the rest of the clues together and concluded he would be better off without her...and rightfully so. His revenge was sweet, so you as the author gave us a great story!

You did good writing an enjoyable story. Have to agree with some others comments the pacing did throw me off but just forced me to read more carefully to understand. So if that was your intent or style it worked.? Still some sub plots /characters not covered but you did fine or could write more to the story or not.

Well worth time to read. Encourage you to keep writing. Just as with most hobbies you get better by doing (of course learning along the way).

I will look for your name again for stories to read.

Thank you for posting.

Nice writing . Please continue it's a pleasure to read the Revenge was brought about by a "simple" man.

First of all, author, you start out with a "5" hopeful for having the guts to submit on this site. But points are lost on:

Point A [- 1] point. The slut ex-wife basically gets away with the cheating and hardly any consequences [she gets the equity in the house supposedly, keeps her studs Chris & Jimmy around to satisfy her sexual cravings and she fucks him over for half the assets of this pathetic marriage - wow, what a deal???]

B [- 1] point. We have psycho bitch sister-in-law who is some defective relative related to size 14 shoe: who comes into the story with no explanation whatsoever and humiliates the husband while the slut ex-wife lays there like the skank she is. This psycho sister-in-law injects inconsistent accusations & garbage into the storyline the same way that delusional idiot shoe-no-IQ does [must be related].

C [- 1] point. Gloria & husband get off the hook with some minor financial discomfort [no real consequences]. Most likely the husband to Gloria gets the better deal not having to risk his health catching HIV from the whore Gloria.

D [- 1] point. Jimmy the town bully & cop with no brains gets to bed the local skank for free with our big-cock craving ex-wife starlet. Oh, boy he is sure one to feel empathy for!!

Opps, looks like we are down to +1 - point for writing the story and not turning the male character into a complete wimp [only 90% wimp].

Then as a bonus, the intellectual IT guy marries another manipulative slut who most likely will cheat on this pansy of a male character.

So, we ask you author - who is there to root for in this first story? Maybe the kids because you forgot to mention how they reacted or did not react to finding out their mom was just another slut trying to hang on to a clueless meal ticket.

On the bright side author - it is your first attempt and it sucks, so the next effort should get better because it should not get any worse once you have scrap the bottom of the barrel [unless this author consults with fag, MattM].

As a first effort, you did quite nicely.

As for the ones knocking your writing, just check their stories,

to see how they do it. oops, forgot, they don't have any stories do they,, so take their criticism with a lot of salt not a pinch.

Thanks for the story...jack

Chapter 01 was a bit long and rambling, but 02 and 03 moved along a lot better. I think Mary needs a little I.T. adjustment of her computer identity to teach her not to fuck with a nerd -- it's not smart. "Mess with the best, die like the rest!" (A quote from the movie, "Hackers").

By the way, the Information Technology group has full power in any U.S. hospital to view any patient file; at times, that's the only way to be certain the software is functioning properly. So the hospital CEO can't threaten to file a HIPPA violation against someone from IT for "checking" a record -- it's part of his or her job.

I realize it isn't part of an IT person's job to snoop the demographic information of a patient, unless the info is not coming up in the computer for the business office or doctor or whomever -- then the IT person is fixing the system. But there is no way the hospital CEO would know that, unless he was tipped off.

Endings to stories can often be the most difficult to write. This story's ending illustrates that truism. There were still some loose ends (such as the relationship between the grown children and their cheating whore of a mother). I can't help but think they would take sides by sympathizing with their father rather than their mother. But we really don't get to find out.

As far as making the hero less wimpy, maybe it's time for another story about the cuckolded husband going postal . . .

I was on again/off again on edge with your 3 chapters and worrying that you were going to turn out to be a wuss/wimp writer...thanks - for not doing that!

Original with Amber, young as she is, I liked how she got him and you finished the story.

