Shawn and Kendall Ch. 14

Chapter 14: Conflict

The evening was quiet and mellow in the house. After his curious interaction with Kendall in the study, Shawn stuck to his room and gamed with his buddies until it was dark outside. He found it odd that Kendall suddenly became distant from that point forward, and it was hard to focus on his game while his mind recounted her strange behavior. She never knocked on his door, messaged, or spoke to him for the rest of the day.

Shawn huffed as he removed his headphones and put his computer to sleep. The feeling in his stomach told him he should say something to her before they both went to bed for the night, but he feared Kendall pushing him away if he approached her too soon. A lingering nervousness that she purposely avoided him all day festered within.

"What the hell were they talking about in there?" He mumbled irritably to himself at his desk.

Shawn grabbed his phone to compose a message to her and quickly dropped it back on the desk, realizing that was a dumb idea because she was right next door. He finally sighed and stomped into his bathroom to get ready for bed. As Shawn brushed his teeth, his thoughts ran rampant, and ideas of something dreadful being said between Kendall and their mom filled his mind. Shawn knew their parents were not onto them, seeing as he was still breathing, but whatever they talked about affected Kendall enough to make her avoid him the rest of the day.

He rinsed his mouth and stared into the mirror, wondering why he couldn't find the bravery to walk down the hall and talk to her. It was a battle between giving Kendall the appropriate space and wanting to know what changed her behavior. His mind kept returning to her expression and how she quickly wiped his hand off her in front of their parents. Shawn knew Kendall was only following the rules, but it was hard to deal with his touch being rejected so swiftly, even for appearances.

Sliding into his bed, Shawn couldn't help but think about how badly he wanted Kendall to be at his side. He missed her warmth and delicate touch already. The smell of her hair and the feeling of her soft skin fabricated themselves in his imagination as he stared at the ceiling. Consequently, the only part of his fantasy world that was truly impossible was the world accepting them. As baffling as it was to think about how the rest of it had somehow come true in the span of a weekend, Shawn knew they would never be able to tell anyone, least of all their parents.

With his hands folded behind his head and his eyes on the ceiling, Shawn's thoughts raced over how long he and Kendall could hide their relationship from everyone. What happens five years from now? Or ten? How was he supposed to marry her if things went that far? All he could think about was how he wanted Kendall to be with him for the rest of their lives. But what if she didn't feel the same way? What if today was officially the beginning of her doubts?

The sound of the door gently opening broke Shawn's spiraling thoughts. He turned to see Kendall quietly shutting his door and placing her back against it with her hands folded behind her butt. She wore an oversized t-shirt with nothing beneath it.

"Hey," Shawn sat up, relieved and nervous to see her.

"Hey," Kendall whispered with a distraught expression, staring at him from afar.

"Are they asleep?" Shawn asked hesitantly.

Kendall nodded, still not moving from the door. Her behavior made him nervous, and he wondered why she didn't approach him.

"You just gonna stare at me...?" Shawn asked with a slight attitude after being ignored and made to worry all day.

Kendall slowly crept toward his bed, climbing past his legs and sitting with her back against the wall. Her face looked troubled as her eyes looked him over.

Shawn studied her face, trying to think of what to say as they stared silently at one another. It concerned him that she deliberately sat out of reach from him.

"Hey- um, listen..." He began awkwardly, "I'm not ignoring you. It just seems like you needed a little space today."

"I know. Thanks..." Kendall responded quietly.

"So... What's going on? Are you okay?" Shawn's words crept, trying not to be oblivious or insensitive.

Kendall's eyes sank to the bed. She didn't answer.

"It's about Mom and Dad, isn't it?" He finally asked, not wanting to drag this out any further.

Kendall's gaze shot back up to his, and her expression was harrowing. Shawn stared at her and swallowed, waiting for her to say something. His stomach twisted, worried that something might happen to their relationship tonight. Kendall suddenly covered her face with her hands, scrunching her knees against her chest.

"Do you know what it'll do to them if they ever find out?" She wept into her hands, her voice breaking.

Shawn watched her cry, feeling the weight of his selfish, fucked up desires that blinded him from ever considering the damage they'd cause their parents. His heart broke as Kendall did before him, wishing there was a way to make her pain disappear. But Shawn understood fully what he and his sister were doing would destroy their family forever. He knew that his warped lust toward Kendall would never have happened if he had been a normal brother to her, and his abnormal feelings caused her suffering.

