Shawn and Kendall Ch. 01

"But I don't understand," Shawn said with a hint of resentment, "if he's so determined to be a dad, why won't he go? Isn't that the obvious next step?"

Kendall looked up at Shawn with a bitter expression.

"You don't think I've already told him that?" she snapped, visibly irritated.

"I just don't know what to do," Kendall groaned, grabbing the sides of her face, "he keeps putting all this pressure on me to start a family with him, but then I don't get pregnant, and we end up fighting. I'm so stressed out. I packed a bag last night and told him I would stay here for a while because I couldn't keep doing it. It's too much."

Shawn empathized with her silently. It pained him to see her like this. Kendall had always been such a selfless, hard-working person. It was evident to him that she was probably doing everything she could to give Bradley what he asked. It wasn't her fault that he refused to see a doctor. It angered him that Bradley would put Kendall in such an unfair position, but at the same time, it seemed just like him to do so. Shawn despised the way Bradley treated his sister. What he was putting Kendall through was breaking her, and Shawn could see it.

Not knowing what to say, Shawn said the first thing that came to mind so he could break the silence.

"Damn. I wish I could help."

Kendall looked up at him and made a strange face. Shawn was surprised by her expression. It didn't feel like he said anything wrong, so why the look?

"What do you mean..." She said with a concerned face.

Shawn didn't know what to do other than elaborate. He didn't know where this sudden tension came from.

"I mean, I wish I could help, you know?" Shawn explained, "I wish I could snap my fingers and make a stinky baby appear in your apartment, but I can't," he chuckled nervously.

Kendall deflated and was suddenly grinning and shaking her head.

"What?" Shawn asked with a playful smirk.

"Nothing," Kendall replied, "I just thought that you meant- well, never mind. Forget about it."

"Thought I meant what? Tell me!" He demanded, shoving her arm playfully and making them both laugh.

"Think about it, dork," Kendall cackled, fighting him off, "I'm over here complaining about being unable to get knocked up. There's only one way you could help," she finished, glancing back and forth between his groin and his eyes.

It hit Shawn like an anvil. Kendall was insinuating that he was offering to help get her pregnant. The very thought of it shook him. Of course, he wasn't insinuating this at all, but the reality was that he had thought about it a million times while he masturbated over the years. One of Shawn's most intense fantasies was to have risky, raw sex with Kendall, but she had no way of knowing this. So why imply such a thing? Was she onto him after all? What was running through her mind right now? It wasn't like her to joke about such a thing.

Shawn didn't know what to say. He reacted the way he thought a regular sibling would.

"You're such a weirdo!" He called out as he began messing her hair up and tugging her head in every direction.

Kendall broke into laughter, trying to stop him.

"Shawn! Stop!" Kendall yelled as she laughed to tears trying to fight him off.

Play-fighting was one of their favorite games growing up. Shawn would continually mess Kendall's hair up, flipping it over her face and rocking her head in all directions, disorienting her. It always made her laugh as she struggled to resist him. He was never rough enough to hurt her, and it almost always ended any fight they had growing up.

"You're so weird, you weirdo! Why do you always gotta be so weird?" He taunted her as they fought.

"Oh yeah? I'm the weird one, Shawn?" Kendall said with a giant smile and hair still covering her face.

"I'd say so!" He replied, letting up.

"Whatever you say," she laughed, fixing her hair, "I have seen the porn you watch."

Shawn's smile slowly faded away. He was now concerned about what she was referencing and, more importantly, wondering how she found it. Shawn had an enormous collection of incest sibling porn on his laptop that he was highly self-conscious over. Even his closest guy friends, who had no issues telling him what bizarre things they jerked off to, didn't know about it. There were gigs upon gigs worth of favorites archived and organized into folders from masturbating over the years. Anyone happening upon it was one of his greatest paranoias, yet it was among his prized possessions, and his concern toward it was near-obsessive.

He immediately knew that this was what she had to be referencing. Shawn already had triggers about having his privacy invaded due to a crazy ex who searched his devices for suspicion of cheating. Her name was Riley, and she also happened upon Shawn's fucked up porn collection. Riley verbally berated him over his fetish and made him feel like some freak with a mental disorder. Shawn never told Kendall this, but Riley broke up with him because she accused Shawn to his face of wanting to have sex with Kendall after seeing his collection. They had an awful breakup, leaving him very sensitive about his privacy and painfully embarrassed of his turn-ons.

Shawn played dumb at first, trying not to panic and become emotional as feelings of insecurity set in.

"Wait, what? What porn? What are you talking about?" He asked, obviously lying.

Kendall didn't buy it for a moment. Over the lifetime they had known each other, Shawn never succeeded in lying to her, and she caught him every time.