Jill, sad, he loved her and worshiped the ground she walked on from ugly/gangly to beauty...she paid a high price and turns out she is a no class slut with no moral scruples...Chris/Jimmy. That alone would help me get past my years of love for her.

In the end, a little sympathy for her but the price she paid, the consequence of her actions - a lifetime of emotional sadness...too bad - you play - you pay!

Nice first start, a good story and like the others, I can see you growing, keep the stories coming!

Oh, a little less of the italicized print with his thoughts.

Okay...THANKS!

Nicely woven story which was well written. Enjoyed the twists and turns better with each chapter. Thanks your for writing and sharing it with us.

Wonderful ending.. A nice circle. Thank you for the terrific entertainment you provided me with your writing talents, Azpiri. Each chapter was a great and improved progression.

Steve totally wimp out. He let bitch walk again. One good crack at her back and the fucking bitch would have been a cripple. Would have served her right.

Loose ends...

Mary: What the heck? Like Harry said, she's got a major stick up her ass, verbally assaults and insults Steve aaaand....that's it. She got her wish, that Jill is divorced from Steve.

The kids: What happened to them?

Gloria: I bet she cleaned out her husband during the divorce. She wins!

Jimmy: "Now I know she gives great head!"

Etc, etc. Hansbwl's suggestion would've been great though. What if Jill had NOT recovered, but actually was crippled? What then? Who would've taken care of her?

Yes, in a way, she got off scotfree too. Steve moved out, she got the house. She managed to kick him out of his own house...

Heck, she even took up with Chris and then Jimmy.

While the story was interesting, the execution was a little bit below par, and some other stuff could've been included (most importantly the kids).

Then again, this is your first story. Good job getting the readers talking.

I guess there are a few things that I need to address...

For those of you who are saying that Jill got off "scot free", I suppose you and I have different definitions of what that entails. As it's been pointed out to me, she got the house, got her studs (Chris and then Jimmy), and only got a limp from the accident.

My rebuttal for the house: Would Steve truly want Gloria and Dan as neighbors? Not really. Besides the marital bed was soiled by Jill's infidelity, so there's no reason to stay at the house.

My omission (which is my fault): Steve worked at the hospital for 10 years, so he would have a nice sized pension. Jill wouldn't have gotten any of that because of the equity in the house.

My rebuttal for "her studs": Steve loved her when she wasn't pretty. He was there for 20 years, regardless of the good or bad times. They had a wonderful life together. It wasn't until she started feeling the pressure from her sister and her neighbor about how bad Steve was and how good Chris was. She succumbed to their hateful words and thought Chris was much better for her than Steve. Huh... Chris lasted all of 3 months. A great loving relationship there. And now, she's with Jimmy - who can't commit to a long term relationship, and she's in constant fear of his eyes wandering. So she traded in a 20 year MARRIAGE for an unsteady love life that could lead to her being lonely as she gets older.

Yea, I can see how she got away "clean".

My omission (which again is my fault): Perhaps I should have included more about Mary's influence over her sister. In-laws will never be satisfied. Though in Mary's case, I should have included how she's a divorcee and how Jill, who had a good marriage until Mary stepped in, was listening to her advice. Why should someone listen to a divorcee for marriage advice? Because she's family? Well, Mary and Jill can now live in misery together because they're both single. However, I will take ownership of not including this in the story.

My rebuttal for "only a limp": Whether she was paralyzed or walks with a limp, the physical injury is going to be a physical reminder of the day that everything changed for her. I went with the cane because it goes to show that she's almost recovered from her accident, but that she'll never be the same again. A symbolic gesture indicating that her loss of her husband will never make her the same again.

My omission (which again is my fault): Perhaps I didn't make this clear, and it might be my medical background. A spinal cord injury sometimes takes up to a year to recover from. I jumped over five years of rehab, and perhaps I should have included that. You would have seen that she was living with her sister during that time.

My omission for the boys: Well, they were 18 or older. Both going on to college or getting ready to be on their own. So while I can acknowledge that their feeling of betrayal would have added to the misery felt by Jill, I did not address that. (Again, my fault).