"Listen," Shawn swallowed hard, realizing it was time to put his family before himself if it meant Kendall wouldn't have to suffer anymore.

Kendall looked up from her hands with crying eyes as he spoke up.

"If this is too much, we don't have to-"

"I don't want that, idiot!" Kendall suddenly yelled furiously.

Shawn's eyes shot open as her voice rose, not expecting her reaction. His gaze flicked toward the door, nervous their parents would hear them.

"God, you're so stupid," Kendall groaned, wiping her eyes and sniffing, struggling to halt her crying.

Shawn didn't have the bravery to say anything. He sat in silence, watching her wipe her face dry.

"Shawn..." Kendall quieted her tone, staring into his eyes.

He looked over her nervously, waiting for her to speak again, his emotions racing.

"I am so in love with you it scares me," she whimpered, fighting to hold back her tears, "but that doesn't make what we're doing okay. You're always worried about what Dad will do to you, but you will survive whatever he does."

Shawn held his breath and listened to her feelings spill out.

"What we're doing?" Kendall's eyes glistened as her voice cracked, "they will never heal from this. It will ruin them forever!"

Shawn crumbled within, not realizing their betrayal weighed so heavily on Kendall. After spending so much of his life obsessing over and lusting after her, he never thought about the consequences of deceiving the people who loved and trusted them. Kendall was selfless, full of love, and always thinking of others before herself. She never wanted to hurt another soul, especially her family. On the other hand, Shawn allowed his twisted desires for her to blind him over the years. He grotesquely reflected on himself in silence as Kendall made her feelings known.

"But I've made my choice, and I don't want us to go back to the way we were," she whined, "so don't say things like that!"

Shawn was relieved as Kendall expressed her desire to stay as they were, and his fear of her ending things with him tonight slowly dissipated. But her ambivalent suffering was another issue, and he wished he knew what to say to ease her heart and mind.

"Hey," Shawn mumbled quietly, sliding his hand toward hers on the bed, "I'm sorry, okay? I- I don't know what to do about any of this," he stuttered.

Kendall scooted her hand forward and gripped his tightly, listening to him.

"And I know it's not fair that we can't tell anyone," he continued, "but I would still rather lie to everyone than not be with you. Even Mom and Dad."

Kendall's eyes stayed fixed upon him as he tried his best to articulate his feelings about their situation.

"Me too," she mumbled, squeezing his hand, "I just wish we didn't have to. I wish it didn't hurt so much."

"It'll be okay," Shawn empathized, "we're in here stressing about something that hasn't even happened. All we have to do is follow the rules and-"

Shawn's door suddenly opened without warning. Their hands ripped apart in a panic as the sound made them jolt. When their eyes shot toward the door, they saw their mom's head slowly peek in. Kendall gave Shawn a lightning-fast look, letting him know it was time to act. He swallowed nervously, trying to summon his most convincing self.

"Everything okay?" Their mom quietly asked, "I thought I heard yelling."

"Sorry, Mom," Kendall answered, wiping her face, knowing she was still a mess.

Their mom noticed what a wreck she was, even in the dark, and approached the bed.

"Oh, Honey," she sighed, sitting on Shawn's bed and placing her hand on Kendall's knee, "what's got you upset like this?"

Shawn remained silent, hoping she wouldn't question why Kendall was in his bed.

"I- it's nothing," Kendall stuttered, "just some stupid drama with my friends."

"Hmm, I see," their mom nodded, seemingly buying their act.

Shawn and Kendall sat and waited for their mom to continue, not wanting to overdeliver and create suspicion.

"Wanna know something?" She said with a warm grin, "this coffee-addicted hermit right here that acts like he'll disintegrate without his video games?"

Shawn and Kendall smiled and laughed at her goofy but accurate description of him as she playfully patted his thigh.

"You can always count on him to be there for you," she added with an endearing, gentle tone, "especially when your friends can't. You two may not always get along, but he knows you better than all of them."

Her words caused Kendall to look directly at Shawn, who was already scaling her with his gaze, completely enthralled by her. Her heart fluttered from the expression on his face. It was genuine and full of light, and she saw love like no other in his eyes. She had to force herself to look back down at the bed so it wouldn't be obvious how crazy she was about him.

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Kendall mumbled, summoning her best acting, "he's okay when he's not being a dork."