"Oh, stop, Shawn. You're the world's worst liar. I've seen it," she said with a snarky grin.

"Seen what!?" Shawn evaded.

Kendall's condescending scowl pierced right through him.

"Last time I was here, I saw your laptop on the kitchen table and wanted to listen to music while doing the dishes," Kendall said with a raised eyebrow.

Shawn shrugged, still intent on denying whatever she was claiming she saw.

"When I opened it," Kendall continued awkwardly, "your, um... Stuff was still up. Don't call me weird when you're the one watching incest porn," she said with an attitude.

Shawn was feeling defensive now. He was very embarrassed by his fetish, and Kendall was the worst person who could have possibly uncovered it. Shawn knew it would make her look at him differently and potentially fill her head with an unfavorable perception of him. How else would she react to finding porn on her brother's computer that involved siblings having forbidden sex? He feared that above all else. He was terrified of Kendall learning he was a twisted pervert with feelings for her.

Panic took over and made him lash out.

"Why did you go through my stuff!?" He yelled in anger.

Kendall's face immediately shifted from grinning to nervousness. She hadn't anticipated that he would be so upset. It had been ages since she saw him get this angry, and she wasn't expecting it.

"Shawn... It's okay. I didn't go through anything," she said nervously, trying to defuse the situation, "I just opened it, and it was there. All I did was minimize it and listen to music. Don't yell at me," she said defensively.

Shawn stood up from the couch angrily and took a few steps back towards the stairs.

"Okay, well, just... Just don't go through my stuff again! Ever! I don't go through your stuff, Kendall. That's so fucked up!" He said firmly before storming upstairs, not giving her a chance to respond.

"Shawn!" Kendall called out as she jumped up from the couch and tried to stop him, but he batted her grip away from his arm and shot up the steps.

The next thing she heard was his door shut. She slowly returned to the couch and started processing what had just happened. Kendall had no idea Shawn was so self-conscious about the porn he watched. As close as they were, there were lines they didn't cross. They had never discussed how they pleasure themselves, their sex lives, or what kind of things they're into sexually. That was over the line for them, so it made sense that she couldn't have known that side of him as well as she thought.

Kendall began to feel awful about what had happened. The more she thought about how she had just treated him, the worse she felt. She had already been ignoring him and acting distant lately, and now this. He was only trying to make her feel better. Kendall stormed off to her room, trying to figure out where things went wrong in their conversation. Her whole plan was to come home and escape from the chaos. But instead, it felt like she was creating more wherever she went. Shawn was the last person she wanted to subject to that chaos. He was supposed to be her safe place, her best friend. Kendall suddenly heard Bradley's mean jokes about her brother echoing in her head.

"Whatever you say, babe. Bet he beats it to your Facebook photos," Bradley's pompous voice echoed in her mind.

Kendall angrily gripped one of her pillows and launched it at the wall with a grunt. Bradley made her so angry, and she began wondering if he was right. Why else would Shawn react so violently to Kendall finding his porn?

She fought the urge to pack her things and leave that night as she paced stressfully in her room, eventually deciding that it would be best to stay and make things right with Shawn tomorrow. All she wanted was for her brother to forgive her. Kendall lounged in her bed that night, thinking about how regretful she was of her behavior. She couldn't help but think about how Shawn wouldn't have acted the way she did if he had learned something embarrassing about her. Shawn would never single her out like that. She wondered what he must have been thinking about that night, unable to find the bravery to knock on his door.

Shawn's night went very differently. He locked his door and spent the evening masturbating to thoughts of his sister, which was not new for him. He often thought of her while pleasuring himself, but something about their earlier talk triggered a fire that was unlike anything he'd ever felt. His mind couldn't help but wander into a fantasy world where Kendall wanted him to impregnate her. His jealousy toward Bradley made him fantasize about Kendall needing Shawn to get her pregnant because Bradley was too weak.

He drowned himself in thoughts of his sister telling him to cum inside her. He could hear her voice, taste her lips, and feel her curves and soft skin. His body craved her. He desperately wanted to experience the pleasure of connecting with Kendall on the most forbidden level. Her voice moaning his name and begging for him to fill her up echoed through his mind as he fully submitted to his fantasies.

His orgasms were far more intense than usual. By the time he was satisfied, he had never been so exhausted. Finally, in frustration, he ripped his sweaty blanket off the bed and tossed it with his other dirty laundry. When his exhausted body hit the mattress, he kept thinking about what these absurd fantasies meant. Was this just a fantasy for him, or something more? He pondered on it as the dreaded post-orgasm thoughts set in. Why Kendall, of all people? He knew he couldn't have her the way he wanted, so why was she the only one who made him feel this way?

Shawn eventually dozed off, wondering why his feelings for Kendall only intensified as their lives continued. Why couldn't he be normal?