My omission for the HIPAA (Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act, so it's HIPAA and not HIPPA): I should have made mention somewhere that Chris tried to fire back at Steve and make a HIPAA complaint to the hospital, indicating that Steve used protected health information to carry out his revenge. So Chris thought he could win on Steve's level, thinking he could outsmart Steve. But Steve had that base covered. And for the record, the IT Department of hospitals have to (or should have to) log their technical support of accounts, labeling why they're "viewing" a certain account. With HIPAA, it's a "need to know" basis. If you have need to see the information to provide care (or in the IT department's case) provide support, then it needs to be documented. In Chapter 2, Steve came up with a bogus reason for his viewing of the records.

As for "justification" for cheating? There is no real justification for cheating. Communication should have been key. The problem that existed between the two was that Jill was being influenced by anyone but the person she loved. Steve cut his losses and got out.

Jill's reasoning were simple (and I hope I conveyed them, but maybe I didn't): Jill was experiencing the early signs of "Empty Nest" syndrome. Her kids were starting to move out and she was feeling old. She started going to the gym, and was starting to get stares from younger men. The feelings she was experiencing was that she was "going back in time" to when she was a teenager. She never got to experience the back seat of a boy's car, so she was getting that with Chris. Gloria's subtle influence of taking on a boy-toy didn't help matters. Nor did listening to her sister who thought that Steve wasn't good enough for her (then again, it would have been hard to please Mary regardless - Jill should have fought for her husband against Mary). In the end, Jill suffers the most - a physical fling leaves her with a physical ailment and a lifetime of loneliness.

So overall, I will agree with my detractors that some details were missed in an effort to "get the story out". But this story gives me a baseline, and shows me where I need to improve, so hopefully the next one will be better than the first.

And heck, my comments are a good Chapter 4, no?

You have a new fan. Given this is your first LW catagory story you did amazing! Really looking forward to another one! Don't take the comments from us morons (readers) to heart. Unless it's from a fellow writer or a positive comment LOL

thanks for the counter feedback - it is interesting to see what the author intended. Very good try and I hope the best for you.

Use all the info from your comments and write chapter 4 from Jill's point of view, let her tell the story and how she was stupid to get influenced by her sis and Gloria.

You have nothing, absolutely nothing to apologize for...great story - Thanks!

Jill did pay the ultimate price for her adultery and will grow old very lonely, Sad! Too bad she had the bad influence and the need to experience what her youth didn't allow with regard to dating but - she had what most woman want - a caring, loving husband that worshiped the ground she walked on, ugly or gorgeous!

I saw you coming with Amber, she's a cutey and smart, like the way she made sure the guy she wanted was in the right place...clever little critter.

So, you have a new fan, keep the good stuff coming and thanks - no wimps and no scorched earth...you're good!

I was worried at first, but you brought it to a happy ending - a good life for the faithful spouse. No matter who cheats, the cheater should not prosper. Sadly, this is only fiction. In the real world the cheater ends up on top all too often.

I've been thinking about this story for a bit, after having posted my comment. And after reading Azpiri's explanations, I'll give it more credit than I did before.

I should not have used "gotten off scotfree". Possibly permanent physical injuries should never be categorized as "scotfree", especially as debilitating as having a limp, or being scarred, etc.

Jill getting the house: You are completely right, if I were Steve, I REALLY would not want to stay neighbors with Gloria and Dan, plus the soiled marital bed thing. Too many bad memories.

The studs: This is the part that got me thinking in the first place, after posting my first comment. Chris, the guy who left Jill after 3 months ("not that kind of guy" indeed), and Jimmy with the wandering eyes (and possibly other bodyparts). In other words, very possibly a cheater.

If I were more cruel, I'd say it was her own fault. Can you really expect your significant other to be faithful when you yourself are a cheater?