"And you too, mister," their mom said to Shawn as she gently ran her hand through his hair, "I've got a secret for you. She talks tough, but you're her favorite person in the world," she mumbled with a grin, playfully guarding her mouth against Kendall's sight.

"Mom!" Kendall laughed as if her mom had revealed her greatest weakness.

Their mom winked at Shawn as they all laughed with each other. She finally stood up and made her way to the exit.

"Don't stay up too late," she smiled in the doorway, "I love you both so much."

"Love you too, Mom," Shawn answered warmly.

She closed the door, and they both waited to hear their mom's footsteps end and their parents' door shut at the edge of the hall before even taking a breath.

"Fuck," Shawn breathed out.

"That was a little too close..." Kendall mumbled.

"You can say that again," he answered, looking back toward her.

As they stared at each other, they began to feel better about their situation. Kendall knew life was about making choices, and she had chosen Shawn. The pain that would inevitably come from their betrayal was something she would only have to deal with if they got caught, which eased her mind. Now, more than ever, Kendall understood the importance of the rules. She knew they must always obey them, even in the face of their most desperate, overpowering desire for one another. One slip-up could mean the end of their family.

"Guess I should get back to my room," Kendall sighed.

"Damn," Shawn chuckled, "I was really hoping you'd sleep in here with me tonight."

Kendall smiled at him, admiring his desire to be with her, also wishing she could nestle in his addicting warmth til morning.

"You know we can't," she responded quietly, "not when they're home, at least."

"Yeah, I know. Rules." Shawn shrugged.

Kendall's eyes scaled him as she delicately chewed her lip, wondering how it was possible to be so starstruck by a person. Everything about him made her soul light up. Even in the face of their greatest nightmares, Shawn was ready to do whatever it took for them to be together. She softly crept forward on the bed until their noses almost touched.

"Maybe we could get our own place if you learned to be better with money," she whispered playfully before pressing her mouth into his for a loving peck.

Their lips separated with a loud smooch, and Kendall raised her hand softly to the side of his face, looking into his eyes.

"I love you," she said with her entire heart, rubbing his cheek with her thumb.

"I love you too," he answered, savoring the feeling of their lips touching.

Kendall slid off the bed, making her way to the exit. She stared at him one last time from the doorway.

"Good night," she whispered before pulling his door shut.

"Night," he answered quietly, ready to doze off.

Their mom nestled her way back into bed next to their dad, adjusting herself to go back to sleep.

"What was that about?" He mumbled, half asleep with his eyes still closed.

"Oh, nothing," she sighed, "just a sibling heart-to-heart."

He suddenly turned his head to face her.

"Heart-to-heart?" He asked curiously.

"Some drama with her friends," she responded, "but he has everything under control. She knows where to go when she needs someone."

Their dad's eyes wandered for a moment, wondering what they'd need to have such a deep conversation about at this hour of the night. He knew they were very close, but it still seemed odd.

"Is it just me, or have they been getting along almost too well lately?" He asked, trying not to sound cynical.

"Oh, stop," their mom chuckled, "you know how close they are. He doesn't have many friends, and we've seen how volatile hers can be. Let them be there for each other."

He processed her response as his eyes curiously wandered, wanting to believe her and not let any concerns form. But a feeling of unease slowly crept in. He trusted Shawn and Kendall, but his parental instincts flared momentarily at the thought of them talking in secret at strange hours of the night.

"Um..." He cleared his throat awkwardly, adjusting himself to face her, "it didn't seem like anything weird was going on in there, did it?" He asked cautiously.

Their mom gave him a concerned look as she opened her eyes.

"Weird, how?" She asked with a firm tone, wondering what he was getting at.

"I dunno," he shrugged under the covers, "they were just talking? That's it?"

Their mom sat up in bed, immediately causing his expression to change to a nervous one, as he did not want his curiosity to start an argument.

"What are you asking me?" She responded with tenacity, "what are you worried was happening in that room, Jonathan?"

Her tone and energy made him raise his hands in passivity, regretting voicing his concern, knowing it was highly irrational to even hint at such a thing without reasonable suspicion.

"H-hey!" He stuttered, struggling to recover, "I'm not saying anything! I'm not! Just forget it. I shouldn't have asked like that."