Yes, she traded down, but even after the big blow-up and subsequent divorce, why did Jill STILL hook up with Chris? Even Gloria knows Chris is nothing more than a boytoy. Is it desperation? Justification for herself that she cheated on Steve with a worthwhile man?

I actually feel kinda sorry for Jill now...

What I actually liked LESS is Amber. Maybe you could've worked out her character more, her motivations and personality. As it stands now she came over as a very manipulative person, who at the same time gives TERRIBLE advice. She was definitely playing with fire, with the advice she gave Steve.

In all, I think it was a good story.

Our "hero" was so gentle I was afraid you would have him wimp out and take the cheating slut back. I loved the fact that Jill is left with her worthless boy-toys and a less than bright future. Although not "scorched earth" she got what she wanted, and it wasn't all that she thought it would be.

Yea, What Rehnquist said. It took a lot of work reading the first chapter but I could tell what you were trying to accomplish with all of Steve's fragmented thoughts inserted here and there. It really mimicked a person's thought process when going through a traumatic life changing event. Unfortunately, It made it very hard to follow the story but when Steve's situation started smoothing out so did his disjointed thinking as did your story, straight on to the finish. Hope to see more from you. "And in the end, the love you make is equal to the lo-o-o-ove you take".

Considering the huge portfolio of stories you have beneath your belt on Literotica your literary advice on plot construction etal is obviously founded on a wealth of knowledge. This is also borne out with the prodigious out put from your pen!

Err yes this bullshit just like your post.

Get a life, if you have nothing worthwhile to say then don't bother, many people have enjoyed this series myself included!

Thanks Azpiri it started shaky but it was engrossing in the end.

... explain to me again how this is not some "alternate" version of a "cuck/wimp" story? Jill is a cheating, adulterous wife - John is a loving, faithful husband - Jill is injured in a car accident while giving a man ( not her husband ) a blow job, John is a loving, faithful, gullible husband - Jill is fucking the yard man next door ( not her husband ), John is a loving, faithful, gullible, weak husband - Jill lies about everything to her husband so she can keep cheating, John is a loving, faithful, gullible, weak .. and now a cuckold husband ... but he would make a very good door mat based on how many times he lets his SLUT WIFE walk on him .. AND his response in the end too all of her deceitful actions is to go visit her in the hospital so he can say I won't fight the divorce! ... DID I MISS SOMETHING HERE???

Poorly constructed half done fantasy of some fag authors designed to please the other wimp fags out there. Hopefully this piteous want to be turd pretend author is done writing.

It amazes me, truly amazes me, that some people just have to spew hate and insults at some of the stories on Literotica. Now, there are many stories I have read that I find I don't like, but I don't go all postal on the author in my comments. I use the rating system and post constructive criticism (if I have any) or just keep my mouth shut. The author has done something I haven't been brave enough to do - namely write and post a story. I'm sure I couldn't do it. Not because I'm not creative enough, but because idiots like Anonymous and Wimp_hater seem to have to tell the world just how stupid an author is with as much hate and insult as possible. No real constructive opinions, juts hate and vitriol.

Anyway, I liked the story, Azpiri! I found it entertaining, maybe a little predictable (I was pretty sure Amber ad Steve would end up together), but creative, nonetheless.

your story was fairly predictable but it flowed well and had good detail. There was no chance of me not reading to the end.

The closure was rushed.

You had some good ideas in the story. Some were not well executed. A system admin cant read patient records anonymously? Also, his attitude towards Dan and Gloria in not explained fully. If he dislikes them so much, why call Gloria first? He basically seems to be shattered morally by the end of the story. If that was your intent, good job!

You are a very good writer and you told a thought provoking and, within the limits of the short-story genre, a believeable story. Really good job.

He sounded like a real wimp at first. At the end he was not. good enough for a first story like other have said.

We need more writers in Loving wives (non-cuckold) genre.

couldn't stop until I reached the end

even with his revenge, you still made the husband this weak little guy that gets belittled. The brain is the best weapon but sometime you have to kick some ass. The idea that a man would sit there and let all this happen and not get some revenge of a violent nature.

From A to G to B to ad-infitum and back toward the AB OVO. TK U MLJ LV NV

loves cucks - probably creampies and taking it in the cornhole as well

loves cucks - probably creampies and taking it in the cornhole as well

and the rest of the wannabe cucks criticizing this well-penned tale are the highest endorsement possible in the comment section of this category.

Nice job author, cartoon-character-commenters cannot comprehend the complexity of karma.

Those turds are only happy when the male is forced into cuckdom, consuming creampies and settling for sloppy seconds.

This story only appealed to non-cucks: the jizz-lovers will have to get their jollies elsewhere. There are plenty of authors that feature hubby taking it in the cornholio.

with some reservation. It was a little hard to follow, especially in the first two chapters, but the last chapter revived our hero a little, so mote it be.

The last chapter redeemed the story. After chapters 1 and 2 I almost gave up but having Steve getting the prize and Jill getting shafted made it worthwile.

I liked it. I did have trouble following the story as told in flashbacks and so forth, but then I didn't sit down and read it from one end to the other.

garbage- glad this idiot quit writing.

now comes the gloat. TK U MLJ LV NV

I gave it a four as it was good to see that Steve had shafted everybody he deemed to have crossed him, also good to see that Jill has a shitty life ahead of her but why no mention of the kids? Perhaps the author forgot about them.

his lipstick smeared on the fat cock, his cornhole reamed, betrayed!

I did read it at one sitting, and the flashbacks made it difficult for me to follow. I don't know why adding dates to the flashbacks would ruin anything, and would make it much easier to put the pieces in chrono order.

Two brief descriptions of incomplete sexual activity in three chapters keep this out of the 'stroker' category, but definitely belongs in the LW section.

He did exacty what he knew how to do, which is well within the boudaries of the character that you protrayed Steve to be. I'm use the BTB crowd wants everyone to grap the closest semiautomatic and just plead temporary insanity, but that is just not real life. You kept the story real. Thank You.

really...? thats is the worst thing I have ever read.

and of course steve says....... NOTHING .

Maybe he should of SPIT in her face

predictable but to rushed

to bad the skank of an exwife wasnt pregnant by her yardboy lover

Well that was better. Good to see I was wrong about Steve.

A excellent Bora Bora in the willing cuckold stories Ocean. I like the Modern Figaro Type and the Romantic Revenge Stories with longer aftermath on the beautiful Second Chance women. I like the civil connection with Gil (couse of the common sons), because THE FANTASTIC ROMANTIC REVENGE SITUATION COULD FRUIT 100% SURE POWER..................................The Modern Figaro Type IT technology revenge was fantastic excellent. Thank you Author. BTW 5 stars.

@ Anon He can not spit on her face, because they have 2 common sons, so he would lose the sympathy of his sons. So the FANTASTIC, HYPER, SUPER, OUTSTANDING, OWERHELMING, ROMANTIC REVENGE SITUATION THE MEETING THE EXWIFE AND THE BEAUTIFUL, YOUNGER, SECOND CHANCE WIFE COULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED AT ALL AT THE END THE STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And a tiny humor strengthen the all 3 chapter...............

One Of the Best Romantic Revenge Situation which I read, but Vulcez's fantastic, outsanding, super, hyper, humorous, overhelming, Romantic Revenge Story "How Are You?" first place at me this story did not threten at all.

The fantastic writer style with the marvelious body talk scen is an outsanding story part, which is read rarly from others..........David did not use simple muscle power against Goliat.......Steve used his high IQ brain.

I have only 1 critic: the Romantic Revenge Level could increase by the Author to 100%, if he would have written the new Second Chance wife is 3 moth pregnant and the exwife got this knowledge................But this is a super/hyper story............

My special thanks for the Author to write a woman with child for Second Chance of the exhusband.

Pacing pacing pacing pacing!