Their mom stared at him with appalment as he rolled back over, wondering where such a pernicious concern came from. She tried to recollect moments between Shawn and Kendall that would even remotely support such a worry but couldn't. She had always known them to be best friends who would protect each other no matter what. Not once had she ever caught them doing anything inappropriate or questionable. Everything from their mannerisms to their level of touch had been sibling-like from the beginning to her knowledge. And the level of care she had just witnessed between them supported that. They were not touching or acting strangely. Her mind stirred, wanting to know what spurned his concern, but she didn't have the energy to argue.

Soon enough, his irrational concern was in her mind, preventing her from going back to sleep until she was sure nothing was happening in that room. She crawled out of bed again and entered the hall as quietly as her steps would allow. Upon reaching Kendall's door, she twisted the handle as stealthily as possible and silently opened it. Relief overcame her as she saw Kendall sleeping on her side with her back to the door. She didn't bother checking Shawn's room, knowing he was likely asleep too. The concern was invalid, after all.

Kendall suddenly flipped over to face the door, still awake, wondering who had checked on her and why. She held her breath, listening to see which direction the footsteps traveled. She could barely hear her parents' door shut again a moment later, causing her eyes to bounce around in thought nervously. What would cause them to want to check and ensure Kendall returned to her room? She disliked the feeling growing in her gut as she juggled ideas of them becoming more aware of her closeness with Shawn lately. What if Shawn and Kendall had succumbed to their desires minutes prior, and she stayed in his room with him? Yet again, they were a single wrong decision away from being caught. The sensation made her tingle with unease as she realized three simple rules would likely not keep them safe any longer. Not if their parents were becoming suspicious.

The following morning, everyone buzzed around, seemingly late for their destinations. Their dad was in a rush, fiddling with his tie in the hallway mirror on his way out the door. Kendall was stuffing her bags for a busy day at the hospital with a bagel sticking out of her mouth. She had overslept and was running late as well. Their mom never worked on Mondays, so she handled their disaster of a kitchen left from trying to provide everyone breakfast before their days started. Shawn never left his room. He brushed, showered, and went straight to work at his desk, not even bothering to make his coffee. Mondays were heavy and demanding in his field, regardless of the season.

His door suddenly swung open, and he saw Kendall squeezing through with bags over both shoulders and a half-eaten bagel in her hand.

"Hey," she huffed, approaching him at his desk.

"Hey," Shawn spun in his chair to face her, stretching his neck to look past her and ensure nobody followed.

"I gotta go. See you tonight around seven," Kendall said, leaning down and giving him a brief peck.

"Mmm, sesame," Shawn joked, tasting the bagel on her lips.

"Shut up," Kendall laughed, looking him over with delight.

As she turned around to leave, Shawn couldn't help but stare at her plump, round ass in her dark blue scrubs. The way they hugged her butt made his hand shoot forward, giving her a hard upward smack. Her cheek jiggled as the smack filled the room, and Kendall froze in place with a gasp, lightning coursing through her veins. Shawn grinned victoriously, knowing the effect he had on her. Kendall spun back around with an equally agitated and thrilled expression. She hated that he was naturally dextrous at landing perfect smacks on her butt.

"If you send me to work wet, I will make you regret it when I get home," Kendall warned him with a challenging smile.

"Don't threaten me with a good time," Shawn smirked with a raised eyebrow.

He suddenly stood up from his chair and approached her, causing her to scale him excitedly with her eyes. She tried not to let her smile grow with each step he took toward her.

"No, I have to go!" She giggled, feeling his hands wrap around her hips and his lips assaulting her neck and collar.

"Shawn..." She whispered with her eyes closed, dropping her bagel and clawing at his shirt, unable to resist his touch.

He forced her backward, kissing her weak spots, until her back slammed the door shut, his knee pressed into her crotch. With Kendall pinned against the door, panting with lust, Shawn pressed his mouth into hers, tasting her mouth and gripping the back of her head. She dug her grip into his shirt, kissing him relentlessly and feeling the fire scorch her nerves while his knee prodded at her place. She whimpered with ecstasy as he lifted it harder against her. Kendall had never been so overwhelmed by kissing someone before her brother. Something about their chemistry and the way he handled her made him completely irresistible. Her chest heaved as her eyes opened, and their kiss ended, huffing for air. Shawn looked her up and down with desire as one hand gripped the back of her waist and the other delicately held onto the side of her face, rubbing her cheek with his thumb, pinning her to the door with his body.