You droned on for PAGES about feelings, pain, trees, analogies, whining whining whining.

Then you ended it in three short paragraphs told in third person without any detail.

The husband has a new wife. The cheating ex-wife walks with a cane and sees a former cop now clean up man at her gym. Lastly the kids know that their mother was a cheating whore slut skank cunt wife. It's just a shame she's not in a wheelchair.

I HATE CHEATING WIVES

HATE

Steve was too easy to jill. And why did he take shit from her sister when he went to see her? That was sad.

@karan9876 1. In our World this revenge was very smart against the partipitians to Steve's betrayal and Steve desroyed decent future hope of his exwife. 200 years ago he would have killed his wife and her loverboy by gun and the jury would not have done anything with him, but this time he would have earnt 20 years prison, so this (computerized) revenge was the wisest possibility to destroy them and through these steps destroyed his wife as well. High % likely she will live sad lonely life in her future. Steve has common children with Jill and NOT A WISE thing to be hostile when they meet accidentaly or at their children's events as wedding, graduation, grandchildren. The too cruel behavioral will induce some sympathy from the common children to the exwife He lives in happines (I would write Amber is in her 3 months gravidity) and Jil could see personaly through the friendly communication. To be Civil with her TO INCREASE PSYCHICALY PAIN in her soul during her lonely days, but cruelty behavioral only helps to build hate, which is good to decrease the PAIN in her soul and her children will be more responsible to her. For me this end scen (in the school) one of the best Romantic Revenge Situation which I read on LW or SOL (storiesonline.net)........................

2. To show the fantastic body language of Jil in the last scen was a fantastic Author bravur achivment.

3. Many readers stopped writing either at the chapter 01 (I stopped at this chapter 01 years ago and I have recently read all 3 chapters) or at the chapter 02.

I am sorry, because exactly: Many readers stopped reading either at the chapter 01 (I stopped at this (01) chapter 1 years ago and I have recently read all 3 chapters) or at the chapter 02.

@ Duna. I dont agree with you completely. In parts yes when you say they will have to meet each other again at functions. But, there are ways in which he could have made her life more miserable without paying a price for it. So this was kind of wimpish in the end no matter how u feel about it.

@ Steve did Jill 95% likelyhood lonely in her all life, so he got the maximum redistrubution. If he would have killed her (for example with assasin) she does not suffer at all.

The male and female brains work in different ways so to give wide berth her would have coused less suffer. Steve had a short time Oscar Awarded Role at the begining of the meeting and from hope Jill sunk to the disappointment again and together with the Second Chance woman she got the best TTB. This is a fantastic Author scen. Jill was a serial cheater, whose is important the emotional part in the life and she was not a slut. If Jill would be a slut, I could agree you..............

Following my earlier comment. Sojoman's story "Revelation Blues Pt. 04" one of the best revenge for a serial cheater wife. The exwife must live with a serial cheater second husband and the exhusband earns the children custody. I laught when a poster regreted the cheating wife..............Ha, Ha, Ha.........Such thing the best revenge!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A good story with a good ending.

"...and that I should regain the use of my legs in time."

"Oh, I'm sure it'll work out dear, you're in the right position, Chris can just push them out of the way."

you need to wait until the end to rate a story, the ending changes everything.

@ Cantbuymy I stopped reading this story at the half of the first (01) chapter 1-1.5 years ago. Accidentaly I met a comment about the third (03) chapter and after it I read all 3 chapters and I found/discovered an excellent 2 steps revenge story. The first step is an excellent Modern Figaro Type Revenge by IT technology and the second step is an excellent Romantic Revenge Situation, which is written by an Author who knows the HUMAN BEHAVIORAL WELL!!!! The female and male brains work different it is scientific fact, so the disapontment is much more seriouse for a woman as for a man. If the exhusband had behaved cruel to his exwife at the accidental encounter he would have omited an excellent Romantic Burn The Bitch situation with the 95% likely lonely future life exwife. Moreover if he had behaved cruel to his exwife their common children would give unnecessary sympathy to their Mother. The Oscar Winner Role Friendly behavioral fumed the wife/burnt with a super disapointment! However the readers did not note the exhusband was a little sarcastic, but the wife with the almost 95% lonely future she did not recognize in his words. The fantastic body talk decription is an outstanding Author scen.

The pair of this Romantic Revenge Situation is Vulcez's super Romantic Revenge Story "Choices Made", where the civil exhusband fumed/burnt totaly the exwife..........

I think the Author should have written a 3 month pregnant Second Chance wife to increase the Romantic Revenge Situation, but I was not the editor for him unfortunataly. The old latin saying "Finis coronat opus" and when I stopped reading this story at the first (01) chapter 1 years ago I had been as the hedgehog who said "Errare humanum est= to make mistake is human attribute" and was getting off the washing brush.

I though that maybe you would have redeemed yourself with this last chapter. But no it was worse than the others! I really don't see why you even bothered with this story. I don't see the purpose! I mean what made you think this was a story that needed to be told? There really is no story here!!!

It doesn't do the author any good to kiss his ass and make him feel better because it was his first story. How is he ever going to improve if you idiots tell him this was a "fantastic story". He left out a whole lot of details and made many errors but I admit the premise was good just not the execution. I think he will be a good author, but at least be honest with the guy and let him know he can improve!

The Author's biggest mistake was to break the story into 3 chapters . Many readers start reread the story only for sake of the comments at the 3d chapter, as I did.

This story should edit StangStar06's method, so 1 comment section with prayers would have been.

In my bentchmark collection this story is the 20th best revenge story with the last Romantic Revenge Situation!

The other thing which could increase the Romantic Revenge Situation a radiant 3 months pregnant Amber........... The lonely exwife could lose the latest hope....

However the Author bigger mistake was the 3 chapters breaking edition for the story, instead 1 piece all round story edition.

Steve should've shot his wife and the pig she was fucking. At the very least, a real man would've initiated a plan at the site of his whore wife at first discovery. At the hospital, he should've thrown his sister in-law out of the room physically. His lack of resolve made this character look diluted and unimpressive. The revenge was too little too late. His gathering information was pathetic and the total story basis became a clouded smear to a distinguishable being deserving of consideration or respect. The story was loaded with description while requiring emotion heart and distinctive measures of command. The centerpiece and main character didn't possess a soul nor a heart or sense of being. As the hero of his own destiny the character was steps behind his own reality. The author lost the handle on his main character by crowding too much interplay without projecting the emotion in lockstep to the avalanche of events. Too many events with no reaction in the zone ofeach one. However, the author had the fundamental foundation to a great story but overwhelmed the reader with rushing to the next scene before finishing the one prior. The descriptions were awesome but without emotion that moves they story. I think the author has skill but needs to slow down to complete the scene.

I was sure the way chapter two was going that Steve was going to wimp out. *4* Better than average story on here.

Ok story, but erratic/jerky pace. Too much left out with 'fill in the blanks' left to the reader. I did like the end, where Steve and Amber connected, and Jill just received her just desserts. She ignored husband, failed to communicate with him, and just left him to stew in thehumiliation which she caused. Try again Azpiri. Dan

The storey did not flow. There were gaps in the story line. I would like to see Azpiri get someone to critic his work prior to publishing. He does show promise.

Steve got his revenge on the 3 men. The best of that revenge, the revenge cannot be traced back to him. He is innocent.

But the wife, who thought she was golden, found out she ended up with nothing. Rooster moved on to a better job, and most important, a better hen.

My only critic is I would have written a 5 months Amber at the last (school) meeting!!!!!!!

I am sorry!!!! I would have written a 5 months pregnant Amber at the school meeting!!!!!! This is my critic only! I like the wife change stories................

A little rushed in the end but still good.

poor Jill

walks with a cane

and lost her husband to a woman better than she ever was

neener! neener! neener!

serves her right